To a New Year and a Healthier Me

[Emma]

We've done a few Whole30's as a family and we've stuck with them for decent periods of time, but then we've lost focus.  This last year has had a lot of transitions and changes and stressors and while nothing was horrible, there was lots of stuff that just added more to our plates and we dumped any idea of focusing on health which is an ugly Catch 22 because then one feels lousier which makes it more difficult to deal with stress.  So now I find myself forty-five plus pounds overweight, achy, super prone to injuries, and not very productive.  January 1st (or 2nd) the family is setting out on a new Whole30.  We have a new cast iron wok, a new yoga mat (for me), a bunch of great cookbooks (from before) and a bunch of stuff in our fridge that we don't really want to not eat (delicious cheeses, breads, treats, etc.).  So, here I am logging on and starting to do the things to set things into action.  Look forward to meeting others who are starting out the new year with new resolutions and cheering each other on.

[Emma]

Well, it's now the 8th of January, a full week past that initial planned start date  We didn't start then, but it looks like tomorrow is the day.  The bummer is that I'm not hungry and can't think what restaurant I even want to go to tonight.  The ironic thing is that I looked in the fridge and saw the hard boiled eggs I'd prepped and wanted one.  I didn't eat it though.  Heaven forbid I actually eat well.  What messed up thinking is going on in me.  I'm pretty sure it's the same little addictive demon that gushed through my bloodstream when I tried to quit smoking, telling me all the reasons why it was universally wrong to stop smoking.  Exhale.  In 24 hours I will hopefully be feeling that sense of relief when one actually STARTS something.  So, for now, I am trying to get myself mentally prepped for a solid start tomorrow.

[Emma]

Day One

I had such big plans for this morning.  I was going to wake up, do some sit ups and a beginning Pilates DVD.  I was going to meditate and then make myself breakfast and coffee and then cook up something healthy for the kids.  Ha.  I did wake up and I did make coffee.  Everything else was a no-go.  However, a bit later in the morning I did the sit ups and Pilates and made a breakfast of kale, eggs, and kimchi so things have begun - just not with as much verve as I'd hoped for. Reality and vision clashed.

Where I am at:

• 185 pounds - This is fifty pounds over a healthy weight limit.  Not good.
• Clothes are tight - like super tight - and very unattractive.  Nothing like pj's and sweats maxed out.
• Joints - I've been having problems in both knees and was seeing an accupuncturist which really seemed to help.  I'm not seeing her now, but so far, my knees are okay.  They ache in the middle of the night, but they're not preventing me from walking these days.
• Overall health - I catch the local colds, but I did recover from the last one in two weeks.  Not stellar, but not the worst.  Mainly, I have no energy.  I have big lists of things that need to get done and I just sit on the sofa and check the computer.

Where I would like to be:

• Feeling comfortable in my clothing.  
• Feeling fit enough to run down the trail with the kids or say, "Sure, I'll go on that hike!".  
• Healthy with muscle tone and no injuries!!!
• Feeling engaged with life and not absorbed in distracting behaviors.

My goals:

• Priority One: Eat clean
• Priority Two: Daily exercise of 20+ minutes beginning with sit ups and pilates and moving into cardio and strength stuff
• Priority Three: Meditate daily for 12+ minutes
• Priority Four: Use my time intentionally

Sleep isn't an issue for me.  I go to bed on time and I wake up without an alarm.  It's not the best sleep because I generally have to get up once or twice a night to care for others, but it's restorative in general.  Of the goals, the first one is probably the easiest IF I keep my attention on things.  I'm hoping to meet all four goals, but I don't want to weigh myself down if I biff it so I ranked them.  Using that time intentionally is the one weighing over me at the moment.  It means I'm going to have to finish logging in here and get up and start getting things done that need to get done.  

Meals for the day:

• Breakfast: kale, three eggs, kimchi
• Lunch: chicken breast with a bok choy salad
• Dinner: sweet potatoes, sausage, and eggs (my kids like it and if I'm going to be successful, I need to work with them)

I can't say that I'm pleased to be here today.  I'm not even relieved yet.  However, I know I will be and I think a bit of trepidation and non-enthusiasm is my way of buckling down for the long haul (at least I hope so).

[ChiggerCane]

Good morning!  Thanks so much for the visit to my 'home' and the encouragement.  Reality and vision clashes are a problem in my world as well.  Good luck on your journey.  Can't wait to see you say you're pleased, relieved and experiencing reality and vision colliding!

[Emma]

@ChiggerCaneOh gosh - I can't wait either!  I saw a meme yesterday about someone on a diet for three hours and not seeing any difference yet.  I kinda feel like I'm there.  I know Whole30 isn't a diet and I don't want to be on a diet, but I sure do want some changes and I know it will happen, but I'd like it to move along quickly (without any effort on my part )

Day Two - Woo Hoo - Day Two

Sure feels better to say that than say Day One.  My Day One happened and I met all my goals, but I was not loving it.  I had a headache.  I felt grumpy.  I was crabby.  I don't recall any other Day One's being this rocky and it may be that I still am fighting that cold or that it's about that time of the month or (unpleasant thought) that I was pretty much living on an IV drip of chocolate, processed foods, restaurant foods, and beer and this is the fallout.  Regardless, I ate nice healthy things and I cooked up a tasty dinner that my kids enjoyed, even if I grumbled and set off the smoke detector, and I got the dishes done and bills half way paid......Things got done yesterday even if it wasn't with zing and zap.

I slept fine, but got up at five to let out the dogs and go to the bathroom.  I think that means I had a solid seven hours of sleep.  I'd have preferred eight, but I'm okay sitting on the sofa with coffee, blanket, and computer too.  I did not get up and do my stinkin' sit ups and beginning pilates.  It only takes 30 minutes and it's all pretty easy, but cold morning didn't help.  I told myself I'd drink coffee till 6:30 and then do things, but now I'm pushing back that timetable till 6:45 which will still allow time for a shower, quick breakfast, and to get out of the house in a frustrated rush for work and school. (I hope)

This morning I thought about ditching the exercise, but really, it's such a nice part of things and I feel so proud of myself.  It also gives me some focus other than the food.  My body is sore from yesterday's exercise which is rather sad because it indicates just how out of shape I am.  Ah well.  I am.  Better I start reclaiming things now than later.

Meal Plans for Today:

• Breakfast - Eggs with kale and kimchi or broccoli
• Lunch - Ham with kale and sweet potato and homemade mayo if I make it
• Dinner - Spaghetti squash with pesto and ????

I'm not rockin' it in the planning and cooking department yet.  The kitchen is a disorganized mess and unpleasant to cook in and I'm just not enthused, but I did pick up some key things that my family eats so we can get by for now.

My kids, by the way, are surprising me.  They said they wanted to do a Whole30, but I suggested they do a partial one so they don't have to worry about snacks at school and so I can throw crackers into their lunches for now.  It seemed daunting to get myself on board and then do all the prep to make sure they are covered as well.  My anti-vegetable and anti-fruit children came home yesterday and each ate bananas, cherry tomatoes, carrots, and oranges before dinner, without me every saying a thing.  These are all foods that they have liked in the past, but since moving this summer and eating out all the time, they have completely snubbed all natural things.  I'm a bit surprised at how on-board they are.  Of course, I haven't cooked asparagus yet and I have to tread gently with the dinner meals for the first few weeks, but I'm still pleasantly surprised that they seem to truly want to clean up their act as well.

Look at me sounding all positive and rosy.  That's why this forum helps!  Underneath, I'm still feeling apprehensive about the day.  Will I exercise? Will I meditate? Will I get things done? Will I make decent enough meals to feed myself and my kids?  Let alone, what's going on in the news.  Big inhale.  And now I'm off to read some other posts and hopefully get a bit more inspired and motivated.  A half-hearted cheers for day two.

[Emma]

Day Three - Just typing that made me smile.  I'm finally on this stinkin' journey!  I don't think I feel relief yet because I'm not quite sure I trust myself enough, but I'm certainly glad to be back Whole30ing it.  I'm also feeling better.  The first day I felt crabby and had a headache.  Yesterday I felt better overall and, you know what - I got things done.  Today I woke up at 5:30 after a somewhat restless sleep and I have some congestion from last week's virus, but I feel more hopeful.  I even coulda done the exercising before the coffee, but I didn't.  All things in their own time.  For now, I have a glorious hour where I can sit and drink coffee and read the computer.

I saw that ChiggerCane had a focus word and I liked that idea.  The one that came to mine is intentionality.  Last night, getting things done, I acknowledged that that is indeed the word for me and it's floating around in my head.  I have so many projects and tasks and things that are yearning for attention and I get overwhelmed and don't do anything.  And, to make it worse, I then go eat or go out to eat and engage in all these behaviors that don't help at all because then I feel bloated and fat and sick and injured.  I do have my daily goals that I'm trying to meet (eat well, exercise, meditate) and I have to be intentional about that, but then I want to be intentional about specifically choosing the task that I'm working on for each day and I want to make sure I get it done.

I'm a firm believer in learning to trust oneself and these days I can't really trust what I say.  For months, I've had plans to get things done that I just don't get done and the day starts with words tossed around about what I'm going to get done and ends with nothing done.  To my credit, I also have not blasted myself for this.  I didn't need the added stress.  But now it's time to call myself on it and just be more intentional and break things down into smaller steps.

I had a bit of panic last night when I realized I needed to plan ahead for Thursday's meal because there will be other people's kids at the house and THAT led to a bit of panic over next week when I start taking the kids skiing right after school two times a week and then have to rush home and start work fifteen minutes later.  What the heck am I going to have for dinner for the kids?!?!?!  And for me?  I know...crock pots and all that.  I've just never used them and they require some planning and shopping and I have to fit that in and they have to be kid friendly and allowed to cook for six hours.  Eeeeek.  Life is going to get busier and I need to be ready for it.

Any good kid-friendly crock pot ideas or half sheet ideas I can just throw in the oven already prepped?

I guess I just need to buckle down and start looking up recipes and doing the work.  That may be tomorrow's intentional goal.

So, yesterday, went well.  For dinner we had chicken with pesto and butternut squash with pineapple.  The pesto didn't really go with the pineapple and squash, but my kids didn't care and my kids ate everything.  Again, I cooked up things that they generally like from our earlier Whole30, but honestly, they are surprising me with how on board they are for now.   I'm so thankful we did our first Whole30 when they were younger and that they have grown up hearing about clean foods and healthy eating even if it's not what we always do.  I'm glad they know that junky food tastes delicious and that our value as a person does not go down when we eat junky food, but that our bodies and minds are happier with the cleaner foods.  I'm glad they see me go through this process and feel healthier when I eat well and exercise.  One of my kids made up a vision board for me with the goals on it.  It's pretty sweet.  She taped up a cookbook to it.  She is also going and looking at the board and doing all of my goals which makes me smile.  Her exercise happens at the gym (and just in her regular play) and her class is meditating (probably a minute of mindful breathing).  She taped up leaves to remind her to get outside each day (which she does anyway) and she's enthusiastically eating bananas, apples, and oranges instead of the old snack stand by of graham crackers.  It all feels nice and balanced.

My gosh, I sound downright positive.  Were all the foods circulating through my body that toxic?  Perhaps.  I do feel a bit cleaner already.  I am also dreading the carb flu and the coming up week with the crabby moods.  I'll have to check the timeline and make sure I'm mentally prepped.

So, onto today.  

• Goal One: Eat Whole30

Breakfast - Eggs and baby kale (for the kids, I don't know yet!!!)

Lunch -  Canned tuna and broccoli maybe or ham and kale and sweet potato

Dinner - Butternut squash stuffed with grass fed ground beef, onions, mushrooms, and carrots

• Goal Two: Exercise - My big fear is that I just won't, but I'm up early enough and it's not hard and I do feel SO proud of myself every time I complete it.  As well, I can feel muscles inside my body screaming in delight at being used.
• Goal Three: Meditate - Easy to forget this one and so far I've been doing it near bedtime.  Today, I'm going to try to do it earlier in the day.  I'm using guided meditations which makes it easier and it's not a bad thing to just sit on the sofa.
• Goal Four: Be intentional - This means staying off the computer and mindlessly checking Facebook and email.  It also means, for today, doing a bunch of much needed filing and organizing and getting some things into the mail.  That's the goal.

[Emma]

Day Three at the End of the Day!

I might be crabby.  I caught myself grumbling at my kids this morning.  They're such emotional sponges that they started grumbling which is when I realized I might be triggering it.  

I met all my goals today - kinda.  I didn't get things into the mail like I'd planned, but I really did run out of time.  Instead, I had a really nice walk in the winter weather with an older neighbor so that seems like a good way to spend my time.  This evening, I also sat at the table and kept checking things online.  Maybe I should just have a half hour of solid computer time before moving on to homework with kids and cooking.

As for cooking - I'm pulling it off and my kids are eating decently.  I officially have some leftovers in the fridge so I don't need to panic about having nothing to eat.

I can tell I need to eat because my head gets grumpy.  It felt grumpy this afternoon (when I was shopping which is not ideal when hungry).  I ate a Lara Bar (with no proteins or veggies alongside) and then raced back to work.  At the end of work, with a grumpy unenergetic head, I ate a bunch of pistachios (with no proteins or veggies alongside).  It's a good lesson that I need to have some backup things with me on days I'm not able to go make a quick mini meal.  I have a load of hardboiled eggs and carrots and sweet potatoes which I could always throw in my bag.

I'm tired.  There are still dishes.  And picking up.  And kids to get to bed, but overall things are good.  I'm proud of myself for being on day three.  I'm looking forward to sleep.  I'm not looking forward to the unknown of tomorrow and the fear of not getting things done, but I guess that's what is creating the fire and making me get things done.  Oh - there's still trash to take out and it's freezing out.  I imagine my posts three weeks from now will not be so weary sounding!

[Emma]

Day Four - I'm not feeling the love.  I also haven't had coffee yet.  I also am going to be rushing to get ready and I much prefer an earlier wake up.  I did wake up at 4:30 feeling pretty good, but that was only 6.5 hours of sleep so I knew I should go back to sleep - which I did - and then woke up at 7:00 groggy and stuffed up.  My cold from last week is definitely on its way out, but not fully.  I hate rushed mornings.  I'm also not going to exercise right away because of the timing, but thankfully, I will be able to mid-morning.  I'm also thankful there are some leftovers in the fridge.  I'll keep focussing on the things to be thankful for and reminding myself of my goals.  My kids, by the way, have adjusted to the school schedule after a very relaxed winter break where they were sleeping in till nine.  They've fallen asleep quickly the last couple nights and are up bright and early at seven and are busy playing before school - much happier humans they are when we're eating well.

[ChiggerCane]

I like 'intentionality'!  At the class yesterday, some people shared their words - everyone's sounded so much 'better' than mine - they were ACTION words.  Maybe I need a few words to keep me on track.  Good luck for the weekend.  I always feel a little out of control on weekends...

[Emma]

Day Five - No way!  

This morning I'm up at 4:30.  I went to bed around 9:30 and woke up wondering if it was time to get up only to discover it was 11:00.  That's kind of how the night felt.  Restless and not deep sleep, though lots of dreams.  At 4:30 I gave up and moved to the sofa and then eventually gave up the idea of sleeping.  My stomach is very queasy which is probably why I didn't sleep so well.  I ate lamb cooked in ghee last night with sweet potatoes, onions, kale, and mushrooms. It tasted good, but isn't sitting in my system.  I took a couple probiotics last night as well as this morning and hopefully things have cleared through before work.

Work today promises to be stressful and it promises to be a long day.  I'd hoped to go into today well rested and with my goals completed (exercise and meditation and one task).  I'm not well rested and my stomach isn't solid, but there is still time to get the goals done so that's the plan.  The day will feel much better if I know I accomplished things right in the beginning.  For now, I'm drinking coffee and reading on the computer because the plan sounds a bit overwhelming and it's much nicer to cuddle on the sofa under a blanket with a sleeping dog.

Goal 1 - Eat Well

• Breakfast Plan: Eggs, kale, kimchi
• Lunch Plan: Sweet potato, ham, kale
• Snack Plan: Hard boiled eggs, carrots, maybe a sweet potato if need be or a small amount of almonds  
• Late Dinner Plan: Spaghetti squash with ??????  (I need to figure this out since we'll get home late and the kids will want dinner)

Goal 2 - Exercise

Goal 3 - Meditate

Goal 4 - Intentionality

Ohhhhh - As I was thinking up my meals, I realized I ate a bunch of pistachios last night with dinner.  Hmmmm.  I wonder if those are leading to the stomach upset.  I wouldn't be surprised.  Well, shucks.  Nuts really are dangerous foods to be snacking on unless I only pack along a small amount.

Again, my kids are doing great.  I was a bit surprised that they ate last night's dinner without any fussing though it wasn't anything green or far out there.  Still, it wasn't our food fare from the last six months where they'd been getting increasingly picky.  Their after school snack was apples, mandarin oranges, a couple graham crackers, and a cheese stick.  It's good to have them munching on the fresh produce again.

7:00 am - I exercised!  I showered.  I'm ahead of the game so I brewed some decaf coffee and I'm sitting down again for a short bit till the kids wake and we have breakfast and rush to get out on time.  For exercise, I'm doing a beginning Pilates DVD and 8 minute abs which is online.  They're both straight forward and not too difficult and I think both will help prep my body for doing more aerobic activities or outdoor activities.  As I did today's I could see that I've improved just during this week.  It amazes me, in my late 40's, how quickly my body will respond to things and improve.  Thank goodness! (Mind you, these are tiny tiny improvements, but they still count).  

Overall, standing in the kitchen, brewing my coffee, I felt cleaner.  I had just showered, but I mean I feel cleaner on my insides.  It's subtle, but it's there.  My head is still a little groggy.  I'm tired and will be tired today.  I'm not looking forward to the stressors, but Ill get through it and tonight I'll get a better night's sleep.

[Emma]

Day Six - Just said that with a big inhale and smiling exhale - Day Six!

I love so many things in my life and want more time and want things to slow down, but when it comes to this process of losing weight and getting healthy and feeling better, I sure do want time to speed up.  Last night my kids, cuddling with me, told me I'm fat.  It's the first time they've ever said that and it wasn't out of meanness - just a good observation.  And not a bad one.  Their memories of childhood will be cuddling with a soft, warm mamma - that's not bad.  I just want their memories of childhood to also include a nice strong active mamma who feels good and alive.  So - Day Six.  Glad you're here!

We went to bed around 9:30 and I woke up at 6:30.  I woke up also at 4:30, but went back to sleep and the dog seemed to be willing to do so as well.  I slept a bit restlessly again and I was so HOT while I slept.  It might be the blanket I'm sleeping on, but I'm not used to generating this heat at night - except when I was pregnant (which I'm not) which makes me think that already my hormones are responding to the cleaned up eating.

Last night, I managed to pull together a dinner without cooking and one of my kids remarked that it looked good.  Yay.  It had sliced up mini peppers, leftover squash with pineapple, sweet potato, salami, and olives.  It was nothing to write home about, but it looked good and I was a bit pleased because I'd been dreading the non prepped dinner scene.  I put some Tessamae's dressing on the plate for one of my kids to dip his peppers, but he didn't!  I am stunned at how quickly they're adapting.  

So, when I woke up this morning my first thought was that I'm feeling okay.   A few minutes later I was feeling really discouraged thinking about what a long process it will be till I'm no longer fat and till I'm feeling healthy and strong.  But the neat thing was that my body stayed even while I had these discouraged feelings.  There's no craving for a burger or some chocolate to commiserate with the emotions.  My body is stable which meant my mind just got to hold that feeling of discouragement and feel it and let it pass in its own time.  It does feel daunting to think of the long haul so I have to just focus on the day to day and it's nice to be doing Whole30 because then my stress really revolves around doing this stinking daily morning exercise and not about eating or not eating and feeling guilty about eating and wanting to start eating better but waiting for the right time....And on Whole30 my body can't mess with my mind which I think it really does when I'm eating the junky foods.

Right now, I'm drinking my coffee and hanging out under a warm blanket while the puppy chews on a bone next to me.  Outside it's lightly snowing.  Once I finish the coffee, I'll do those exercises for a half hour and then figure out breakfast for the kids and then we head out for the morning.  I'm going to need to do some recipe planning and shopping.  I was thankful for the monster bag of kale from Costco that I picked up last week and the hard-boiled eggs that I bought.  I really almost didn't because it seems really poor form to buy something I can make, but it did make life easier this week and the price was the same as the regular eggs.  Most of my spices went by the wayside when we moved so I have to figure out what I'll need.  Stuff.  Stuff to do, but so far, so good.

In the next week, I'll try to switch over to exercise and eating before coffee and one of these days I'll consider upping the exercise, but for now, a step at a time and a lot of feeling good for each day I'm in this process.

Plan for Meals for Today:

Breakfast: Eggs with kale and kimchi (so quick and easy)

Lunch: Salami and leftovers and peppers and carrots (not so exciting, but it works for the kids and is easy)

Dinner:  Red curry with vegetables and chicken maybe??  

[Emma]

Day Seven - Up at 4:30 to let out the dogs and then couldn't sleep so I read for an hour before falling asleep for a bit more.  I logged seven or more hours of sleep so it wasn't bad, but it wasn't restful sleep.  Again, last night at bedtime, I was not falling into deep sleep as easily and the sleep this morning was restless.  It will pass,  I assume.  When I did wake up at 7:15 I really just wanted to keep sleeping, but the dogs wanted their breakfast and it is the time I usually get up if I haven't woken up earlier.  Exercising first?  Nope.  Definitely coffee today.  However, there is a spark of new good news.  I could distinctly feel my stomach asking for food - being hungry!  I haven't heard or felt that sensation in quite a while!!!!!  That's definitely a good sign.  

Today is a full day, but not a stressful day.  We have a full morning walking dogs, meeting with people, and then going to a movie in the early afternoon.  Then, once back home, I have laundry and filing and general house stuff to take care of.  The motivation is so that tomorrow we can enjoy the day and read about and honor MLK.

• Potential Meals for Today:
• Breakfast: Brussel sprout/kale/cabbage (from Costco) with hard boiled eggs
• Lunch: Leftovers of lamb and squash
• Dinner: Something with my spaghetti squash that I cooked but never used!!!! 

I have to drop by the store and pick up some things, though I'm not sure what.  My ability to wing it is nearing the end as I use up the current things on hand.

My mood:  Okay.  I think my skin feels heavy and I'm not jumping for joy and I have some stress worrying if I'm going to get those exercises done right away this morning and probably some discouraged feelings lurking around about my weight and the length of this process, but overall I'm okay.  I think meditation really helps and I find myself looking forward to the token ten minutes I'm doing.  It also helps that I've been drinking this coffee quite quickly and that my kid is snuggling with me reading a book.  Things are okay and I'm hoping for good energy throughout the day.

[perceivingperdita]

Emma, what kind of meditation are you doing? I was interested in transcendental but it's $1000! I am too practical for that. 

I love that your kids are right there with you. You are doing great for as busy as you are. 

Do you need to do your exercise in the morning or can you do it at night? Just a thought since you seem to struggle to fit it in the morning. Or maybe I am misreading into your posts?  

[Emma]

Oh Perdita, I'd struggle to fit it in even if I had absolutely nothing to do all day!   Mornings work best for me.  Even with all my hemming and hawing and complaining, mornings are when I'm most focused and best able to get stuff done.  And when I do, that good feeling of completing things sits with me all day.  Otherwise, it hangs over my head as yet another thing I want to accomplish, but might not.  Until I up my game and start doing harder exercises, the morning thing is happening - usually right after I finish my coffee and post on here.

A couple years ago, I did a meditation challenge off of the wildmind.org website with a Scottish man named Bodhipaksa.  He offers some guided meditations that are online that do mindfulness of breathing and loving kindness meditations.  It worked for me and it easy to go back to.  I then found an app for my phone called Insight Timer (I think) and I did some of those guided meditations and discovered people like Tara Brach.  I googled Transcendental once, but saw the prices and ditched that idea and just go along with what is familiar and easy.  Here's a link to a ten minute one breathing one  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC3J9GJqETc  I think it doesn't matter what I do as much as that I just do it.  I find it helps.  Right now I'm only willing to give five to ten minutes, but that's 5-10 minutes more of being present than I was doing otherwise.

Day Eight - Ain't That GREAT!

Last night I had some BIG plans for today.  This morning, I'm a bit more skeptical that I'll get the painting done or the .......  However, I have to admit that my insides and my brain are feeling clearer and that the potential to get more things done today is higher than it was a week ago.  I feel a desire TO be busy and productive.  Of course, I say this as I sit on the sofa, in the dark room, watching the snow come down, drinking my cup of decaf coffee (because I already had one cup of regular coffee) - much easier to make plans than to carry them out, but I have hope.  I think the biggest thing is getting off the computer because that's when I sit and get stuck mindlessly checking Facebook or reading all the articles and links that people post.  

My meals for yesterday looked nothing like I had planned, but I got through the day and did okay.  The thing I am currently loving is a big bag of shredded brussel sprouts/slaw/kale from Costco that comes with some seeds and dried cranberries along with some non-compliant poppy salad dressing.  I used my own dressing and threw in some hard boiled eggs or salmon and it was great.  I love the different textures and the crunchiness of it all - definitely a good filling easy go to meal.  

I slept decently last night and was up at 5:30 or 6:00.  I was having some great involved dream when one of the dogs licked me on the nose. We went to bed around ten so I think I'm okay for sleep though I'll be glad when my sleep feels a bit deeper since I'm still a bit restless.

Exercise - I've been doing the sit ups and Pilates every morning and will this morning too.  I worry that I won't, but I guess that worry allows me to make sure I do instead of discarding it as unimportant.  My kids are helpful also because they know this is my goal and they know we're not leaving the house.  One of my kids does some of the Pilates moves with me which is kind of fun and makes the entire task go more quickly.

My kids ate horribly yesterday! They had graham crackers in the car for breakfast, popcorn at the movies for lunch, deli food like pizza sticks at the supermarket in the late afternoon, and seaweed for dinner.  Honestly - that is a some lousy eating.  And yet, reading over my words, I realize it's not THAT bad.   Well, maybe it is, but at least it wasn't a high quantity of junk food.   The reason was because I didn't have a quick easy breakfast ready or food in the car to eat.  Ah well.  Gets me planning better for this week and, since going to the store, we are restocked on apples, bananas, oranges, olives, and kipper snacks (oily, tasty fish in a can).

I have some anxiety lurking in my body.  I think things in the news are causing it as well as our own financial security and employment issues - the big stuff.  I could be more active working on the problems, but there's so much just to do at home.  I'm SO glad I'm doing this Whole30.  I'm so glad that the energy that I think of as normal should be returning in the next few weeks.  I'm so tired of the heavy jackets over my shoulders weighing me down mentally and physically that it feels like when I eat crappy.  Change takes place on the inside and I'm changing my inside!

• Today Food Plans:
• Breakfast - Banana/egg pancakes for the kids (banana, eggs, vanilla cooked in coconut oil).  Eggs, kale, broccoli for me.
• Lunch - Sliced sausage, hard boiled eggs, peppers, seaweed, apple slices, carrots (The kids' usual lunchtime fare).  I'll probably supplement with a brussel sprout slaw salad.
• Dinner - Chocolate chili?  Leftovers?  (not sure yet)

I do want to prep a couple meals to cook in the crockpot for food this week.   Chocolate chili will go well with my cooked spaghetti squash that I need to use and the kids like it.  Czech meatballs were requested by my son though those are not a crockpot meal.  I need a good paleo crockpot book.

Goals:

• One - Eat Clean
• Two - Exercise
• Three - Meditate
• Four - Be intentional (And get off Facebook!!!!!) - This is really the hardest one, but I'm going to work on it for today.

[perceivingperdita]

Thank you for the link and the suggestions. I will check then out. 

[Emma]

Day Nine - Feeling Fine (ish)

Slept about 8 hours and was only up once to let out the dogs.  I would have been able to keep sleeping (in fact I did fall back asleep, but woke up six minutes later to my rarely used alarm) but I had to get up because it's an earlier work morning of a stressful day.  I exercised FIRST this morning and am now sitting here with my coffee and only ten minutes of sofa and computer time (well, maybe fifteen).  I can't fathom exercising first every day.  I like transitioning to the sofa with coffee straight from bed, but admittedly, I felt just fine and didn't even require the coffee straightaway after exercises.  Today has quite a bit of stress involved and that was one of the motivators for exercising first.  As much as I'd like an excuse to ditch the exercise, it's the thing that allows me to feel more solid the rest of the day.  Instead of feeling behind or out of control, it's like an anchor saying I started things right and that can't be taken away.

I'm out of so much food and there's no chance to get to Costco.  Bummer.  I was loving my brussel sprout slaw mix and big bag of kale.  I also did not make the Chocolate Chili yesterday.  We had a lot of snow and so we did not stop at the store on our way home to pick up the ingredients.  I do have kipper snacks and tuna and eggs and salami and peppers and carrots and mushrooms so we'll make due.  I HAD sweet potatoes that I cooked last night and that carmelized perfectly, but the dogs ate the leftovers when I failed to put them away.   Those sweet potatoes were going to be part of our breakfast.  Ah well.  Part of this process is learning to plan ahead and I'm still warming up it seems.

The good news is that last night (after an afternoon cup of coffee) I found myself flying around the house getting things done.  I replaced lightbulbs that needed replacing.  I tried splicing some electric wires for a project unsuccessfully.  I did the dishes, got the kids showered, and just was overall feeling clean in my head and relatively just a-okay.  I was feeling like how I'd like to feel all the time for my baseline.  

Off to the day - hoping that things go smoothly at work - that would be an unexpected treat that I would appreciate.

[Emma]

Day Ten

I woke up just before six and went back to sleep and woke again just before seven feeling like a freight train had gone over me.  It's like I'm on Day Four or Five.  Or maybe yesterday was just taxing.  Or the runny nose my son and I had played a role.  Or....  No exercising before coffee for me today!  I'm under a blanket on the sofa and it's super cold out and I'm drinking my coffee.  I'll be fine once I finish the coffee.  I had expected to work today, but things changed last night so I have today off which is great because I really need to do some shopping and take the dog to the vet and do some things that just can only be done during work hours.  It also means the kids get to sleep in longer and we don't need to leave the house as early which is nice to be able to have and appreciate.  Tomorrow and Friday will be back to normal.

Last night we ate sweet potatoes and meatballs.  Eh.  I tried making meatballs out of preseasoned sausage and I didn't like the taste or texture.  I read through the ingredients, but I'm wondering if there was something in there I missed given how sloggy I was this morning.  Regardless, my kids were happy and one of them commented again on how great dinner looked so that works.  For lunch yesterday, I had eggs, kale, mushrooms, and kimchi which worked really well.  Oh yeah - I realized my mood wasn't as peppy yesterday and I don't think it was the stress.  I wonder when my cycle is ever going to come around.  It's certainly late.

Meals I plan to shop for today:

• Chocolate Chili (got home yesterday and realized I was missing one key ingredient - darn)
• General Tso's chicken
• Paleo Egg Roll in a Bowl
• Czech Meatballs
• Phad Thai

We moved and so many of the ingredients we used to have, we no longer have.  I'll go to the cabinet expecting to see the Sesame Oil or the Caraway seeds and they're no longer there.  Hopefully I get my list well written and get everything I need.

My knees are both doing okay, but my left knee which I injured eight months ago was stiff last night while I slept.  My left foot is super achy even just sitting on the sofa, but I did wear work shoes all day yesterday and I was literally on my feet all day yesterday so I'm guessing that's it.  I've got a little congestion in my neck and head, but nothing too bad.  Makes me aware of needing to take my Vit D and making sure to meditate - last night I really appreciated the chance to sit and do so even though I couldn't get my head to settle down at all.

Off to the day.

[perceivingperdita]

On 1/17/2017 at 11:09 AM, Emma said:

 

The good news is that last night (after an afternoon cup of coffee) I found myself flying around the house getting things done.  I replaced lightbulbs that needed replacing.  I tried splicing some electric wires for a project unsuccessfully.  

 I am impressed with anyone who can attempt splicing electrical wires. 

[Emma]

Day Ten - Not the best, but nor the worst

I'm not quite sure what I ate today , but I ate my meals and they were all Whole30.  I was able to pick up more of the brussel sprout slaw and that just makes such a quick and easy way to get in greens, veggies, and proteins.  I never made dinner for my kids and instead let them feast on some microwaved sweet potatoes from last night.  Ah well.  I do have all the ingredients now to make a bunch of things.  Hopefully tomorrow.  

I feel like today was a mess.  I didn't get projects done.  I didn't exercise!!!!  And I wasted the evening on the computer.

However, in the scheme of things, I did get a lot done today that just takes up time.  I took the dog to the vet, got the groceries, went to the school, started to set up a new filing system (things really fell apart during the move and the paper piles are ridiculous and the old files are cluttered and old).  My kids are happy and both did homework so all is good - just that clash between what I hope and envision and what really happens.

I'm also just feeling more bleh and sofa-ish, but then I have to tell myself that my energy is still okay and I'm not craving foods or eating random anything I can find.  I'm in much better shape than I was eleven days ago.

 

[Emma]

Day 11 - i wasn't expecting problems at this point other than maybe my pants feeling tighter which isn't that big a deal, but then this morning I realized that these are the days most people give up (if I'm remembering the timeline correctly).  What did I not do yesterday?  Exercise.  What have I not done this morning? Exercise.  What else did I not do yesterday?  Meditate.  How did I feel yesterday evening? Bleh.  How did I eat yesterday?  On the run.  How did I wake up this morning?  Terribly!  I just wanted to keep sleeping.

And now I am running late so I'm not setting things up any better than yesterday.

This was a good ah-ha reminder.  I'm going to run and take a quick shower and make a quick breakfast and try to get back solidly on track today.  There is plenty of food in the house to make a quick easy lunch and to make a nourishing good looking dinner.

[Emma]

Day 11 - I'm still here.  I still didn't exercise.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  Two days break isn't the problem.  The problem is my fear that it will create a pattern.  Tomorrow is a busy stressful day.  I plan to set the alarm.  I'll set it early enough to wake up and get back on track.

As for eating, I'm doing okay.

Breakfast - Eggs, spinach, kimchi, mushrooms

Lunch - Brussel sprout slaw salad with salami (not so tasty, but it worked)

Dinner - Moroccan meatballs with spinach and Egg Roll in a Bowl with some bacon.  

Dinner was a bit of a motley mess.  I was going to make Chocolate Chili, but got started too late in the evening.  So then I began to make the Moroccan Meatballs before realizing I didn't have enough lamb so I added in some ground beef.  And then for some reason, I decided I really ought to make the Egg Roll in a Bowl.  Rolling my eyes at myself.  So I made it and I did dishes as I went and my eyes were burning from all the onion cutting and I didn't get to the poster making project I was going to do with my kids tonight, but I do have some food in the fridge.  

I also have a new bed! Yes.  It's the nicest bed I've ever had and is a complete turn around from what I had been sleeping on.  It feels SO nice to go lie on.  I'm looking forward to tonight which is only fifteen minutes away!!!!

I also have a horrendous garlic, ginger, onion taste in my mouth.  Horrendous!  I don't know if teeth brushing is going to make a difference.  

So, things are okay.  I'm getting things done - just not always the things I want to get done, but things are getting done and my energy is okay and my eating is okay.

Oh, oh, oh - one last thing - Today, I put on my snow pants and they fit!  The snap pops if I bend over, but the zipper stays up and I can move just fine in them.  It's too bad they're not my favorite snow pants and that they have some ugly tears in them, but they FIT and now I can do those outdoor things dressed more appropriately!  It's a good sign.  They did not fit last week at all.  There was not even attempt at snapping.  Yay for that!

[Emma]

Day 13 - I'm still here.  I haven't exercised.  Well, I haven't done the sit ups and pilates that I had been doing.  I have continued to walk each day and be busy in general and today I was outside and walked four or five hours in very wintery weather, but I still feel flakey.  Ah well.  What I haven't flaked on is eating well.  I was sorely tempted today, but I didn't give in.  Our morning was rushed and I totally forgot to eat.  At 2:00 when we finally stopped at a little market to get some food, I really wanted to get some chicken and rice thinking I could just start at Day One again.  But I didn't.  Instead I munched on some almonds, then found some salami, then found some sashimi and then continued on home.  There weren't any vegetables, but there wasn't any off course.  For dinner, I ate standing up and had some leftover meatballs with spaghetti squash and olives.  

I'm still here.  I'm super tired, but glad to be here.

[Emma]

Day 14 - I'm enjoying the new bed, though not the dogs waking me up at 5:30 to go outside.  Four thirty is better because then obviously I would go back to sleep.  Five thirty is tricky so I just stayed up.  The sleep would have been nice.  The dogs are all sound asleep, but not me.  :/

I still don't fit my favorite snow pants.  That's not really a surprise.  I've only been at this for a couple weeks and I was really piling on the weight the month prior.  It's much better to be on this side of things.

For the most part, I don't think I feel cravings or a desire to snack.  That's probably not completely true, but is at least somewhat true.  I find that when I do start milling around looking for food in the cabinets, it's a sign that my last meal was pathetic and that I need to put together a good meal promptly.

It helps a lot having things on hand and already made as well as olives.  My olives are all gone as is my Tessamae salad dressing that I like.  I guess I might need to try making some myself.  

Today's Plan:

Breakfast: Eggs, spinach, kimchi, leftover roasted cauliflower

Lunch: Brussel sprout slaw with some protein OR leftover meatballs with spaghetti squash

Dinner: Not sure yet

[Emma]

Day 15 - Still here

I made Scotch Eggs last night.  Fun to make and easy to make and they are HUGE!  However, I think the preseasoned sausage was ridiculously salty and maybe there was something else in it - either that or it was just a LOT of salt.  Last night, sleeping, my injured knee was hurting more than it has - enough to wake me.  This morning my face feels puffy.  I have a whole bunch more of these dang eggs in the fridge and now I don't want to eat them

I would like to try them again, but this time I'll buy them from a different place and make sure there is no pre seasoning whatsoever.  Or I'll try the lamb and curry ones though I don't know if my kids will like those as much.

Busy weekend.  Busy week.  Busy stuff going on in the news so I feel I need to be on Facebook seeing things and responding to things.  Nonetheless, I think I'm still managing to get more done than before Whole30.  I'm not sitting and lounging on the sofa in the evenings, but was up dealing with papers and things right till bedtime.  I was having a good time as well.  Hopefully that continues.

Off for some broccoli slaw breakfast or something salt free.

[Emma]

Day 16 - The thrill is gone.  The effort of eating well has passed and now I'm just going along doing it.  I dropped my exercise and meditation goals.  Well, they're still there, but I'm not going to let myself feel guilty for not doing them and I'm not going to try to light some fire to make them happen.  There seems to be a lot going on and it's hard to focus on making everything happen, even though those exercise goals were pretty small potatoes.  I'm not being a couch potato either.  I'm pretty much on my feet the majority of the day and I generally get the dogs out for a walk so, it's not the best, but it's not the worst.  I'm mainly just trying to make sure that the top goal - eating clean - is met.  Other things will fall into place once that is in place.

I've continued to eat the Scotch eggs.  They're so much better mixed in with a crunchy salad and I've enjoyed them, but the salt content has been high and I'm feeling it.  I assume that I'll feel a bit leaner once I'm done eating them and the salt levels go down.  That makes them sound like they're LOADED with salt.  They're not that bad - just I'm feeling it.

Friends are coming to stay with us.  They know about Whole30 and have cooked some Whole30 meals themselves so it should go relatively okay except for wanting to go out to eat with them.

My energy levels?  Eh.  Okay.  The news has been taking up some of my time and so I can't just turn away from the computer.  Last night and the night before I really just wanted to sit and veg in front of the computer, but I found myself doing the dishes and working on one of the projects till bedtime last night.  I'm not working with gusto, but I'm also just plugging along which is better than the alternative.

Sleep?  Going fine.  I like the new bed and am sleeping well on it.  There are still kids and dogs that wake me up once or twice a night, but overall, my sleep has been good - not great - but good.