Obsession Confession

[Breezygoat]

I battle a scary demon...it's name is Perfection Obsession.

If I cannot do something perfectly, I give up. Sounds healthy, no? Yeah...no. Yet, this is a big part of who I have been in the past. I've been battling this demon my whole life, and with the help of my husband, have been making real progress in slaying it.

This is not actually a misplaced post, as this demon is rearing its ugly head now as I am traveling. We are at a wedding in Chicago this weekend, and as my husband is best man, our family is involved in some extra festivities (rehearsal dinner, etc.). Plus, as we are on the road, eating out is involved.

Like anyone who eats for food sensitivities or Paleo reasons, I packed a cooler. I have nuts, pineapple, sliced radishes and salmon dip along with some homemade Paleo meatballs. So, I'm covered for the road trip part (5.5 hours each way), and snacks for in the hotel. And yet...

I ate some white potatoes at the rehearsal dinner last night. I had quite the battle in my head, silently, surrounded by people yelling and laughing. That's when I realized I was obsessing again. This was supposed to be fun! I was having the thought, "if I eat these potatoes, I'm going to be a failure.". That's when I made a decision.

My mental health is just as important as my physical health. I came up with a new set of guidelines for this weekend: I am still avoiding sugar, and alcohol, but if a potato finds its way into my stomach, I am still a good person. (I am gluten, dairy, corn and grain free anyway, so that's not an issue.). You may gasp and say I'm not really Whole30, but this is actually an incredibly positive step for me.

I am determined to slay the demon. Perfection Obsession will not get the best of me. Conquering perfection with adequacy is actually my key to greatness. Go figure.

Have you ever had to make a concession for the sake of growing as a person? How did it work out for you?

[Flynn]

I love your decision I used to be the weird food girl for many years and I'm not anymore and it feels really awesome. The amazing thing is that you CAN be the girl who eats totally healthy and makes smart choices and it works in EVERY situation. When you let go of obsession you will glow and be healthier overall. You will be confident in your food choices because everything you eat will be something YOU CHOOSE to have. No guilt involved! You are so right about mental health...when I let go of obsession I lost weight without really trying and fellt a million times better. I was better company for my friends and my social life improved...I had more fun too! You don't have to eat anything you don't want to, and if you don't want that potato to go in your mouth it won't. If you know something doesn't work for your body, you don't need it. If you want to follow whole 30 protocol to the T you will. If you want to reintroduce something off road, you can. You are the perfect version of you no matter what Good luck!

[heatherdarbs]

Live the way you want, eat the way you want, do what you want, because after all, having these options might not always be there. Do what you can to strike the balance for your internal "perfection" and don't compare your results to others' and don't allow others' actions and/or reactions to your "perfection" change the way you feel. It's said to not exist, because there is absolutely no universal perfection. I say your mental health drives your physical health, so work on that obsession! Don't think for a minute there are superhuman people that follow the precise guidelines without heading in a different direction at some point. If you don't allow yourself to move, you're stagnant and not only is that boring as hell, but you'll likely go insane Your needs change; change with them.

You might be surprised that if you actually allow yourself to do whatever you feel like doing...you'll actually do what you feel like doing…which is probably what you should be doing. Your mind will thank you and your body will follow. I always try to end the day with a substantial answer to “what made my day, today?†Hopefully your answer has nothing to do with a dumb potato.

You'll be perfectly fine!

[megmac]

I battle a similar demon, although not quite to that extreme. From that perspective, doing a Whole30 can feed that problem for me, rather than help it. During my first Whole30 I ate at Chipotle. It seemed obvious to me that it was compliant. Then I came to this site and read about the soybean oil. I was halfway there, and I had my "I ruined it, I may as well go completely off now" moment. All or nothing, that's my demon. And I made a decision. This is MY Whole30. I do the best I can. I make the best choices I can, and am constantly learning. I decided to move on. And that was the beginning of the changes I have been experiencing mentally. So now the deal with myself is that I absolutely do the best I can, in whatever situation I find myself in. If this plan is feeding my demon, then it's defeating the purpose of the plan.

My first time through I obsessed about the foods I was eliminating. After I was done (and wasn't thrilled with my results), it occurred to me that I hadn't focused on the most important part of the plan for me-my emotional relationship with food. I didn't change that piece at all, I just obsessed about different foods. This round is different, and going much, MUCH better. I do the best I can. Every meal, every day. I don't obsess and I don't second guess myself. I make informed decisions and I live with them. And then I move on.

[heatherdarbs]

I battle a similar demon, although not quite to that extreme. From that perspective, doing a Whole30 can feed that problem for me, rather than help it. During my first Whole30 I ate at Chipotle. It seemed obvious to me that it was compliant. Then I came to this site and read about the soybean oil. I was halfway there, and I had my "I ruined it, I may as well go completely off now" moment. All or nothing, that's my demon. And I made a decision. This is MY Whole30. I do the best I can. I make the best choices I can, and am constantly learning. I decided to move on. And that was the beginning of the changes I have been experiencing mentally. So now the deal with myself is that I absolutely do the best I can, in whatever situation I find myself in. If this plan is feeding my demon, then it's defeating the purpose of the plan.

My first time through I obsessed about the foods I was eliminating. After I was done (and wasn't thrilled with my results), it occurred to me that I hadn't focused on the most important part of the plan for me-my emotional relationship with food. I didn't change that piece at all, I just obsessed about different foods. This round is different, and going much, MUCH better. I do the best I can. Every meal, every day. I don't obsess and I don't second guess myself. I make informed decisions and I live with them. And then I move on.

Oh, so well said!

[Emily]

I suspect you are a good person whether you eat potatoes or Whole30 or even the SAD.

Having said that, learning the idea of "tolerance" was extremely helpful to me... I was in high school and building something (like a gumball machine). I am not good at building and I was continuously starting over because I wasn't cutting wood perfectly or drilling perfectly straight holes. My teacher finally said "hey, there's tolerance there. It doesn't have to be perfect. Close is okay and will work."

I don't suggest that you hire me to build your house, but that idea has stayed with me and has helped me. There is tolerance. Health isn't black or white; there are degrees.

Your decision sounds healthy. You may run into people saying "that isn't a Whole30" and while I've been one to make that argument, it is for a different mindset than it sounds like you are approaching this with.

[Breezygoat]

I am *loving* all your feedback! Thank you so much for sharing your unique, yet comfortingly similar experiences.

As an update: I am home from Chicago and feeling great! I stayed away from all sugar and alcohol (the only two biggies for me), had a few potatoes, and a fantastic time. I grew as a person on this trip.

I am now on Day 6 and really feeling a difference. Kicking sugar completely to the curb has boosted my energy considerably - to the point that I was fidgeting like crazy while driving the 5.5 hours home. I couldn't wait to move. I was doing pushups and situps within 20 minutes of getting home I was so desperate!

While this thread started out just about surviving travel, it has really helped me take a giant mental leap in my approach, not just to food, but to myself as a person. I'm gaining do much confidence in my knowledge and understanding of all the parts of myself. Instead of thinking of my mind, body, emotions as disparate parts that need mediation, I can finally feel myself respecting these as just many parts of my whole being.

This has been a powerful awakening for me. Thanks for being there and sharing with me!