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New Orleans, Family, ... Yikes


dotamy

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Hi guys,

I'm new to Whole30, but feel completely confident and excited about being able to truly change through this!

So...my question is...we are travelling to New Orleans at the end of June, within days of my having completed the 30. Our family all lives there, and food is an extremely emotional, familial thing. Both my husbands and my families are relatively overweight and cannot understand our current diets. (Aside from the fact that when we moved away, I dropped 35lbs and my husband dropped 20... right away!) I have no trouble explaining what we are doing...I WILL have trouble, however, with all of the rice-based, sugar-laced bombs that our families are excited about preparing.

I guess my question is -- how do I turn away Red Beans & Rice without hurting their feelings? How do I handle the eating-something-else when eating-what-everyone-else-is is a major cultural thing?

Thanks. :)

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well you could certainly participate in a crawfish boil! < just no potatoes or corn haha>

I would just explain to them honestly your reasons in making this lifestyle change. Dont do it in a "im trying to convince you to do it too" way but more of a "im doing this for myself" way. Dont be critical of what they eat, just make it personal.

"i'd like to have more energy every day, live a healthier life, and therefore i wont be eating some of the typical food i used to eat when i lived here, but i'm really looking forward to spending time with you while i'm here and catching up!"

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"i'd like to have more energy every day, live a healthier life, and therefore i wont be eating some of the typical food i used to eat when i lived here, but i'm really looking forward to spending time with you while i'm here and catching up!"

I'd actually be careful with this approach, because it CAN come off and sound holier than thou and judgmental.

You could call ahead of time and say something like, "we've been experimenting with our diets and discovered some intolerances, could you make sure you have some stuff for us?"

There are some social situations where you are simply NOT going to be able to politely say no. If this is one of them, just eat the best you can with what you've got. Have some of the beans and rice, but stay away from the king cake and beignets. You're post Whole30, so it's not going to completely derail you, but just do your best!

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No problemo with the crawfish! Potatoes and corn are just a distraction anyway...

I do like your approach of 'not eating typical food like I used to,' I think that will work with most people.

It's the emotional "why can't you just enjoy this with us?" and the (almost) guaranteed serving of it anyway. It's the *pressure* (ok. from my mother.) to just give in, why can't I do it just this once? thing. I am a grown woman with three kids, but i am NOT above claiming I have a stomach ache, however. LOL That may be my best defense, now that I really put some thought into it. Then it's not a perceived offense that I'm now "different," therefore 'worse,' than I used to be. I can just fake being sick! Hmm. Yeah...no...I'm staying with her. Crud. She's already put the menu together and everything. Ay yi yi.

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So @Renee Lee, concessions, in other words? Beans and rice may not be awful, but (obviously) stay away from sugar...? That certainly makes sense. I am, however much I joked in the above post, concerned about food reaction together -- having never done this before, WOULD beans and rice potentially give a stomach ache like, say, dairy would? (I know that's going to be a personal reaction, different for everyone, but on the spectrum, lets say?)

I guess it might just be the least of the evils. Which is worth consideration. And potentially very necessary. Thanks for the input. :)

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It really depends on your individual situation. Have you tried reintroducing any foods yet? For me, I am lucky enough to not be super intolerant to any food groups, it's more psychological signalling for me...so if I'm being guilted into any kind of food, I'm not going to be in the bathroom for the next three days, hating my life, if I give in to save myself grief. Other people are not so lucky.

If you have the opportunity to experiment in the next couple of weeks, figure out if you can handle that stuff. Rice is the least problematic grain, so hopefully you'll get lucky there. Then try dairy, see what happens.

As an aside, the answer to, "why can't you enjoy this with us?" is, "because it makes me feel like crap, mom"

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If you've decided in your mind that you're going to stick to Whole30, then I don't see how there are any compromises to be made here.

I get where you're coming from. I've endured the whole emotional trip from both sides of the family for years. First, it was when I was vegetarian, then it was when I discovered I had a milk allergy (can you believe it?), and now that I'm paleo, I hear it more than ever. I bring food to family dinners and get ripped apart for how offensive I'm being to the cook. This happened over a stupid avocado at a turkey dinner by my in-laws once.

Here's where I'm at. I've had to be firm because I believe this is the right thing for me. I don't have to explain it if I don't want to. I don't expect my diabetic mother to explain to me why she's cutting herself a piece of apple pie, so why should I explain myself when I'm passing on the bread? In fact, I have said something very similar to this now to family (without getting insulting). I decided that I do not want to eat certain foods and that is that. My body, my choice. I think it's just a matter of planning ahead of what you're going to eat and then staying firm that these are your food choices now, not your mom's and not anyone else's. Do they want you to visit or don't they? Then they need to just get over it. Who knows, maybe you'll make your mom proud for sticking up for yourself.

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@Casey Dean -- AAAMMMEEENNN. Your line about your diabetic mother brought it home for me. Thank you for that.

And as far as reintroducing foods, I'm a little too early in the game for that still. :) I know for sure dairy is already out, having avoided it for many months before starting W30. I figure beans and rice can be dealt with at the time. After all, I know its coming, and I know I'm most likely going to have to concede on that one dish. Just about everything else I can work around with confidence.

Amazing how some items/dishes/foods can carry such a tremendous meaning beyond their ingredients.

Thank you all for your help! I am so excited about the program and amazed how easily it's been integrated into my life (aside from this travel blip. :).

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