Kirbz's Whole30 Log


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Well, today is Day 45. Of my fifth round. This is officially the longest Whole30 I've ever done. Woo woo. 

That being said... I'm not sure if I want to continue. I had thought that I would continue on until my trip to Utah next month. But, I'm starting to question that. I'm wondering if I should be experimenting more. I've never really tried just eating "healthy" but not according to a specific diet or program. Basically, I've eaten like garbage or I've done Whole30. It certainly makes me feel better than before, but is it really the best for me and my body? I can't answer that because I haven't really tried anything else. 

I'm curious how I would fare on a general whole foods diet. Or even a vegan or vegetarian diet. I love me some meat and the thought of being vegan is difficult. But, it may be better aligned with my love of the earth. I should at least try it, right? It's one thing to ignore a calling to eat a certain way because you know it doesn't work well for your body. And another thing entirely to just ignore it because it isn't what you want to do. I was also deeply craving Middle Eastern food last night and ordered two Lebanese cookbooks and really want to try some hummus and some falafel and some baba ganouj! 

I'll give it some more thought this week so that it isn't simply a whim, but I may transition to a general whole foods diet for a few weeks to see how that makes me feel. And then I may try a vegan diet to see how that makes me feel. Or maybe I'll be part-time vegan? Like, maybe I can incorporate that into my whole foods approach and be vegan three days per week?

I'll report back what I decide and I'll obvious document my results either way. :-) One thing for sure, no sweets or desserts and absolutely minimal added sugar, if any! That part definitely needs to stay! 

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My Lebanese cookbooks arrived and I'm pleasantly surprised at the number of dishes that are Whole30 compliant. I'm going to try a few recipes in the next few days, which will be a wonderful way to incorporate a wider variety of vegetables! 

First up will be Bemyeh b Lahem (baby okra, lamb, and tomato stew), which was a dish I LOVED when I studied abroad in Egypt! And now I can try making it myself! And, of course, Baba Ganoujh and Fattoush! 

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Welp, I ended my Whole46 today. By eating an entire jar of peanut butter. Which was, believe it or not, a conscious decision and totally worth it. I was craving peanut butter, this has been a stressful and emotional week, and it's the first day of my period, so it felt like a worthwhile indulgence. And it was most delicious. I don't feel bad about it. 

Now, the challenge will be to return to healthy eating habits and not letting that be an excuse for not-so-conscious food choices! I'll check back in a few days, where I will hopefully be reporting that I easily transitioned right back into healthy eating! 

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9 hours ago, kirbz said:

Welp, I ended my Whole46 today. By eating an entire jar of peanut butter. Which was, believe it or not, a conscious decision and totally worth it. I was craving peanut butter, this has been a stressful and emotional week, and it's the first day of my period, so it felt like a worthwhile indulgence. And it was most delicious. I don't feel bad about it. 

Now, the challenge will be to return to healthy eating habits and not letting that be an excuse for not-so-conscious food choices! I'll check back in a few days, where I will hopefully be reporting that I easily transitioned right back into healthy eating! 

:o Gosh, I love peanut butter!  I can totally imagine eating a whole jar in one sitting.  I think peanuts are my actual favourite food.

I can't wait to see how you do on the healthy eating habits and making good choices.  Please do come back and post what happens, I need to hear that it is possible!

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Haha. I know it sounds kind of ridiculous but it was either commit to just eating the whole thing, throwing the rest away, or having it sit in my cupboard as a temptation. So I decided to eat the whole thing. I had scoops throughout the day and I enjoyed every bite. 
 

And I feel strong and committed today to go right back to Whole30. I’ve got eggs and sweet potato soup for breakfast, sesame chicken and cauliflower rice for lunch, and slow cooker ribs and twice baked potatoes planned for dinner! I can’t wait! 

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Well, I am happy to report back that I did switch pretty easily back to Whole30 after consuming an entire jar of peanut butter in a single day. I feel good about the decision to eat the peanut butter (including the amount) and I feel good about my ability to transition back and not go completely off the rails. Though I do think the peanut butter (which had added sugar, because Skippy Extra Crunchy is the only peanut butter worth eating) increased my cravings. I definitely wanted ice cream and cake and all sorts of sweet, delicious desserts this weekend. It had been a while since I'd had cravings for that kind of stuff.

But, I did it! I ate something worth it and then came right on back! Yay for me!

And I killed it on the workouts this weekend. I did an 8.5-mile hike on Saturday with about 1,600 feet of elevation gain. It honestly felt easy to me. I didn't need to stop or rest on the climbs and my overall heart rate was pretty darn low! The last time I did this hike, in October, I had an average heart rate of 136 and a max of 185. This weekend, I had an average heart rate of 116 and a max of 172. Which is major progress! Oh, and then I did a 7-mile trail run on Sunday. My longest run ever! Woo woo! Mind you, it was a slow run with many walking intervals. But still! 

Oh, and I tried a delicious new recipe! I was super skeptical of the very concept of slow cooker ribs. But wow, these were good: http://meljoulwan.com/2012/02/23/5-spice-slow-cooker-pork-ribs/

 

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Oof. I've been really struggling with cravings. I very nearly went to the store and bought a tub of ice cream. For like the last three days. I'm having some pretty intense internal battles on a regular basis. 

I don't think it's the peanut butter. I think the peanut butter was just a battle I lost. Mind you, it was one I was okay losing. A tub of ice cream would not be one I would be okay losing. But yeah, I'm really struggling with the long-term nature of this. I don't know what to do. Should I ease up and let myself do a little baking? Should I let myself have a "cheat" meal every week (I think Food Freedom is against this idea).

Ah! I don't know! How do I maintain this overall and have enough flexibility that I don't start to resent it (which is where I'm at right now)?

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"Mama always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun,

But Mama, that's where the fun is" (- Springsteen, Blinded by the Light)

Don't do it Kirbz.  Don't look into the light.  You've come too far. ;)

I hope that you do get to enjoy ice cream, but on your terms.  Maybe have a friend over.  Make it an occasion.  Or do some baking but give it away.  Last week I spoke with someone who recently bought a Kitchen Aid stand mixer, now she and her boyfriend make cookies on the weekends to give them away to friends and neighbours.  That solves the desire to bake and adds a social aspect to eating "treats."

Just make sure you've done your reintroductions first...

Wishing you strength

 

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You've got this - run through the list of your NSVs.  Read back over your first posts.  Make a pros and cons list of "Is the ice cream worth it?"  Focus on eating higher fat, savory foods.  Go get a small cup or cone from a drive-thru rather than buy a tub.  

But if you do buy the tub and eat the ice cream...then let it happen and let it go.      

 

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Thank you @MadyVanilla and @ShadowInTheKitchen for your kind words and encouragement. 

I did end up eating some brownies last night. I really wanted some dessert and I had some in the house as part of my COVID-19 food storage.  So I baked them and I ate way more than necessary and I enjoyed every single bite and I threw away the rest. 

I've come to realize that I need to introduce some flexibility into my food lifestyle. As much as I would like to, I cannot just keep doing Whole30 for another month or two. I'm still struggling to understand how my mindset changed so quickly. One week I was convinced that I wanted to continue this for months and I was fully dedicated to that. And then the next week I was getting bitter and feeling frustrated by the lack of flexibility and I was wanting off-plan foods more and more frequently. 

But, here I am. I'm going to honor this feeling. I think I'm going to go for the concept of one "cheat day" per week. I think Food Freedom Forever advises against that idea but it's worked for me in the past and it gives me freedom with boundaries. Or maybe I'll just adopt a general 90/10 rule. I don't know. I'll keep experimenting. I'll keep coming back to Whole30 to reset. But I am going to begin to occasionally go off-plan. I am no longer planning to indefinitely maintain Whole30. 

I'll report back more as I continue to refine my food freedom. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Alright, here I am again. Back to Whole30 for the next three weeks. 

Because, well, I went completely off the rails for the last 14 days. My family came into town and while I knew I would eat some off-plan foods and a dessert or two, it became much, much bigger than that real quick. I quite literally convinced myself that it was a good idea to eat peanut butter rice krispie treats for dinner one night and then had Rocky Road ice cream for dessert. My thought process was something along the lines of "well, I'm going to go back to Whole30 soon, so I really want to eat these things I love before I can't have them anymore so why bother with the extra calories of a proper meal?" 

Oh. Dear. 

This is why I can't do real life. 

But, honestly, I'm not sure I'm even mad. I'm kinda of ... bemused. I've adopted an approach of leading with curiosity in my life and so I'm just that. Curious. WTF do I do this? I really hope I can figure that out so I can stop doing this to myself. 

In the meantime, here I am. Back again and looking forward to it! 

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11 minutes ago, kirbz said:

Oh. Dear. 

This is why I can't do real life. 

:lol:  So you had pb, rice and dairy for dinner?  Sounds delish.  I bet it was fun. 

Seriously though, you are doing great! Reading about your "leading with curiosity" approach, I think you have a good grip on things.  You are bringing yourself back to eating well.  You are here, posting and committing.  

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Oh, and here are two new recipes I want to try. I'm going to log them here so I don't forget about them. I'll probably try the chili soon but the Fish & Chips will have to wait until cod comes in my next Butcher Box. 

Has anyone tried any recipes from Mary's Whole Life? She's new to me but these both look delicious so I look forward to trying them! 

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5 hours ago, kirbz said:

Has anyone tried any recipes from Mary's Whole Life?

Wow thanks for posting the links, her recipes look so good.  i can't wait to try https://www.maryswholelife.com/whole30-melon-basil-prosciutto-skewers/

And the fish and chips.  I don't like any fish unless its white, battered and deep fried, but I want to give this recipe a chance.

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  • 5 months later...

This will be my last post here on the forum. I'm writing to officially bring to close this Whole30 chapter of my life. I have been very intentional about documenting my progress here, so it feels right to bring this to a close here as well. 

I will forever be grateful to all that I have learned from Whole30.

  • I learned what I put into my body. Because, honestly, I'm not sure I ever really read an ingredient list before Whole30. I may have looked at the fat or the calories (because that's what the world told me was important) but I never much paid attention to what's actually in the food I consume. That is a priceless gift.
  • I learned how to pay attention to the way my body feels. I never really paid much attention before. I simply ate what I wanted to eat and didn't pay attention to how that affected me. I ignored whatever feelings followed what I ate. Like I did with everything else in my life. I didn't recognize it at the time, but this was the first step I ever took toward getting back into my body. It's going to be a lifelong journey and I've taken many steps since this one, but this was the first step. 
  • I learned which foods make me feel good and which foods make me feel not-so-good. I never knew before. I didn't pay enough attention. Now I know. And what a beautiful knowing that is. How powerful that knowing is to help shape the way I take care of myself. 
  • I discovered that I have extremely disordered eating habits. And I am working with a therapist to move through them. I have the knowledge I need to understand what is good for me. And now I need something more supportive to help me learn to eat that way more regularly. And to not majorly binge in the times in between. 

And so, now it is time to say goodbye. Because what began as a journey led by curiosity has become a journey led by hate and shame. I made this program into something it isn't meant to be. Even though I wouldn't have admitted that even to myself. This program became a part of an endless-for-me cycle of bingeing and then restricting. 

I've done five rounds of Whole30, and the last several rounds had nothing to do with learning or health or self love. They were rounds motivated by hate toward my body. They were meant to lead to weight loss. Because the first one taught me that I could lose a lot of weight this way. Because I lost the ability to love myself. And so this program became a diet meant to shame my way into eating better and being thinner. So maybe I could love myself again.  

I refuse to engage in that type of behavior any longer. I will no longer use hate or shame or disgust to try to inspire myself to change. I would never, ever do that to another person. I will not do it to myself. Instead, I will use love and compassion and kindness. 

I am still learning what that looks like but I have a wonderful therapist and good books as my guide. I'm sharing two particularly meaningful books here in the event that this resonates with anyone who may read this. 

Book Recommendations

  • Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth
  • A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson

Here is a quote from the first. "Our work is not to change what you do, but to witness what you do with enough awareness, enough curiosity, enough tenderness that the lies and old decisions upon which the compulsion is based become apparent and fall away. When you no longer believe that eating will save your life when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed or lonely, you will stop. When you believe in yourself more than you believe in food, you will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart. When the shape of your body no longer matches the shape of your beliefs, the weight disappears."

Best wishes to all of you. This program has tremendous power. I hope you find something wonderful from Whole30 like I did. 

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