It's officially day 30!!!

[nicolelw8]

Well friends, I made it. I am on day 30. While I technically have the entire day to go yet, I have my meals prepped, a workout scheduled and an easy dinner waiting for me at home if today gets unexpectedly crazy. I've been reflecting like crazy these past 30 days and wanted to share my experience with everyone because I am feeling too good not to. I initially began my Whole 30 journey to reduce bloat, crush sugar cravings and help with my binge eating/emotional eating patterns. Today, I am feeling proud, excited, nervous AND liberated.

 

I lived a pretty healthy life before day 1 of Whole 30. I ate mostly healthy (and pretty Whole 30 compliant, unknowingly), I worked out 5-6 days a week and overall I felt fine in how I looked and felt. At least, this is what everyone on the outside saw... a petite, in shape, health loving girl. But it was only a part of who I was (and still am). Truth is, I had a very unhealthy relationship with food. Fitness was always a big part of my life and a few years ago I changed my diet to be more healthy. It worked and I felt great but over the last year, old habits came back (because I let them). Friends and family didn't see that I was eating healthy foods but in very small portions because the second my emotions got out of control, I was bored or they left the room I'd go to the kitchen cabinets and scrounge around for ANYTHING. During these binges I would almost black out and before I knew it, it was 20 minutes later and a bag of chocolate chips were gone, a grilled cheese was made and eaten and oh one handful of peanuts just weren't enough. I'd feel so guilty and workout extra, extra hard to work it out (in addition to under eating during the day)... and it worked. No one could tell or knew about it. I WAS outrunning a bad diet.. but I felt awful. Don't even get me started on what would happen when we would eat out (usually Friday and Saturday nights, I don't drink often though so that helped).

 

Before Whole 30, I've been in this cycle for 6+ months. I was (and still) am seeing professional help about it and when I'd make a few steps forward, I'd have a vacation coming up or friends in town or an event and I'd let myself get away with whatever I wanted. For the last 6 months I was trying really hard to follow Geneen Roth's words of wisdoms- that is eat what you want, when you want as long as you are hungry and know when to stop. It is my goal way to view food but I was still struggling with binging and knowing when to stop was difficult. I always wanted to have a healthy relationship with food but it wasn't until a month ago when stomach issues came back that I knew I needed to get serious. That is what led me to Food Freedom Forever. Similar to Geneen Roth's outlook, Melissa's "worth it" philosophy gave me hope. And then I read about the reset and I went for it. 

 

I'm SO happy to say that for the last 30 days my sugar cravings are gone, my cravings in general are gone, I've only eaten when I'm truly hungry, I've learned how to order more healthy, my stomach hurts less, my skin is clearer, I'm less bloated and I feel like I'm learning how to separate myself from emotional/binge eating and how to eat to fuel my body. I've been way more emotional but I see this as progress- I am dealing with them head on instead of a bag of chocolate. I was eating before to hide emotions and now I eat because I know my body needs to to operate efficiently.

 

I still have a long journey ahead of me but I am excited. There have been days where I have been a member of the clean plate club (which I'd never been before) but I know it's because my body is asking for the fuel. There are days where I am not a big fan of my meal and while sometimes I still eat it, a "worth it" conversation pops into my head which is HUGE progress (as I mentioned, I would black out eating and not listen to myself). There were days during Whole 30 where I was really sad or angry and I wanted to eat and didn't... and even though I still felt crumby I felt better because I didn't have the guilt of binge eating over my head.  

 

I am proud of myself and not caving into cravings. I've been doing a bit of holiday treat Pinteresting and while all the treats look so good, when I think about it all I want is one bite. Or, something huge I learned, I don't want the taste but the crunchy, chewy texture. I'm excited to carefully reintroduce foods back into my diet and really learn why my stomach bothers me or if I even miss the taste. 

 

I have a positive outlook for the next step in my journey but I do have a few concerns. First, I got really lucky that my friends and family were so accommodating during Whole 30 but am worried that now that it is over, I will feel more pressure to eat things I don't want (my boyfriend is already planning a dinner this weekend for me to go crazy, something I do want). Second (and my biggest), is still knowing when enough is enough and really adopting the "worth it" mindset. I am slowly training myself to get there but I don't want to mess it up. Should I choose to have a slice of my family's AMAZING pecan pie, I want to enjoy it but know when enough is enough. I don't want to go back to waking up the next morning with a food hangover. Actually, I am really worried that I will blow it somehow and the 30 would have been a "waste". 

 

I am very excited to share this post with you and with my friends and family. It has been such an eye opening 30 days and I really have never felt better. I'm hoping this process will lead me to food freedom and remind me that I can make my own decisions. I updated a Whole 30 log every meal and am planning on continuing this format for at least another month (not to say I won't be indulging in a Christmas cookie or a glass of champagne over the holidays). It really forces myself to be honest with how each meal is making me feel and how I feel in general. And Melissa has said it takes 66 days to form a habit, maybe that will help me solidify my "worth it" mindset... or at least give me an even larger head start.

Thank you for reading