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Day 18 - Why am I doing this again??

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You guys. I am so over this.


Someone talk me down quick because there are chocolate chips in the kitchen and I am THIS close to opening the back and drinking them.

To be fair, I do have more energy than I did before I started. (I should probably just stop there, but I'm going to rant anyway) I'm just not sure what happened because I feel like Days 4 - 6 were AWESOME. Totally worth it in every way. I had insane energy, felt full all day, was having fun and enjoying compliant food, could appreciate that junk food tastes good but I just didn't really want it because I was so satisfied physically and emotionally with the food I was eating and the way it made me feel. Around day 7 or 8 I started having more bloating (typical for those days, "they" say), but then instead of that clearing up it has persisted and gotten worse. And then I started getting tired again. And hungry. AND THE CRAVINGS. Bread. Cheese. Cheap, sugary chocolate. Ice cream. Pancakes. Pizza. French fries. And then the total lack of motivation to cook - the convenience of the SAD diet is calling my name! 

Because I know you'll ask, here's what my last 3 meals have been:

1. 5 eggs scrambled in olive oil with zucchini and bell pepper, topped with ground flax (because we're out of avacado)

2. Leftover stuffed acorn squash with extra veggies (butternut squash) and protein (ground turkey) on the side. A little bowl with a handful of coconut and some fruit, for fat (and because I just wanted a banana)

3. I got home late (right before bed) last night so it was small-ish ..... a palm or less of pot roast, 1/2 sweet potato with ghee. Before that I was stranded so I had to rely on a bag of cashews and coconut to hold me over from lunch (not typical for me - I haven't needed to snack, and when I have I've tried to do the mini-meal thing when possible). (side note - I actually felt really good after this meal, and after my acorn squash this afternoon. The eggs (or something) that I had for lunch today have left me bloated again though....not sure if that gives you any clues)


One thing I think could be the culprit is that week 1, I was really generous with the fat. Then I started feeling too full (not hungry even after 5 hours) and kind of just greasy and, well....fat. So I started really focusing on following the meal template's guidelines (= less fat than I was having week 1). I've been more tired since then.

Also, I'm noticing some of my unhealthy food mindset issues creeping in - being restrictive for no apparent reason (ie, not having enjoyable, fun food because this is the Whole30, and I'm not supposed to be enjoying it) (???? says who??) This is especially true with fruit. I'm developing fruit guilt! Not, "I eat less fruit because it's less healthy for me." But just, I feel guilty about eating it because I really like it and for some reason liking it makes me feel guilty....??? Because I have this thing in my mind that says that the Whole30 is about only eating foods you don't like so that food doesn't control you. Obviously false, right? And exhausting! I think food freedom means eating food that I like! And a healthy relationship with food does not mean an emotionless relationship with food. If you guys could speak some truth into this for me, I would be much obliged! 


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Hunger that begins outside of the body is stimulated by sight, smell or memory = emotional hunger.

Physical hunger begins in the stomach.  If it's not addressed, it will not go away. It's true hunger.

Write down what a healthy relationship with food means to you.  Not what anyone else in the world says or thinks.  Only you.

Emotional hunger is triggered by trigger foods.  They're drivers.  They literally drive you to eat them reactively.  Emotional hunger is highly reactive. It takes practice, practice, practice to diffuse eating due to emotional hunger rather than physical hunger. 

Start a journal and get in touch with your emotions and emotional cravings. Those who actually believe they can retrain their eating habits have greater success. You are not stuck.  You can move beyond this. 

Emotional eating only satisfies for a few short minutes.  Honoring your true hunger will help you differentiate between the two.

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