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Preexisting conditions--Should I bother? (warning, frequent run-ons)

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Summary of preexisting conditions: clinically depressed, marriage on the verge of collapse (her idea), recovering videogame addict, anger-eater, happy-eater, sad-eater...almost like I eat in conjunction to enhance or cope with any emotion.

Question: In light of suicidal and homicidal thoughts, wanting to break and trash things, inability to function or be productive, should I continue Whole30 or wait until I haven't just upped my Prozac dosage, nearly lost my wife of 11 years, gone cold turkey after a life-long destructive videogame addiction, and numerous other excuses and moan-worthy gripes?

My story: Ok it's too long, so I'll try to be concise. I started Whole30 to prove to my wife I'm willing to change my ways. What better way to show her in the 30-day timeframe she gave me "OR ELSE DIVORCE" than with a 30-day extreme-makeover diet? It's Day 7 and it totally sucks. I knew I was an emotional eater and got a lot of my temporary highs from food, but holy hollyhocks Batman, this is horrible! "Kill ALL the things" is going to be a headline in the local paper about a man who went on a destructive rampage because he "stopped eating yummy foods." I don't want to be that guy! Below is my bullet-point list of excuses for why I should possibly give up on Whole30 for now and wait until I'm not on the brink of a breakdown.

  • I recently upped my anti-depressants from 30mg to 40mg daily. Since starting Whole30, I'm more prone to rage, despair, anger and flippancy.
  • I quit playing videogames this year and haven't filled the void with much else other than sleep.
  • My wife told me a couple weeks ago she's done with me and wants out. I begged and she gave me a month to prove I'll be a better person and husband. Failed so far, badly.
  • I have a vasectomy scheduled for Day 23 of my Whole30 and my wife plans to take the kids and leave me for 3 days while I recover.
  • I watched my wife do Whole30 in April and have listened to her read excerpts about the program for most of 2016, so I don't need a first-hand experience.
  • I've never read the rules of Whole30 and because I'm only trying to save my marriage and could care less about sugar, gluten, soy, and dairy etc, why bother to read them?
  • Since I'm not playing videogames, eating yummy foods I like, and getting almost NOTHING out of married life that a man needs in bed, I'm getting almost NO satisfaction.

My 3rd favorite ice cream is on sale for $2.50/1.75qts right now. I have a chunk of ATK-approved chocolate cake in the freezer. I want my friggin pasta salad. I'm being a bigger a-hole on Whole30 than I was when I was unmedicated and playing videogames 8-16 hours a day.

Help me or I'm jumping off this crazy boat of craziness and self-deprivation. Y'all can have it!

HHHHhhhhheeeeelllllllp mmmmmmmeeeeeeeee!




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Hello angry eater. I could give you an opinion, even though I am also a newbe. Changing yout eating habits for someone else does not seem like the best motivation. You don't sound that motivated anyway. Not being bothered about the rules of whole30? Being as depressed and angry as you are also might not be the best time in your life either to start something like this. But.... I am pretty sure you know this all yourself. So I was wondering.... what do you want exactly from us? Permission to quit? So you can tell yourself and your wife: they told me it was better? Also - and I might be wrong - the way you describe things... pretty shocking stuff and words.... and somewhat manipulative.... help me or... of what?.... Do you want us to be angry with you? Annoyed? Talk to you like some harsh parent? Or maybe to underline your selftalk wich is pretty much saying: I am worthless. I dont know you so I might be wrong. In that case... I apoligize....

Is it possible, maybe,  to turn your attention away from what you think is wrong with you and what you think other peope and circumstances are doing to you and demanding of you? Just for a moment. And if you hate me for asking it, you are free to stop reading....

What is it that YOU need in your life right now? Other than the things you know already are not giving you happiness and health, just quick fixes. Other than your wife being there. What is it that YOU need and want in life? What is it that you can do for yourself to get there?  Where could you start? Is there a really really small change you can make right now and hold on to for the days to come?

I wish you all the best, whatever you decide.

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