samy_mega Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 Hey there! Here is me: I am 26, 5' 4" and have always been pretty much average weight. I am the type of person who is always worried about how I look and comparing myself to others (a bad practice, I know). In high school and college I always remained pretty active, even for a few years after that when I hosted at restaurants or was a parking attendant in the hot florida sun, I would still find time to work out occasionally. Around age 21, when I was in toxic relationship, I started to plunge into dark places where I was moody, would SHOUT at my family (and I love my family) and I rarely ate. I was on the verge of becoming anorexic and everyone was concerned. I felt like I couldn't control my own life because it was being controlled by my ex. Even my appearance. He would tell me subtly that average wasn't good enough and "I know your thighs are big but at least they are muscle I guess." WHO SAYS THAT? It took me so long to finally wrap my head around how poisonous he was and to detach myself from him. Travel down the road with me to a few years later and I am happy. SO happy. I loved moving to Florida and being around new friends and my new job. I felt for the first time in my life that I was free to make my own choices. I had cut off nearly all my ties to my home on Long Island and started fresh. I felt shiny and brand new. Job growth: Awesome. Friends and new relationship: Awesome. Heck, I even have hobbies ya'll. As I became more comfortable in my skin over the years, I became even more confident. This all sounds great right? Wrong. I learned through this time of being free to make my own choices, that I have ZERO self-control. Zip, nada. You want to go get cheese fries after work, sure! Throw in a whole pitcher of beer too. You skipped the gym today? Well screw it, might as well stop and get a McFlurry on my way home from work. Now I weigh the most I ever have in my life and EVERY DAY I wake up hating the way I look, my clothes don't fit (yea, I live in Florida and I am rarely seen in a bathing suit or shorts) , and I'm tired all the time. I also get mad when I don't satisfy my cravings. I will be genuinely internally-angry if I want ice cream and then my boyfriend tells me, "Nah, we should just stay in tonight." Okay so how did I get here? Why did I choose Whole 30? Since January 2018 I set a goal to lose 30 pounds by the end of May 2018. A big goal but I am a cosplayer and I had a convention then that I wanted to go to feeling and looking my best. I had tried SO many things and failed at all of them. I told myself I would run 30 min and tone 5 days a week, tried weight loss pills, and tried cutting calories. I couldn't stay committed to anything. As soon as my friends said they were going out, I'd make up an excuse and say, "Well, everything is okay in moderation!" Except that it wouldn't be moderation, it would start that vicious cycle that I am sure many are familiar with. Early May came and I was nowhere near my goal. In fact, I think I gained weight. Despite how many times I tried to start over after eating something in "moderation" I still failed. My self-control was out of control. So here we are, mid-June 2018 and I was looking at starting over again, but seriously this time. My motivation this time, my desk neighbor. We're about the same build and weight and she started dieting for her cruise in August. My thoughts? "Oh girl, there is NO way you are losing weight before me or looking better than me!" (Circling back to "comparing myself to others" this is still a character flaw I am working on but I was desperate for motivation.) So I started looking up new recipes to try and stumbled across one that came up "Whole 30 Approved" My interest peaked, I did some more digging as I had heard about this before but never really knew what it was. "This is not hard." Why did these words catch my attention? Why was this tough love so intriguing? Others have offered it in the past and I had shrugged it off, so why did it grab my attention this time? Answer: i dunno but in that moment I decided to do Whole 30. My desk neighbor is attempting to lose weight in weight that is not sustainable and not healthy. Just yesterday she said to me at 1:30 PM, "Well, I have only eaten 300 calories today, so I can have this granola bar." (or whatever it was, I don't remember). This scares me, because this was me. Back in my toxic relationship, this is how I thought. Oh, you're hungry? Doesn't matter, you have already eaten a breakfast shake today so wait until dinner. I didn't want this to be me again. I didn't want to spiral out of control. But wait, I am already out of control, just on the opposite spectrum. This is why I need Whole 30. How can I even begin to think about losing weight the right way when my body is SO outta whack? That day after work, I went to the grocery store and bought everything to meal prep. Luckily, my boyfriend and I do try to eat healthy so we don't keep a lot of "bad" food in the house, we typically go out for that. I meal prepped, bought two of the books. Solid. Except that I hated my food. I am an average cook but man, I do not know how to cook like this! Last night I went back to the grocery store and meal prepped again (much more successful this time!) So here I am day 3. Writing SO much more than anticipated (much obliged if you've even gotten this far!) and I feel like POOP. When I wake up, I feel like I ate cheese fries the night before. I am not giving up though and I am hoping that it is just my body detoxing and that I will start to feel less bloated and gross. So that's it. How I got here, why I got here. Re-reading all this is realize how good it feels to really write all this down and share it. Most family and friends know my story and I have journaled before but it feels good to write down the WHY for Whole 30 so I can always look back. Good Luck All! samy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueKoala Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 This is a great story. I wish I had found something like the Whole 30 when I was your age. (Okay, wow, I'm now using the "when I was your age" phrasing? I'm officially an old fart. ) I am another person who really doesn't do well with "moderation" when it comes to certain foods, and I'm embarrassed to admit how long it took me to realize that - when I first read the W30 phrase "food with no brakes" I was like, "YES, that's it exactly." The feeling like poop stage will pass!! Just keep going! I'm telling myself this as much as you since I'm currently only on Day 2 myself - finished the W30 a couple of years ago and felt fabulous, but things have been getting slippy here and there and it's time to get back on track....(sigh) Also - I'm not sure what kind of food you like, but for cookbooks I can highly recommend "Well Fed Weeknights" by Melissa Joulwan. I bought it just before my first completed Whole 30 - it got me through and has been one of my favorites ever since. Good luck Samy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbeesting Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 On 6/17/2018 at 5:05 PM, samy_mega said: So that's it. How I got here, why I got here. Re-reading all this is realize how good it feels to really write all this down and share it. Most family and friends know my story and I have journaled before but it feels good to write down the WHY for Whole 30 so I can always look back. Thanks for sharing! I was also in an incredible toxic relationship and it took me a loooooong time to come back from something that spiraled so quickly. I would hear I was beautiful one minute and then have my cellulite pointed out the next. My relationship with my body and food is still a work in progress. The WHY has become even more important for me as the 30 day progresses, too. I'll be cheering you on from the sideline! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toni78 Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 I feel like poop too now on Day 5. Maybe this is the norm. I can really relate to you not being in control of your eating. Kudos for you finding it out at your age!! I went through excess drinking in college and got married and ended up 250 pounds but eventually lost the weight. But my food addiction is still here. So I realized that when starting the Whole 30. Its been so hard to keep from snacking all the time. But I won't go on and on. Keep up the great work!!You go girl!!!! It's one day at a time!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezyleaf Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 Thanks for sharing! It was cathartic to read and I was happy to see at the end that it was for you too! I appreciate learning the hardships peopel have faced, those "it's not hard" words grabbed me too, especially in comparison to the things they listed they were actually hard! So you got this, glad you tried a new round of meal prep and that worked better!!! Good luck as you continue to journey!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CassandraYoung Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 This was so great to read! And definitely, I was that girl, too - the restrictions, the unhealthy choices, the going hungry and feeling like crap. I'm on my second Whole30 now because I like it so much, and I needed a reset. How are you doing so far?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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