Started Monday (11/14) with Day 3 nearly under my belt

[Radcliffec]

Hi everyone! I'm Carolyn. I started the Whole30 Monday Nov. 15 because after losing over 90 lbs with Weight Watchers and gaining Lifetime membership status, I was just unable to keep my weight within the BMI healthy weight guidelines. I was hovering at around 5-8 lbs over goal for a good while and so I stopped going to my meetings because I would not be getting my voucher to continue free lifetime membership, because I couldn't afford to pay WW 70$/month any longer and because I had done most of it on my own anyways while I was busy working on my Masters. It's been about 8 months since I got to goal and got Lifetime, and I'm now up 20 lbs over goal. Now back when I started WW at almost 250 lbs, I never thought I'd make it to goal at 155 lbs. At 160-165lbs, when I quit WW, I was okay with a few pounds over -- I question the BMI scale as the best marker of a healthy weight anyways -- but I knew my slackness in tracking had caught up with me at 175lbs. So after a free Audible trial, and thinking "Hey I need a nutrition book to remind me how important the food is" because I kept telling myself "Ah it's okay, I'll work off this extra dessert next week at the gym", this book appeared like the Holy Grail. lol. I didn't know it was about Whole30 when I started, nor had I ever heard of Whole30 before, but it seemed to make a lot of sense. And I thought this is the kick in the pants I need. Days 1-3 have gone better than expected so far! My coffee is less disgusting day after day now that my buds are adjusting to less sweeteners and sugar.  I need your help though. My birthday is coming up on Nov 25th - and I know what they said about not cheating - sure - but it's my birthday. And there's no way I'm marking the occasion without having at least several alcoholic beverages. I'm not sure if I'm going to have actual cake though, or if I should attempt a Whole30 cake. I'm aware that is a no-no. Or maybe I'll be really good and have a fruit arrangement in the shape of cake. lol. Any advice? I don't want to feel booze hungover and everything else hungover from eating a bunch of foods I'd gotten out of the system. But I definitely want to enjoy my birthday. I'm thinking of different Whole30 party bites like meatballs&grape tomatoes on sticks, veggie and fruit trays, nut bowls etc.... Plus other people will bring their own dishes/treats so guests won't be utterly disappointed by the lack of chips and other usual party foods. But! What to do about the cake? My dilemma is I am for sure going to cheat for my birthday. My birthday is Friday Nov 25th, but that night is just going to be dinner with the boyfriend and a quieter night in. And then my birthday party is the night after due to other friends' schedules and when most people could make it. So... what to do! Advice? I've decided for sure it's not going to be a sh$% show where I just eat everything on the no-no list the whole two days... but where do I draw the line? And must I start Whole30 again, like Day 1 on Nov 27th? And if so... what then? Because Christmas Eve and Day would still fall on Day 28 and 29. So then I'd just have to start all over again After New Year's Eve? lol. There's always something. What to do.. On the bright side no major events in January and would not have a single excuse to not stick to the plan. 

[SugarcubeOD]

Okay, congrats for getting here and for your previous WW success.

Let's just jump right into it...

If I read correctly, you started a Whole30 on November 14 and today, on Day 3, you're planning on having 'at least several alcoholic beverages' at not even the halfway point?

Yes, it's your birthday, but why does your birthday have to entail drinking? Why can't your birthday this year entail you honoring yourself, your health and your commitment that you made and staying on the program?  There are 365 days in a year and  you're picking 30 of them to do an elimination challenge... could you have your birthday party after?

The more important thing is that yes, there's always something... Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Easter, Valentines, celebrations of acheivements and accomplishments, bad days, good days... that's why most of us are here.  You need to decide what is the most important to you; your health or several alcoholic drinks on your birthday.

There is not much point in us telling you how to deal with the cake if you're planning on breaking one of the rules... your entire reset would be broken and since you will not have been on Whole30 for long enough to have done introductions, you won't know what affects you, so making a big to do about keeping everything else 'whole30' when you're washing that food down with alcohol isn't really worth your effort...

Not recreating baked goods IS one of the rules, but why is that rule more important than the booze rule?

I really hope you consider the commitment you made to yourself on the Whole30, the work that has been done so far, the 'Holy Grail' that came to you when you needed it most and not reject all of that for a celebration that can be just as fun without booze... booze isn't the star of the show, you are!

The rest of the answer to the question is that while we do tell people they can choose to start over and direct them to the link in my signature below to help make an informed decision, the fact of the matter is that putting that much toxin ('at least several') in your body along with whatever you end up eating once the alcohol impairs your judgement, you'll have completely undone any reset and your re-introductions will be poor indicators of how food actually affects you if you don't start over.

[MeadowLily]

http://whole30.com/2016/10/whole30-holidays/

Here's Melissa's view about the holidays. You decide.

[Radcliffec]

Now SugarcubeOD, it's possible - likely -  I am a whole new level of irritable because I am on Day 4 of my first Whole30, but I cannot tell you how your post has soured my whole day thus far. I know you're doing the classic Whole30 tough love. But it was the first thing I read in the morning. It just kept bothering me all day. All the stress of work didn't help either, but I know, not your doing. I know.

So here's what - 

17 hours ago, SugarcubeOD said:

Okay, congrats for getting here and for your previous WW success. Thanks very much!

Let's just jump right into it...  

If I read correctly, you started a Whole30 on November 14 and today, on Day 3, you're planning on having 'at least several alcoholic beverages' at not even the halfway point? Well to be fair this was the plan for every birthday ever since turning the age of 19, and it was the plan prior to ever listening to 'It Starts With Food' and I have the Facebook invitations to prove it. I'm the kind of person that I don't believe in putting things off like New Year's resolutions - like if it's something you really want to change about yourself why are you waiting until Jan 1st? and one of my favourite workout motivation posters of all time reads "There are seven days of the week and someday isn't one of them!" - and so when I heard about it and wanted to do the Whole30 it was the first thing that came to mind. What about my birthday? I won't go full-tilt off plan, I thought, but I'll do what I need to do to make it feel like I celebrated my party - sorry to me that does mean a few drinks and something in some way that resembles cake. It's the one cake a year that my boyfriend makes - and it's from scratch. I was even willing to have him do a stupid fruit arrangement instead but you pood all over that. 

Yes, it's your birthday, but why does your birthday have to entail drinking? Why can't your birthday this year entail you honoring yourself, your health and your commitment that you made and staying on the program?  There are 365 days in a year and  you're picking 30 of them to do an elimination challenge... could you have your birthday party after? Well.... ahhh..... I suppose it doesn't. But 'enjoying' my birthday does entail drinking. Not all day long, not end up in the drunk tank kind of drinking, but I cannot envision myself enjoying my birthday sans booze unless I was spending it at some tropical beach with a man servant rubbing my feet and shoulders and hand feeding me coconut water all day. Why can't honouring myself also be taking the day to celebrate me and indulge (in modest) in the things I love? Like, I'm going to someone else's birthday party tomorrow night - am I panicking about that? No. I'm fine with not drinking that night. Like not fine but I'll live. But I am actually having people over Nov 26th - not negotiable - and I wouldn't put it past myself to just cry at my own birthday party if I tried to be 100% on plan that night. And to be fair, I committed to the Whole30 with the exception of my birthday and you can think what you like of that I suppose. 

The more important thing is that yes, there's always something... Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Easter, Valentines, celebrations of acheivements and accomplishments, bad days, good days... that's why most of us are here.  You need to decide what is the most important to you; your health or several alcoholic drinks on your birthday. I know! It sucks. Always something. But let's get real - choosing between 'my health' or 'several alcoholic drinks on my birthday' is not a real choice I have to make. I can actually choose both. One choice doesn't bar the other from being possible. Drinking on my birthday doesn't destine me for a life of poor health. 

There is not much point in us telling you how to deal with the cake if you're planning on breaking one of the rules... your entire reset would be broken and since you will not have been on Whole30 for long enough to have done introductions, you won't know what affects you, so making a big to do about keeping everything else 'whole30' when you're washing that food down with alcohol isn't really worth your effort... This is what made me the most frustrated. Let's not act like having some drinks on my birthday with the whole rest of the day (or close to) being Whole30 compliant, is just as bad as a free-for-all-drink-and-binge-eat fest for my birthday that starts with a breakfast cannoli and all! I had that for breakfast last Bday.  Still something I remember fondly. Mmmm cannoli. I have never done that before or since - just in case you think what you do on your birthday like gives you permission to do it all year round.

Not recreating baked goods IS one of the rules, but why is that rule more important than the booze rule? I never said it was? I'm just trying to come up with a thoughtful, planned, way to draw the line between still enjoying my birthday and not totally destroying my Whole30 efforts and progress.

I really hope you consider the commitment you made to yourself on the Whole30, the work that has been done so far, the 'Holy Grail' that came to you when you needed it most and not reject all of that for a celebration that can be just as fun without booze... booze isn't the star of the show, you are! Ummmmmm thanks? Like... I don't want to get personal here... even though I feel quite personally attacked by the forcefulness of your tough love reply... but like let's just say it sounds like you and I probably go to very different parties. ... I feel like you think I'm a big piece of poo because I'm the kind of person who will not enjoy my birthday without any booze - maybe that won't be every year - but at 27 years old that is my reality. Knowing this upfront, planning for it in advance and trying to stick to the plan as much as possible that day while allowing for a couple of slips on this one day............ I dunno. Seems fine to me.

The rest of the answer to the question is that while we do tell people they can choose to start over and direct them to the link in my signature below to help make an informed decision, (I don't see any link) the fact of the matter is that putting that much toxin ('at least several') in your body along with whatever you end up eating once the alcohol impairs your judgement, you'll have completely undone any reset and your re-introductions will be poor indicators of how food actually affects you if you don't start over. What if I make it my birthday wish and appoint a sober friend to smack the food out of my hands that's not Whole30 compliant? lol. That was a joke and I see what you're saying. I don't know. I can tell you what though, you have made me feel very discouraged and disheartened about how good I've been feeling about deciding to do this. And I will just go cry in my herbal tea now. 

MeadowLily - thanks for some humanity here. Because this obstacle was on my radar the second I realized it was a 30 day thing, I have made special effort to listen closely to the tough love parts of the book. I remember hearing her say "So what if it's your company's picnic yada yada yada" She mentioned so many types of events - participants' birthdays and Christmas/the holidays were not mentioned and I was like - okay - they are human. Thank god. This article confirms it! I think what I'm going to do is do the aforementioned cheating on my birthday, maybe add a day to make up for it, but otherwise roll along with the 30 days and not start over. Not before Christmas anyways. If I don't start over I'll end Dec 13th and that is just in time to reintroduce the good stuff in time for the holidays

I'm not perfect. But I'm actually pretty capable. And celebrating my birthday in, not quite the way I want to but as close to as I'll allow myself while on Whole30, doesn't make me a failure. ...I feel like I've been excommunicated all the same. lol 

[ladyshanny]

@Radcliffec - You're an adult, you get to decide what you want to do. But may I suggest that you not make that decision 10 days before the evening of your party? What if you just feel so darned good that you don't want to drink? It's hard to know how you'll feel that day because we only know what we know right now. Breaking your Whole30 or not....your choice really. But no one here will ever give suggestions of how exactly you could do that, birthday or not. I would encourage you to consider allowing yourself to make that decision at the time, not in advance? That way whatever you decide is decided with all the information you have right at that time. 

I'm sorry you feel trod upon, that wasn't the intent, I'm sure. It's difficult sometimes to assess tone in text and yes, you are right at "Kill All Things" so I imagine your tolerance for criticism is probably less than it would be at other times. Please know though that whatever you decide is the right choice for you at the time you make it, if you make that decision with your eyes wide open and keeping all variables and commitments in mind. 

Also, as an aside, as you may have discovered, you'll never be coached through how to break your Whole30 here. It's just not possible for us to "break ranks" and help you figure out a less-bad birthday cake while you are Whole30ing and posting on the Whole30 forum. Do know that the watermelon fruit-tower concoction that people make...........would be permitted.  

[SugarcubeOD]

Hey there!

It was certainly not my intent for you to think I consider you 'poo'.  The point I was trying to get across was that you've made this amazing progress and another amazing and difficult commitment to yourself and we want you (and everyone) to succeed... not only succeed but realize how life changing this can be.  Part of the life changing bit of the Whole30 is making tough decisions... sometimes those decisions are around choosing other activities, food and beverage for our special occassions.  

The science of the matter is that if you drink on Day 11, adding one day to the end isn't going to get you reliable results from your re-introduction.  It's just not. Your body doesn't know that you gave it booze because it's a special occassion... it just knows it needs to process that toxin and that can and will reset the full 30 days.  This is not a moral or character judgement, it's the biology of the body.

You're not being excommunicated, in fact, I would counter that you're being encouraged to get closer, find support and talk through new ways of managing this situation. 

In the end of course, you're an adult, you get to make all the decisions about everything you eat and drink forever. That decision doesn't make you a good or bad person and it definitely doesn't make you poo.  

 

[Susabella627]

Please forgive me for jumping in here, I am not a moderator but I have done 4 successful whole 30's and have learned new things about myself every time. The purpose of a whole 30 is to follow the strict rules of the program to the tee for 30 days. If you don't, then it's not a Whole 30 that part is very black and white. Now it sounds like what you are planning to do is eat whole 30 for 11 days and then have alcohol. And, if that is what you want to do that is perfectly fine, That is similar to how I eat now, and it's called food freedom. It's just that if you never do a whole 30 and a proper reintro you won't know what foods (if any) you should stay away from. 

I don't think any of the moderators would ever try and make you feel bad. They are extremely supportive and helpful, but what I read in your first post was that this may not be the be the best timing for you. You said something about January being a better time. In the meantime there is nothing wrong with eating whole30 90% of the time. And just think when you do have 30 days that you can fully commit you will already be an expert! 

 

[Radcliffec]

Hi LadyShanny, SugarcubeOD and Susabella627! Sorry for the delay in replying. Thanks for all your further comments. I'm feeling better than I was day 4 and 5 thank goodness and I hope you'll forgive me SugarcubeOD if my reply was a little forceful. Thanks for all your advice and support! Sincerely!

I am feeling pretty good about this 6 days in and very proud that I have stuck with it thus far. I'm definitely a lot less puffy around the mid section too which totally helps with motivation. Maybe/probably I am/was really inflamed from my bad diet!

The birthday party I went to last night - I did okay! I was DD for my boyfriend and I rocked a water with lemon. lol. I brought some fruit and nuts for if/when my staring at the birthday cupcakes became a bit too much and needed to put something else in my mouth. lol. 

And re: my own party on Nov 26...... well you know what? I haven't officially changed my mind. But I like your idea Ladyshanny of allowing myself to decide when the time comes and to see how I feel about it then. I think I'll do that! Maybe I will feel strong/content/whatever enough to not want it that night. Never say never I guess! lol If I do, however, I will for sure reset in January - which might be needed either way after the holidays. Thanks for your advice again!