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Binge eating and re-starting Whole30


5280sarah

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Sorry for the silence! 

 @littleg so glad the little guy is feeling better and that some sleep has been restored.  @Dragonslayer will check out the docuseries today.

I've had a really tough week.  Totally spiraled into old binge patterns albeit not as bad as they used to be.  Still very hard mentally and struggling to haul myself out  Made a clutch decision to take a mental health day today in hopes that I can regroup.  Coming back here is the start as is practicing self compassion.  The place I go when this happens is very negative, I feel like I have no self control, and feel unattractive.  sorry for the pity party but it's my current reality.  Hoping that I can turn things around and climb back up.  Thanks for listening

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@hmg1993 I never know what to say to these posts... I totally understand you because it is my reality as well - and to be honest I'm not even sure what I *want* to hear in those moments.  Anyway, we are here for you.  Get some rest today, regroup, do what you need to for yourself... it sure sounds like your professional life has earned you a day of self-care!

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@hmg1993 I too never know what to say, and I’m sure you both don’t either when I post about those times. Be kind to yourself. Just think about how amazing you did for the past MANY months. It’s a huge step in the right direction. You can’t expect to be perfect. Working on our relationship with food is a long term thing. Just focus on what you have done well up until now and how you have learned you can get back on track. You are so strong. Don’t beat yourself up. Just find your confidence again. 

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1 hour ago, hmg1993 said:

 Totally spiraled into old binge patterns albeit not as bad as they used to be. 

Neither of us gave you kudos for this though!  Shame on us!  Don't undervalue the importance of this improvement because the post-binge-shit-tinted-glasses might make it hard to see right now.

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I’m still riding the binge roller coaster, but very aware of my choices, the reasons for them, and how I need to change. It’s just hard at this point, but I’m still working on it and journaling, yoga, and meditation has helped a lot this past week. I’ll be going home next week again with my brother and fiancé. My mom is in the final stages and has left the hospital to finish her time left at home with my dad and In home hospice care. We will be doing a last minute “unofficial” wedding ceremony there just so she is able to be there.(but still doing the planned wedding in June too) Planning for this the last few days was obviously intensely emotional and although I handled the stress and sadness well for a while, I also turned to food a few times. Just getting through it as best as I can. I always struggle about whether to share these sad updates and personal issues but it really helps me to write and vent, and you guys are always so supportive. You don’t even need to respond or say anything bc I know you just understand and are here. So thanks from me too for listening and although I may not have great access to the internet in the mountains where I will be, I will try and continue posting as much as possible as it is a huge emotional release and help to staying focused on being as healthy as I can right now. 

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I'm tearing up... I'm so sorry about your mom (though your post about the movie popped up as I was typing this and that made me smile - glad to see you still getting on with your own life despite family hardships).   I hope you get home in time to say goodbye to her and I'm sure she will be so happy to see you get married.  When my mom passed away it was unexpected and so I never got to say goodbye or sit there and hold her hand and tell her it was ok to go... So go do that.  Take care of yourself as best you can in this tough time.  

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@Dragonslayer  Thinking of you this week and sending hugs.  I am sure it will give your mama so much comfort to see you married.

 

Thank you to you and @littleg for your support.  I've crawled back out and am figuring out next steps.  One day at a time is the short term answer.  Trying out a new sheet pan recipe this week and will post if it's a success!

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Good morning. I’m here in the mountains with Mom and family. Yesterday was a very long day. no sleep, spent the whole day traveling, got up here around dinner, spent a while with her until she went back to sleep, then spent time with family. As usual, I did great all day, and then took all my emotions and stress out on the most delicious homemade cinnamon coffee bundt cake thing ive ever had. As well as tons more of the other foods from the never ending “food train” from friends and family. It’s so thoughtful and kind that people bring so much food, but I just want to stay PLEASE STOP. You should see our fridge here. It looks like we just catered a wedding. I actually had a very candid talk with my dad brother and aunt about it though yesterday. They will be here all week with me and I told them that I’m strugglimg with extreme grief/emotional eating, it’s a real problem, I’ve gained 20 lbs in 3 months, and I asked them to help me this week and just keep an eye out for how I’m doing. If they see me going to food they will try and talk me through it. My aunt is great and a real good support so I’m hoping being open and honest will help. My fiancé should be coming Friday but we are playing it all by ear. That will also help me. Things change quickly though so we are just going day by day. 

Anyways, just wanted to give an update and get my head a little more straight this morning. @hmg1993 glad you are doing better. Stay strong. This was just a small bump in your beautiful road to success. 

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@Dragonslayer I think it's amazing how open and honest you are in asking for support.  i need to do that more.  I would be completely powerless in front of cinnamon cake.  It's my favorite spice in the world. But only with sweet things if that makes sense?  You sound so strong despite everything you have going on.  Just my two cents but don't get too hard on yourself about what you've gained weight wise.  It's just a number and a reference point. But it doesn't define you.  Hope you can catch up on some sleep....

Today was mixed.  Did well all day, went to exercise class and then inhaled my body weight in nuts.  And then ate a huge dinner.  One day at a time though, one foot  in front of other.

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@hmg1993 sounds like you’re getting back into a good mindset! Small steps are best. Your doing awesome! 

Spending time with family has been so nice and really good for all of us mentally. The support is amazing and although it’s so hard watching this process, it’s much better than the guilty feeling of being so far away. After the first day of initial shock (and cinnamon cake) I have quickly settled in and come to accept what is happening. And once again reminded that exercising and eating healthy are so helpful in keeping my mood up. 

I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. Haven’t figured out what that is with my mom yet, but did feel the “Whole30 is meant to be” last night. My aunt and uncle came to visit for the day and he found out a while ago that he has prostate cancer. We thought he was going in for surgery this week to have it removed, and then yesterday he arrived with very different news. His words... “you will never believe this. Instead of taking it out, they told me they want me to go on some crazy diet called Whole30 for 6 months and they think it’s gonna like make it go away! I don’t understand at all, but I’ll tell you what, it’s only day 2 and if someone doesn’t take away that cinnamon cake on your counter soon I’m gonna get violent!” They didn’t know about my history with Whole30 at all, and as soon as I told them I was like the stars aligned. My aunt was thrilled bc she is doing it with him and is at a complete loss for what to do. They haven’t done research yet or prepped or anything, just went with what the doctor told them about basics so far. And these people are Deep South sweet tea with biscuits and gravy people to the core. I told her about the books, how I can help, and she asked for as many family members to join them for support. I almost teared up. My dad and brother haven’t agreed yet (they were eating lays and onion dip during this convo), but I told them although I’ve been struggling lately, I will try my very hardest to stick with it for him this time. Our talk was pretty hilarious all night (deep southern accents... “now darlin I’ve heard of diets like weight watchers and such, but what in the lords name is this “paleo”? Like dinosaur food or somethin?”) I did a lot of explaining and it felt good to help them understand and see the reasoning behind the doctors ideas. 

Anyways, as per my aunt and uncles request this time, it’s day 2 for me. I told her a little about my emotional eating issues lately so I don’t put an immense amount of pressure on myself to be perfect, but it does feel a little different doing it for someone else and not me. So we will see how I do for the rest of the week. It’s certainly easier though with them around bc it encourages everyone to eat Whole30 together when they are here which is amazing. Anyways, crazy news that was very uplifting for me and made me realize that I do need to continue doing the best I can and not give up bc obviously there is something more to this eating plan than many people realize. If doctors are trying to cure his cancer with this, I’m totally inspired and will continue to swear by it. I hope Melissa knows that shifts in treatment like this are occuring now, and I am so eager to see the results after 6 months. I hope so much that it works. 

Anyways, sorry for the long rant. It was just crazy to find that out last night. I have no idea what day it is today bc I’m losing track of time being here, but I hope everyone has a great day. 

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@Dragonslayer  That's so amazing and not surprising that the medical community is getting on board.  Great too to have allies around you,  It's like a big hug.  

I am still in a funk but continuing to fight my way out. I feel like I have a case of the worst PMS although I am perimenopausal so its any guess when the "M" in that acronym will appear.  I am thinking I will truck on fighting the binge urge until the start of lent and then use that period to do a really solid W30, ergo three template meals and no snacking.  From there it's on to my version of food freedom after a reintroduction period.  I am so inspired by everyone on this board and am determined that this is the year i will conquer this dragon.

 

 

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I feel the same way @hmg1993. Determination and refusing to give up until I conquer it. No matter the ups and downs. Fight through the emotions. They will subside eventually. You got this! 

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Here's the new sheet pan recipe.  I ended up not having all of the ingredients, so ad-libbed instead and it worked out ... surprisingly simple ....

Preheat oven to 400

Take a large cauliflower and cut into florets.  Toss in large bowl with tablespoon on olive oil and salt and pepper.  Line a large baking tray with parchment and put the cauliflower on one half and put in oven.

While the cauliflower is roasting, in the same bowl add in about a 1LB of boneless, skinless, chicken breasts that you cut into long strips.  Add in the zest from one lemon and about two tablespoons of fresh tarragon.  Season to taste and toss with half tablespoon of olive oil.  Once the cauliflower has cooked for about 12-15 minutes, remove from oven and add the chicken to the second half of the baking tray. Cook for another 12-15 minutes.

While the chicken is cooking, gently toast a quarter cup of slivered almonds in a small saucepan.  When everything is ready, sprinkle the almonds over the chicken and cauliflower and serve

 

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Sounds good!  @hmg1993

@Dragonslayer How great that you get to be a teacher for your family!  They are lucky to have you.  Crazy that your uncle has a doc this "out there" whom actually thinks food and health may somehow be related... Did they really cancel a planned surgery and decide to wait 6 months just for the W150?  Thinking of you and your mom.

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@hmg1993 that sounds good! I never use fresh tarragon but love it. Will try soon!

@littleg yes I was shocked. The doctor at his local hospital told him he needed surgery to completely remove it. He went for a second opinion at Duke University to a very well known doctor, and they said they are experimenting with nutritional recovery methods as much as possible right now before trying chemo, etc. So he’s doing it as part of a research trial. It’s so awesome in my opinion. Definitely encouraging to hear that some doctors are slowly getting on board and recognizing the importance of nutrition in healthcare. 

I’m still in the mountains, just taking it day by day. My fiancé gets here tomorrow, and more family arriving this weekend. It’s an unexplainable relaxed feeling in our house. I think because we are all able to support each other and get through this together, and we have had this week to really let it settle in our minds and work through the emotions. My other aunt arrived also who is just as passionate about being healthy as me which is so nice. She follows Dr Hymans “eat fat get thin” program which is very similar to Whole30, so having her here now is amazing bc she cooks, cleans, and is really focusing on keeping us all healthy and hiding all the cakes and pies! I’ve been working out the past few days which helped my mood a lot, and I plan to make a good dinner for everyone tonight. Not sure what yet but I’ll post what I come up with. 

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Hi guys :) Been a while so I thought I'd check in.  @Dragonslayer I'm thinking of you.  @hmg1993 hope the funk cloud has lifted!  

Things here are doing ok.  I ended up doing a W35 with hubs and then reintroduced dairy and rice (via rice cakes).  Did ok with 1 decent sized serving of dairy 2 days in a row (butter on rice cakes, maybe 2 tbsp on day 1 and about 2 oz raw parmesan on spaghetti sauce on day 2).  On day 3 I had too much cheese at a Super Bowl gathering and woke up with a stuffy nose and a coated throat.  So maybe less than 8oz of cheese is my sweet spot :)  I of course also had too much dried fruit but this is almost 40 days now with ZERO processed crap and I'm happy about that.  Though I'm struggling a little with a WLittleg... I *get* W30 isn't meant for life but my binge urges are so much less frequent and severe when I eat this way.  And I honestly don't know if it is the "I must obey the rules" or "when I don't eat sugar and dairy I don't want sugar and dairy"... hard to tell.  My husband is extending his out another 30 days so I'll join him and then reconsider after 60 days I guess...?  Miss hearing from you guys!

 

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Hello all. My mom passed away on Saturday night, surrounded by all of her dearly loved family. It was a very sad but peaceful moment and she did not experience much pain at all. My fiancé and I were able to give her a beautiful and brief “commitment” ceremony which I’m pretty sure she waited all week for, bc it was only hours after that she passed. Despite being able to talk or communicate, at the end of the ceremony, she managed to give us a big smile and tried to raise her arm up. That was all I needed to know we gave her everything she wanted. I feel like I have closure with everything, nothing was left unsaid, and I am happy she is no longer struggling to fight that terrible disease. Funeral planning is not fun or easy, but we are getting through it as a family. I will return home on Friday so I have a few more days to spend with my dad who is definitely struggling the most. 

We all were doing great healthy eating until that night. My aunt said “screw Whole30, some moments are just meant for wine and apple pie.” It was pretty funny. My uncle stayed pretty strong, but he’s the one doing it to fight his cancer, so it’s a bit more serious for him. I did great until Sunday and Monday, which were spent bingeing all. Day. Long. My aunt and fiancé left that morning and they were my rocks through this. (They will be back Wednesday but had to go work for a bit). When they left I just lost it. I’m obviously not beating myself up over this due to the circumstances, but I feel terrible today mentally and physically and now immediately want to get back on track. The temporary lapse in mindfulness was a stress relief, and now I want to feel good again. I’ll be continuing with funeral plans, spending time with family, and cooking dinner tonight with my other aunt who called and said she needs help getting back on Whole30 again too after a few days of too much apple pie. So we are all in this together which is nice. I have been on workout restriction for 3 days due to a terrible accident that happened the day she passed. That morning, our dog, who has never bit anyone his whole life, was acting very out of sorts and ended up violently biting my face and took out almost half of my upper lip. I had to rush to the ER for stitches and see a plastic surgeon. He was able to piece me back together but I’ll definitely look a little crazy for a while. It was one of those “literally what else could happen today” type days. So that was another reason I was stressed. Anyways, healing slowly and I’m allowed to exercise today which I will be doing immediately. It helps my mood so much. 

So anyways that is my sad update, but I am working through this day by day and am so thankful to have all my family around for support. This is not easy, but we will get through it. And hopefully with plain apples instead of pie from now on as my aunt said this morning. 

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@Dragonslayer There aren't really any words for these times.  I'm so glad you got to spend this last week with your mom and that she was able to see that commitment ceremony.  I'm sure that meant so much to her to know she was leaving you in the hands of someone you love.  I hope you have lots of great memories of your mom to think about during this time.  And gosh, your face too... the universe owes you a break!  Hugs.

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@Dragonslayer  I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you take comfort in knowing that your mama will always be with you in your heart.  Sending huge hugs and OMG I cannot believe the dog bite.  Animals I think can absorb stress and then they don't have an outlet like us.  I am thinking of you, your strength and incredible grace throughout all of the challenges you've faced.  You truly are a rock star. 

@littleg Congrats on your 40 and way to go on the 60.  I am funk-less and experimenting with less rules.  So 70 percent W30 and the rest not, like a smoothie with protein powder once in a while or a little parmesan.  Snap, my little is 8oz!  Will share some more -- compliant -- recipes that I have been playing around with.

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Well I finally made it back to Colorado. The bad luck gods apparently didn’t think I had had enough this week so our we spend all day waiting for a continuely delayed flight Friday to then have it cancelled. Then they wanted to have us spend a 9 hr layover in Chicago where all flights were being cancelled for the snow storm. Long story, terrible customer service, and I’m never flying United again. But sooo happy we finally made it home safe last night. It’s great to be back, although the guilt of leaving my dad alone back east was rough. I know it will take time and adjusting and all that, I’m just worried about him, but I’m pretty sure we have convinced him to come stay out here for a while so hopefully that ends up happening! I’m looking at today as the first page in my next chapter. The sadness will always be there, but as my fiancé and I discussed, we can’t dwell on the past, and must focus now on doing what it takes to get us back to being healthy and happy. We have a wedding to look forward to (and plan! :blink:) and now is when I need to put all my focus on working on and healing myself. The whole family struggled to stay Whole30 this week (especially me, It was bad) but we all discussed our intentions for the future and how to come out of this. My aunt and uncle are back to their 6 month plan (he only really cheated small a few times, but it’s a little more serious for him), and my other aunt who is like my 2nd mom is starting her Whole30 with my uncle today and I will be doing it with them too. I’m pretty determined to finally let this broken record stop playing and start a new one. I feel like a Very different person after this whole experience and I have learned so much along the way. I’ve got a lot of hard work ahead of me but I’m ready for the challenge now and will be able to focus way more than I could before. And my fiancé is totally on board and will be there for me too which is amazing. He won’t be doing Whole30 but will be gluten free strictly and dairy free as much as possible. 

Back to work today after I don’t even know how many days off. Looking forward to being outside again and getting the blood flowing in the cold mountain air. We went shopping together last night and I look forward to doing some meal prep and planning tonight. I’m craving buffalo chicken so that’s probaby on the menu tonight. 

Hope you all are doing well. Have a good Sunday! 

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Welcome home @Dragonslayer.  It sounds like you have an incredible support network.  On the wedding front, do you ever look at 100layercake.com?  They have gorgeous ideas.  

It's a sleepy Sunday here. Just managed to stir myself to go to exercise class and now about to tackle weekly meal prep.  Roasting veggies for lunch and making chicken Marbella which is a big favorite, and incredibly easy.  Full disclosure, I am not W30 right now.  I am trying a Whole Me, which is 75% W30 and then some freedom around the edges for things like oatmeal or almond milk or a little dairy.  I would like to lose some weight and need to have options beyond nuts to stick my beak into!  Taking it day by day but so far so good....... Maybe it's food freedom but not sure!

 

 

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