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I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any longer


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Back again for good I'm afraid.  Or happy or what not.

I have been on a downward spiral since my last W30 and am struggling with alcohol and stomach pains and joint aches and moodiness.  I don't want to be a fat frump.  I know, I know.  I'm being too hard on myself.  Sell it to someone else! 

Tomorrow I restart.

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Okay.  I've signed up for the W30 Daily (something to which I've subscribed before and I really like it).

I'll clean out the excess breads and booze and fat free this and sugar free that tonight when I go home.

I've already made my mayo (thank you Ms. Joulwan) and Italian dressing (thank you Ms. Joulwan).

I have leftover chicken in the fridge, grass fed angus beef patties in the freezer, eggs fresh from the egg farm, Pedersen's bacon and some salad.  The only thing I'm a little light on is veggies.  I have some frozen asian veggies in the um freezer (where they stay frozen better -- :rolleyes: )

Gosh.  As bad as I feel physically, just saying yes to a W30 makes me feel better mentally.  It's like taking back control.


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Logging my baseline for myself.

  • Weight 182.9 (for all intents and purposes --- 183) at 5'6"
  • Joints: stiff and somewhat painful at times (fingers and bad toe)
  • Stomach: painful after eating
  • Constipation
  • Breakouts on face
  • Mouth dryness
  • Extensive chapped lips -- to the extent of almost wondering if I have an infection on the skin around my mouth
  • Allergies, yes, lots but it is, after all, spring


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Would you allow me to take one tiny step for tiny feet.  You did teach me that and I'm keeping it.

The scale, the scale, the scale...don't let it get in your way. This time you will have a plan to deal with the mind-warp the scale throws at you. 

I'm so glad you unspiraled.  Consistency over time for the big WIN. 

This time, don't look at the scale and really mean it.  I went to a recent ww meeting, taking an older friend over the snowy roads.  I sat through the meeting, no place else to go and it was exactly the same.  They were all weighing in, little change and some had been going for years and years and years.  

The scale is not a motivator.  It is a destroyer of dreams.  

You know what I did with my scale?  It's a dr. scale, with sliding counterweights.  I duct taped it.  That's right.

I duct taped the weights down so regardless if I went and stood on that thang, it was not going to move in either direction.   It was the most positive thing I've ever done. I was redeemed from the curse of the scale.

Back to the meeting,  I did pipe up and told those members what I've done and how it worked for me. By not allowing the scale to throw a mind warp at me ......I did reach my optimum setpoint and I did it without weighing one single time.  It's three years later and I'm still there. 

I created my own positive food management plan and that included a scale mind-warp strategy.  I'm going to put this on my log, too.  I've not shared it publically but I can tell you that it works.

Not allowing the scale and your beginning weight to be your carrot....reverse engineer your way of thinking and you will get there in your own time.   Do it your way, but don't let the scale be your motivator.    If in the past the scale was not a good fit,  you must acquit.

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3 hours ago, MeadowLily said:

Would you allow me to take one tiny step for tiny feet.  You did teach me that and I'm keeping it.

Hello, MeadowLily! It's always so good to see you. 

I got caught up in an At Work WW meeting deal.  Couldn't stand it.  Couldn't do it.  Wouldn't do it.  I got tired of the gaming going on.  You know?  Ooooh this product is only 1 Smart Point!  Oooooh!  With my Fitbit I'm able to eat a lot more.

It was only validating my own compulsiveness.

So yes.  Tiny steps for tiny feet. 

I've got to relearn my strengths.  I've got to engage my brain in a productive way.  And I have to stop metering my progress (or lack thereof).

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I'm so glad you didn't throw the scale at me. :D

They say there's nothing worse than a reformed smoker, a reformed anything.  But I am hail bent on putting the scale in its' place.

You've got to reverse engineer this baby and I am serious as all get out.  It's the way without weigh and whey!

If you start thinking in reverse, instead of logging your starting weight and measurements and you absolutely are not bound to them in any way,  you will leave them in the dust.  I figured this out all on my own.  No one told me how to do this.

I started thinking about the optimum setpoint rather than the beginning.  If we are always starting over and over with beginning measurements, that's exactly where the brain will take you.  Back to the starting point.

If the starting point is the focus, the mind is hail bent on seeing to it that is where you will stay for the rest of your life.  This time, do everything differently. 

To hail with the starting point and before belly selfies.  Throw all of it out with the bathwater.  No more Before anythings.   The Before doesn't matter.   It's only one data point in the past.  It's gone.

You want NOW and you want the future.  We can't do a blasted thing about the past.   Wipe the slate clean, otherwise your mind and body will keep you locked and doomed to repeat all of the past flops that take the wind right out of your sails.  Before you  leave that Starting Gate, right out of the chute.

The Starting Weight and measurements become the carrot that takes you right back down the rabbit hole.  Reverse the curse, today.   And if I may be so bold, ask someone to take that starting weight off this log.  You're not living there anymore.   

You're going to do exactly the opposite of all of your training and this  time, you will make it.  I put my rabbit foot of approval on it.  

dancing crazy rabbit


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You're cute.  Nah.  I can ignore the weight thing.  Trust me on this.  I don't even know why I put it up there.  The point of this is NOT to lose weight (believe it or not) but it is to exorcize my demons.  And to feel better. 





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I've thought alot about what you've said. ^^

Tiny steps for tiny feet helped me on many aday. Food addiction broke my heart and me, wore me down to a nub.  This song...Tinman, you do have a strong armor and I need that, too.  I've been putting the pieces back together for 3 years now.  Keep tooling along, Tinman.




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It's 4 am on Day 1.  I had a miserable night with sinus explosions and stomach aches.  I sneezed my way awake at 3:30.  Who needs an alarm clock?  I look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.  All of this was probably inevitable as I had my Last Supper on Day 0.  At any rate I'm all starry  eyed this morning because "Woohoo! I'm on Day One. The first day of the rest of my life!. The day I begin to feel great again!"

I'm going to enjoy this giddy schoolgirl feeling as long as I can before the crash comes.  Because I know it inevitably will. With luck I can get through my meeting laden morning before I start to waver. 

Last night I made my breakfast and lunch for today and look forward to each.  That's my standard practice though so nothing new there.  Oddly enough, it seems as though some of us concentrate MORE on food in this process than before. And maybe building a habit of conscious eating or food choices is part of the point.  At any rate, this time around I'm not food blogging. I'm not that great a cook or photographer anyway.  You want pictures of food? Go buy a cookbook. Maybe Well Fed Weeknights.



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For whatever reason my day 1 entry just got added.  I used an an illegal emoji.  Oops.

Day 2 begins.

As I expected, around 2:30 yesterday I began to question my sanity.  Then I got busy again at work.  My hour long commute home turned into an hour and a half so, once again,i pondered the futility of any reasonable effort at self care at all. I wasn't exactly tempted by wine so much as oatmeal... That innocent little grain . How could it be so maligned?. Why not able myself oatmeal if, after all, I was being so valorous as to give up wine?

I eventually made it home and then beat myself up for having forgotten to get French fries for my ill  husband. Then I got cranky because he was fixing his dinner, giving me no room to fix mine.

When my turn in the kitchen finally came around I made a Whole 30 compliant dinner.  Because by that time I was feeling defiant and ill-used by the entire world.

Well....a bit overly dramatic but whatever it takes is sometimes all ya got.


"In really only 12 years old sometimes"



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  • 2 weeks later...


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