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Marie, Round 2, 1/2/13


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Good luck! You can do it! I'm on Day 22 debating if this is "practice," so I can finally have some sugary Xmas treats....there is a small voice in my head telling me to make it through the holidays. Will I be bummed if I don't have that treat with the family or will I be bummed if I don't make 30? Can't decide!!!

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Thought I'd come back here and get my thoughts down, "speak my peace" about why I'm trying this again.

I've given it lots of thought. Why am I doing this? why not just go low carb again?

What really resonates with me is the food psychology in the ISWF book. I have problems/issues with food.

I'm a shoveler/binger. It's not always necessarily because of raw emotions, but sometimes pure boredom, or justbecauseiwantit-ness.

I have a tendency to only eat when no one is looking, and if someone comes around, I hide things. :-( When I was a kid I used to sneak Little Debbie Snacks in the middle of the night, I'd wait till the furnace kicked on so i wouldn't make as much noise.

My husband told me today that he is just fine with my body the way that it is but he is worried about my health. :-(

That was tough to hear, and not argue with, but he's right.

Today i tipped the scale at 235. A year ago I was down to 218 from 247. Do you see where this is heading? My original goal was 180 pounds. (I'm 5'6")

So in the past few days I have just eaten whatever I felt like, but without bingeing.

Some things I ate, with reviews:

Lasagna: i hate the way pasta makes me feel, bloated and heavy, it's the sauce I love, because there wasn't enough and I missed it. I don't even enjoy the taste/texture of pasta.

Bagel: All a bagel really is, or toast really is, is a great vehicle for BUTTER. (Same with English muffins)

Ice cream: I hate the dry sticky feeling ice cream leaves in my mouth and I hate how thirsty it makes me.

Hot Cocoa: see above

Crescent rolls: they smell better than they taste

Pizza: again with the heavy/bloating

Nachos: I think I'd get the same satisfaction from cheese chips

Glass of raw milk: no complaint there.

So initially I was looking at a Whole 30 Start date of January 2nd as license to continue to eat whatever I want until then, but the number on my scale this am, or the fact that my dress slacks are tight, are helping me to see the light. While I will always be someone who enjoys cheese, cream and butter, I'm doing this challenge to try to improve my relationship with food in general. When I am no longer serenaded by the sweets in the kitchen, I'll know I have succeeded.

One other snag still leaves me puzzled, About a month ago, I went OFF of the birth control pill, and THAT is when I started packing on these pounds. :-( I was taking the pill to combat PCOS. One of the things that happened when I started taking it was that I dropped a bunch of weight all at once, now that i'm off of it, I'm packing the lbs back on.

All I really want, is to enjoy my life instead of being obsessed 24/7/365 about the size of my ass or what i'm going to miss at the next meal, or how I'm going to avoid the donuts on the conference table. I'm up for a change of scenery in the employment department soon, and it'll be a solo gig, I'm not sure if that comforts me or terrifies me simply because of my food issues. Seriously, this "thing" has taken over my life

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Wonderful post. You might consider taping that post somewhere where you can read it daily. You are going to have a transformative W30. We are all here to help you.

Thanks very much Shelley. :-)

You know, I didn't give myself much prep time before, having a week or more this time to mentally prepare for this challenge will surely help me.


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Thanks for sharing, I can relate a lot to the yoyo you are talking about. I see people who seem to just glide by with no food issues but that just isn't me. I am accepting more and more that this is a lifetime struggle for me but I also know that is it totally worth the effort that I put into it. I am worth it! My health, my outlook, my confidence, my goals and dreams. We are amazing and we don't want to be held back by anything, including ourselves. I am rooting for you.

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Great thoughts Marie. I also hate that I cant seem to avoid the cakes/donuts/sweets/chocolate you name it at work and if I dont eat them I think about them non stop and if I do eat them I eat way more than is normal.... and everyone else doesnt seem to have the same problem! BUT after doing a whole35 I can see an eventual end to these cravings/habits for good. Our bodies and our minds are polluted by this junk food and if we persist we will overcome and be better than normal as we will be healthy as well! Good luck.

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Here we are.

The night before.

Am i prepared? Well, I don't want to overthink things, therefore driving myself crazy and continuing to be obsessed with food in every facet......but here is what I've got on deck for tomorrow.

Breakfast: 3 eggs, sauteed cabbage 1 shallot, 1 tbsp bacon fat 2 cups decaf with 2 oz each coconut milk

Lunch: vegetable chicken soup, 2 handfuls coconut flakes, orange

Dinner: chicken, salad, steamed veggie with coconut oil or olive oil

Planning to get up a half hour early tomorrow and get back to The 5 Tibetan Rites and a brisk walk. (this didn't happen, it was EIGHT degrees when I got up this am, I climbed back into bed)

i feel like the last week or two have been one big food funeral....so ready for this.

Looking fwd to tomorrow.

Progress notes from day:

*10:30 really hungry, so drank 2nd cup of decaf with other 2 oz of coconut milk, plus 1 handful of coconut flakes.

If there is anything that drives me nuts, it's being hungry between meals. Gah!

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OK, Day one is OVER

Breakfast: 16oz water, 2 fish oil caps, 1 probiotic cap, 3 eggs, sauteed cabbage 1 shallot, 1 tbsp bacon fat 2 cups decaf with 2 oz each coconut milk (didn't finish 2nd cup) snacked on coconut a little too much because I was hungry as heck, and wanted to hold out till lunchtime.

Lunch: vegetable chicken soup, 1 handful coconut flakes, orange, 16 oz water plus another 8 mid afternoon

Dinner: chicken (crusted with spices) salad with olive oil mayo and dill*, steamed broccoli with olive oil, few tbsp of homemade sauerkraut (OMG so yummy) 16 oz water and 1 cup peppermint tea.

*So my olive oil mayo was TERRIBLE as in, pour down the sink drain terrible. It's really very bitter, this has never happened to me before. Not sure what went wrong.

What I do know is that i hate to be hungry...

While we were eating dinner I put three more chicken breast halves in the oven. I put garlic on each. smoked paprika on one, cumin on 2nd and curry powder on the 3rd. House smells amazing, and I've got some lunch fodder for a couple of days.

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Day 2

Two things I'd like to be rid of by cleaning up my food; puffy eyes and feeling so damned tired and sluggish.

It was -8 this morning at my house.

1.5 cups of cabbage/zucchini sauteed in bacon fat, topped with two eggs and accompanied by one venison sausage patty

1 cup decaf coffee with 2.5-3 oz of coconut milk

16oz water, 2 fish caps, 1 probiotic cap

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I have been awful about keeping this up, but this Whole 30 has been a breeze so far.

Granted my stomach is all out of wack and caught a cold, but the food part has been simple and dare I say, enjoyable???

I have made one food faux pas, accidentally ate a tbsp or so of peanuts, thinking they were cashews in a really hungry moment.

I also, out of habit, stepped on the scale on Sunday and noticed that I was down nearly7 lbs.

I'm early in the game, but I'm not yet thinking about "gosh I cant' wait till this is over so I can eat xyz"

If anything, I have had a decrease in appetite, but i'm guessing at the end of week 3 I'll get it back.

I've discovered my favorite way to dress a salad is a capful of cider vinegar, a tsp of spicy mustard and a tbsp of olive oil. Simple, tart, yum.

I found a brand of coconut oil that's really very good (solid!) and the only ingredients are coconutmilk and water

I made the mistake of buying some frozen chicken burgers, thinking that I'd have an easy go-to on spagetti night, but in actuality,the chickens are fed corn and soy. :-(

So all in all, doing well. Today is my day 5.

Eats today:

M1:whole red pepper, 1/2 cup (packed) chopped spinach 2 xl eggs 1 cup orange spice tea, 1 cup decaf with 2 oz coconut milk (pretty hungry this am, maybe not enough fat with breakfast, waiting for avocadoes to ripen)

M2: head romaine, 1 roma tomato, 1 pickling cuke, above mentioned dressing, 1 closed handful pepitas and 1 closed handful sliced almonds (I see now that it's up to 1 closed handful, but I'm going to go ahead considering I was short on fat for breakfast) 1 navel orange, 6 blackberries 16 oz water

M3: 1/2 chicken breast crusted in amond flour and seasonings, roasted green beans (these are to die for) cup chamomille tea.

On to day 6!

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My daughter and I were struck down by the flu and strep throat (for her) this week. Not only have I been non compliant, but I've been non eating! I'm going to finsh out my 30 days with my group and start immediately over again on 2/1/13 with a friend.

Not waiting to get back in the saddle though, started out this am with a good breakfast.

Plan to roast up a large pile of green beans this morning to warm up throughout the week with breakfasts and lunches where needed.

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My fingernails are all of a sudden growing like crazy, I'm not sure if it's the change in fish oil capsules (from straight fish oil) or the Whole30 but I'll go with it. They are still wavy and thin though. :-(

Still waiting for appetite to come back.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Running, uphill, through the mud, that's how I feel these days.

This attempt at WHole30 has been an epic failure since I had the flu.

The Whole30/Whole9 facebook post this morning said someting about admitting/realizing that you have a problem and being able to implement a solution from that point.

Well. That's not happening. My brain knows what I should be doing. I made it 23 days on my first round.

I went 8 months on Atkins and lost 30+ lbs without ONE SINGLE CHEAT

Why is it so hard now? I know, I get it, this post sounds whiney and self serving, just bear with me.

I have to find a way out of this rut, and sheer willpower isn't getting the job done. Maybe I am setting my sights too high, maybe I need to back up and try something simpler. Is that the easy way out?

I feel defeated by my very.own.self.

Not sure how to handle this.

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