30days

Easter Support

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I'm really dreading Easter. 

A little background first: I'm on day 8 of my Whole30.  I wanted to do this without telling my mother (who lives an hour away), because she is one of my biggest triggers.  My mother has very narcissistic tendencies, and I find when I'm around her I lose myself.  She spent her whole life (and still is) constantly on Weight Watchers.  ALL of my issues with my relationship with food can be traced back to her.  One of the reasons I've become as big as I am (I've learned through therapy) is that being fat is the biggest "Fuck You" message I can send to her.  Anytime I try to lose the weight as an adult, all of a sudden she's turning it into a competition, and calling me to tell me what she ate, when, how much, how many miles she's walked, swam or whatever, and then wants to know what I've done.  It drives me nuts, because I don't want to be in competition with her.  I want to do this for ME. 

I ended up having to tell her about what I'm doing because of Easter (we are expected to go out there for the holiday).  I tried to have a conversation about what I can and can't eat, and she got mad because this is so inconvenient.  When I said I'd just bring my own food, she got all huffy and hung up.  I'm not going off plan just to make her feel like she can "win", by forcing me to "just have a little...".  It's not just the Easter dinner that's going to suck, because I'm sure she will feel the need to point out to the entire family that I'm eating differently, but I will have to spend 3 days talking about nothing but my food choices, and turning all this into something it's not.  She's going to be making comments about my body, she's going to be criticizing me for doing something so "hard". 

Anyway, I just wanted to put it out there that yes, Easter will be hard, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who will be having a hard time.  Let's be there for each other ok?

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Oh gosh, that sounds horrible.

Lets try and equip you with some things you can say (repeatedly) that you're comfortable with so that you can end these conversations.  It sounds like it doesn't matter WHAT you say, if it's not something she agrees with, she's going to be mad/petulant, so that's actually an invitation to politely say the truth :)

How about 'mom, what I eat shouldn't affect you and I'd rather not discuss it'.  If she throws a tantrum, ignore her, she's an adult.  If she keeps going, just repeat yourself.  Do you discuss your sex life with her?  that's something I'd rather not discuss with a family member and thus, I would repeat 'I'd rather not discuss it' until I was blue in the face and I would not give in... apply that to food.

'Every way of eating doesn't fit every person.  You do you and I'll do me.  I'd rather not discuss it'.  You don't have to be rude... change the subject to something that isn't so touchy.

sorry your mom isn't supportive... we are here tho :)

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