That day 31 feeling of failure....

[singingsarah]

I'm totally ridden with guilt after tonight. I completed a fun 2nd round of whole30, though I have to say part of me feels like I should keep going. I have the tiger blood feeling, the clearer skin (finally! First two weeks were filled with breakouts), the happy feels. But, I do not feel like I saw the changes I wanted to see the most. I didn't lose any pant sizes and I don't feel like I have much more energy--certainly not enough that I am wide awake and ready to conquer in the mornings. My lifestyle is abnormal and my schedule is abnormal which may have been the root of this--I couldn't easily follow the three meals rules or avoid food later at night, etc. These factors and more could have played into me not seeing results. Ultimately though, I do feel strong and happy, mostly considering this whole30 I was forced to do a complete 180 from my usual eating habits. Before, I relied heavily on processed foods, fast foods, ("healthy" and non-healthy), bread/pasta/gluten-carbs, and cheese. I was eating bagels multiple times a day. Portion control didn't exist, I couldn't stop myself ever. I was honestly horrified at myself. I would go as far to say I was approaching a binge eating/over-eating disorder. 

So I'm at a bit of a loss now that I've made it to the end. I know that we have to slowly ease into things. But the Whole30 worked so well for me because I just didn't have options of bad food. Now I do, and I'm overwhelmed and trying for food freedom, but not sure I can maintain it. This is my 2nd round of whole30, and the first one I did (over a year ago) didn't end well when I ditched all the rules at the same time and by my 2nd day off of it was back to every single old habit I'd had. 

Tonight was st Patrick's day and I was happy to be with friends in a chill, friendly, atmosphere. I had some beer and goat cheese and felt ok with it. And I had some chocolate and felt happy to be able to have some again. But after many beers, my desires got the best of me. Walking home, I got a slice of deep dish pizza. I ate it quickly when I got home and didn't like a single bite. But I ate it anyway. I sat there, stunned, afterwards, how I could have kept going if I didn't like the taste. I was equally upset how bad the slice tasted! This is from my favorite pizza place and I have to admit, while I want to be healthy and am nowhere near a healthy weight, I was very sad to imagine not liking pizza ever anymore due to my clean eating habits from whole30. It felt like a lot of fun ruined. More than anything, though, I felt guilty. I gave in so easily once I had finished my 30 days. I felt defeated. I honestly feel like I just cancelled out 30 days of good hard work over one deep dish slice. 

I think it may be related to my struggle with finding what I gained from whole30. Like the first time I did it, I feel like I "lost" because I didn't lose weight. Yeah, I should feel like a winner because I didn't feel guilty about food  for 30 days. But then what did I really gain, since it seems I didn't learn my lesson and at first chance I put poison in the form of cheese and gluten and who knows what into my body? This end was what I've feared the whole time. I want to maintain my habits but don't feel I have the willpower to do so. 

 

Anyway, curious who else out there has gone through major guilt from their first fallout post-whole30. And seeking advice as to how to find that food freedom forever. 

[Brewer5]

"me not seeing results"

"I have the tiger blood feeling"

"the clearer skin"

"the happy feels"

"I do feel strong and happy"

"the Whole 30 worked so well for me"

---

The key to successfully making this a lifestyle change is that you must be following your own rules.  Your 30 days are over and you have a choice:  Continue forward on the path to wellness, or wander backwards to where you've already been.  You know what the road to the past looks like.  Do you really want to go there again?   Sometimes we have to forge ahead, not knowing EXACTLY what is in store for us ~ or when ~ but we know that *forward* is the only way to go.

 

[MeadowLily]

I'm sharing from the heart of a food addict.  I don't surmise that you're one, at all.

Continue eating real foods in real amounts. Don't eat diet foods or drink diet drinks.

Willpower will only get you so far. With bare knuckling it and willpower comes relapse for the food addict. Along with the wild swings UP and down, continual cycles of dieting to compensate for binge or thrill eating. 

Then comes eating in the unconscious mode. Muddling around and simply going through the motions, not really knowing what or how much you've eaten. It's all a blur. 

Dieting = An illusion of control 

Relapsing = Some give up and never make it back.

The thrill eater doesn't eat because of any particular emotion. Food addiction is a chronic disease of food rewards.

Dis-eating

Dis-connectedness

Self-willing it with willpower

Willpower will only get you so far and eventually luck runs out.

Connection with others and connecting with your spirit brings tremendous freedom and relief.  Reach out to others. Just like you did today.

 

Nurturing the spirit sets the table for food addiction recovery.

Spiritual help is not the same as self-help.  Looking after your spirtual health is connection and letting go at the same time.   Spiritual health is turning loose of the body's hold over you....in the form of food addiction, body and weight obsessions.  All of it. 

The spiritual connection is good medicine. It takes fear out and allows recovery to come in. 

Spiritual health and well-being is turning loose of the body's addiction for food rewards that get the food addict nowhere good. 

[MeadowLily]

The Whole 30 was created to be a springboard for finding your own arrow. The sooner you can create your own positive food management plan, the easier it will be. The greater success you will have, too.

Those that keep repeating back to back Whole 30's without ever contemplating how they're going to navigate the sharky waters for the rest of their entire lifetime keep repeating Whole 30's, usually without a Reintro Phase, trying to make a Whole 365 a way of life. It was not designed to be used like that.

Follow through with your Reintro. Choose what you're going to leave in or out. 

I simply don't bring the offenders home.  My trigger foods. That takes care of it. 

 

[MeadowLily]

On 3/18/2017 at 1:08 AM, singingsarah said:

 

Singing Sarah, after I posted my answer and the 15 minute time limit was over, I looked further down the reintro section page and see that you posted the same question twice. So both of your questions were merged into one. Are you still here?