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Here we go... for real this time.


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I first came across the Whole30 last April, a year and a few months ago.  I was browsing the internet trying to find a reason for why I was feeling so crappy all the time... I was exhausted every day to the point where I would come home from work and fall asleep on the couch every night with no motivation to do anything.  I figured there must be something wrong with me and that Google would have the answer.  I started the program the next Monday and it was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time.  I lost about 15 pounds in 6 weeks, I started going to gym because I actually had energy for it, I started being more social, happy and confident.  The best part for me, was that the edema in my legs was hugely improved which just added even more to my NSVs. 

Since then, I've gone off and on the whole30 lifestyle and exercise a week or two on, then two or three weeks off never being able to keep the motivation for long enough to substantially make long term gains again.  Over the past year I've lost an additional 15 pounds, which is great but not where I thought I'd be after the success of the initial 6 weeks.  Logically it doesn't make any sense and I get so frustrated with myself because when I eat whole healthy foods and exercise daily I feel great and think to myself, why would ever stop living this way... and then I'll get my period, or they'll be a social gathering, or I'll be too tired to prep food for the next day and that's all it takes!  One meal off course and I lose it completely for weeks!  My sugar dragon is ridiculous.  He corrupts my soul.  I have a gazillion gateway foods that are mostly healthy that lead to completely not healthy foods later that day or the next.  And then I feel terrible, and think, wow I have got to get back on the wagon... and then it takes me another week or more to actually gather the motivation required to do so... it lasts a week or so and then I fall off the wagon again.  THE MADNESS MUST STOP!!!

I want to have a baby.  I'm worried that my 310lbs will put me at risk for complications during a pregnancy so was really wanting to lose some of that weight before starting to try.  At 5'10" that's not quite as bad as it sounds, but is no way near healthy, even though the doctor said my blood work and everything is fine.  I don't want to wait any longer because now we're married and I'm 33 and age adds even more complications, and figure that being pregnant will actually be even more motivation to eat healthy... so this is my last minute effort to really make a commitment to myself so become as healthy as possible for the pregnancy that hopefully won't be a problem. 

I haven't been on this forum in the past year, thinking that I had all the tools I need, it's just a matter of implementing them but I think maybe I do still need this because I'm not having success to stick to my plan on my own.  I think that at least for a little while, I need the accountability of checking in here daily again for myself... to keep my goals in the forefront of my mind instead of letting the sugar devil lure me away into a self-induced coma of denial. 

So here it is!  I am committing, right here to myself and to this community that I will stay strong and focused on my health and this program starting tomorrow, August 8th for at least a solid 60 days.  That takes me to October 7th, and that's when baby-making time begins. 

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