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On the down low

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So, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I suppose I have tried everything out there at one time or another, except perhaps for the "Whiskey and Fudge diet" (for all of you out there old enough to be Bob Newhart fans!)

And it always started the same way. A lot of reading and research and reasoning and sciency stuff. I am an intelligent person, after all. Followed by a lot of resolve and enthusiasm and excitement, based on a belief that I had finally found THE ANSWER. Followed by.... secrecy. Surreptitiously making the prescribed changes. Evading notice as I went about things differently than usual. Brushing off any inquiries from family and friends.

Ya know why? Because deep down I knew I would probably fail. And it would be embarrassing. And I would look weak. And I couldn't handle the smirks and shrugs of all the people who could have told me so. Told me that was a crazy idea or told me I didn't have the mental toughness to follow a program or told me I just don't have what it takes.

And I did fail. Over and over and over. Ya know why? Because I CAN'T STAND food journals. And because I find that calculating and weighing and measuring and uber-planning every morsel I eat just makes me pre-occupied with food. And because I don't like being hungry all the time. And because I don't like eating stuff that makes me sick. (Duh.)

But ya know what's different this time? Today I posted "GRAINS LEGUMES ALCOHOL DAIRY SUGAR SOY" on the kitchen dry-erase board and told my family, "For the next 30 days, I am not going to consume any of these things. None. At all." And today I also come here to this forum and say out loud, "I know it's going to be tough from time to time, but there is nothing, NOTHING that is going to be so hard as to cause me to abandon this intent."

30 days. To transform my life.

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