zuzka

How to be really supportive for partner on Whole30

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Hi,

I was looking through forums but haven't find anything about this topic yet.

 

I'm "The Non Whole30 partner" and i would like to know more about being supportive for my boyfriend during his Whole30 and post Whole30 days. I'm the one who does more cooking so I have already read both books (It starts with food and Whole30) and I will cook only Whole30 friendly meals for next few weeks. As for "not allowed food" I'm planning eat is mainly out of house (actually I will eat mostly Whole30 food too, but I'm not planning being strict).

 

Is there anything more i could do? It will be his first Whole30, so we most likely can't anticipate what it will be like for both of us :)

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Just curious: why aren't you going on the program with your boyfriend? I assume you don't have any weight to lose, but as you've read here, it's not just about weight.

 

When I decided to do this plan, my husband said right away "I want to do this too." He doesn't have any weight to lose (he says he'd like to lose 15 lb. but he sure doesn't need to). But doing this together has been a total godsend for me. I think it's the buy-in from him that helps motivate me. We count the days; we compare notes; we eat meals together; we talk about what "we" can have, etc.

 

It's one thing to SAY you are supportive, but you might just want to try walking the journey with him.

 

Good luck to you both!

 

Stephanie

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Thank you, MeadowLily for link, I'm reading through it, reading to my boyfriend and asking for his opinion.

Stephanie, to be honest i just don't want to, there is no other reason but I don't feel like make one month commitment about not eating some food and don't want to damage all his plan when I eat something we both are not allowed to. Actually my "normal" food is pretty healthy, I think. Tomorrow is going to be our first day of Whole30 - it is still OUR Whole30 plan, and we already eat mostly Whole30 food for two weeks (we had some evenings with friend planned for last week, but actually glass of wine and one small bowl of ice cream for me was our only failure of Whole30 without any special effort).

I agree that going through something is really good couple, but will it work if I go through half normal/half vegetarian plan too (i was 15 years vegetarian, starting eating fish and small amount of meat only two years ago, and after workouts its easier for my body to have non-meat proteins)? and if I fail, wouldn't it sort of failure for both of us? Don't take me wrong, I'm going on Whole30 as much as possible - even already drinking my morning coffee without any milk ;), just don't want to promise anything i can't be sure I do. But maybe I am wrong and that's what I'm try to find.

 

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Zuzka, as a 4-year, 5-time Whole30 veteran with a spouse who refuses to give it a shot (he has a ton of food aversion issues), I just want to say you are AMAZING for coming here to get our perspective to help support your partner! And it's OK if you aren't ready to try it yourself yet. Your partner is so lucky to have you!

One of the most helpful things you can do is dishes! That's how my partner helps me. He eats mostly processed stuff that requires very few dishes to prepare, so the dirty dishes are always 90% caused by me, so I see the occasional load of dishes being done as extremely helpful. If you're not already, cook your own non-Whole30 foods. If your partner has a weakness food that you enjoy, for example chocolate, hide yours somewhere where partner won't know where it is and be tempted. Or better yet, give it up yourself for the 30 days. :)

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Zuzka - wow! Good for you! I wish my boyfriend had been anywhere close to this supportive. I got a bunch of complaints instead. :unsure:

The bit about dishes is good, though if you are doing most of the cooking, dishes should probably be shared. Days 2 (exhaustion) and 10 (kill all the things and quit) were extraordinarily difficult for me, so maybe have a surprise planned for him those days? It sounds like you guys are coming from a good spot already, so they may not be difficult for him. Either way, good on you, and best of luck!

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19 hours ago, Staggolee41 said:

Days 2 (exhaustion) and 10 (kill all the things and quit) were extraordinarily difficult for me, so maybe have a surprise planned for him those days?

I second this. You know he's going to likely be pretty grouchy those first two weeks, so give him lots of space/grace to do so. His body is detoxing a lot of things. It's also fairly common (at least it is for hubby and I) for people to get cold-like symptoms at some point during the Whole 30 as the immune system starts to recover from all of its craziness. So expect at some point for him to not want to do much.

I'm currently doing my third Whole 30, second where it's been my husband and I together (first since little Twig was born), and giving each other space to be grumpy is key. We're only on day 2, but we've already got added stress of the fact that we've just moved into a new house and our furniture is supposedly going to arrive today. Hooray? Hubby wasn't interested in doing a Whole 30 until he saw how great I felt/looked on it. Whole 30 is also part of how I got diagnosed with Celiac disease. Doing it together is a lot nicer than doing it alone for us anyways.

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 thank you, dishes are easy, we have dishwasher ;)
 but I'm afraid it won't easy anyway, yesterday was our first day and he seems to be in "kill them all" phase a little bit. Not to eat all the time something small is smaller torture for me than for him and this doesn't help either.

thanks for idea of surprise, i think massage could be nice, at least it isn't connected with food

 

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32 minutes ago, zuzka said:

 thank you, dishes are easy, we have dishwasher ;)
 but I'm afraid it won't easy anyway, yesterday was our first day and he seems to be in "kill them all" phase a little bit. Not to eat all the time something small is smaller torture for me than for him and this doesn't help either.

thanks for idea of surprise, i think massage could be nice, at least it isn't connected with food

 

Definitely do things that have nothing to do with food - a new video game, a massage, a movie, etc. I appreciate your thinking :) Keep it up!

Don't underestimate the value of something small, either - extra space, hugs, a cup of tea were pivotal for me, when they were applied at the times I needed them.

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54 minutes ago, zuzka said:

 thank you, dishes are easy, we have dishwasher ;)
 but I'm afraid it won't easy anyway, yesterday was our first day and he seems to be in "kill them all" phase a little bit. Not to eat all the time something small is smaller torture for me than for him and this doesn't help either.

thanks for idea of surprise, i think massage could be nice, at least it isn't connected with food

 

Even with a dishwasher, Whole 30 dishes can get overwhelming. Not all of my stuff fits in the dishwasher or is dishwasher safe, not sure about your dishes/pots/pans.

As for the not eating snacks all the time, why don't you try doing a single snack between meals? Snacking is discouraged on a Whole 30, but it's really hard to move your body from snacking constantly to just 3 meals. One small snack (try for protein, veggie, and fat) between meals until he gets used to not grazing all day might help both of your sanity.

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Zuzka-

You are awesome for even partially doing W30 with your boyfriend.  Any support is better than no support. 

I'm doing W30 and my paleo husband is not. He eats things that sometimes I pine for, but usually he tries to shield me from the things he is eating that I can't.  Last weekend I found a dish of Brie cheese in the butlers pantry....he had been in there eating it so I wouldn't see him, then he forgot to put the cheese away!  It made me laught, but I also realized he was sneaking that cheese to spare me from seeing him eat.  Or the time he bought banana chips and ate them as he made breakfast (for me) so I wouldn't see them... 

You may want to teach your man to cook.  You know, the whole teach a man to fish and he can feed himself theory.  When I met my husband he only cooked pasta and chili and had cinnamon, black pepper, and chili powder for spices.  Now, he is as good of a cook as me and I've been cooking a very long time.  He finds great recipes online and is not afraid to try them.  Some of my favorite times have been us cooking on a Sunday afternoon preparing for the coming week with music blaring.  It brings us close for a mutual purpose.  

He is lucky to have you as a supportive partner, but he should take responsibility to learn to cook a few meals he likes so he is more self sufficient and that weight won't rest on your shoulders. Cooking someone else's W30 meals and your own is tough-- you get a gold star in my book!

 

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 I hesitate to ask but how's the partner getting along.  Any new cooking skills or helping you out with that shopping.  Will you be cooking and shopping through the reintro process. Have you been taking your meals outside of the home.   I know what I'd do on Day 31 but you're far sweeter than I am. black eye1 smiley

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He is partly still "in" whole30, day 31 he got the flue, so he has started adding food later. has tried bread and pasta - worked fine for him and beer (another day).

But... he has started cooking more :) and he has stared doing shopping by himself :)) I appreciate both a lot. Plus he is doing his breakfast, since Day 31 I have started to eat my regular breakfasts (mostly different oatmeals).

What I was missing most was going out with friends, so only two weeks until that :)

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