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Day 15 and I'm about to QUIT.


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WARNING: This is a pessimistic rant, and can be triggering. 

I don't mean to be dramatic about quitting. But, I feel like this challenge is stressing me out. Before this challenge: I've been on and off diets, gained and lost weight, and a horrible tendency to "harm myself" by eating until I get sick. I've been compliant for the last 15 days in this challenge by the foods I eat- but I either eat too much or too little. The Whole 30 Day by Day book has been a helpful tool. Every day it literally was telling me what I needed to hear. I honestly think that's why I've made it this far. But. I keep looking in the mirror every morning and night...and feel disgusted about my physical appearance. And because I'm disgusting, I might as well stuff myself with cheesecake, chocolate, cinnamon rolls, and chips. First couple of days in the challenge I was super hopeful. My husband cheered me on whenever I tell him some of the many challenges I've encountered. On Days 7-9, I felt bad for him because I was super hangry. To be honest, I have depression and eating has always been my go to. Food has and continues to be there for me. Yes, I have an unhealthy relationship with food. That's why I wanted to start this Whole 30 challenge. I want and need to be in control. Not let food "comfort" me until I feel sick to my stomach. Last couple of nights, I've brushed my teeth after finishing my dinner so I wouldn't give in and try to go to sleep immediately after. But tonight, I stuffed my face with dried mangos until I felt sick. I know it's wrong, but I can't control it. I feel like I'll never be good enough to jump over this hurdle of mine. During the day I'm fine with the cravings and urges because I'm at work and keeping myself distracted. 15 days. Some days were amazing, but very few. It was satisfying and difficult to tell my co-worker no 5 times that I didn't want to taste her homemade cheesecake until she finally backed down. The office I work in shared the same room where we had a potluck filled with smothered fries, wings, candy, fries, cheesecake...and did I mention fries? I literally cried as I munched on my chomp turkey meat stick and had to go elsewhere to finish my work. I've started seeing a therapist to help me work on my coping skills, however, we're in the beginning stages so right now not super helpful. Maybe I didn't start the Whole 30 at the right time? I should've waited until my therapist and I get towards the "action stage" of therapy? Because right now. I'm. a. mess. My therapist comforted me by saying that yes, I'm a mess- but I'm doing something about it, and it will take time.

I guess I just really want to know if I'm alone feeling this? and if anyone stopped in the middle of the challenge and started it again later? 

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Fifteen days of eating well is FIFTEEN DAYS your body didn't get all the other crap. And you stuffed your face with MANGOES - not McDonalds or ice cream or an assortment of other junk - mangoes!  From the perspective of your body, I'd say this is not so bad.

I don't think you're alone in this and I don't think you should stop. It sounds like you know that too. Get through this and then assess what you want to do for the future, but right now, you're going through all the ups and downs of change and your body and mind are resisting because they like the old status quo....but stick with it. Eat more hardboiled eggs and avocados and just keep plugging along.  You're doing it!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey Dried Mango,

I don't know about you, but I am well into my 50's and have been either overweight, obese, or grossly obese my entire life. I really really feel your pain and frustration.

I want to remind you of something. You wrote, "But. I keep looking in the mirror every morning and night...and feel disgusted about my physical appearance.And because I'm disgusting, I might as well stuff myself with cheesecake, chocolate, cinnamon rolls, and chips." This is not a new feeling for you. You likely felt that way a long time BEFORE you started Whole30. You started Whole30 because you wanted to change that. It doesn't take 15 days to put on the weight and become "disgusting" in your own eyes, and it's going to take a lot more than 30 days to change what you see when you look in the mirror.  The point of Whole30 is that you take control of your health. You step out of that horrible spiral that only makes it harder to reap the benefits of all the hard work and self denial you have put into improving your health and the way you look. 

We look at the exterior when we look in the mirror, but the biggest change going on in your life right now is on the interior. You won't be able to see it in the mirror unless you remind yourself to look into your eyes.  Look at how much clearer they are. Look at the new gleam of self respect you see because you are doing something hard, super hard, and with every decision to stick with it you are winning a HUGE victory.  Think about it, these are not little victories you win on a daily basis. A little victory is something that takes little to no effort.  These are HUGE victories. You are fighting the biggest strongest opponent you will ever face: yourself. No one knows your weaknesses like you do. No one is better at talking you out of things (especially if it requires any amount of self denial). No one is better at destroying your confidence. And to be perfectly honest, no one doubts your success more than you do. So every time you refuse to listen to your negative self, you are winning a huge HUGE battle. And you are stronger for it. 

So you fell. Let's be honest, you were knocked on your butt by an opponent that has been winning for a long time. But you know more now than you used to. You know that you can say no to the wrong types of food, you have done it a couple hundred times already. You CAN do this. You are stronger than you were before Whole30 and you are strong enough to do this! And your decision to fight your cravings as well as the negative you indicates you are not only strong, you are also fearless. Reaching out in this forum shows how deeply you want this win. My friend you are doing something amazing. I look at you and I see someone beautiful NOT disgusting. I know you may not be able to see it. I get it. The mirror.  So borrow my eyes for a little while. Don't look in the mirror to see how you're doing. Ask me. I'll tell you the truth because unlike you, I CAN see the inside.

You ARE making a difference. And the outside will catch up with the inside. I know this is true. I believe it with all my heart, if I didn't I wouldn't be here doing Whole30 with you. Start over. The win is inevitable. You can do this. You have done this. Believe!!

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