Seeking a Calmer Mind in 2013

[Callan]

About an hour ago, I was standing in the shower, hoping the scalding hot water would wash away my mistakes, my transgressions from healthy eating, and perhaps most importantly: the nauseated, shaky, bloated feeling I was experiencing at that moment.

Today was a day of non-stop eating. It started off innocently enough--I woke up five minutes before I needed to catch a bus, so ran out the door with a banana and a larabar, as opposed to the eggs and veggies I had planned on leisurely eating, had my alarm gone off. My brother and I had planned to make some semi-healthy holiday treats for our folks to snack on, so when I got home from class, we set off to work. Of course, I had to sample everything we used to make the trail mix, the "nutella," the white chocolate-covered cashews, the dried bananas... Oh, and the chips and salsa my brother was snacking on... and so on.

Yesterday wasn't much different. A coworker brought in a bowl of mixed nuts, on which I overindulged. I arrived home to a holiday party taking place, and in spite of stuffing my face with salad and chicken and veggies, I couldn't resist going overboard on peppermint bark and chocolate orange slices. At least I managed to avoid the sugar cookies and peanut butter pretzels. I've gotten pretty good at saying "no" to wheat.

Back to the shower. While I was in the shower, I thought to myself, "Oh, January 1st can't come soon enough! I can't wait to not be allowed to eat all this garbage anymore!"

Wait. Why do I have to wait? What's keeping me from starting right now? Isn't that what I was supposed to do?

...Let's back up a bit.

I first started reading about paleo eating a few months ago, starting with Mark's Daily Apple. I read Wheat Belly, The Primal Blueprint, Primal Body - Primal Mind (awesome!), The Paleo Solution (Things start to get redundant here), Practical Paleo, and just finally ISWF. I was devouring podcasts and my RSS feed filled with new nutrition articles. And I was doing great - eating more fat and protein and less refined carbs, cutting out grains and sugar and industrial seed oils! It was miraculous - my moodiness had vanished, I was feeling calm and even-keeled and happy. Of course, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, so I started a blog about it (see my signature). I even started a Whole30 right after Thanksgiving (prior to reading ISWF) and made it seven days which I blogged about here...!

...But then the combination of a stupid mistake involving free food and the realization that my B-complex supplement contained wheat in it caused my progress to come to a screeching halt. With the holidays looming, I decided to wait until the new year to start over.

I mean, I stayed grain-free for a while... make that gluten-free... followed by a few grains here and there... followed by a gigantic binge on chocolate chip cookies... followed by fried ice cream!

Then I realized I really have a problem. I have a severe addiction to sugar, which is not at all unlike my mother's addiction to alcohol. Once I get started, I can't/don't stop. Whether it's fruit, dried fruit, honey, or white sugar, it all does the same thing to me. It makes me feel like crap and once I feel "better," I'm desperate for more.

I stepped on the scale before I got in the shower today, and was startled to see 151lbs. Admittedly, I am currently full of nuts and dried fruit and (likely) retained water and all kinds of junk, but six months ago I weighed in at 135 and after I started working out, I typically weighed around 142. Yes, I know the Whole30 isn't about weight loss, and I'm not even technically overweight given my height, but my body isn't the way that it should be.

Now I'm going to start fixing it.

I'll talk more about my mental health things as time passes, but the summary is as follows:

- I used to suffer from social anxiety, and now have some symptoms of GAD (Generalized anxiety disorder) but it ain't that bad;

- Sometimes I get real depressed, but I always go to work and do what I have to do. My mother and sister both suffer from bipolar disorder, and admittedly I have felt a tiny bit manic at times;

- I pull out my hair (trichotillomania) and pick at my skin until I have scabs; then I pick at the scabs until they bleed (dermatillomania). Gross, I know. I'd really like to stop;

- I eat emotionally and have a tendency to binge and then feel terrible about myself for days.

When I tried the Whole30 in November, I tried to restrict protein and limit eggs for some reason. That was stupid. I'm not going to do that this time. However, this time I am going to follow Diane Sanfillipo's 21 Day Sugar Detox guidelines, because I just need to get the sugar out entirely. And nuts. I have a problem with nuts. Basically, anything "snackable," that you can grab handfuls of and shove into your mouth, is a problem for me.

So, starting now, and probably continuing until the end of January (I will not be surprised if I slip up in the coming days, what with Christmas and all), I'll be following the Whole30 guidelines to the extent of my ability. Additionally, I will be avoiding:

• All fruit, including berries, dried fruit, and everything else. Avocados, lemons and limes are okay!
  
• All nuts and seeds
  
• Sweet potatoes, yams, winter squash, etc.
  

I'm going to leave a bag of coconut flakes at work, but not keep any in my room. I have a habit of snacking on them when I get home from work, and am not even hungry, so they're not a great thing to have around in my eyes. There will also be an abundance of carrot sticks.

If you read all this, wow! Thank you. :-) I look forward to sharing my experiences with this great community, and helping to support you all.

[MJam]

Good for you for being able to have so much insight into your own triggers. I to am a sugar addict and my theory is that 1. sugar addicts need more than 30 days and 2. like the alcoholic the sugar addict won't be able to have any kind of sugar without back sliding.

I also think that fruit and nuts are heavily abused by Whole30ers so you are wise to avoid them if you know you have a problem with them.

Best of luck!

[melbournegirl]

Hi my name is juzbo and I am a sugar addict.... I did a whole35 recently subdued the sugar dragon quite well but wasn't healed enough to manage more than 2 reintro sessions and was worried I would have a Xmas day disaster with the cake, pudding, shortbread, lolly tree, candy canes, gingerbread house and chocolates already in the house for the big day so I started a whole7 2 days ago and am determined to avoid all this. I might make myself a sugar free coconut cake just in case.... Anyway I wish you luck. Just wanted to point out you may be setting yourself up for failure if you avoid all fruits, nuts and starches especially. Maybe you can avoid snacking on them but incorporate into meals??

[Kirsteen]

You know I can sooo empathise with this. Like you, I'd found Mark's Daily Apple and bought and read his book before finding ISWF but the whole 80/20 approach just doesn't work for me. It starts off ok but slides into 75/25, 60/40 and before i know where I am, I'm paying lip service to healthy eating inbetween the crap.

I like the KISS principle which is what I love about W30, it is so simple and easy to follow. I also like the way you're working out what suits you best within the W30 guidlines. For me, nuts are not a problem, I'm not keen on the texture so never manage more than a few but fruit, that's different, I still consciously limit how much I have around and although I don't cut out the higher carb veggies, I find that if i have too much, I feal really tired after my meal so i tend to go heavy on the greens.

I think this is one of the best things about the W30, it really lets you see how you react to different foods. I look forward to reading your blog.

[Callan]

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies. It's reassuring to hear so many people empathize with my experiences, especially while living with with people who--on my first Whole30 when I said I dreamt I was eating a candy bar--explained to me that if I'm craving sugar, my body probably needs it. Ugh.

Just wanted to point out you may be setting yourself up for failure if you avoid all fruits, nuts and starches especially. Maybe you can avoid snacking on them but incorporate into meals??

I worry about this too, and have been thinking about it. One the 21-day sugar detox, one is allowed 1 cup of butternut squash, and one green-tipped banana or green apple per day. I might consider incorporating those, especially if I start working out more (I've really fallen off the exercise wagon). I'd love to keep nuts in, but I can't seem to stop at the "closed handful" recommended by ISWF. More like... 1-2 cups. Way too many calories for what little satiation they provide me.

[Tom Denham]

I appreciate your enthusiasm, but you need to keep things simple. You can make progress with the 21-day Sugar Detox or the Whole30, but combining them reduces either program's power. Pick one and go with it. Do not combine programs. You may think it reflects commitment and seriousness on your part, but these programs are carefully crafted and you can't make them better by putting them together. Combining them makes failure more likely.

If you choose to do a Whole30, I don't know why you should avoid starchy veggies. Most people feel better when they eat some. I agree with your plan to avoid fruit and nuts as both are sometimes difficult to eat appropriately and you can get all the nutrients you need from veggies and other fats. Starchy vegetables are not an absolute requirement during a Whole30, but we hear many reports of people having more energy and some people sleeping better when they add sweet potato or winter squash to their plates. I guess I am suspicious about cutting starchy veggies because that is something people trying to lose weight often do and making the Whole30 about maximizing weight loss instead of maximizing health undermines the experience and reduces the chances of losing weight and gaining health. With the Whole30, you have to trust the process. I am not expert in the 21-day Sugar Detox, but it would be similar.

[Derval]

That is interesting Tom. I was just listening to the BB podcast on the 21 day detox and was thinking if doing a "mash-up" but you have a valid point.

[SarahEmily]

Hey Im doing the whole30 and I am avoiding keeping nuts in the house because like you I tend to go overboard. But I think even without doing heavy exercise, incorporating starches has made me feel alot better. Before the whole30 I was eating really low carb, and since starting the whole30 I have included starches (only 100-200grams) into my lunch and dinner on most days and I have felt alot better and had less desire to overeat later on after the meal. Plus they are hard to overeat as you can't exactly eat them raw and when you "need" some carbs (e.g when PMS comes along) I found them a great substitute for pigging out on on an entire block of chocolate. I also included a few pieces of fruit when I was having some PMS sugar cravings, I felt a little bad at the time (because I probably wasn't really that hungry when I ate them) but then next morning all cravings were gone and when I thought back to the 2 mandarins I had indulged in, it really didn't seem so bad.

Anyhow GOODLUCK with your whole30!!! Love Sarah

[Susan W]

That is interesting Tom. I was just listening to the BB podcast on the 21 day detox and was thinking if doing a "mash-up" but you have a valid point.

Hey...you already promoted a W30 for January...none of this tweaking business, sista. Don't harsh my mellow. ;0)

[Callan]

And this, my friends, is why I should have registered an account and posted here before I tried the Whole30 back in November! :-)

I'm not going to argue with those who clearly know more than I do, so starchy vegetables are not off the table (the fact that this is a huge relief to me is telling). Thank you. I think my "official" start date will be the 1st of January, for the sake of community and solidarity, but I've already begun employing the Whole30 principles in my everyday life. I'll save the sugar detox for later.

Thanks again!

[FitKatieB]

Thank you. I read your post and felt like you we're reading my mind. It's nice to know that us sugar addicts are not alone. Out of all the books you listed, etc. what would you recommend as the best?

Thanks, Katie

[Guest Srptskrts]

Hello everyone,

I agree with Tom in regards to not cutting out starchy vegetables. In the scheme of things, even if you incorporate one starchy veg you are still coming in quite low on the overall carbohydrate count. I've also read that too few carbohydrates can be an issue for some women, so embrace the Whole30 mentality of your body being your lab and listen to what your body tells you. I find that I feel better adding in a sweet potato on occasion, in addition to the post-workout carb allowance.

[Callan]

FitKatieB, I loved Nora Gedgaudas' Primal Body, Primal Mind but it is very dense and scientific, and might be a bit too much information at first. I wish I had read it after the others, because it was a bit of a struggle as I tried to wrap my mind around all the new ideas. ISWF would have been a great starting point. I didn't spend enough time with Practical Paleo, and Robb Wolf's book was okay, but occasionally annoying. Same for Mark Sisson. I think I needed to hear some women's voices in the field!

Thanks for all the echos to not cut out starchy veg. I think that'll save my life.

Past few days, I've been avoiding gluten (thank goodness), but eating more sugar than I said I would. We hosted Christmas morning brunch, so my dad (a vegetarian, heh) and I made a bunch of eggs, English muffins, bacon, hash browns (white potatoes), vegetarian "sausages," and I made some grain-free banana pancakes which were a surprising hit. My aunt brought over some berries, and I had a lot. I have a lot of non-compliant (but not inherently unhealthy) things like butter that I'm trying to get rid of before the formal start date - January 1st. I'm doing my best to stay *mostly* on track, for now, though.

[Callan]

Yep, definitely did not eat "compliant" foods today, but I don't think that corn, beans, and cheddar cheese are the end of the world. My dear vegetarian (admittedly, I'm pretty sure I eat more vegetables than him, but that's another matter) father was trying so hard to make something I could eat, which was kindness beyond what I've seen from anyone since I've been eating "this way." He was making quesadillas for the rest of the family, and is baffled by the notion that corn isn't a wonderful healthy vegetable, and that beans might not be ideal either (although I don't find either of these things to be horrendously offensive, there just... are better things out there).

To make a long story short, I told him he could just skip the tortilla and dump the filling on the skillet. I microwaved some frozen cauli, and dumped the cheese-corn-bean mixture on top. It was pretty good!

At any rate, it seems as though I'm readily easing into Whole30-ness as we progress towards the 1st. I avoided eating many different types of cookies and breads in my kitchen today. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I work in a coffee shop/bakery part-time, so I handle dozens of muffins, bagels, cookies, croissants, cinnamon rolls, and scones on a daily basis. It's hard to say whether this makes things harder to resist, or easier. Nonetheless, I am constantly exposed to these things.

Tomorrow, I'm heading out to the gym for the first time in, well, far too long. I ordered a new dance mat for my Playstation 2 to play DDR (I am dating myself horribly here but I love DDR) and get some fun, addictive cardio in here and there.

of someone else doing something I [used to be able to] do in DDR. It is damn good exercise!

I'm determined to take better care of myself this year in every way. It seems as though I always obsess over improving one aspect of my life, to the detriment of others. I need to find a real, legitimate balance. For example, in the past I've tried to be more productive and creative, which led to me feeling stressed, anxious, and inadequate when I failed to perform as well as I wanted to. I don't want my interest in improving my diet and eating healthier to lead to big struggles in my life, such as issues with family (as evidenced today) or feeling like a failure if/when I don't do things "perfectly." I think you guys will be a great resource in keeping my head on straight and stopping me from blowing things out of proportion. Thanks.

In other news, I got a bottle of "Bacon Salt" in my stocking today. It is the most horrendous product I've ever seen. The first red flag was that it's vegetarian. Then I looked at the ingredients:

Sea salt, dehydrated garlic, paprika, dehydrated onion, corn syrup, bleached enriched flour, monosodium glutamate, spice, corn cereal, maltodextrin, wheat fiber, shortening (includes partially hydrogenated cottonseed and palm oils), natural hickory smoke flavor, silicon dioxide, natural and artificial flavors (contains milk), hydrolized vegetable protein, autolyzed yeast extract, modified food starch, caramel color, smoke flavor, Yellow 6, Red 40, disodium-guanylate, disodium inosinate, ethyl alcohol. Contains wheat soy and milk ingredients.

Wow... pretty much EVERYTHING in this product is non-compliant. And yet, it was such a well-intentioned gift... :-/

[Callan]

Oh goodness, I've been having a tough time the past few days. Sugar is... really a problem for me! See, I live with my dad, stepmom, 7-year-old brother, and 20-year-old brother, none of whom are the least bit interested in giving up gluten or sugar. Every time I walk into the kitchen, I'm greeted by bags of pecan shortbread cookies, peanut brittle, peppermints, trail mix containing m&ms and "rice bran oil" (what is that?), and all kinds of junk. I've been holding strong against the gluten, but slipping when it comes to sugar. A handful of chocolate chips every time I enter the kitchen, a bit of trail mix... but those cookies. I really wanted a cookie; it was maddening.

But there's another thing: I love baking.

I'm really going to miss baking on the Whole30, even though I understand the reason we want to avoid SWYPO. (But, if you're not on a Whole30 right now and are willing to indulge in a treat, click over my blog to see these excellent ginger cookies I made containing no grains and no refined sugar [technically].)

So, to avoid opening up those delicious-looking homemade pecan shortbread cookies (Why is no one else eating them?! They look so good!) I baked some "technically-complaint" cookies of my own. Yes, I know, if I were technically on my Whole30 this would have been wrong. And I won't do it again. Not only because it's against the program rules... but because in the span of two days I probably ate 13 or 14 of them. Er, they were small cookies, at least?

But yeah, bad plan. Reinforced the idea that I need to stay the hell away.

The more I look at how I've been trying to tinker with the Whole30 rules (no fruit! no nuts! no starchy veg! etc.) the more obvious it is to me why the program was set up this way. Now it seems silly to me that I thought I could make this program more compatible to me before even trying it in its original form.

So, here's the new plan, based on what I learned in November's Whole7 and the weeks following:

• I'm going to follow the Whole30 to its exact specifications.
  
• I'm going to actually have a pre- and post-workout meal (In my mind, I was ignoring this advice before).
  
• I don't want to snack on fruit or nuts, but I'll allow these things as long as they're incorporated into an actual meal (e.g. slivered almonds on a salad, pineapple in a Thai curry, perhaps).
  
• Sweet potatoes are a-okay (and my wallet will thank me).
  
• I'm not going to obsess over buying grass-fed, pastured meat unless I am able to, but because it's so expensive, if I tried to do this I'd wind up protein deficient. I was trying to force myself to be happy with 2-3oz of meat per meal, which uh... wasn't working out.
  
• If I'm craving something after a meal, but not hungry, instead of reaching for a handful of coconut flakes, nuts, or fruit (which always turned into a few minutes of mindless munching), I'm going to have a cup of herbal/rooibos tea. If I'm actually hungry, well, I should have more real food!
  

The past few days--with all their ups and downs--have been invaluable in teaching me what needs to be done when I start this next Whole30. I need to relax, make good food, and enjoy it. I'd been getting too bogged down in technicalities such as "soak and dehydrate your nuts!" and "carbs are bad!" and "nightshades might be causing you joint pain!" that I was ready to eliminate just about everything to see what it would do. But the Whole30 doesn't account for everything, and all these things can wait until I'm done with the gosh darn Whole30!

Tuesday is the official start date, right? I've been practicing all month with cooking up Whole30-friendly meals, but I have a lot of work to do when it comes to honing healthy habits (e.g. let's stop eating breakfast sitting in bed while scrolling through RSS feeds, shall we?).

The biggest challenge will be, as always, figuring out how to eat around my work schedule. Two or three times a week, I work in a coffee shop, and need to be at work by 6am. My body is neither hungry nor awake at 5am, when I'd need to eat, but it sure will be at 7am, when I'm trapped in a sea of muffins and croissants and bagels! So, I typically shovel eggs in my reluctant mouth prior to leaving for work, but perhaps I should bring in some hard-boiled eggs with me instead, so I can eat when I'm hungry and make an appropriate food choice in that landmine-ridden environment.

My commute and other job pose other meal-timing challenges. Typically, I bring lunch to work, which I eat between 1-2pm. We have snack time with the kids (it's an after-school program) at 4, and I usually don't have anything... but, work ends at 6pm, followed by a 2-hour commute for me. I don't get home until 8pm! I don't think it's wise to fast between 1pm-8pm, but I'd rather not pack my dinner and eat it on the train/bus/bus terminal. I usually go to bed between 9:30 and 10:30, too, and get up at 6:30am (when I don't have to head to the coffee shop). Any ideas? I might repost this question elsewhere, as it will probably get lost in all my ramblings.

Sorry for the longest post in the world, but this is my log and you're gonna have to deal with it!

[melbournegirl]

Dont forget this is a learning curve and you are only human and it may take you some time to figure out how to work it all. The best thing is that when you do get on top of the program the way its meant to be you will actually find it easy to walk past all those temptations as they will no longer seem like real food.... if someone had told me that just a few short months ago I would have said maybe for some other lucky people. Best of luck on your journey

[kittycat]

You're doing great with the planning and observing yourself. All the best!

[Callan]

Thanks for your support, guys.

Past few days, I've been pretty terrible at resisting the cookies and chocolate and other nonsense that's been sitting around in my kitchen and being offered to me every day.

This morning, when I got up at 5am, though, I told myself I wasn't going to have any of it. And now that I'm done with my 9-hour shift at the coffee shop, I stayed true to myself and feel wonderful. Content and in control. I'm definitely going to have to hold myself to logging my progress daily here, though. Gotta be held accountable. I've found myself sneaking around, grabbing treats when no one is looking so no one will judge me for being unable to follow my own "weirdo diet," as they call it.

Now I'm off to buy a million veggies and meats and prep them all for the week!

[Callan]

One thing to work on, based on yesterday's experience: Don't commit to two hours of food prep if you haven't eaten yet! I didn't eat anything non-compliant, per se, but the way I ate left something to be desired. I was working in the kitchen, eating handfuls of coconut flakes and cashews, spoonfuls of salsa, two meatballs out of the oven (which I should have waited for and then sat down and ate with a bunch of veggies). Now it's 5:15am and I'm not hungry but I'm going to make myself some eggs and spinach so I can function at work. And when I'm done with work, I'm going to RELAX!

Yesterday I worked too hard. I coffee-shopped it up from 6:30 until 3, went home, grabbed some reusable bags, and hopped on the bus to Whole Foods. I bought a bunch (well, two bunches, heh) of kale, some salad greens, ground turkey, and steak, and waited in the dark and cold for the bus home. Then I worked in the kitchen for two hours (made meatballs, sweet potato wedges, chopped-rinsed-spun my greens, and cleaned up the fridge. My feet and legs were crying in protest. Today, I will sit more. And log my food, here.

There's a giant box of assorted "fancy" chocolates... 2lbs. I avoided it all, yesterday, despite falling into the trap the previous two days. And today, I'll do it all right again. And tomorrow, I "start" my whole30! Time to really tighten up those eating habits!

[Callan]

I just reread the beginning of my first post. Boy, was I melodramatic! Just goes to show you how much better one's mental state can be when eating the right foods...

Er, let's back up. Here's what I ate today! Waaaay too much snacking, but otherwise compliant!

5:30am: 3 eggs, 2 cups fresh spinach, 2/3 cup onion, 1 tablespoon coconut oil

10am: green-tipped banana with cinnamon

12:00pm: thrown-together "paleo chicken saag" i.e. shredded chicken, spinach (fresh and frozen), ghee (1T), kale (a handful), coconut milk (1.5T), onion, ginger, and garlic... tasty!

2:30pm: While resisting the chocolates, I wound up munching on cashews and likely-expired pistachios that made me a bit ill. That oughta learn me!

6:00pm: a few handfuls coconut, a cucumber, some carrot sticks... again, this was me trying to defend myself against the chips and queso dip my folks were eating.

7:30pm: Thai green curry with chicken. This was AMAZING! I don't know if it was compliant, but it had lotus root, Japanese eggplant, and kabocha squash (among other things) in it. I'd never had kabocha before - it's incredible!

And I'm done eating for the night! Might stay up past my bedtime, but I am full and content and not going to eat any more.

I did a bunch of food prep, yesterday. Here's what I have in the fridge (this is more for my own reference, heh):

• 3 sweet potatoes' worth of roasted sweet potato wedges;
  
• 1lb organic spring greens
  
• 1lb organic kale - both red and lacinato (on sale at Whole Foods!)
  
• 1lb carrot sticks
  
• 2 cucumbers (not gonna pre-chop these)
  
• 1lb sirloin steak that needs to be cooked
  
• leftover chicken saag (1 serving)
  
• 8 or so eggs (should hard-boil some of these)
  
• 10 "bora bora fireballs" from this link, which are WICKED GOOD!
  

I've got plenty of frozen vegetables, as well as a bunch of individual portions of soup (carrot-beet-ginger and "cream of broccoli") that I made and froze (whole30 compliant, yay!). I also was able to freeze some of the meatballs.

Awwww yeah, I'm ready!

Let's do this, guys! Happy New Year!

[Callan]

Alright, I'm feeling good about all this! This morning I got up--having slept through the New Year, heh--and wasn't super hungry, but I went ahead and had the rest of my makeshift chicken saag (not a big fan. I'll make it better next time, and share the recipe), a bit of kimchi for probiotic power, some carrot sticks, and a cup of coffee with coconut milk. It was an okay breakfast, not great.

Pardon the gross glass table.

And, I'd like to share with you what I have in my fridge for the week! More information is up on my blog, but I'm pretty happy with what I've got right now. For once, I don't feel like food will be scarce. Always budget-conscious, I realize now that depriving myself of the food I need for the sake of saving money might not be the best plan. This will still be a bit of a challenge for me, though, so please encourage me to spend what I need to on the food I need. I can afford it, really.

For lunch, I'll have a big ol' salad with some steak; for dinner, a whole ton of kale sauteed with those meatballs and some tomato sauce. AWESOME!

[TheNameIsNuwanda]

This is my first day, and I just stumbled upon your log and wanted to say I'm cheering for you! I can completely identify with your sugar cravings, as I am literally a slave to sugar. I'm a pastry cook in a 5-diamond, 5-star hotel restaurant. I learned that I loved baking in college and had a more typical 9-5 publishing job after graduating, but then I ldecided to pursue a career in pastry. Fastforward three years later and now I pretty much hate myself. This is still a passion of mine, but I've become absolutely addicted to sugar and wheat. I've gained about 20 pounds in the last three years causing me to constantly judge myself. The self criticism leads to binge eating... on sweets at work. See where this is going? It's just a downward spiral of self-destruction.

We can do this, though. I know we can. I'm going to check in on you often to see how things are going and to hold myself accountable.

Best of luck to you!

[kittycat]

Looks great, Callan!

[Callan]

Thanks, kittycat!

This is my first day, and I just stumbled upon your log and wanted to say I'm cheering for you! I can completely identify with your sugar cravings, as I am literally a slave to sugar. I'm a pastry cook in a 5-diamond, 5-star hotel restaurant. I learned that I loved baking in college and had a more typical 9-5 publishing job after graduating, but then I ldecided to pursue a career in pastry. Fastforward three years later and now I pretty much hate myself. This is still a passion of mine, but I've become absolutely addicted to sugar and wheat. I've gained about 20 pounds in the last three years causing me to constantly judge myself. The self criticism leads to binge eating... on sweets at work. See where this is going? It's just a downward spiral of self-destruction.

We can do this, though. I know we can. I'm going to check in on you often to see how things are going and to hold myself accountable.

Best of luck to you!

Oh my goodness, I totally know how you feel. Isn't it awful how bad these things are for you? I work in a coffee shop, and just love the joy that our baked goods bring our customers. Just a few months ago, I really wanted to work in a bakery. I just love baking and I love baked goods! It's really... disappointing, how problematic they are, though.

As for the self-criticism and binge eating, I think that's why the Whole30 is a great idea. Emotional eating of junk food just plain isn't an option! Best of luck to you, too; make sure to keep us posted on how you're doing!

[Derval]

Love the pic!

best of luck pumelling the pastries ladies!