Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

[Guest]

Good morning! I had the worst craving experience maybe ever last night. Day 1 which is normally pretty easy for me. I came home, made a delicious dinner, and was then hanging out with my fiancé before he had to leave for a hockey game. All the sudden I got this random rush of sugar cravings, so intense and out of no where. My head said maybe you are just still a little hungry, so I opened a bag of cashews I found in my pantry that I should have thrown away. They were actually Whole30 approved bc they were coated in olive oil, salt, and cinnamon. Sounds not the greatest but let me tell you they were amazing. I knew I was panicking in my head but couldn’t stop eating them and finished the bag. Then my mind went even crazier and my dragon was screaming for all the foods and telling me to go to the store. I was mindful enough to recognize I needed to go something to calm down, so I just went to bed. Then for hours all my lower brain was yelling was “just go to the store. He’s at hockey. You can restart tomorrow.” And visions of all the sugary foods would just not leave my head. Fell asleep for almost an hour, but woke up after dreams of the same sugary foods! Then my mind was still in binge mode. I couldn’t believe it, after even falling asleep. It was late by that point and I just told myself if you still want it in the morning you can have it. All the sudden I felt a little better and fell back asleep. Obviously I am so happy I didn’t crack now, but it was really hard dealing with such an intense and sudden craving and those voices on day 1, especially after these past few weeks of doing well for at least the first 5 days. Not sure why it happened, but so happy it’s day 2. Stomach isn’t feeling great after my cashew binge, but it’s way better than a true sugar binge would have been. 

Finally off today and planning a not so fun errands day. Got to meal prep, do laundry, clean the house, and run some errands. There’s one more bag of nuts I found that I am either giving or throwing away today, as well as my jar of coconut butter. Had some of that too last night and realized it’s not a safe food to have around either. 

But the “If you still want it later you can have it” technique worked way more than I thought it would for me. Will definitely be trying that again in the future. It really calmed me down for a least a little bit. 

[T2Andrew]

1 hour ago, Dragonslayer said:

The “If you still want it later you can have it” technique worked way more than I thought it would for me. Will definitely be trying that again in the future. It really calmed me down for a least a little bit. 

Or, what I use...

"I can have xyz anytime I want - just not today!"

[Guest]

I don’t even know any more you guys. Back from errands where I spent all morning bingeing. Lost control at the store and when I had the craving, I said “well you told yourself last night you could have it today, so now you can.” Blahhh. I’m not sad or depressed about it, or beating myself up too much about it, I just don’t understand why my brain has no rhyme or reason recently. I’m so back and forth and just can’t stick to my plan. And it is what I truly want to do, I just feel like I don’t have the discipline right now. My thinking today is that maybe the pressure of being perfect every day and staying true Whole30 is too much right now. Maybe I’ll just try to tell myself I can eat whatever I want with no restrictions, in hopes that I actually end up choosing the good foods most of the time (which I actually think I might do). I dunno, any advice would be lovely. I’m just frustrated and sick of feeling like I’m not strong enough for this because I know I am. Either way, I’m not going to have the “starting over” or “day 1” mindset for a while. Just to see how I handle it. I think I need to have some kind of “come to Jesus” moment with myself to figure out what’s really going on with me right now 

But still... I’m not giving up! Just trying to figure out how to fuel success and confidence instead of failure and defeat. And being honest about it on here helps me feel like I’m not hiding it or bottling up my emotions, so thanks for listening! 

 

[hmg1993]

@Dragonslayer  I say get off the roller coaster and give yourself a break and some rest.  Sometimes my desire for "perfect" sends me spiraling into binging. And you're not failing.  Deep breath and remember how strong and fabulous you are.

[ladyshanny]

1 hour ago, Dragonslayer said:

 My thinking today is that maybe the pressure of being perfect every day and staying true Whole30 is too much right now.

 

Such candor in this thread, I love it!

I would say in response to your last post, that maybe it's not only Whole30 every day until I tame whatever is bothering me vs eat whatever I want with no restrictions and see how that goes.

Maybe there can be a middle ground? Maybe it can be "follow Whole30 recommendations for meal composition and timing (ie, template) but don't worry about doing an actual Whole30".  Maybe it can be "I will eat proper Whole30 composed meals (if not completely compliant ingredient-wise) plus a one or two hour waiting period after binge desires  start, followed by a  sit-down mini meal of protein + fat before allowing bingey behaviour".

I also feel like it's worth saying that you aren't bad or a failure or weak for allowing binge behaviour. You're not. This is an addiction and a mental health issue and no one expects people recovering from addiction and mental health issues to just flip a switch and move on. It's a process. Your awareness of what is going on is what's important. Learning, even one molecule of new information, each time it happens means that you are building your own recovery plan.

Finally, I haven't read through all 16 pages in depth, but have you talked to someone in real life? If you are suppressing emotions or avoiding dealing with the stuff that makes you cringe inside, you're fighting an uphill battle if the binge behaviour is a coping mechanism to avoid other more serious things in your head or heart.

Hope I'm not out of line.....................best wishes to you!

Edited to add: I'm a sugar-binger, secretive eater.................it sucks so much, especially when people think/say "just don't eat chocolate/sweets/sugar". Sure.....and Heroin-Addict, just don't shoot up today. Samsies.

[Guest]

@ladyshanny Thanks for the response. I agree with what you are saying. I should find a middle ground. I think maybe I'll try exactly what you suggested. Sounds like a better option for me right now. I have talked to my doctor and other health professional about it. Both agreed with looking at my past that 1. I am definitely an emotional/stress eater, which I am fully aware of, and 2. That its always worse in the change of seasons for some reason (especially from fall to winter). I have worked on practicing other responses to my stress and emotions, and I was doing great for a while, but now I seem to be falling back into my past old habits. I do have a lot going on in my life right now that I know is causing more stress, so I just need to learn how to manage it better. The problem is I have such a stronger, healthier, happier mental state when I am eating whole30, which is part of the reason I think it is so important for me to try and eat that way right now during this time of stress. So I feel torn with being too hard on myself, and knowing that sticking to whole30 is what is truly best for my health. I will try your idea though, and see where that gets me. Thanks!

[ladyshanny]

Also, something that might not directly relate but which I learned in reading an "improve your marriage" book this summer. Emotions are higher during transitions. And not just the big transitions like moving house or changing jobs. They say that emotions are literally more fragile and sensitive when in transitions from activities. Ie, coming home from work, getting into the car after a party, having a friend leave your house after coffee. In the marriage book they say to be aware, be calm and quiet and gently allow your body and mind to adapt to whatever the new situation is. In highly sensitive people such as myself (and maybe you), that's amplified to an even greater degree if there is loud noise during the transition (ie, radio in car, guests coming and going etc).  It's interesting to me because from a marriage perspective, any fight or argument we do have is often during a physical or emotional transition.

So, something to maybe look at and maybe try to take note of when your binge desires are starting. The grocery store one I would say was probably a transition (from home/work to the store, louder, brighter more colorful environment). Might not stop it right away but knowing triggers is half the battle............and for me those mild transitions I never would have picked up on!

[Guest]

@ladyshanny I’ve never heard of that before. But makes complete sense especially in my world. I do fine at work, but the transition after work to getting home is when I get the urges. Same with going from home to the store, from being super active and busy to all the sudden having a lazy down day, and always going to social situations. I’ll definitely make sure to be more aware of that as a trigger. Thanks! 

[littleg]

@Dragonslayer Since sometimes I think we have the same brain, I suspect the hockey game and the lack of anyone seeing you was your trigger.  You were allowed to be unsupervised so off went that lower brain of yours screaming "now is our chance! go! go!".  When my husband leaves sort of unexpectedly the same.exact.thing happens.  I think I even posted about it on here - I remember because I "confessed" the next morning by showing hubs the post.  I was totally fine then in a hot second I totally wasn't.  

If you think W30 isn't best for you right now than go with that.  Besides a utopia where you wouldn't have this addiction - what would your eating look like?  Can you think about that sort of seriously and then try to stick to that?  I hate just writing about myself in a response to you - but for me W30s get tough because I like butter, rice cakes, parmesan cheese on my spaghetti sauce and grapes for dinner (usually not at once, I couldn't figure out commas to make that read right).  Clearly I shouldn't eat rice cakes and butter for dinner every night, nor should I eat a big bag of grapes for dinner all the time, but sometimes I do.  And by "letting" myself just eat what I'm in the mood for - because it still loosely fits with my ideals of food - made with real ingredients and generally unprocessed - I just eat it.  I still make my mom's meat sauce.  It just doesn't taste as good with out parmesan.  So I buy good grass-fed, raw parm and gosh darn it, I go through a few ounces with my zucchini noodles and sauce.  But my better stretches are when I eat like this when I feel like it because Kerrygold, grapes and parmesan cheese are much better for me than binge eating.  From reading your posts I think you like nuts and nut butters but they do tend to be a trigger for you.  But what if some nights you got yourself 2 really good crunchy apples, a measured amount of nut butter (but a big serving, like 1/4 of a cup) and a nice cup of tea and ate that for dinner?  Or if you really like fruit, having a big bag of grapes for dinner... Or pizza, you said you liked that - make yourself a good cauliflower crust one or something.  You are so friggin active I'm sure you won't notice any effects of eating like that 1-2 times a week.  It has to be less of a calorie hit then a full fledged binge, right?  

 

And as others have said this isn't a strength issue.  It is a legitimate addiction.  And no one besides an addict will ever really know what it is like.  Hugs.

 

[hmg1993]

@littleg beautifully said. And oh, Kerrygold. Bestill my beating heart

[littleg]

@hmg1993 I just cooked my onions and spinach in butter instead of coconut oil this morning.  I do like ghee, but, gosh, I love butter.

[Guest]

@littleg agreed. All very well said. Thanks for the insight. You are right about everything. Hockey was the trigger, I need to give myself those small “treats” that I’m restricting right now, Kerrygold butter is heaven in a stick, and I love almond butter. When I think about what I would eat right now without being strict Whole30, I’m honestly so used to eating Whole30 and so happy with those foods that that is how I will probably eat most days anyways. I think the foods I would like to add occassionally and learn not to feel guilty eating are apples with almond butter (or used in a dish or sauce), Goat/Parm cheese (my 2 favs), brown rice noodles, corn, and hummus. 

I wrote down my new goals this morning and they are below. Just gonna try and not think strict Whole30 for a while and see what happens. And focusing on the fact that they are GOALS and not RULES. 

    1. Eat 4 meals a day with no (or very minimal) snacking, following the Whole30 meal template. 
    2. Do not eat standing in the kitchen by the fridge.
    3. Always eat on a plate or bowl sitting down. 
    4. For everything I put in my mouth, ask myself first, “do you truly want this? will it help or hurt you right now?” And don’t let myself eat it if I feel guilty. Tell myself I CAN eat it first so it doesn’t trigger a “I’m losing control” feeling. 
    5. No stressing about perfect days in a row. Rather, focus on consistency and behavior changes as much as possible, with some leeway and grace for the slip ups here and there. A proper reset can come after I get back on track. Right now is just not the time. 
    6. no matter how bad the urge, ONLY EAT REAL FOOD. That means no refined sugar or flour, gluten, processed packaged foods, bad oils, Etc.
    7. The leniency here is with real foods like rice, corn, legumes, and some dairy, like at restaurants if it’s in a meal that would be a better option than restricting and stressing which would then cause a binge later. Make smart choices and be kind to myself. 
    8. No weighing. No counting. No looking up calories. No numbers at all. 

So that’s what I’m going to focus on for a while. Already not having the “day 1” feeling this morning feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. And even though I will probably eat only Whole30 foods today, being in a different mindset is hopefully going to help me not stress about it as much and just focus on other areas of my life. 

[SugarcubeOD]

On 12/14/2017 at 7:49 AM, T2Andrew said:

Or, what I use...

"I can have xyz anytime I want - just not today!"

I've been using 'What would your future self want' and 'do something nice for future self' and it honestly works... we're people who want immediate gratification (as people in general) and stopping to ask what future self wants or needs... I find that more effective than 'Is it worth it' because I consider 'worth it' an immediate moment question and 'future self' brings the consequences into mind... 

[5280sarah]

@ladyshanny the thing about transitions is so interesting. I first noticed my kids had a really tough time with transitions but then I noticed that I do too and I'm sure that the get that in part from me! 

@Dragonslayer I've been hesitant to mention this on this thread as this is devoted to whole30 and I don't want to derail anyone but recently I have been eating much more intuitively which includes eating whatever I want whenever I want and I can say I don't really have any desire to binge. Some of my food choices are less than great but I decided that I would rather have that right now than eat 3 great meals and binge on 2 days worth of junk. The binge eating was really impacting my mental health and I felt like it was impacting my physical health too. It started out when my mother in law was here and over thanksgiving when there was a lot more food around. I started out by eating some "treats' in small quantities and then I noticed that I wanted them in large quantities a lot less. I started experimenting with eating what I wanted and it's been great. I realize it's not what I came to this forum to do and it doesn't fit with my whole30 goals but it does fit with my "being sane around food" goal which is what I want right now. I still cook and eat a lot of things that fit within whole30 and I like a lot of those foods but I am also eating cookies, cake, sandwiches etc. Like you I have tried intuitive eating before and allowed myself to eat cookies every night if I wanted and it hasn't worked for me. I think this time around I released a lot of judgement and fear around it and have also become more accepting of my body than I previously was. I used to have a huge fear of putting on weight and I'm not so fearful around that now. I'm just mentioning it as maybe you need a break from all the restriction too. 

[Guest]

@5280sarah I definitely agree with what you are saying. I think I’ve been restricting myself too much and need to stop with this all or nothing approach. I’m going to go easier on myself, allow myself to eat non Whole30 foods in appropriate times if I want to, and just try and focus on eating as much whole30 food as possible but with no strict rules. I too had a terrible fear of gaining weight. Im getting much better now, as I have gained 15 pounds in the last 2 months and although it is concerning, im not like freaking out about it. I just am telling myself, “you gained the weight bc you aren’t being kind to your body and you went back into your old habits. You chose to go on the binge roller coaster. You can’t expect to eat like that and have your body respond in any kind of good way. If you eat real wholesome food and stop with this Roller coaster of bingeing and restricting, your body will balance out to its natural weight.” I used to be obese so there is always the fear of getting back to that place, but deep down I know I am not that person anymore and my body is now at the weight it was meant to be, and fluctuations here and there will happen. 

Thanks for your input. Oh and it still hasn’t snowed enough, but the skiing is a little more worth it now, in case you are wondering! 

[littleg]

5 hours ago, SugarcubeOD said:

I've been using 'What would your future self want' and 'do something nice for future self' and it honestly works... we're people who want immediate gratification (as people in general) and stopping to ask what future self wants or needs... I find that more effective than 'Is it worth it' because I consider 'worth it' an immediate moment question and 'future self' brings the consequences into mind... 

Lying on a table in urgent care waiting for the doc... I was thinking some crappy food would be some nice self soothing. But the tomorrow me would much rather the today me eat real food. Good timing for your wisdom. Thank you. 

[hmg1993]

@littleg I hope you’re doing ok. Sending a hug. I agree with @SugarcubeOD‘s view on what would our future selves want. A great way to look at it.

[Guest]

@littleg hope everything is ok. Big hug and thinking of you. 

@SugarcubeODI also agree. Future me wants to look back on this downward spiral I’ve been in and say “look how far I’ve come since that time. I really made an amazing comeback and am stronger than ever.” 

[hmg1993]

Hi everyone.  Sharing a great recipe I made for a winter salad this weekend, inspired by what was fresh and local at Whole Foods.  It was really yummy and great with protein on top ...

 

Preheat oven to 375.  Wash a golden beet and put in a pie dish with water half way up.  Cover tightly with foil and roast/steam for about 45-60 mins (my beet was large so it definitely took an hour).  When done, gently scrape of skin and slice into half moons.

Peel and cube two small turnips.  Put in bowl and add a peeled and cubed celeriac or celery root.  Add about a tablespoon on olive oil and salt to taste and roast at 375 for about 35-40 mins.

Thinly slice 3-4 carrots and put in bowl.  Thinly peel and slice a tart apple (I used pink lady) and add to bowl.  Add in cooked beet, turnip and celeriac (great if they're still warm)

Add in a handful or more of chopped fresh mint.  Make a dressing using tablespoon of olive oil, 2 tablespoons of lime juice and a spoonful or so of unsweetened apple sauce.  Adjust any one of those to your taste.  Toss and serve.  We had ours with grilled fish but I think it would work with anything.

[Guest]

@hmg1993 that sounds delicious. Will definitely try. I’ve still been wanting to buy turnips and celeriac bc I’ve never cooked with them before but I always chicken out when I look at them in the store! But now at least I’ll know what to do with them! I also bought a rutabaga a few days ago and have no idea what to do with that either. Was going to look up some recipes today. Any ideas? P.S. what are you on now day 35 or more?! You are killing it! Seems like it’s easy for you at this point. So so awesome that you are in such a good place. Keep it up. You inspire me everyday! 

I’m working on small goals each day right now. It’s been a really tough week (or more, I’ve lost track) of constant binges, small and big, but I’m focusing on what I’m doing well each day and also working on improving one thing at a time each day. 2 days ago, we went to see Star Wars after I had a munch out earlier in the day. I got popcorn and then went back “to the bathroom” to get an ice cream sandwich. The good that day was that the ice cream was the only refined sugar I had all day. The bad to work on: the obvious “sneaky” behavior and the loss of control in the afternoon after having a great morning. 

Yesterday, my small victory was I didn’t eat any refined sugar, gluten, etc at all. Still lost control after work before and after dinner, but slightly improved. 

Today, my small goal is to eat 4 distinct meals with the focus of not losing control after work. I’ve packed my meals in containers and have prewritten my dinner plan. My new “routine” I will try to use after work is the sipping on tea. It’s worked a few times and I think it’s a good habit to keep practicing instead of immediately heading to the fridge. 

I had a long talk with my fiancé last night too. He’s noticed my changes in the past few weeks and thinks it’s completely stress related with my mom. I’m sure he’s right. He was so sweet as always with the “you still look amazing”, “you are still doing great with your efforts” etc, but it’s just hard when I know I’m capable of so much more. He’s going to help me on a much more personal level now we decided with checking in with me throughout the day, taking my credit card, and getting rid of a lot of the trouble foods that have slowly found there way back into the house. 

I started reading “the 7 habits of highly effective people” last week and am now a few chapters in. It’s really applicable to the things I need to work on so I’m going to practice them one at a time slowly working towards all 7. 

Baby steps right now. But having one goal a day has helped for the past few days as I don’t feel too overwhelmed. 

[hmg1993]

@Dragonslayer  I hadn't cooked them before either but wanted to make a warm winter salad and they looked so pretty.  The trick with the celeriac is to use a paring knife to peel.  You have to get quite a bit of outer skin off and if there are woody/fibrous bits inside, cut them out too.  Thank you on the W30!  I am feeling but better but do plan to stop in the new year because my ultimate goal is more like the food freedom you're aiming for.  So you inspire me!  I know from past W30s that wheat and legumes are not my friends.  Dairy is OK but in moderation and I actually don't miss it -- other than Kerrygold butter!  Sugar is a major trigger but I would like someday to be able to have a piece of chocolate or something and not want to eat my way through the kitchen, my usual trick.  And, once in a while I would like to have a drink like vodka soda or rose. So new year's resolutions to ponder.

It's so great that your fiancé is supporting you.  My husband sweetly buys me cook books that he finds that he thinks I will like and that easily can be adapted.  Makes a big difference.

 

 

[Guest]

Happy Monday everyone! Hope you all are doing well and getting ready for some enjoyable family/holiday time! 

I had my best day in over a week yesterday. Really practiced the techniques in learning from this habit book and they helped me so much yesterday. I know it’s probably just because it’s something new and will get harder over time, but I’m really going to try and focus on working on the techniques everyday as much as possible in all areas of my life to try and help. Very interesting book, and relates to business, friendship, marriage, Love, etc. I recommend it so far! 

Yesterday I had only Whole30 foods, ate only 4 meals, no snacks, no munching after work, and it felt so so good to just feel in control and actually want to make those healthy decisions for myself. This morning is the first one in so many days that I have woken up feeling like “me” again. I really hope I can continue this positive push. But I’m not putting pressure on myself or counting days or setting any expectations. Just reminding myself that I CHOOSE what to eat and how it makes me feel. And nothing will improve until I start making different choices. 

Today I have a frittata with avocado for breakfast, a shredded slaw type salad with Brussels sprouts, cabbage, pumpkin seeds, apples, fennel, and a mayo/acv dressing, some venison green Chile with sweet potato pieces and greens, and then probably pork tenderloin wrapped in bacon for dinner with sautéed lemon tarragon green beans. 

[littleg]

@hmg1993 You will now be known as "Root girl" Are you eating any fermented foods or taking a probiotic?  With all those prebiotics you are doing so much butter than most people  and all the little bugs can get to the right place  I read an article on gut health (I'll try to find it and post it) and the author said the simplest advice he would give would be to buy 5 different probiotics foods - sauerkraut, kimchi, kombucha, etc and everyday eat some king of prebiotic root vegetable and a spoonful of the fermented food and just alternate each day so you get lots of different strains of good bacteria.  

@Dragonslayer I'm sorry these last few weeks have been so hard.  I miscarried about 2.5 years ago after about 1.5 years of trying to get pregnant.  I was sort of far along when I found out - 10 weeks and we had heard a heartbeat already - so it was pretty devastating <-- polite.  I completely lost my shit <-- truth.  I logged about it on here as I tried to "come back".  Lots of support from moderators because I was struggling so much.  Sounds a lot like what you are going through now.  But eventually the days of no choices for a better future me turned into days of 1 good choice, then 2, then 3, then maybe a few days in a row... and after months of eating total non nourishing foods I got my groove and did a very successful whole60 I (also logged on here) with a great group of women @Brewer5 (hi!) through the holidays, none the less  Anyway, again, you know brain sharing and all, I just wanted to let you know that the struggle may seem never ending these days... but just keep plugging along and it will get better.  And then you will have that chance to look back and think "self, you've come a long way".  And PS - your meals today sound great.  I wish I had people around like you and @hmg1993 in real life to have dinner parties with!

[Guest]

@littleg wow you are an incredibly strong person. Thank you for sharing, I’m sure that is not easy to talk about or be reminded of. But definitely gives me more confidence to keep on trucking. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I am so sorry you went through all that. I can’t even imagine the pain you felt. But it seems you have a beautiful and amazing little boy now that will fill your life with joy. And seems like you have the food stuff way more figured out as well. Thanks for your support. It means so much more than you (and everyone else on here) know. This forum is such a great outlet to share thoughts and emotions. 

Had another good day today. 4 meals, ate until I was slightly full and then stopped, and came home starving but calmly told myself to chill and start cooking. Making improvements! 

[hmg1993]

@littleg and @Dragonslayer  You're both such amazing and strong women!  I'm so sorry @littleg about what you've been through.  And I am so happy about where you are today.  I have never heard of a prebiotic but I definitely am the root queen!  Sad but true that I will go weak at the knees over parsnip!

Trucking on but getting snacky over stress.  Heading on vacation this weekend and cannot wait.  Just want to sleep and read.  And maybe eat