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Self Sabotage - I know I'm doing it but can't stop.


katethegr8

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I have been struggling with stomach troubles, exhaustion, sugar addiction, stress and anxiety for about 3 years now. Each of my triggers feeds into the other troubles creating a complex web of mental and physical reactions that I have been unable to change. When I discovered the Whole30 this summer I knew it was what I was looking for, the change I needed!

I completed my first Whole30 back in September. Although I didn't stick as close to the program as I would have hoped (peanut butter and popcorn were included several times) I felt fantastic. I felt less bloated, was well rested, had lower levels of stress and anxiety, and lost over 10 pounds. But then the Whole30 ended. And I threw myself back into the same, if not worse habits that I was struggling with a month before. Through the Whole30 plan I had found a way to make myself feel better physically, but my mind had grown accustomed to feeling crappy all the time. Now that I didn't have to worry about my physical symptoms what else did I have to worry about, my real problems and unhappiness? Well I just wasn't ready to handle that. So I made myself feel physically awful again, because that was easier to deal with then the big stuff.

For the past 3 weeks I have been "restarting" the Whole30 plan, each time sabotaging myself just as I begin to feel good again. Any of those "real life" stressors or unhappiness elements flare up and I immediately go for the foods that hurt, because then I can worry about why my stomach hurts rather than why I feel __________________ (unfulfilled in my career, like an outsider in my own family, or fill in any other "real life" problem here).

Tomorrow is Thursday November 8th, not a Sunday or another "perfect day" to start something new. But it is the day that I need to put myself first. I need to start treating my body the way that it/I deserve to be treated. And I need to stop avoiding my other struggles by treating myself poorly. Starting tomorrow will also allow me to feel good going into the Thanksgiving weekend, and complete the Whole30 that I so desperately need just before the holiday festivity craziness really kicks in.

This time for the Whole30 I will:

1. Log what I eat and how I feel on this forum daily or in my journal daily.

2. Get between 8-9 hours of sleep a night.

3. Exercise 5 days a week, rest 1 day a week, and do some form of low impact activity 1 day a week.

4. Take a 5 minute break to breathe, read, go for a walk, interact with this forum, or call a friend when I am feeling at risk of sabotaging my Whole30 goals. I will use this 5 minutes to reaffirm why I am doing this to begin with.

Has anyone else struggled to start or restart the Whole30? Or battle the physical struggles with anxiety? I'd appreciate knowing I'm not alone in this!

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Ding! Ding! Ding!

I am right there next to you in this boat! I have been starting and restarting my whole30 for 2 years now... I did stick to Paleo for 3 months (not a strict whole30, we allowed honey and none grain alcohol on occasions) but nothing as strict as this. And yes I use the food to suppress my anxiety in ways you wwouldnt believe... I have PTSD from being date raped yearsss ago and part of my anxiety is to feel vunerable. As it turns out alot of victims gain weight so that they will no longer be targeted. This has caused a vicious cycle of yoyo dieting... every time I lose weight I sunconsciously get freaked out and put it all back without even thinking about it! And my body and mind has learned "food fixes all" so I comfort eat through any and all of lifes ups and downs (get a promotion? celebrate with a cookie. as well as get dumped? comfort with a cookie!) All I can say is we got this. One day at a time, one meal at a time. Even one hour or one minute at a time. Just stick to these goals, rely on supporters, and have faith that YOU CAN DO THIS!!

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A psychotherapist or counselor can be a useful resource in learning to deal with your feelings without using food. I made my living as a psychotherapist for 15 years so I will tell you that most do not understand food issues well enough, but they can still help you deal with the emotions themselves.

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Wow I couldn't have read this at a better time! I feel like I start over daily! I know what to eat, I know what it will do to my body but its like I just can't stop and I just can't say no! I truly want to be a role model to my family and show them that our social situations don't always have to be over food! Let's do this! I would love to have you guys as buddies during this to keep on track!

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katethegr8 - I totally understand your issues with anxiety. I also struggle with it and use food to get rid of it (temporarily). I re-started yesterday, and I really like 4 goals you made for yourself. I'll try some of them myself. I think logging food, at least at first, will help me remember what I'm doing and why I don't want to give it up.

One thing that helps me avoid eating the wrong foods, is thinking about how they will interfere with the "cleansing" process. For some reason, those thoughts help me say "no" to foods like popcorn and other things that I like more than thoughts related to wanting to lose weight or sticking to an eating routine. Having the well developed reasons behind why we can eat certain foods has been really helpful.

We can do it!

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Tom D hit the nail on the head!!!! The most important investment you can make for you and your loved ones is the investment of SELF....

It takes a lot of courage to look inside and invest in personal growth, habits don't change overnight, we have all been hard wired into some sort of dysfunction by loving parents and caregivers ..... But as " grow ups " we are responsible for our own personal growth......

So Katethegr8, just look at how much courage and inner strength you have to be at the point in your life that you can see that you self sabotage ..... Most go through life blindly

I see my personal W30 as a great tool towards my personal growth, and being brutally honest with my self and goals..... Be honest with yourself and give yourself permission to be successful in all your endeavors :)

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A psychotherapist or counselor can be a useful resource in learning to deal with your feelings without using food. I made my living as a psychotherapist for 15 years so I will tell you that most do not understand food issues well enough, but they can still help you deal with the emotions themselves.

Thanks for the suggestion Tom, I actually see a wonderful mental health counselor with whom I have a great relationship. She is definitely a critical member of my support crew! I would also recommend seeking out professional help to other's struggling with issues like mine.

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I love that you are laying out a plan. Can I recommend one more?

Document what you would like to see the outcomes of your self-experiment here.

I like to think about it this way. Say someone handed you a map and some directions. You are following the directions, only to find there is nothing saying where you want to "be" when you "arrive". By knowing the expected arrival destination, I find it easier to stay on course.

So, by following your list above, what are you hoping to achieve? Added energy? Knowledge about foods and the way they make you feel? THAT glow that you WILL get? Just some things that I achieved on my journey here.

Looking forward to sharing your journey.

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