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Forgive Me Forum, For I Have Sinned.

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Forgive me Forum, for I have sinned. In the name of the hard-boiled eggs, and of the broccoli, and of the seltzer. My last confession was . . . ok, this is my first confession.

This is my first Whole30 and I am 6 days in. I don’t know how to bring this up tactfully, but I am fraught with sinful thoughts. There’s this – there’s this thing.

I am weak. I am jealous. I am lustful.

I knew a day, not so long ago, where I could turn to a special somebody in times of celebration, in times of sorrow, and in the minutia of everyday life, but I had to turn him away. Some relationships are too passionate to ever be tamed. Even though I don’t come home to him saying hi to me from our dining room table, I feel like I can still hear him calling my name.

It’s not that I don’t love him anymore. Our lives, our love is inextricably bound.

While I haven’t called him since starting Whole30, I think about him when I pull the covers up over my shoulders when I first wake up. I think about him when I’m furiously writing down last-minute notes before my Contracts class. I think about him when I’m pressing the lock button on my car keys when I can’t remember which floor of the parking garage I parked on.

I made a resolute promise to myself and to my friends that I wouldn’t even look him in the eye during this whole process, much less touch him. With each passing minute, I can see the embers getting closer to catching the wind and starting a wildfire, a fire beyond anyone’s control. The closer the sun gets to the horizon, the closer I can feel myself lunging to him.

How can I not think of him?

He is smooth.

He is robust.

He is creamy.

He is in the deli counter at Kroger.

He’s goat cheese.

I love you, goat cheese. I can’t be with you now, but in 24 days, we’ll be together again! I love our love, I don’t care what anyone says!

These are my impure thoughts.

I am sorry for these and all the sins of my past life


We give thanks to the Forum for She is good. For Her mercy endures forever.

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