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[Rylinhunter]

September Whole 30
September 5, 2016 - Day 1

11:00a.m.

10 mins ago I decided to start a Whole 30 for the month of September.  I better get to the grocery store as there is hardly anything in the house that is compliant.

2016 has been a struggle of year.  I made huge goals for myself and none of them panned out.  I allowed people to get in my way.  People that may have been jealous or didn’t understand my goals.  Nothing has changed except I am now disappointed for not standing up for myself and moving forward and allowing people to get in my way.  No more.  I’m tired of quitting because something is just a little uncomfortable for me or the people in my life.  I’m tired of being a puppy dog and bouncing around people to get their attention.  I’m tired of losing myself.

So what does a Whole30 have to do with this?  When I am disappointed in myself, when I feel I need to be punished or I am not worthy, I eat.  I eat everything.  I train 5-7 hours a week (sometimes more depending on what I am training for) and yet I am 180lbs.  I feel guilty every one of those hours.  Why do I feel so guilty?  Because I think I should be doing something else… as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter.  I wonder if I fed my body right before, during and after training would I still feel guilty?  With the way things are going now, I eat crap, then I train, I don’t do as well as I wanted, so I come home and refuel with crap.  So, my logic is my guilt is not being away from friends and family those hours, it’s the crap that I’m eating and that negates everything I just did.  My body did a wonderful thing and I repay it with crap fuel. So if I eat right, train right I won’t feel guilty that I spent that time away being what I need to be with everyone in my life.

So with that I am doing a Whole30 to reset myself.  I feel so sluggish, so gross, so foggy and a fraud.  I know I should never allow body image to get in the way (I'm the first person that will scold someone for not loving themselves). However, I can do things a lot of people can’t do… I ran 7 miles the other day… that’s a big accomplishment for anyone, but that was just a training day for me. An athlete, a healthy person runs 7 miles on a Saturday morning.  I want to feel and see that athlete in the mirror.  As the book is titled… IT STARTS WITH FOOD… that's what I need to do.

Jen