Emma

Whole 30 (July 2)

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Day 31 

Slept okay. Allergy pills have helped. Any cold virus I have is keeping itself to the bare minimum of a stuffy nose and puffy eyes. Overall, I'm okay. Drinking my coffee and realizing, OH NO, I need to be out of the house in thirty minutes!!!! EEeEEEEk.  I still have to shower, cook up some breakfast, and gather up all my work mess. I did make lunches for the kids already and I do know what I'm going to wear so that helps.

There definitely does not feel like enough time in the days to get everything planned and set up, but again, I'm thankful I'm in this spot mentally and physically where I can ride through this and keep working on things and not feel overwhelmed and then procrastinate even more. This Saturday will offer me some time and things will start to relax in a couple weeks. 

My husband made dinner last night since I was working. It was just chicken and broccoli. He apologized that it was so pathetic and yet it wasn't. The kids loved it. They wanted more broccoli. I loved it. We ate it all and there was a good amount of that green stuff. Too bad the only leftovers is from the one pound of chicken split four ways - isn't that interesting - it was the chicken we didn't finish, but the veggies we all ate up. I like how that shift starts happening.

Going to drink my last sip of coffee and then get up and kick into Beast Conquer the Day mode

(There was no wake up early and go to the gym and weigh myself scene this morning. I was not Beast Queen Wake Up Woman today)

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4 minutes ago, Emma said:

My husband made dinner last night since I was working. It was just chicken and broccoli. He apologized that it was so pathetic and yet it wasn't. The kids loved it. They wanted more broccoli. I loved it. We ate it all and there was a good amount of that green stuff. Too bad the only leftovers is from the one pound of chicken split four ways - isn't that interesting - it was the chicken we didn't finish, but the veggies we all ate up. I like how that shift starts happening.

I give 2 thumbs up for the hubby making dinner. Sometime the best food you can eat is just made by someone other than yourself!!! I am glad you had some help on that front yesterday! And don't worry about not weighing yourself at the gym today. In my opinion, weighing can only go 2 ways. Really good or really bad. Not that bad  would be necessarily bad, but maybe not what I want to see. You know? I think you have the important part of this journey nailed! Cheers to day 31!

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Day 30 Plus 1 Evening Review:

Whew - what a day. Stressful, busy, but only one of many. Not ready for tomorrow, nor for my kid's mystery party on thursday, but I did bake the cake tonight and I did almost finish preparing the mystery which....is ridiculously complicated. I didn't just go for a simple scavenger hunt or a few riddles or some spy codes. Instead I found ways for them to work together and then have their own codes and then to gather pieces of things that would have to fit back together. I have riddles and real jigsaw puzzles and locks and ..... it's pretty good.  And I am rather enjoying it. I'm so close to done. I just have to figure out ciphers for each kid that are different. I suppose they don't have to be different, but that's the idea in my head.

And it's now a bit later than I wish it was, but I'm checking in and then going to sleep.

So far, my cold is taken a back burner. My period is still ridiculously light but hanging out in my back. My husband made dinner again tonight - chopped up veggies with the five spice thing that he loves and halibut. The veggies were good. The halibut was fine. The kids ate everything. They are not fussing at all about the dinner foods and dinners have not been very exciting. 

Baking today was a bit rough. I almost licked my fingers a few times. It's so hard not too, but I didn't. I also am a little disappointed I'm not going to try out this new recipe, but I'm also okay not trying it.

Food tomorrow will be tricky. We are out of greens and zucchini and all the go-to foods. Oh, we have a sweet potato. I could chop that up and cook it with eggs. Today I had eggs and mackerel. It sounds horrible, but it was pretty good. It would have been great with mushrooms and onions.

Okay - off to sleep. I'm curious how others are and I want to read your posts, but I've got to get to sleep. Hopefully in the morning!

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Day 33

Well yesterday I totally forgot to eat my breakfast until seven at night. But can I just say that my day was BUSY because I really didn't stop at all from 7:30 in the morning to seven at night. It was a day to be "on" and I was and the day went well and I felt good. I also am not drinking any water. So, I know I'm on Whole30 and this is very bad form to not be eating. I get that and I have already gone through all of the self-talk and the identification of what I need to do differently. I went shopping last night and picked up more veggies, but also some Epic bars as a just in case. Once I eat, then I eat more. But if I don't eat, I don't seem to notice. And I've never been super prone to being hangry.

The thing that is interesting and positive about all this is that this is even happening. A month ago, I was running away from all stress and watching tv and feeling lousy and not sharp and not focused and energy was hard to maintain. And now I'm not some olympic athlete, but I'm dealing with things and doing things and rising to the occasion and being quite pleasant about it all! It's such a huge difference. It also doesn't feel like a "diet" or a restriction at this point - right now it's feeling like "this is just what I prefer" "no thanks. I'll pass on that".  That's kinda cool. 

However, last night at the store when I was hungry, the sweet things looked good. What looked even better were the barbecue potato chips. Oh my. I bought some for the party tonight, but not for me. I did pick up a dark chocolate bar that has no soy lecithin in it. I'm curious if cocoa is one of my things. There have been times my cough has seemed to get worse after eating home made chocolate cakes and frosting (and cocoa was noted on the blood work allergen test - which does have lots of false positives). So, I figure I could try chocolate in the am, lunch, and pm. But I don't really want to do that today.

I am a bit scared. I'm scared of a big reaction and then feeling foggy for hours after like what occurred when I ate the dino bites made with potatoes, potato starch, and canola oil. I'm scared of the foggy and then the aftermath. I'm also scared of waking up the lurking sugar dragon or addictive questing behaviors.

And I read what Jihanna said about this not being a for the rest of life thing and the need to try things out. Yeah. I get it. But right now I'm kind of enjoying the calm of the open seas. It was a bumpy ocean ride for many many months (years) and then bumpier more finally getting going onto Whole30. I'm taking a chance to breathe right now. Breathe, stabilize, maybe build back in meditation, practicing, and walk/running (all of which have gone by the wayside) and then reintroducing things.

Last night as I was making frosting for the cake, I was thinking about the biggest NSV from the beginning and that is that I feel so much more confident. On my first post, I remember saying I really needed help and support. I was feeling really POWERLESS. I did not know if I'd be able to pull it off. In fact, I was somewhat doubtful. And I SO appreciate the people who chimed in and checked in and then the ones who became daily friends and supporters. And I wouldn't want any of that to go away because it's so much more fun with other people and I love reading about how others are doing and theirs downs and their ups. But I don't feel that sense of neeeeeding that support. I feel like I've got my power back. And so my biggest fear is that I will lose that power if I am too cavalier with what I try eating.

AND, what I love is that I'm not measuring things or counting calories or doing anything restrictive. Heck - I eat some big healthy portions of food. I'm never hungry, but now I find I am just through and don't really want anything more as opposed to some more physical stuffed feeling calling the shots. It's much more subtle and it's nice.

I slept well last night. I'm a bit groggy and I'm drinking my coffee and my lips are still slightly chapped and today is another high stress day from the point I close this computer till 8 or 9. Immediately after work and a meeting, I'm racing home to my kid's party which BEGINS right when I get home. It will be fun, but it will require some gear switching in my head and the entire social thing is exhausting. I love the people and know them and enjoy our parties, but I'm an introvert by nature so a day of people from start to finish without breaks takes its toll. Tomorrow will be another busy day in which I really need to be on and then blessed Saturday I will get some time to myself to work/plan/organize. Inevitably I will get frustrated at how little I get done, but I'll get to do some work and in silence!!!! And maybe I can even bike to work which would be nice.

I hope everyone has a good day!

 

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4 hours ago, Emma said:

Well yesterday I totally forgot to eat my breakfast until seven at night.

So you skipped both breakfast and lunch? :o
I mean, forgetting one meal might not be the best but is understandable under certain circumstances. But two! I can't even imagine how it's possible!

 

I must say that for me the Whole30 is a 30-days thing because what I'm interested in is the self-experiment. But I don't see that there is any problem in making it a Whole30+.
If you are eating wholesome meals and you don't have any problem giving up other foods (which are not essential after all) there is no downside.
(Because I'm assuming you would forget your meals even if you were not on the Whole30.)

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9 hours ago, Amura said:

I must say that for me the Whole30 is a 30-days thing because what I'm interested in is the self-experiment. But I don't see that there is any problem in making it a Whole30+.
If you are eating wholesome meals and you don't have any problem giving up other foods (which are not essential after all) there is no downside.
(Because I'm assuming you would forget your meals even if you were not on the Whole30.)

Yes, I probably would forget to eat even if I weren't on Whole30, but only because my stress level is high (in a good way). Same thing happens when I travel and I'm enjoying myself and exploring new places and food takes a total back burner. But overall, food and I have a rocky relationship because I know I have a number of reactions to foods, but I'm a bit unaware of the extent of those reactions and I know some of those reactions impact my mood and behavior, let alone my physical health. The foods I eat seem to be working against me even if I'm eating a traditionally healthy diet. When I tried eating vegan, I got bloated and had headaches almost all the time which I rarely ever have.  My body sure didn't like and I find I'm much happier when I avoid the grains and legumes, as well as the dairy. 

 

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Day 33 - Wow - what a day. There were NO breaks at work and a meeting afterwards and then I raced home and cleaned the bathroom and kitchen and didn't get pissy that my husband hadn't done that. I'm not sure what he did, but I just accepted it and moved on (talk about some major NSV's!!!) and then people arrived and we had an epic loud wild super fun party for a little over three hours and it was great and then everyone left and we cleaned up and we're all in bed by ten. I had my leftovers from yesterday with me at work so that was good and then tonight at the party, I munched on the carrots and peppers and olives and avoided the chips (which again sounded really really good). I also did not try the cake and others said it was really good. It would have been nice to know exactly how this recipe came out, but I also didn't feel any real urge to try - kinda like not caring about swimming in a lake in Utah when you're hanging out at the pool in Texas. I mean, a lake would be fun, but the pool is cool too. That's kinda how it was with the cake.

I'm glad the party is over. As fun as it was and as much as I enjoy people, it's taxing on my introverted ways. This is a major birthday season though - well, all of Fall is birthdays and celebrations and people visiting. It's like one thing after another. I love January when things seem to quiet down along with cold weather and dark mornings. I do love Fall and the weather and the outside and the back to school energy, but...it's busy.

And, once again, I am SO glad I am doing Whole30 and I am 30 days into it and 30 days into feeling better and more resilient because I need me to be that person who can do things and feel things and experience things and weather through things and I feel like I'm finding that again. As well, I'm LIKING who I look like when I look in the mirror and I know it's not just physical.  It's like seeing myself a bit again and I know that's not just issues around weight, but more around something chemical going on in my system. Things are good. Not top of the world good, but overall good. Good enough for me to appreciate the good even when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

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Day 33 review - 

I had the house to myself tonight and I didn't watch tv. I instead sat and worked on my computer. At 9:30 I put things away, but really only because the computer needed to charge and the cord was in the other room. My day was again a very long one and the next two weeks will be long, but I didn't even wear my glasses this evening. My eyes felt okay. My brain felt okay. My mood felt okay. I am still stressed about how much I can get done tomorrow. I have such high hopes, but it's all so many different projects that sometimes I get lost going down a wormhole and have trouble focusing.  I do good organizing thinking when I'm walking so maybe I could take the dog for a walk in the morning, though I really wanted to go to the gym because I haven't been in ages. Or maybe I can do both except that I really wanted to get to work early because I'm more motivated the first half of the day. It seems like once noon hits, I look up and it's four. 

But maybe I can get up, go to the gym, walk the dog and then make my coffee. Or maybe I ditch the gym and just walk to work. That will take me about an hour. Oh my - so many options. I'll just see what happens in the morning ;)

But overall - my brain is doing well. My mood is good. My left knee was tender to the touch below the kneecap on the interior side and then while I was working I was aware that it was aching. Bleh. Maybe I stumbled or twisted it or got knocked at work and don't remember. I'm trying to stretch my piriformis muscles right now which often alleviates stiffness in my knees and ankles, but they are not tight at all. My left ankle is also crazy stiff on the outside and has been for a couple weeks - it's so tight it feels like scar tissue, but I bet it's just tight. I guess I could massage it - duh. Didn't occur to me!  So I just did and it's swollen tight but now a bit looser. Hmmm - self care might be needed. And a hot bath in epsom salts. And a sauna. And some more time cuz none of that is happening anytime soon. (The ankle massage I can pull off).

And that's where I'm at. Cooked up a bunch of chicken, mushrooms, and onions this evening and ate them over a huge bed of salad with my favorite Tessamae's lemon garlic oil.  Immediately wanted something sweet afterwards which was interesting so I had some almonds which weren't sweet, but seemed okay. I'm eating plenty and generally feeling quite content, but my version of plenty seems to be radically different than before.

And my face - it looked a little drawn today which I think might be my lack of water this week, but overall, my face and neck look thinner. It's kinda odd that nobody has said anything. But it's okay. The person most content is me. I might try on different jeans tomorrow and see if they're fitting any better. Or not - I'm supposed to focus on work! (I tried to make up for the lack of water by consuming crazy amounts this evening - hopefully I don't have to get up all night).

And next week and the following week I will hopefully start to find some balance in the new crazy rhythm of the season.

 

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Self-care!
It's so easy to neglect oneself - and to procrastinate self-care.
I think eating good food is a great first step, but definetely some extra ones would be nice. Would feel nice.
But, yeah, self-care is something to write down in both your and my to-do lists.

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Day 34

Wow - what a day. I went in to work and worked steadily (minus 30 minutes to run an errand) from 9:30 am to 10:30 pm. I really don't know how the time goes by so fast or how I don't get more done because I know I was working steadily and with focus and trying to be quick about things. I only went down a couple rabbit holes and they were fairly connected and related. I talked to one other colleague for about 20 minutes in the morning. Crazy how the day went by.

But crazy that I can do it. I didn't check Facebook or watch TV or lose focus. Instead I just kept digging in and I'm nowhere where I wish to be, but I have so much core and foundation stuff going that in a month or so, I'll hopefully have some good processes in place. But right now, my head can't quite figure out the best direction to do things - so right brainy - and setting up systems that are nice and organized takes time. Exhale. So even though I don't feel great about things, I feel like I've got to give myself credit for the effort. And, I rather enjoyed the day except when I was bummed about not being outside. And I told myself I could go back in Monday night. Fun!

But tomorrow is my kid's birthday and I really wanted to be "present" all day. It's gonna be tricky because I have a few key things I HAVE to do before Monday. I figured I could maybe get a bit done if I woke up early, but chances are, my kid will wake up early. So I just wrote a focused to do list for myself for those things and maybe my kid will go play for a while and I can sneak that work in. Maybe I'll even do some of them tonight.

I did have three cups of coffee today and my last cup I started around three or four. I'm able to fall asleep with caffeine in my system, but I can also take advantage of the alertness and focus of the day.

I feel a bit Tiger Blood. 

I also feel good. Like today I sucked in my stomach and I could feel it suck. I haven't had that sensation in a while. I also can't believe that nobody has commented on any weight loss. Not my family or friends or co-workers. I feel SO much thinner than last year at this time - at least 35 pounds thinner, maybe 40. But again, nobody else really cared about those things except for me. But it's SO obvious and I'm wearing the same clothes except they now hang on me instead of form fit. Ah well. That's okay. Just odd, but maybe not.  I am still quite solidly in the obese range on the charts.

On the drive home, I thought about Whole30 and what my life long plan is. Not Whole30 for life, but really, right now, I'm content with it because the NSV's are racking up and until I feel more balanced and solid, I have no desire to rock this boat. It's so different than when I was on Day 15 and chose to screw up and eat nonWhole30 food. It's interesting.

 

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Day 35

Another long day, but a very nice one. It was my kid's birthday party so we made pancakes and bacon for breakfast. I made some paleo pancakes from the Paleo Effect book that uses maple syrup as a sweetener and then I dipped my pancakes in more maple syrup. The bacon's only non Whole30 ingredient was sugar and I ate a couple pieces. Bacon is so tasty. The pancakes were fine. 

I didn't feel great the rest of the morning, but nor did I feel awful.  I don't think I had any negative reactions to the sugar nor did it trigger any desire for more sugar (though my tongue can clearly remember the sweet taste of the syrup). What it did do though was make me feel a bit bloated and needing to go to the bathroom, but not having the urge....kinda that weird zone where you want to go, but can't go. One thing I noticed was that I had a thought of, "Oh, I can eat one of those honey laced nut bars that are in our drawer" but I nixed that thought and moved on.

For dinner, we went out to a pizza place. I was not looking forward to dealing with that, but it all worked out great. I snuck in a plate of halibut and veggies that my husband made last night and put it on my plate under my salad. I brought my own dressing and between the salad, the fish, the veggies.....I was stuffed!! It was nice to be sitting and eating with the others and to be eating foods that left me feeling just fine. When we got home, the others had ice cream and so I broke out some dark chocolate that I'd picked up a few days ago. I broke off a piece and started to eat it, but just didn't really want it so I put it down. 

I think I like life better when I don't add in the sugars or use them as a nice treat. I can tell right now that the thing I enjoyed most was the bacon and I think I could tell that there was a sweet edge to it. I'd have it again. Is this the sugar dragon trying to lure me in? I don't know.

I do know that I lost weight a number of years ago and then gained it all back plus more over the course of some more years and here I am going back down again and it's great and I'm feeling good again and wanting to be in photos, but if I don't really change my overall ways (or figure out what the triggers are so I can avoid them) then I will inevitably gain the weight right back. Right now I feel like all I have to do is eat healthy and everything else is falling into place. I certainly do not feel like I'm dieting - because I'm not. And I sure don't want to!

 

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Day 36

Another crazy long and fast paced day. I left the house at 7:30 and got home at 9:30. There were no breaks or moments of fresh air. It's good though, but I do wish I could get ahead so I could get outside and enjoy. Tomorrow, I have to come home though and so I'll mow the lawn and do some yard work. And probably do some work, though what I'd like to do is just sit and watch a movie or read a book, but I'm too distracted with work to really concentrate.

And food...doing okay. Picked up some more zucchini which I can cook up with eggs for breakfast. That is by far my favorite meal for the morning. It's huge and hearty and it sits well in my system.

I also have some asparagus that I forgot about! It's in the back of the fridge so tomorrow I need to pull that out and use it up. And then tomorrow perhaps I will plan foods for the weekend when we have a house full of guests once again. A couple of them are healthy eaters so Whole30 foods will fit right in.

Energy wise - mood wise - health wise - joint wise - I'm SO glad I'm at this point. I have to say it again and again so I know that this space that I'm in is valuable to me and worth the effort of working towards. And, it's attainable. I was getting so old in my doubt that things could ever change. And they are and as I branch out into the reintroductions (once work life is a little bit more balanced), I need to keep coming back to what works for me and what feels good.

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Day 37 - I'm so pissed and angry at something that is happening at work and there's nothing I can do about it right now and I am just so annoyed. It's been a long weekend and a long Monday and Tuesday and I put in such good work and attitude and effort and TIME and then crap happens and it has me so pissed/angry/everything. And on top of it, I didn't get a break today so i couldn't eat till I got home, but I don't think that's really an issue. I went to mow the lawn and the lawnmower didn't work so now I'm hoping I just flooded it which means I have to SIT here with my pissy headachy head. I want the headache to go away. I was thinking food or drink, but really those things won't help. Perhaps a walk. Or meditating. Probably a walk where I can rant and process for a while.

I logged on here because I needed to connect with things other than my feelings. Blech - I was even going to work on things tonight, but now I don't know which direction I should go with work because things might get all changed around. I hate lousy management practices. They really destroy the good efforts and energy of good workers.

Okay - I'm off for a bit to check on the lawnmower or go for a walk.

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Well, I went and stared at the spark plug cover and didn't know what to do so I then layed down in the grass and just stared at the sky and listened to the birds and squirrels and tried to just appreciate all the good things I have in my life. Work takes up such an intense space and I'm letting it, but there's still the rest of my time and even if it a lot of it is the drudgery of the day, it's still not a bad life. So I did that and breathed and I think the headache gradually went away. And then I got bored so I went back to the lawnmower and, with some help, got the spark plug out and went to the store and got a new one and put it in and ta-da that was it! So then I had dinner that my husband made (Whole 30 salad and fish with ranch dressing being the only different thing for the kids) and then mowed the lawn at 7:30 at night. And then watered the plants and did some dishes and what I did not do was work which is kind of a drag because it makes tomorrow harder, but I did other things.

And again, I'm glad that I'm eating clean foods because today I was feeling like I'm not doing anything for myself these days. I'm not meditating, practicing, or just chilling with the family. Or exercising. But I am eating well and I am feeling SO much better about how I look and feel.  So I'll just keep plugging along because heck if work is gonna take that away from me! Eating well is The Most Important thing I am doing for ME and for my health and for my future.

(And, even though I just said I didn't get to chill with my family, I did play ball with one of my kids in the yard for a bit so my sob story and attitude is not the big picture.)

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5 hours ago, Emma said:

Eating well is The Most Important thing I am doing for ME and for my health and for my future.

Love this, really do. And I love that your husband is cooking for you, so that's one less thing you have to worry over after a hard day. I'm so glad that you had a space to just exist for a few minutes, so your headache could slip away and allow you the clarity to approach a problem (the mower) outside of the emotions from the day.

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Day 38

Friends visiting this weekend and due to health issues they are all trying to eat healthy which is GREAT because we can cook up all the meals and make them all Whole30 and everyone will be happy. Now I just have to think about what to make! I always get stumped in situations like these!

Notice that I'm already looking forward to the weekend. Oh my gosh, I am!

I read through parts of the Food Freedom book last night. It was good and lots lined up with things I'm discovering. I can't remember what a-ha's I had but there were some. Certainly taking the time to meditate or do the things for me. I've been out of balance with work and will continue to be, but I am going to try to insert my daily practicing again because I'm proud of the progress I've slowly but steadily made and I'll only keep making progress if I keep at it. Same goes for this eating thing.

 My kid was asking me about my reintro and then he so clearly just shared his thoughts on how it would be different for different people and how I don't even need to bother with dairy because I already know about it. I love some of the good things the kids are picking up about food and how we eat and how we care for our bodies. Certainly this has been an ongoing process for me, but I feel like I'm on the right path. And chances are, genetics wise, my kids may have some of the same struggles as adults, but perhaps their process won't be so arduous.

Work was exhausting, but fine. I wish I had more time to get ahead, but I don't. After work lessons went well. Evening conversation over dinner with my son was wonderful. More shuttling of kids and then cleaning up the house to prep for guests and now we're in bed and I'm not drained nor Facebook obsessing. In fact, I'm really slacking on checking emails and Facebook. It's funny how that addictive behavior has tapered off. 

I stopped taking allergy pills again. Tonight was the second night I didn't. Hopefully I can keep off of them long enough to see if I can get another inflammation test and see if my numbers are still down without the allergy meds in my system. At some point in the next couple months I think I'd like to go in to see the doctor and check in and get some data and share how I'm doing and just check in.

 

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Day 39

Well, thank goodness I'm doing this because the emotions of today were rough and there was no desire to eat or pull through a drive through on the way home. It just didn't exist and it's not because I've done some deep soul searching or cognitive processing on my food eating relationships. It's because the foods that trigger those dopamine or seratonin rushes (or whatever it is that they do) are not in my system. I really do feel like an addict that is finally off the things that were an issue. Cigarettes. I'd never smoke one again because I know I'd be immediately hooked. Beer - not a problem for me. I can have one every day for weeks and then nothing. I sometimes finish them and sometimes don't. Not all people are so lucky. Wouldn't it be great if FOOD was just like beer is for me. But instead food (some foods) is more like an addiction for me. I was reading more of the Food Freedom book and now I wish I'd taken notes so I could reflect, but it's good stuff. I also don't feel like I'm living restrictively at all. Until I'm faced with going out to eat or traveling, I feel like I'm just plugging along eating the things I want to eat and which are working for me. I'm also not eating the same quantity of nuts or nut bars that I was the first few weeks and that seemed to just kinda happen as I started feeling better. 

I did run to the store this evening and picked up a bunch of stuff to cook for this weekend. Other than Egg Roll in a Bowl and maybe Garbage Sink, I don't have any great plans. I wanted to make spaghetti boulangaise or pesto pasta using spaghetti squash, but the store only had ONE TINY squash. Only one! So that idea is out. i did pick up stuff that I can roast like cauliflower and carrots and onions. Good healthy meals for all the guests this weekend and they'll all be glad that this happens.

Hey - I practiced today and semi meditated. Now if I can get to bed and wake up early and get gracefully through tomorrow, that will be good.

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Day 40 - Wow, really? I just told my friend I was on 37. It really doesn't feel anything like it did those first three weeks. Things have fallen into a comfortable rhythm. I thought about having some wine tonight, but didn't really want any, so I didn't. We have guests over and I cooked up a bunch of food and there was lots on the table and everybody was full and nobody missed bread, grains, legumes, or dairy. And then afterwards, some people had fruit and others had chocolate. It was all good.

I had trouble falling asleep last night so I ended up staying up till midnight and then I was woken at 5:50 am. I felt on the verge of tears for the first half of the day. It was interesting. It felt hormonal, but I think a lot is the stress at work and perhaps the lack of solid sleep left me more vulnerable. I'm not sure. Regardless, it was not my best morning, but overall the day went well and back at home I had a fun evening with friends and a good dinner and I even managed to practice a bit. Meditation didn't happen. Hard to focus on so many things.

Dinner:

Egg Roll in a Bowl with pork and broccoli slaw

Roasted Cauliflower and Onions

Roasted Chicken

Kale and Spinach salad

Raw sweet peppers

Delicious asparagus sauteed with just a touch of salt

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Day 41 - We set out today to go on a little hike. I threw some carrots, nuts, and beet chips into a bag to make sure I'd have some food in case we stopped to eat on the way home. For breakfast I'd had eggs and bananas, but I really thought we'd be home in just a couple hours. We didn't get home till LATE! And the little two mile hike turned into some major scrambling over rocks and up and down more rocks. It was super fun, but we were out there for HOURS! On the way home, everybody wanted to stop for some good hearty food like burgers and pizza so we went to a place and I went in and wondered what I would do. I wanted the big heaty warm food too but I also didn't really want to give up how much better I've been feeling so I said that and then  I checked out the menu and found a greek salad and a burger. I ditched the burger idea because then I'd have to decline the fries and it seemed ridiculous to pay so much for just a burger patty with lettuce, onions, and tomato. Instead I went for a Greek Salad that had feta cheese, croutons, and some garlic bread. I checked on the ingredients in the dressing (all clear) and handed my bread and croutons off to my kids. Oh - I also added salmon to my salad. I had wanted something big and hearty like a mushroom swiss burger, but after the first bite, I was happy I made my choice and proud of myself for sticking so close to what I want to be doing. I guess technically I should switch into the reintro group because of the feta, but right now I'm still here. I know that I can eat small amounts of dairy without a problem when I'm healthy - at least I think I can. I guess it wasnt much of a reintro or maybe i have to wait till tomorrow to find out how my body is responding. 

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So the little bits of feta I had two nights ago didn't bother me. I felt like I wanted to graze more yesterday, but we do have house guests and everything about the rhythm and routines of our life are thrown off.  I ate some provolone from the store yesterday and that was fine too. My mouth might have felt a little weird, but might not have. I do have some dairy digestive reactions, but it's minimal. I'd prefer not to, but it's not impinging on any social interactions. I don't think I'd want to bump up my dairy any more than that little bit which I guess I already knew.

The big thing that happened yesterday was that we ordered in pizza and it was from my favorite place and it was hot and pizza smelling. I ate some Egg Roll in a Bowl before it arrived so I wouldn't be hungry and when it was here I ate more Egg Roll in a Bowl as well as multiple bowls of dark greens with my favorite Lemon dressing and some Everything But The Salt seasonings. I ate more than I was really hungry for, but I needed something to occupy my hands, mouth, mind so that I could sit and enjoy the evening without feeling like I was missing out. And I didn't miss out! I love pizza and I would have enjoyed eating it, but I didn't really want to eat it and I really didn't want to mess up how I'm feeling. There's too much on the line and I don't have the room to feel lousy right now. And, it helped that I didn't know the ingredients of the crust. I think soy is the thing I'm trying most to steer clear of so that I can give it a good honest reintro and that means I don't want to test out anything else if it might have soy mixed in with it - thus no pizza crust.

I thought about chocolate and picked up a square of the dark chocolate and put my lips on it and then put it down. It's not the same. I don't really like dark chocolate. I like Kit Kat bars. I like rich creamy milk chocolate. I like dark chocolate with caramel and almonds. But dark chocolate on its own. Meh.

As for NSV's - I bought a jacket yesterday and it was an XL and it FIT! I just went into a store and put on a jacket (over my fleece) and zipped it up and it FIT!!!. Regular person feeling!!!! I bought it :) It was a sweet moment. I also think my pj pants are getting easier to pull up. They used to be really right around my entire rear, hips, and upper legs. They're not now. I guess these are probably all Scale Based NSV's except that I still don't know what the scale says. They're fun though because I am not limiting my foods in any way, but I can see that my system is just not consuming as much. Other NSV's? Sleep is good. I go to bed and wake up before anyone else. I'll just be dreaming and then I'll wake up and know that I'm awake and ready to get up. It's nice. Not sick at all. Not taking allergy pills again.. Went on that hike the other day and felt GOOOOOOOD about it and enjoyed it and could have done more! My energy is better throughout the day and even though I don't feel like jumping and running, I'm getting more done and I'm not sitting in front of the computer. I guess what is really interesting is that my Facebook and headline reading has gone down tremendously and instead I'm reading an actual book. I still find that I don't stay immeresed in the book like I used to and I want to check yahoo or email here and there - hopefully that will change.

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If you only have a minimal reaction to small-sized dairy portions, I think you are quite safe because there are so many things that have dairy in small amounts - and the few things that have dairy in large amounts are quite easy to avoid.

PS: I do love very dark chocolate, I have a 99% bar waiting for me in the cupboard - nobody else at home eats it :lol:

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It's nice having lots of leftovers in the fridge. I didn't cook once today and I ate well throughout the day. And, even better, there are shredded veggies sitting in the fridge just waiting to be cooked up in the morning. I love having food already prepped.  I did struggle once today when we went to a little grocery deli for lunch. I walked around looking for something I could eat. The Greek salad used canola oil and I'm avoiding canola - Oh my goodness - I just had an interesting memory pop up - I just remembered that the times I've eaten that salad, I've had a very upset loose stomach afterwards. Every time, I chalked it up to a lot of greens (doubtful given how many greens I often eat) or to bacteria (I had it during one of the romaine lettuce outbreaks) but now I wonder if it was the CANOLA oil. Whoa. This is pretty interesting to think about it. I suppose I could buy the salad and eat it with my personal dressing and see how it affects me. I kinda like that idea because I like the salad. 

Anyway, the store had almost nothing for me because I did not want a Lara bar or fruit, but then I found some locally made Kimchi and had that. It was good and not too spicy.

Our guests left late afternoon and I then grumbled and mumbled and drank an iced coffee at 5:00 to get my body into work to get ready for tomorrow. I got focused thankfully and got things done, but nowhere near what I want done. Ah well. Tomorrow will pass and I'll work tomorrow evening and get more done. I'm pleased that I was able to shift from feeling stressed about work and not wanting to work to something productive. I think that's one of the NSV's and one I am really appreciating (The coffee helped as well).

I loved having a three day weekend. I loved having my friends visit. I found I dropped my work stress for two and a half days and I enjoyed myself. My appetite also picked back up which was nice - and interesting - Interesting how stress can impact eating both by eating too much and by eating too little. I feel like I ate way too much today, but I really didn't. I felt like I feasted, but when I think back, everything I had was pretty moderately portioned. That's an NSV too - that I'm naturally eating more appropriate serving sizes without thinking about it.

Off to read my book and then to sleep.

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14 hours ago, Emma said:

Interesting how stress can impact eating both by eating too much and by eating too little.

I eat too much when I'm stressed.
You have always been the kind of person who eats too little when stressed, or has that changed for you?

Unconciously serving adecuate amounts of food sounds like a great NSV.
I hope I can get to that point eventually!

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9 hours ago, Amura said:

I eat too much when I'm stressed.
You have always been the kind of person who eats too little when stressed, or has that changed for you?

Unconciously serving adecuate amounts of food sounds like a great NSV.
I hope I can get to that point eventually!

When I'm busy and stressed, I don't eat. I think it's generally a good kind of stress because emotionally I feel good about what I'm doing even if it's hard. When I'm stressed and not productive - in a procrastinating kind of stress - then I eat. Lots. When I'm in that procrastinating space because I'm stressed about the project, then I go through all sorts of rituals such as cleaning, picking up, organizing, eating, making coffee, etc. Once I get started, I generally am focused and I forget about food. Before Whole30 though, I wasn't as resilient and that stress would kind of knock me for a loop and I'd find myself on Facebook, the internet, Netflix.....all sorts of avoiding behaviors. Now I seem more willing and able to just tackle things. My energy is better. It helps that I don't have to pull myself along at everything. It helps that my body and brain are feeling better.

Today was one of those days when I really didn't eat as I should, but stress was up. Such a huge difference from this weekend when I wanted to sit around and enjoy some good food. What I really want to do right now is go for a long walk, but it's too late so now I'm hoping I will wake up early and be able to go to the gym or out for a walk. Tomorrow will be another busy day, though not as rough as today. And tomorrow I have fish and veggies already prepped to take in to work. 

Ugh - and not practicing today, but I did manage to read some of my book early this morning!

 

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I'm definetely a procrastinator. That's why my house is never as clean as it is when I am stressed :lol:

People often think I'm very organized but that's just because I manage to keep stress at bay most of the time.
But I remember when I college, those exams periods, whoa! All the washing, cleaning, organizing, getting up just to sit in another place... I hardly managed to do anything done because I was constantly doing all those little things that were not what I was supposed to be doing.

Very rarely I have that super-focused kind of stress. For me it's way easier to focus on things that I'm doing at leisure (even if they are work-related).

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