Need to get back on the Whole30, looking for inspiration and help

[AnitaC]

Hi,

I successfully completed the whole30 in January 2018. I found it somewhat easy in the sense that you can still eat so much, as opposed to say a keto diet where you can't have sweet potatoes and tomatoes. What I found really hard was no alcohol and almond milk in my coffee (I can't drink it black). But I went 30 days on whole foods only, no slips or mistakes. I lost about 15 pounds however that could also be attributed to the fact I was running four times a week and wasn't drinking alchohol. I believe it was a combination of both. I lost weight, my skin glowed and I was sleeping very well. 

Of course I lack willpower and wasn't able to properly reintroduce things - I couldn't reintroduce dairy, then not have it for a few days, then reintroduce something else.  And I started going out again and I love wine a little too much. But I kept eating close to whole30 because I really did like it. Then my job sent me to London, UK from April to August and I had no intention of eating whole30 as I wanted to enjoy myself and the incredible opportunity given to me. As you can see, I use alcohol and food as a reward.

Of course I gained weight but I was doing a lot of walking (when I was done work for the day, I'd walk to a different tube station and try to explore new areas, etc., plus every long weekend, I'd go somewhere in Europe and walk all over) so the weight gain wasn't too bad because I was moving. I stopped running because as much as I love London and it's incredibly awesome, the air is not clean and my lungs couldn't take it.

Then I came back home (Canada) and I've slipped hard. Both eating and drinking.

And here I am. I so desperately want to go back on the whole30 but I don't think I have the willpower to do it again. And it's almost December so it's dinners and drink season. I haven't ran since May and I'm scared to go back downstairs to the gym (it's in my damn building, I don't even have to go outside) because I know I can't do what I was able to do months ago and I'll just get discouraged. I come home from work and just sit on my couch and not move. That's my weekends. 

I know it's up to me to make the changes I need to make but I just needed to tell someone. I could talk to friends but it's easier and less embarrassing to me to do it this way as I'm in a self-loathing spiral right now and I need to pull my way out of it. So tonight I'm going to spend the night combing through success stories and look for the inspiration I need.

I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you to anyone who reads this. If you want to respond and be harsh, please do.

Thanks,
Anita

[ladyshanny]

Thanks for sharing your story and struggle with us. You'll find that you're not alone, this sort of "spiral" is pretty common because the 30 days that you had on Whole30 don't counteract an entire lifetime of food habits. No one here is going to be harsh with you, you don't need harsh. What you need is to decide what you want to do and then make a plan to do it. If, for now, that's not a full Whole30, maybe it's not drinking during the week. Maybe it's a standard "dinners out" order like protein, veggies and some good fat. Maybe it's no dessert.

Instead of feeling scared of the gym, go after work in your work clothes and just go say "hey". Not to work out, just to reintroduce yourself. Remember the smells (that's what I loved about my gym when I'd been gone a while - that gym smell was imprinted on my brain as a positive. Remember the machines, see what's changed, see if there's anything that speaks to you.

It's really hard, I know, to stop that eating and sitting cycle. But we treat our friends and family better than ourselves sometimes. If your friend came over and told you all the things you just told us, would you bring out a tray of donuts and park her on the couch? Because it sounds to me like what that "friend" needs is a delicious Whole30 dinner, maybe a nice walk and a hug and for you to tell her it's going to be OK. We're not stuck here - we can make change whenever we're ready. Nothing is ever permanent so if a Whole30 lifestyle is what we want, let's get that....one step at a time.

[AnitaC]

Thank you so much for reading and responding. Not going to lie, I teared up.

I need to remember how good it felt when I finished a 30 minute run. I'm not having wine tonight so I am going to focus on how good I feel tomorrow when I wake up. And if I want to binge watch something on Netflix, I can download it and watch an episode on the exercise bike.

I'll also spend more time on Instagram. It's all makeup, drag queens and whole30/paleo cooks.

[CaseyD]

Focus on little improvements - not a huge overhaul. Can you eat a Whole30 style breakfast everyday - or at least x-amount of days a week? Do that and then when it feels like a habit, maybe focus on lunch or changing some other smaller thing. Don't convince  yourself that it has to be 100% or nothing at all. I fell into that trap for years - wasted years. Change small things and keep consistent with those small changes, and they will add up to a big change. Perhaps you will find your food freedom gradually this way, instead of yo-yo-ing through hard shifts and total train wrecks. 

p.s. I hate the idea of trying to be inspired by people on the internet. You don't get the full story and most importantly - none of these people are you. Inspire yourself by finding your big whys in your own life. :-) 

[EllieHH]

Here's the wonderful thing about you:  you do have the willpower to do it, because you already did it!  And I have to agree with ladyshanny (which I find I always do!) - you need the "love" part of tough love.  We don't do Whole30's, deep down, because we hate ourselves (though it sure feels like that at the beginning - we hate the way we look and it seems to have worked for other people so...) but because deep down we love our true selves and want them to be able to get out from under all the crap that we've piled onto them over the years/months/weeks.  That self is still in there and just dying to get out - so get your crowbar back out and start peeling off the "crap" that is keeping that person that you do truly, deeply love covered up.  It's almost Spring, after all :).  Best wishes!