So disappointed in myself :(

[MichelleK2017]

I finished the Whole30 on Feb 18 without a single cheat which was an amazing accomplishment for me.  I had a tiny bit of weight loss but my clothes did fit better which was fabulous.  Wanted to do a slow reintroduction but ended up falling of the healthy eating wagon - big time.  Actually it wasn't really falling off the healthy eating wagon  - that thing rolled right off a huge cliff!  I have been gobbling up so much junk food it's disgusting!  I am so upset with myself that I committed and completed this program and learned a lot only to revert to eating horribly.  Then, to top it off, I feel horribly that I ate that junk that I just eat more. 

I was so nervous near the end of the Whole30 as I had an eating disorder (way in my past - like no problems for 15+ years from it) and I was suddenly triggering like mad which really surprised me.  I do not want to go back down that path as it's a slippery slope and it's hard to get back out of it.  I did not realize that the ED would rear it's ugly head after so many years.  I did talk to my Dr before starting the program because of my past and she did not think it would be a problem as it was so long ago.  So, now here I am 10 days after finishing the whole 30 and I'm binge eating and exercising like mad with severe insomnia and about a million pounds of guilt.  Not really too happy about it. 

I am not going to jump into another Whole30 right now as I'm totally afraid where it would take me as I'm obviously not in a good place right now.   Instead, I am cleaning out my fridge and closets from any junk that snuck in (yeah....kids valentines candy and they aren't eating it so in the trash it goes!) and then I am making a healthy meal plan and I need to stick to it.  I know I can eat healthy - I just did for 30 straight days!.  I just have to get control of myself and get my eating pattern back to something a whole lot healthier. 

Just really disappointed in myself and disgusted with my lack of self control.

 

 

[Guest]

Don't be too hard on yourself.  EDs are tricky jerks.  I would recommend talking to your doctor again soon.  Maybe think about some CBT or DBT?

My daughter's therapist just told me last night that he thinks she might have an ED, so I'm just learning about this stuff myself.  Big hugs.

[MichelleK2017]

Thanks Georgina2.  It's a long road, one that I thought I had finally left far behind but I guess it's always there.   I've done CBT for a long time and I highly recommend it although it does take time for it to work.  Best of luck to your daughter.  Very happy you have her in therapy already.  It will help her in the long run. 

[Dreamlet]

I understand your frustration, but please try to be kind to yourself. Part of what the whole 30 is about is learning more about your relationship with food and the effect different foods have on you. Can you pinpoint what it was that triggered your ED behavior? Was it restricting? Was it the reintro? Was it certain foods? Maybe you can channel your disappointment into figuring out what set you off, and use this as a learning experience. 

 

I would also recommend talking to your Dr. again about what you've experienced. 

[MichelleK2017]

I know it was restricting.  The "I can only have this but not that" part.  I have spoken with my Dr already.   I contacted her as soon as this started happening as I know where it leads rather quickly.  Just trying to figure out the best path to take from here.