I'm afraid of the scale.

Camille Ho

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Last week I really hit a high with my mental mindset--I could visibly see a difference in my body (I discovered I have hip bones again!) and I was completely on-board with making the whole30 a lifestyle change for the foreseeable future.

However, the last few days I feel like my physical results are diminishing slightly and after eating plenty on Thanksgiving yesterday (although everything was compliant and DELICIOUS), I've got this fear of getting fat in my ahead again. It's like I can't rationally think through anything because I can't control what my body does with the food I eat.

I'm finding myself in this dilemma, where I'm struggling to conquer the old way of thinking that I had and find peace in this new way of eating and trusting that it's going to be the best thing for my body. In the past, my safety net always used to be "You know how to lose weight--counting calories and working out, and you can always control your calories and master your body." But now, I have no idea how many calories I'm eating, and I'm trying to make sure that I focus on eating enough, because I know I need to nourish my body and not restrict myself "in case" I've overeaten the day before. I want to be healthy, but I also want to be thin and not worry about my weight anymore--like I've done for the past twenty years.

I just haven't had a panic moment like this before. Today, all I want to do is get to the gym, run a few miles, and eat really small meals in order to try and "undo" damage I may have done from last night.

(And really, I only ate two meals yesterday, and was on my feet for five hours at work, so it should balance itself out, but it's a mental thing I can't get past).

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I'll add that I'm on day 25, I walk at least a half hour almost every day (we don't have a car, so we have to walk into town which takes a good 25 minutes or so), and am trying to do some bodyweight resistance stuff every other day (during commercial breaks I do push-ups, squats, assisted pull-ups and planks). Also, I have a 17-month old that kind of sleeps through the night (who I am still breastfeeding) and we're getting ready to move back to America in three months.

I eat 1-2 sweet potatoes a day, they are the vegetable getting me through this program, and I eat closer to the 2 palmfuls of protein at each meal because I am hungry otherwise.

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I know where you're coming from, I've been thinking a lot about the scale too, lately. I did a W60, I'm 15 days past that now but have only just plucked up the courage to actually try anything non-compliant. I also realised that in those 15 days, I was getting back to wanting to weigh myself each day. I've thought long and hard about it and have decided to move the scales out of my reach (it's the only way I can resist them :)).

I've realised there's only 2 ways I can treat my body - I can nourish it or I can deprive it. Without the scales, I am quite happy concentrating on nourishing it but the minute the scales enter the equation, I either feel they're not going down quickly enough or find I've put on 0.2 of a pound. Then I immediately want to start depriving it. I want to cut either calories or fat or carbs, something to make it respond the way I want.

Well none of us can really control our bodies and how they react but we can control how we treat them. Concentrating on nourishing my body, I actually lost weight without noticing or fretting over it. So from now on, no more deprivation - I'm going to concentrate on nourishing my body and giving it the best and healthiest food I can. Nourish or deprive? From now on it's nourish all the way :)

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