coming back to whole30 after miscarriage :(

[KTH1010]

Hello everyone!

My husband and I were absolutely overjoyed to find out we were expecting baby 4. I got a positive test on 4/19, at a day past 4 weeks pregnant. At 5.5 weeks, I started spotting. It continued, and I got a blood test which showed a devastatingly low HCG count. By what would have been 6 weeks, I was bleeding heavily and a couple days later, my HCG was back down to 1.

As of a couple days ago (my 36th birthday, the day I would have been 7 weeks), the bleeding has stopped, and I feel like I'm just starting to see my way forward through the black cloud of grief that has enveloped me for the past 2 weeks or so. I have no words for how devastating this has been... I've always been worried about about miscarriage, but I had NO IDEA how heartbreaking it truly is. I oscillate between wanting to binge on comfort food because I am in total "f it" mode and wanting to go gung ho and commit to whole30/exercise/general personal rules for wellness that I've cultivated over the years. Today I am feeling committed to whole30, and I know deep down I want to stay on this path.

I am on day 4 now and feeling steady. Not necessarily strong, but steady I suppose. I really want to have a strong and healthy body that can support a pregnancy. And I am also terrified of being pregnant again because of how devastating the loss was. I don't know if I can go through that again.

 

So if anyone has any words of wisdom, or success stories with pregnancy after loss... I could use those things very much right now.

 

Thank you all in advance.

 

Katie

[SugarcubeOD]

No words of wisdom or success stories but I just wanted to send love to you in this difficult time.  I'm so sorry for your loss and while I can't understand it, never having been through it, I can only imagine how painful and raw it is.  Do what you have to do to take care of yourself both body and mind and if that means a few more sofa days than usual, then allow yourself that time.  <3

[KTH1010]

Thank you so much, Sugarcube. I am starting to feel a lot better, and much of that is thanks to the whole30. Eating this way is such an incredible support for my body and mood, it feels like a rock to hold on to during this awful time. Thanks again.

[littleg]

Hi Katie. I went through something similar (and logged on here about it if you feel like reading it - lots of Day 1s because the pull to heal vs the pull to binge were both very strong and real!).  Miscarriages are so so so hard.  But, the grief does pass.  Even after getting our rainbow baby, thinking back to the day I found out about our loss via ultrasound still brings tears to my eyes.  I hope that the focus on nourishing your body has helped you through this time.