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DagnyT

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Hi. I'm a semi retired/on disability woman from the Gulf Coast of Alabama (yes, Alabama has  beaches). I'm 60 but dont look like it-I got lucky there in the gene department). I'm married, no kids but four cats plus a neighborhood cat who hangs out here. Right now my husband and I are geographically separated because he had to move north to find a decent job. His not being here has advantages and disadvantages. I don't  have to have bread and cereal and milk and candy in the house or try to cook different two meals each dinnertime. However I am very lonely and bored with myself and need support desperately. He is good at providing a shoulder to cry on and listens to me vent. So I need this forum to take his place.

I am 5'3" tall and weigh about 125 pounds. Some would say not overweight.  Most would say I'm thin. But I have a roll of belly fat that makes me look 7 months pregnant and if I eat gluten, nine months pregnant. I mean that almost literally.  My waist expands from its usual 32-33 inches up to 38 or more. I gained the weight ( from 110-115 to 138 ) suddenly, about three years ago.

 

I have a pituitary gland tumor and it was/is causing adrenal insufficiency and hypothyroidism . I was put on hydrocortisone tablets and Synthroid and Cytomel. (The first is a steroid your body is supposed to make naturally and is essential to life . The others are thyroid hormones.) Within six months I had gained from 112 to 130. I called the doctor in consternation but they all just said things like "how much pizza are you eating?" and brushed me off, saying the meds couldn't be the cause. In another 3 months I'd gained up to 138. That might not sound too bad but I felt huge. I have an eating disorder ( and a very emotional relationship with food) so weight increases totally freak me out.

 

I tapered myself off the Synthroid first and over the next month lost 10 pounds effortlessly. I quit the Cortisol next and another five pounds dropped off . But now I'm still stuck at 123-130.  I easily get up to129/30 if I'm not rigorous - and no matter what I do I can't lose weight. I'm not doing anything now but I did try everything.

 

I have a lot of health issues but the main problem I'm facing right now is severe depression. It's a lifelong affliction, starting with as a child always feeling "bored." I can see now that was early apathy and reward deficiency. I've been diagnosed with endogenous endorphin deficiency and"dopamine deficiency" for lack of a better term. The reward pathways in my brain dont work properly so I can't receive gratification from normal things. I can't feel pleasure over very much, most of it comes from food or drink . Even the little things you take for granted, like folding a load of laundry, where you get a little bit of satisfaction from finishing a task, that doesn't   happen for me. So I've used food as a pleasure source since the age of 10 or so. I've never been obese and only overweight once before in my life I let myself gain up to 138. That was 40 years ago though. 

 

So I've always, my entire adult life, weighed between 105-118. Those numbers were the extremes, I usually weighed about 110-115. But somehow something has gone wrong and I suddenly gained two clothing sizes in less than a year without changing anything about my dietary intake or caloric expenditure. 

 

Clearly something is wrong with my body and it's relationship with food. I've come here in desperation, not just because of the desire to lose the unhealthy weight but the desire to get healthy, to make a radical change in my life to try and heal the neurology   and endocrinology and gastroenterology  and psychiatry issues I've always had. I believe it started with food. 

Sorry to write so much. 

 

Can anyone point me to where I can print out a blank log of what I ate that day with columns for macronutrients etc.? I like to see in writing how well I've done that day and having to write it down is also a motivator not to eat certain things.

 

Nice to meet you all.

 

 

 

 

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27 minutes ago, DagnyT said:

nt me to where I can print out a blank log of what I ate that day with columns for macronutrients etc.? I like to see in writing how well I've done that day and having to write it down is also a motivator not to eat certain things.

 

Hi @DagnyT - on Whole30 we ask that you not concern yourself with macros, points, calories etc. We want you to tune into your own body's satiety signals, hunger signals etc. You can create a log in this section but it doesn't track anything besides what you eat and how you feel. :)

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