Emma

Whole 30 (July 2)

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Day Fourteen - I'm faltering....I'm awake and here and I haven't meditated. Okay, Phew. I did. I left my sentence and went away for 12 minutes so meditation is technically done, but it was like The Bare Minimum of Quality. I was up last night till past midnight. We had guests and three extra kids sleeping in the room with me and they all did great, but it was a late night. And an early morning due to the cat, the kids, the dog, the cat, the cat, the cat.  So, I have a headache and can tell that I'm not zipping to go. Ah well.

Goals for the day: Meditate (done), Practice today, Eat Whole30

 

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Day Fourteen - I made it, but not gracefully. I was a bit tired all day. My energy was low. i watched a whole bunch of tv. And I grazed! I kept going into the kitchen looking for something. I didn't know what, but just something. As a result I did eat two Rx bars which I don't think benefitted me in any way. I also took out leftovers and served myself up some big portions trying to stave off this weird seeking behavior. But the day is ending and I'm almost getting in bed.

Breakfast: Medium squash and Eggs

Lunch: Egg roll in a bowl (ground pork, broccoli slaw) and then another serving

Dinner: Turkey meatballs, spinach salad, roasted cauliflower and broccoli

I also did NOT practice again today. Ugh. Two days in a row. And I really did have good intentions. It's good to falter though because it gives me a chance to regroup and my plan is to regroup tomorrow. I rather need to because I leave early Wednesday morning to go camping for a couple nights and I still don't have food prepped for me or the kids. 

Not my chipperest entry, but that's okay. I'm still here plugging along.

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Day 15 - I was coughing a lot last night so I moved out to the sofa, but overall, even my cough is behaving more like a normal person's cough and not my typical reactionary over-the-top cough. I woke up at seven thirty, but given my shorter sleep the night before and interrupted sleep last night, I'm probably not caught up. But I'm awake and awake on my own and feeling okay.

I was looking at the list of NSV's. So many of those things are how I wish I was feeling. Not yet though. I'm also grappling with camping and the desire to cheat or not eat. Good thing I'm grappling with it now!!  So about those NSV's. I twisted my foot last week and it got better much faster than I expected. I haven't really been complaining too much about any joint things, though the issues haven't officially gone away. Also, yesterday I tried on a bunch of jeans and it was a pleasant experience - pleasant in that I could get them all onto my body!! Some are still a little tight and not so pleasant. Some are a little too big. Some fit, but didn't look terribly good, but I could still put them on and they were comfortable. The sizes ranged from 14-18. That's not bad at all! I'm thrilled that a size 14 is in the future. I'm a bit bummed that I'd gained so much weight that they were out of the picture for so long, but I guess I can't ruminate over the last couple years and the weight up up ups and the weight down and then up.

I opted not to meditate this morning. It's so much better when dream world isn't able to slip in. It's riskier though because I get things done when I do them right away. My procrastination skills are tremendously honed and I never even practiced on my personal project the last two days.  But after my coffee, I'm going to shower and try to get things back on track and have a back-on-track day. It is a bit of a problem that I discovered a show on Netflix that has captured my attention, but I shall put that aside as well.

Goals: Same as everyday (Meditate, Practice, Eat Whole30)

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Day Fifteen - Well, I had a back-on-track day. I got everything done and things are semi ready to get up early and leave for camping. 

The unfortunate thing that happened today was that I went to Costco and picked up some pork rinds. I looked at the ingredients and saw they were cooked in pork fat and used palm oil. I wasn't keen on the palm oil thing, but I also knew I wanted some snacks for the car since I'm trying to avoid the almonds. And in the car on the way home, I opened the bag to taste them and they were SO good. They were lighter and airier and had a touch of chili flavor. They were really good - far better than the typical ones sold in the grocery store. I was feeling pretty elated that I'd found the perfect car/camping snack. I was even thinking about picking some up to take to the theater in lieu of popcorn. When I got home, I decided I'd check the serving size hoping it would say that half a bag was one serving. Ha. It didn't say that. It said something like 1/15 of a bag. But the bigger issue was that I saw the ingredient list and the Palm Oil was not Palm Oil. It was Palm [email protected]@!!!. No wonder it was so delicious. And I ate SO much. I was so bummed out.

And then, just to make matters worse, my friend who does the whole Keto thing came by and brought some little egg and bacon bites that she said were clean (egg and clean Whole30 bacon) so I had TWO and they were so good and I was so surprised and wondering how she made the eggs so fluffy and thick and then.....drum roll of painful doom....she said there was cheese in them. Cheese!

And then the rest of the day, my mouth was reacting to everything. I ate some dried beet chips and my mouth really reacted. I just had cooked asparagus. My mouth still feels weird and raw. Ugh ugh ugh!

So if it had been one little thing, I'd just ignore it and keep moving on, but it was more than a little thing so I think technically that puts me right back at Day One starting tomorrow. :( 

The interesting thing is how much my mouth reacted. But sadly, I can't say if it was the palm sugar, the cheese, or the dried beets (which were just dried beets and which I LOVE). Sad, sad, day.

But....it's not gonna hurt me to start at Day One again. It just sounds so.....like going back to the beginning in Chutes and Ladders. Or like thinking about weight loss and being all...."in five weeks, I can lose five pounds". It sure doesn't sound like much given how far away five weeks is. Bleh.

Other than that, things are okay. I picked up more squash to have for breakfast in the morning and I plan to cook up some sweet potatoes since they travel well. I won't log on to reflect for a few days, but I'll be plugging along. I want to be healthy. My body wants to be healthy. I'm still at the plodding along stage, but one day, maybe it will be easier.

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Starting over is definitely a great idea, here, and I'm so glad you seem like you're in a good mindset for that to happen! If the idea of going back to the beginning (I always hated Chutes and Ladders because inevitably I'd get to that top chute and wind up back at the bottom!) is too harsh, it might help to consider this as an extension instead of a re-start -- instead of back to day 1, it could be day 16 of a Whole45. The important parts really are to get that full month of reset in and to remember your symptoms/experience might reflect some of what's expected during early days on the program.

I'm so sorry it's happening, and I know how frustrating it can be, but you definitely have cheering and support happening (even though many of us don't post on logs, I'm sure I'm not the only one that tends to scan through them!)

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1 hour ago, Jihanna said:

If the idea of going back to the beginning (I always hated Chutes and Ladders because inevitably I'd get to that top chute and wind up back at the bottom!) is too harsh, it might help to consider this as an extension instead of a re-start -- instead of back to day 1, it could be day 16 of a Whole45.

Thanks, Jihanna :) It is a bit of a bummer, but not the worst. There's something special about getting to the end of the Whole30 successfully and there's the underlying worry for those 30 days that you might not do it. And dang it - I didn't.  But I will. And 30 days from now is a time when I really want to be focused on work so this is maybe good. I'm also gonna label it with both Day One and Day 16 to acknowlege where I'm at (but not quite lose where I coulda been ;) )

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Day One (with a little Day 16 spirit)

Day One - Here I am. It doesn't actually feel like a Day One because I've already been doing this. Let me list my issues though: My mouth still feels weird from whatever I ate yesterday. I do wonder if it's coconut related though my results came back saying no sensitivity to coconut. I still have a cough, but it's not bad. I have a bit of a headache, but I was awake several times last night (kid, cat, bathroom, cat), but I did wake up on my own at 6:45. There's a fire nearby and my eyes feel puffy from the smoke. I need to get the car packed up for camping, but first I need a shower, but first before that, I need to drink coffee so there is that. I'm not a get up and get things done energy today. I'm a I-need-to-sit-and-drink-coffee energy.

Goals for Today:

Meditate

Eat Whole30 - This is gonna be a really tough one for the next few days, but given my fall from the clean path yesterday, I'm even more determined to get through camping gracefully and without bumps and without others even noticing. Adding to that - the cough. This cough of mine is exacerbated by almost everything, especially foods which means I really do need to eat clean.  Right now the cough isn't so bad, but if I was eating junk, it would get bad really quickly. It will definitely help me from refraining from a beer with friends. 

I read through more of the Food Freedom book last night. It's good. It's helpful to read and to think about foods being worth it or not worth it. I like the idea of postponing the foods I want for a later date. I used to do that for waking up in the morning "I will take a nap and sleep in the afternoon" to get me out of bed. I never took that nap. Same for the food. "I will order that pizza in four weeks". I probably won't, but knowing I could is nice. And learning to savor just one piece. Um, I'm not there.  I get it, but I don't practice that yet. More to learn to do.

Ahhh - seven more minutes before I need to get up and shower and pack up the car. I want to be out of the house in 37 minutes. The kids are still asleep which makes things nice and quiet for me.  And oh -no, I need to make breakfast in that time frame. It will all get done. See ya in a few days!!! (I'm a pretty quick showerer and things are relatively packed and ready to go in the car)

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Oh no! That is such a bummer! I think starting over is probably the right thing to do! Those labels are so tricky. I hate it when you do your due diligence and ask what is in something and then you find out that is not the case (you with the muffins and me with a black iced coffee at starbucks, though I was able to just take one sip before I figured out they added sugar) I hope you can figure out what affected your mouth. Maybe just add those items individually to your reintroduction at the end?

I am curious what you packed for camping. We may try to go on a trip this fall/winter and if I can make it "better" than I definitely want to do that. I know there are a bunch of pasts related to it, so I will search for those eventually....

 

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On 7/12/2019 at 1:15 PM, ebutz27 said:

I'm glad it was helpful!  FFF came out in the fall of 2016.  I haven't heard it is outdated at all... if you can remember where you saw this, I'd be curious.  

Hmm, it was a review on Amazon about a book that came out in 2009 by Melissa..?  Maybe their comment was outdated haha!  Good to know, I'm definitely gonna look into getting it!

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I applause you for being straightforward with yourself and starting over! YOU CAN DO THIS!! I hope you have amazing camping trip and an easier time staying dedicated after this little bump.  I honestly think you'll feel even better once you get to the new Day 30 now, since it'll pretty much be 44 days of clean!  I really liked Jihanna's view of a Whole45.

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Day One

Well, I went camping and I did it. There were some very close calls. Like, very close and there were two transgressions, both minor, but I really want the 30 days of a totally clean Whole30.

I went out on a boat and got seasick. None of the food I brought with me sounded good. Nothing sounded good. I didn't throw up till late in the day so that was nice, I suppose and it was nice I hadn't eaten anything to throw up, but when I finally got off the boat, I ate a bread roll.  Pretzels were really the thing that sounded good, but a roll was in front of me. I ordered an awesome steak salad, but the roll was all I could eat and that was it for the day. So...one roll.  

And then last night, I opened up a beer that my friend brought me. It's a speciality beer that we can't get at home and I figured I was going to start clean anyway so why not. But I had a sip and didn't really want it. I could have had it and maybe I would have felt more party like at our dinner party, but it wasn't calling me so I gave it to my husband and had some water.  So...one sip of beer.

I did eat beet chips yesterday and had no mouth issues. Phew.  So, I think my mouth was already sensitive and reactive when I ate them last week, but they are not a problem themselves.

So....what did I eat camping?

I packed a lot of clean salami and grass fed clean beef sticks. I packed a big tub of spinach and greens and some salad dressing.  For the drive down, I munched on a huge breakfast of eggs and yellow squash that was super filling.  I had apples (never ate them), baby carrots, a cucumber (never ate), sweet potatoes (never ate) and some nut bars. I was able to eat out a couple times with friends because we were near a town that caters to all the different food eaters and I had eggs, pork with compliant cole-slaw!, fish tacos without the tortilla, and the steak salad (that I didn't eat).  We never cooked on a grill because there is a fire ban right now and I sure didn't eat anything fancy, but I ate decently and did okay. So, not much good camping advice from me.

And now I'm glad to be home. I read more of the Food Freedom book and enjoyed that. If I can find my balance, I'd sure like it. And STICK to my balance. I don't like the on and off mentality that happens even though right now I'm keenly aware of being on.

Yesterday was a get-lots-of-things-done-day and it was nice to wake up to a fairly picked up home and yard. There's still work to do. There always is, but it's sunny so perhaps I'll work on digging up some of the grass to prep for a new garden area.

Meal planning.....that should be something I do again too. My husband will be away a few nights this week and that is a trigger for me to want to eat out with the kids which I'm going to need to avoid. 

 

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On 7/17/2019 at 7:56 PM, Mariina said:

Hmm, it was a review on Amazon about a book that came out in 2009 by Melissa..?  Maybe their comment was outdated haha!  Good to know, I'm definitely gonna look into getting it!

It Starts With Food was the first book written by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig.  There are several Whole30 books out now! :)

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Day Two - Here we go

Meditate (Done, though it was a really short and lousy meditation)

Eat Whole30

Practice

I slept okay. My body is achy. It could be from shoveling yesterday or from sleeping weird or both. I have no zip this morning, but then I am just getting up. I slept fine and woke up on my own. Lots to get done today. I'm looking forward to my energy matching my plans. Off to drink my coffee and do some work.

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Day Three -

Woke up a couple times last night due to the cat and had a very enthusiastic greeting from the dogs just a wee bit early this morning, but overall it was a good sleep. I ate a huge dinner last night (butternut squash, halibut, salad greens) and it was hot and I was tired. This morning things are starting off well and it helps that it is cooler. 

Goals for the day: Meditate, Eat Whole30, Practice

I also really want to take advantage of today and spend more time outside so once I stand up, I plan to map out the full day. 

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Day Three In Review:

Well, that was a close one. I ate Whole30 all day. I stuck to things, but boy oh boy, this evening, I wasn't feeling The Love. I think knowing this forum was here kept me in line and I made myself go brush my teeth. I don't even know what I wanted. Something sweet maybe. But, it is now bedtime and stuck to the Whole30 gig.

I did not meditate today. I did not practice today. I did do Whole30. And that counts. It's hard to remember why I'm doing this. Why why why. To be a healthy person. To be a healthy parent. To feel better. To be a healthy parent - that's really the biggest thing, and it includes feeling good and focused and centered and energetic. I did get a bunch of work done today and that felt good. I'm in the groove and I do like that. It's too bad it's almost time to get in bed.

It's kinda no fun being way back at the beginning of the Whole30 countdown. Suck it up buttercup. ;)

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Day Four

Awake nice and early due to the personal bladder alarm system. I probably would have been able to enjoy another 45 minutes or more of light sleep if it hadn't been for that alarm, but all attempts to ignore it just left me waking up again and again. Maybe my body knows what it's doing just like the leaves changing color at the end of the summer and birds prepping to head south. So, I'm up. And I meditated. And I feel really puffy this morning. I made a coconut curry sauce last night and maybe the salt content got me. I ended up not eating much because I didn't think the chicken tasted right so I tossed it all, but other than that, not sure where the salt came from.

This morning I will be eating kale, onion, carrots, and turkey. For lunch I will have broccoli and eggs. Dinner is a bit up in the air - perhaps cauliflower mash something with greens and salami or maybe some butternut squash which the kids like.

As for goals: Meditate (done), Practice, Eat Whole30. I think I'll be on track for today. I'd like to keep working on my work projects and also really outline my 30 day goals in a journal. If I can really get through this Whole30, then in less than a month from now, I will be feeling better and I really want to have that. And I want to really do a good reintroduction - at least around big things like soy that seep into so many foods and sauces.

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Ok, I have decided you are my new buddy. Congratulations (Yes, I realize I gave you no choice in the matter). Your timeline is very close to mine (I am one day behind), and I have been dealing with a lot of similar things. Although, I feel like you are MUCH stronger then I am at this point. I don't care if you had to restart a few times, YOU KEEP COMING BACK!!! It is so easy after messing up to just want to say "Screw it!", and then go nuts. But you accept the mistake, process it, learn,  and KEEP GOING!!! I feel like that is pretty great. And we can do it this time!! (Even if I kept telling myself last night, how easy it would be to just quit.) We have got this. Keep kicking butt Emma!

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On 7/21/2019 at 10:35 AM, Emma said:

And now I'm glad to be home. I read more of the Food Freedom book and enjoyed that. If I can find my balance, I'd sure like it. And STICK to my balance. I don't like the on and off mentality that happens even though right now I'm keenly aware of being on.

 

I am thoroughly caught up on your journey this round! I totally agree with this ^^ - I first read FFF during my 2nd whole30 and going through it again now has me thinking a lot about balance as well. I am confident that the on/off cycles will become shorter and less de-railing as we work through our food a little bit more each round. 

Also totally second Beckha99's msg above - the mere effort it takes to re-start the 30 days is worth so much. And it's not like we're starting back at square one earlier. I think someone commented earlier on this thread that we have the knowledge and experience learned in the first attempt to carry us through this next one. 

I'm looking forward to keeping up with both of your Whole30s!

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Day Four Recap. I got through the day and met my goals and got some creative work done. I ate Whole30 and a couple nut bars which was not ideal. I spent the early afternoon wanting to eat, but not wanting to make anything so I'd go search through the kitchen for something to miraculously appear. Nothing appeared so finally I made some lunch and then all the seeking behaviors went away. Kinda funny how that works.

Breakfast: Salami, carrots, 

Lunch: A heck of a lot of broccoli and three eggs cooked in EVOO with kimchi

Dinner: Grass fed bison with onions, mixed greens, peppers

Check out that very bleak breakfast. No wonder I had a nut bar and then another one.  I was trying to steer clear of eggs and I was eating in the car and that's what I came up with and it didn't really serve me well.

My gut is so crazy bloated. Like crazy bloated. I'm guessing it's the broccoli. I ate a lot. Costco sells some great organic broccoli that is packaged in packages (not so great from the packaging angle) and each package is great for two or three people. But I ate the entire packet. It's a bit gorge heavy, but I'm worried about being hungry and I'm pretty certain the portion sizes will adjust on their own in the next week or so. Breakfast tomorrow morning is not looking so good at this moment. I have eggs, turkey slices, onions, lacinto kale, and that's about it. Oh, I have a butternut squash! I think I'm gonna need to run to the market early in the morning which is fine because I need to pick up stuff for later in the day. It is amazing how much time goes into this food preparation and I'm not even making any glamorous recipes!

I totally forgot to go to a class today AND I forgot it was Farmer's Market day. Tiger Brain I do not yet have. ;)

 

 

 

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I also have had a lot of brain fog this week.  Kind of embarrassing things have happened that have made me look dumb at work.  For instance, someone cancelled my department meeting and I didn't know why because maybe I wasnt copied on the email (or maybe someone told me but I forgot).  I went to a coworkers office to ask about it, and they said it was cancelled so we could combine departments into a larger meeting tomorrow so our manager could go over survey results.  I'm an environmental engineer, and I had a total blank and said...." Ground survey??" in a confused manner.  She looked at me funny and said "No, the company wide survey results" and it still took be a few seconds to grasp that this was the employee satisfaction survey.  Just one example of probably 3 or 4 things I said that I wouldnt have said in normal, non Whole30 circumstances.  

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If it makes you feel any better, at all, I have brain-lapse moments all the freaking time. It's usually to do with words, where I get totally tripped up trying to put the "word I'm looking for" onto my tongue... my husband jokes that I have too many stuffed in my brain, so it takes a moment to find the right one sometimes, but it doesn't make me feel any less embarrassed when it's simple words and then someone else suggests exactly what I was trying to say. (As an example, the other day I couldn't think of the word "folder", so I stood there flapping my hands together -- open and close, like a book -- saying something like "That thing you put papers in?")

I blame it on not having enough coffee, but I know that's never the actual reason. :) 

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Oh Jihanna and Amy - I'm so glad it's not just me. At least, Amy, you weren't the one that called the meeting! That would have been really bad. And Jihanna, those descriptive skills could take you far in games like, "Taboo" or "25 Words or Less". Or poetry. Poetry is all about saying things in other ways, right?! 

Day Five 

Woke up three times between 10:30 and midnight to use the bathroom. So much liquid was in me. Slept till six and then the bladder alarm woke me. Went back to bed afterwards and kinda snoozed dreamed for an hour, but even with that I have a headache this morning and my left knee is ACHY! I did not do any physical activity yesterday to trigger it so I think it's some overall inflammation. I wonder if I overdid it with the broccoli. Or the nut bars. Dang. They are so convenient. Well, I guess for my Day Five I should think about trying to even things out and eat at appropriate times and eat appropriate amounts.

Goals for the day: Meditate, Eat Whole30, Practice

Other goals: Watch a taped version of my class, clean up the house, grocery shop, some work - this is not a very fun sounding day unless I get lots done and then I'll totally enjoy it. I'd also like to read a bit. Or really just have nothing to do and then have fun discovering what thing I want to do - that would be nice. I think I am constantly aiming to get there and then I pick up the computer or turn around and there's more mess (I'm just as guilty as my kids for making a mess). Focus Focus Focus. I need to focus to get through this Whole30. 

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Day Five Recap - 

I meditated. I practiced. I ate Whole30. I got some work done. I sat outside in the sun and read a book for a bit. I cleaned up the kitchen. I did not do laundry. I did not work on future projects. I did not do yard work (which I like doing). But overall, I did okay.

I'm reading the book, "You are a Badass" and it's interesting to read it and think about this process. It gets me wondering how much my mood is impacted by the foods I eat. I have a friend who has a son who is allergic to something that is found in most flour products (not gluten - maybe barley or something) and they notice his mood is sour when he's been eating those things. I wonder about my moods. Like, why do I feel that this great energy is in my future and not already here. Well, I guess because it's not already here, but my sense of liking myself and accepting myself is a bit hit or miss. I like who I am, but I don't feel good about this body that I haven't cared for. And my body doesn't care for it either. But overall, I feel positive and optimistic and capable and confident. So, it's interesting to see how this clashes with my mood on other days.

What did I eat today?

Breakfast - Three eggs with yellow squash

Lunch - Roasted chicken with butternut squash

Nut bar :/

Dinner - Red curry coconut dish with mushrooms, zucchini, onions, and chicken (and potatoes for a base for the family and greens for me)

The kids are doing such a good job with the dinners. They get free rein for breakfast and lunch, but I'm am consistently surprised by how well they are eating the dinners. They asked if they had to eat the mushrooms, chicken, zucchini, and onions, and the broth tonight. I just said, "yeah" and they did. No fuss. No pain. Some ugly looks. And I guess one of my kids shared that he has strategies for eating - eat the zucchini with the chicken, eat the onions all by themselves, eat the mushrooms without looking.  Haha - that's a lot of processing over how to eat, but he did it without drawing any attention to himself.

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11 hours ago, Emma said:

Well, I guess because it's not already here, but my sense of liking myself and accepting myself is a bit hit or miss. I like who I am, but I don't feel good about this body that I haven't cared for. And my body doesn't care for it either.

Oh man do I hear you on this one. I have ALWAYS had busy issues. I can't even pinpoint the why. Even when I was in my best shape ever, I could never recognize my body for all the hard work I put in. I can never actually gage what my body actually looks like. I walk around when I am out with my husband saying "Is that what my body looks like? How about that? Bigger, smaller, what?" For a while there, I though that I had made some peace with my body being what it is, but the sad truth is I more just gave up, and called it "I don't care what other people think." 

The energy will come! I have to believe this every time I feel like I am walking about dragging my body through the day. Yesterday was horrible for me in that regard. Not just a little, but SOOOOO much. After 3 nights of little sleep and starting my period, I could have just laid on the floor all day. But this morning, even though I am a little tired still, I feel much better. Not "tiger blood" or anything like that, but not like yesterday. I have to be thankful for that. 

Hang in there. We are going to get there, and when we do, we will be saying "I can't hardly remember what it felt like to feel so tired all the time!!"

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