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Emma

Whole 30 (July 2)

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I started a Whole 30 on July 2nd. Ran into some troubles around July 15th or so. Started again and then kept going. I have been feeling so much better, emotionally and physically, that I don't want to mess with things. Work is really busy and stressful these days. Life is busy and stressful. I have no room to be in my procrastinating lethargic run-away-from stress space. So, I've been introducing things here and there, but for the most part just doing Whole30.

I know that I can't eat lots of dairy. It always triggers inflammation, but I've had a few Greek salads with feta cheese and didn't have any noticeable issues. Last night I had a blue cheese salad. The dressing was made with sour cream, mayo, blue cheese and some other things. I suppose I'm a bit more bloated today. I think things didn't move through me like they normally do in the morning, but overall I feel fine.  I would not, however, have another one today. I think it builds up in me, some bits of dairy here and there is okay - but not cream cheese nor cheesecake - those two things wreak havoc with me. I wonder what makes cream cheese so different.

I've had some pepperocinis which are often in some food colored preservative. I didn't have many. No reaction I noticed.

Tonight I had a curry chicken and rice dinner that was pretty spicy. I don't expect any issues from the rice, nor the chicken. I'm not actually sure what ingredients were in the curry, but there was no soy. I ate quite a bit and feel bloated, but overall no major reactions to note.

The things I'm postponing are canola oil and soy. And wheat I suppose.  I could also check out cocoa. I'm curious about that.  And I'm a bit curious about coconut. I've really avoided coconut oil and coconut milk meals this go around and my digestive system seemed to be more solid. That could be, of course, due to many factors, but I'm still curious.

The biggest things I'm avoiding are the junk foods that are everywhere. Sometimes I'm tempted to have a bite of some crackers or cookies, but I really don't want the floodgate doors of addictive behaviors and constant seeking of food to open. I'm really happy with how I'm feeling. And thankfully, I'm too busy to do anything different. 

My body has also kicked into gear and has been losing weight. It's a really nice treat that I am enjoying. Today I put on some size 14 pants. I expected them to be really tight, but they were okay. But, there's so much more weight around my stomach and gut, that they fell down over my shrinking hips so I had to keep pulling them up. It got me thinking about body proportions. Mine are out of kilter with the skinnier hips and chunkier waist/middle. Things will change though as I continue along and maybe pants will stay in the proper place one of these days. Maybe I'll even fit into one of my old favorite shirts one of these days - not yet, but one day.

And for NSV's - there are so many. I suppose just looking at my evening is an NSV. I came home and visited with a house guest, then volunteered to go pick up dinner. I did the dishes, a couple loads of laundry, swept the floor, hung out with my kid, read my book, wrapped a present....WOW...I did a lot and I feel tired and a bit weary, but I also feel okay like this is just life and not miserable drudgery.  I haven't been on Facebook or yahoo or email. It's the sign that my brain or mental state is healthier I think. I didn't think the computer stuff was so bad, but I also couldn't seem to get away from it.

Any other NSV's. Neh. Not at the moment, but there are many. Off to read and then to sleep.

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My stomach was upset this morning from the food last night, but I think it was the spice level that was upsetting my stomach. Then work got busy and I didn't notice anything. I did notice that my stomach was grumbling much more today and I felt hungrier than I have been, but I stuck to my foods and ate more almonds than I probably should have, but that's not so bad. I have been doing a lousy job drinking water the last few weeks so I'm trying to be more conscientious about that. I do best if I have a big bottle of soda water and then I can track how much I've had.  

NSV's - laughed instead of got annoyed when talking with my husband this evening

 

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Great review Emma, thanks for sharing!  It is awesome how well you recognize your improved energy and attitude!!  I believe that finding joy in everyday life can be a challenge but you are meeting that challenge admirably! 

My end of journey story is on the Success Stories part of the forum.  So far I've only reintroduced peanuts and soy, with mild consequences that I will investigate more after other reintroductions are assessed.  Tomorrow is the formal reintroduction of RED WINE!!  Yippee!!  Trying not to be overly excited about that...

My NSV of the day - Due to busy schedules, we moved the celebration of my daughter's birthday up to last night.  I made her favorite strawberry cake from my grandmother's old fashioned recipe, meaning it is dense and heavy and moist and delicious, but not too pretty to look at.  And I DID NOT HAVE A SLICE!  But to be fully honest, I did lick my fingers after slicing and serving others.  (They are my family, they don't care...  :lol:)  I made myself some sliced fresh strawberries and coconut milk, which was sufficient after the little tastes I got from the crumbs.  I did not feel sad, I did not feel left out, I did not feel any enormous urges and I left the entire remainder of the cake at her house for her to share as she cares to!

Thank you Whole30!!  I feel so free!!

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13 hours ago, Angelia said:

Great review Emma, thanks for sharing!  It is awesome how well you recognize your improved energy and attitude!!  I believe that finding joy in everyday life can be a challenge but you are meeting that challenge admirably! 

My end of journey story is on the Success Stories part of the forum.  So far I've only reintroduced peanuts and soy, with mild consequences that I will investigate more after other reintroductions are assessed.  Tomorrow is the formal reintroduction of RED WINE!!  Yippee!!  Trying not to be overly excited about that...

My NSV of the day - Due to busy schedules, we moved the celebration of my daughter's birthday up to last night.  I made her favorite strawberry cake from my grandmother's old fashioned recipe, meaning it is dense and heavy and moist and delicious, but not too pretty to look at.  And I DID NOT HAVE A SLICE!  But to be fully honest, I did lick my fingers after slicing and serving others.  (They are my family, they don't care...  :lol:)  I made myself some sliced fresh strawberries and coconut milk, which was sufficient after the little tastes I got from the crumbs.  I did not feel sad, I did not feel left out, I did not feel any enormous urges and I left the entire remainder of the cake at her house for her to share as she cares to!

Thank you Whole30!!  I feel so free!!

Ooooh - a favorite Strawberry cake recipe! My daughter loves strawberries. As of this moment, she wants a white cake for her birthday next weekend, but a strawberry one sounds much more fun to make. Your strawberries and coconut milk was a smart move! :)

Smiling - red wine! That will be wonderful if it can fit back into your life. I'll have to go check out your story. I didn't really know where to write. I'd been plugging along in the Whole30 community page, but it didn't really feel right. 

 

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Last week, two people asked me if I'd lost weight. Finally! I know it doesn't matter and I don't really care, but it's nice to have it confirmed by others. And that's it - just two people. But I am markedly less and I'm appreciating it every day that I get dressed. I like putting on my clothes now and I like how they fit. It's nice to be back in this space.

I also read a person's post yesterday in the Whole30 group. The woman had done Whole30 and been successful and then went off course.  I've been there and done that. I know there are many people that do great - just like I currently am - and then it all falls apart and weight comes ballooning back. And worse than the weight, is the powerlessness and the depression and the hopelessness and all the coping skills that one uses to grapple with those feelings. Blech. I sure don't want that to happen!

I do know that this Whole30 was a more important one for me than when I'd done them previously. I'm older now. My C-reactive protein numbers were dangerously high. I was unhappy. I journaled for almost a year on the one thing that I wanted to change - the one thing that would make the biggest difference in my life.....and it's my weight.  Or my health.  They're pretty intertwined. My health is the biggest thing. Getting there is the reason for losing weight. Whole30 is the vehicle for caring for and nourishing my body in a healthy way. And my body likes it. I feel SO much better. When I did a vegan cleanse, I felt SO much WORSE. When I ate my normal crap, I also felt lousy.

So, for over a year, I've been working on losing weight by watching calories, being aware of my foods, eating cleaner, and so on. I lost weight. I gained some back, but overall....I did pretty good. One year ago, I weighed 45 more pounds than I do now. Looking back, I'm thankful for my efforts. Looking ahead, it still feels daunting. When I was counting calories, everything about eating was difficult. With Whole30 and post Whole30, everything is easy and I don't have limitations on quantities. It's so refreshing. And it's ultra refreshing to know I'm eating healthy things.

But...I am scared of the slippery slope and the weird drugged out mindset that makes it so difficult to climb back up that slippery slope. 

As for foods - today I had another RX bar. I had one yesterday. I'm not sure I like how it's feeling in my throat. This is not a new suspicion, though it's one I don't want to acknowledge.  I have the RX bars at work for emergencies, but I think I need to figure out something different. I'm also curious about eggs. I haven't been eating as many and I'd like to continue avoiding them for a little bit so I can test them out.

I almost tested out canola oil dressing this evening, but I chickened out. I don't want a big reaction to mess with my body. It's exhausting.

I'm also tired. I woke up at 3:50 last night when somebody called and I couldn't get back to sleep. I still got almost six hours of sleep, but my body wants at least seven and a half and I can feel it this evening.

Off to read some posts by other and then head to bed. I've got lots I need to get done this weekend and the thought of dealing with next week without being caught up and ready is incredibly stressful.

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Well.....so many interesting things for me to think about.

Yesterday, I ate ALL DAY LONG! I was running errands and also stressed about the work I wanted to complete this weekend. It's that procrastinating stress that is an eating trigger for me I think. And because it was the weekend, I wasn't crazy busy like I am during the week where I have no time to snack. Even though I ate lots, I stuck to Whole30 stuff and ate SO many olives, a bag of baby carrots, hard boiled eggs, and some salami. When I got home late afternoon, I had a huge bowl of greens with my lemon olive oil dressing and turkey slices (an entire package). I felt SO full. My system was definitely not pleased. I did drink a bunch of water which was good, but then I had to pee throughout the night. I woke up with a congested nose and either the start of a cold or allergies. I did work down in the basement for several hours last night. (Reading back over that list of food, it doesn't sound so bad, but it was. The number of olives with their fatty saltiness couldn't have been good. The whole bag of baby carrots was was too much for my system and the entire package of turkey slices was a bit over the top. Maybe calorie wise it wasn't over the top, but mindful-balanced-eating wise, it sure was)

I popped an allergy pill this morning and spent the day working and getting things done. My digestive system balanced back out and I did not eat crazy amounts today. I did go back to my tried and true favorite of yellow squash and eggs which seems to sit so well in my system. I also spent hours down in the basement. My throat feels a little sore. My eyes feel a little irritated. My ears are crackling. My knee feels slightly swollen (but I can go up and down the stairs just fine!!!) I bet it is allergy like stuff. I am allergic to dust and there's bound to be lots of dust down there even if we think it's clean (which it's not).

The good news - I'm going to bed on time so my body might be getting taxed a little, but it will have the chance to sleep (unless my recent water consumption gets in the way)

So...the other thing that happened yesterday...I went by a restaurant where we plan to eat next week and I asked to look at their menu ingredients so I could plan ahead. It was really eye opening!!! I went in thinking I'd try to eat Whole30 ish - no dairy, grains, soy, sugars, etc but what happened was I really recognized that I need to do some reintro to rule things out or I need to make some decisions and prioritize.

The biggest thing I don't want to eat is Canola Oil. I really didn't care for my reaction the last time I had it and I know I need to test it out again, but I just don't know when I have the time and energy to risk the reaction. Of course, maybe I'm not allergic to it, but I guess I wouldn't be surprised if I was. That being said, EVERYTHING at the restaurant uses canola oil. It's interesting too because the food all seems relatively healthy, but often when we went out to eat there or at the sister place, I'd feel icky late on in the evening.  So if I am allergic to canola oil....wow....it's in everything and it's like a secret ingredient. And if it's not canola oil, then it's usually soybean oil.

Sigh - so soy I need to figure out. If I get major gas eating tofu, does that mean all forms of soy are off limits? I need to google and figure out a plan.

And wheat....I could have ribs with a biscuit - a biscuit sounds so good, but is wheat an issue. Sugar maybe too, but I'm not allergic to sugar.  I do get a foggy head every time I eat pancakes, but how does that connect to breads and biscuits?

And dairy...I know small amounts of dairy are generally okay, but I have to be mindful of any cumulative effects. I've spent so much of my life avoiding dairy and here I am thinking it might be the safe thing for me when I go out to eat.

The restaurant is great in that they said they'd cook up some fish in butter instead of oil and I could probably eat some mashed potatoes or maybe get some veggies sauteed in butter. I can bring my own salad dressing for the salads since theirs all use canola oil. I can also spend time staring at all the ingredients and try to figure out what allows me to introduce something in isolation - probably another dairy test unless I somehow pull off a soy or wheat test mid week. It's sure not the same as just ordering off the menu whatever sounds appealing!

And then the sugar dragon! I think it's interesting that the couple days after I had the Thai Curry and Rice, I ate nut bars. The nut bars were the thing I ate frequently at the start of the Whole30. After the month was over, the nut bars kind of faded away and I forgot about them.....till I ate that curry and rice dish. And I think it's interesting that I had such a bingy type of day yesterday. Did the curry and rice trigger some old behaviors?

So...the process continues.

I'm going to cook up some more egg and squash tomorrow morning and try to really set the day off on the right foot.

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What a day. Work was rough. Glad it's over except I'm not ready for tomorrow mentally or emotionally or pragmatically. I'm feeling a little discouraged because I am putting so much time into work and not with my family nor my body nor outside nor anything that I also value. But there are down days and all looks bleak and I know it will turn around. This is always a tough time of year and in a month or two, it will be better. But I still resent the lack of time hanging out with my kids. And I hate the guilt and shame I feel for not being able to do a better job at work. But really, I do a pretty amazing job. The job is just plain hard and that's the nature of it. And time - I just wish there was more time. 

So that's my negative junk.

For the positives - I had a really nice simple dinner of zucchini, eggs, onions cooked with coconut aminos, garlic, and red wine vinegar. It was like total comfort food. Other positives: I slept well last night. I'm gearing up to go to bed early this evening. I'm not sick and the allergies or cold I had (allergies I think) have chilled out and I didn't have any more allergy pills. THAT is actually really a big deal. People at work have had colds. So far I'm not one of them, but given the number of people who are sick, I'm probably going to come down with something. Hopefully, my healthier and less inflamed body will deal with things more efficiently. Any other positives? I'm feeling discouraged and yet the thing that is MOST important (getting healthy) is the thing that I am still maintaining amidst all the other stuff. That's really a big deal too.

And the entire canola and soybean oil thing.....it's a bit mind boggling how many things have those two ingredients in them! 

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Hi Emma!  I lost you there for a bit, but found you again and have now caught up.  All of this (food/health/family/work/life) is an amazing challenge, is it not?  I think one of the hardest things for us as humans is to find joy in everyday life.  It is a constant work in progress.  But you keep saying something positive with each post, so I believe you are on the right track! 

Now that I'm well past day 30, I'm weighing again and I'm pretty content with what I'm seeing.  The usual ups and downs, but I'm averaging about 1 lb lost per week. 

The joy I continue to celebrate is the sugar dragon is now a tame little gecko.  She can be ignored and brushed aside fairly easily.  The one time she flared up was Friday night.  Possible factors: end of a work week, daughter home from college for the weekend, added an extra gym session, not planning to have wine until Saturday.  I was SO, SO glad I did not have anything at home that would have served as sugar dragon fuel!  The urge was very concrete.  But I got through it.  It's an effort every day, but that day it was a big effort and I beat it!

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12 hours ago, Angelia said:

The joy I continue to celebrate is the sugar dragon is now a tame little gecko.  She can be ignored and brushed aside fairly easily.  The one time she flared up was Friday night.  Possible factors: end of a work week, daughter home from college for the weekend, added an extra gym session, not planning to have wine until Saturday.  I was SO, SO glad I did not have anything at home that would have served as sugar dragon fuel!  The urge was very concrete.  But I got through it.  It's an effort every day, but that day it was a big effort and I beat it!

A pound a week is great!  I'm also losing weight and I've gotten on the scale at home, but it isn't really accurate so I don't really know how much until I use the one at the gym. It doesn't really matter because I can see and feel how clothes are sitting on me differently. Today I put on a jacket that was tight last winter and now it's loose. It was a really nice feeling. And my pants are dragging around my feet again because there is less leg to lift up the material. It's all good stuff.

The sugar dragon is scary. I also have a tame gecko. I might even have a reptile free house at this point. In fact, I think I do. But I know, just like spiders seep in through the crevices when it rains, so do geckos, lizards, anoles, and dragons. Congratulations to getting through the weekend urges and the comment about it being an effort every day.  Right now, I'm not feeling much effort, but I also feel like I'm cheating because I'm not going out of my safe zone - which is fine for now, but the real work is being able to eat and drink other things without going down the chute.

Work today was so much better than yesterday. Home life this evening was good too. Not great, but good. There's so much to get done and I'm still so thankful that I've got this energy and health to muster through it fairly gracefully. Last night in bed I pictured myself waking up early and taking the dog for a walk. It was such a nice idea. And then this morning I woke up early and made coffee and read the computer. A walk would have been nice, but the coffee was nice too. Walking might be better for my soul, but my being is feeling a bit taxed so I'm not making myself do anything. Thus, why I haven't gone to the gym also. 

For dinner tonight, I again had my zucchini, onion, egg thing. It was filling and good. Before that, Ii chowed down on a bunch of cashews and salami which wasn't so good. And right before that I had a Greek Salad with feta cheese. It was a lot to eat in a short period of time, but overall, no big negatives. I might be a bit bloated, but not anything uncomfortable. I saw my chowing down behaviors and realized I needed to make something more substantial. Once I ate the zucchini egg dish, the pillaging stopped. Tomorrow will be a hard day too with lots of kid activities after school into the evening so I'm going to have to plan ahead. Maybe I can run to the store in the morning and pick up some more greens and veggies. Or maybe I can cook up the lamb and cabbage that's in the fridge when I wake up. Alas, no onions in the house!

Who knows what the morning will bring. I'm off to sleep and will hopefully wake up early.

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LOL, I love the pants bit!  Mine get longer because my tummy gets smaller and so the pants sit a bit lower.  My solution is to wear higher heeled shoes or boots until I have time to do or get alterations. 

Today was supposed to be reinto day for none gluten grains, but I think I'll also stay in my comfort zone and maybe try for that tomorrow.  Oatmeal for breakfast, chips and salsa with lunch, rice with dinner.  The only thing in that list that I really miss is oatmeal.  Overnight oats with almond milk/cut up fruit/sliced almonds was a 2x per week staple before W30. 

My other dilemma is all the non compliant foods that I still have hanging around.  Vanilla whey protein (artificially sweetened) in a container the size of a fish bowl, numerous protein bars also artificially sweetened, about $50 worth of very high quality jerky (beef, pork and turkey) that is made with added sugar.  Sigh.  I'm too cheap to throw it all away.  If I try to work it in little by little, I'll still be at it this time next year!  :rolleyes:

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11 hours ago, Angelia said:

LOL, I love the pants bit!  Mine get longer because my tummy gets smaller and so the pants sit a bit lower.  My solution is to wear higher heeled shoes or boots until I have time to do or get alterations. 

Today was supposed to be reinto day for none gluten grains, but I think I'll also stay in my comfort zone and maybe try for that tomorrow.  Oatmeal for breakfast, chips and salsa with lunch, rice with dinner.  The only thing in that list that I really miss is oatmeal.  Overnight oats with almond milk/cut up fruit/sliced almonds was a 2x per week staple before W30. 

My other dilemma is all the non compliant foods that I still have hanging around.  Vanilla whey protein (artificially sweetened) in a container the size of a fish bowl, numerous protein bars also artificially sweetened, about $50 worth of very high quality jerky (beef, pork and turkey) that is made with added sugar.  Sigh.  I'm too cheap to throw it all away.  If I try to work it in little by little, I'll still be at it this time next year!  :rolleyes:

Oatmeal is one of the nicer grains. I used to eat it a lot, but haven't in years. It would be an easy one to test out for me because I don't think I have any issues with it. And it might spice up my morning routine! I hope your grain intro goes smoothly.

The non-compliant foods, the clothes that don't fit, all the things in my life that have price tags attached to them in my head are so difficult to give up. Sometimes I pack them up to just give away, but then they sit in the box. Getting rid of things is harder than it seems - ha - and so is losing weight. That desire to seek homeostasis is rather fascinating, particularly when the status isn't really where you want to be.  Ha - I just looked around my kitchen - SO much clutter and crap. sigh. But I'm not gonna deal with any of it right now!

My day went well. I didn't get a chance to eat at work so I ate this evening and it started with quick easy foods from the market (a meat bar, olives, a lara bar) and then I got home and cooked up some......yeah....same as the last two nights - eggs, onions, squash.  The not so good thing is the foods I ate in the car and didn't really like or savor (I did like the olives). The good thing is that I just came home after eight and COOKED up some foods. I didn't need the calories or the food, but I think I needed the wholesome nutrients and I made it happen without any effort. It also stopped that goofy questing/seeking behavior that was lurking in my being.

I drank more water today. Not as much as I'd like. I'm top heavy doing most of my liquid consumption in the early evening. Earlier in the day would be a bit more ideal, but at least I'm getting some in me.

I'm tired tonight. I'm sitting in front of the computer reading headlines. It is reminiscent of pre Whole30. I have SO much I could be doing, need to be doing, want to be doing, but I'm just sitting here....and soon I will round up the kids and get us all to bed. I think my low energy is because I woke up last night at 3:00 to a loud sound and then couldn't fall back asleep for an hour or so. I lightly dozed during that time, but I didn't fall into a deeper sleep for quite a while - possibly 4:30 or 5:00. I then woke up at six and got up.  

How do kids and teens and college students and people function in our society that doesn't value sleep!? I didn't either. I was a stay up late and get things done kind of person, but since doing my first Whole30 (and having kids) I really learned how important that sleep is. And now when I don't get it, I can see how it affects me. haha - it's like a reintro for lack of sleep!! :)

Off to put clothes in the dryer and brush my teeth and get my very full belly off to bed.

Good night

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OMG - SO FUNNY!  My Wednesday nights are always my challenge due to my schedule which is fully self-inflicted.  I don't get home until after 9, but usually have dinner on the road (although I didn't last night) and then I sit my exhausted ass in front of the TV show Botched and I CAN'T LOOK AWAY!!  It's like a car crash.  Every Wednesday I remind myself that I'm going to feel like crap the next day if I don't shut it off and get to bed, but I want to watch just until the next commercial, then the one after that, then I might as well see the final results, then I want to see the intro of the next episode, etc., etc.  I need to treat Botched like added sugar and just cut it out completely!!

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Good luck with that!!! :) I love good bad tv and I have had my share of late nights when I shouldn't! Thankfully, I can't watch tv while putting the kids to bed or I'd be in real trouble.

 

I woke up again last night around three, but I was able to go back to sleep. It wasn't great sleep, but it counts. I finally got up at five o'clock which is earlier than I want to be up. Work went well, but it was a high stress day and then a meeting afterwards and then a training and we finally got home at 8. I just cooked up some lamb, cabbage, and onions and will probably eat a little too much.

Last night I also had gas! I don't usually. Olives, lara bar, meat bar, eggs and squash - I'm not sure what triggered it. Or maybe I drank more water than I have been and my body's digestive system is just a bit out of wack.  Earlier tonight I had a blue cheese salad. I'm not sure what the dressing is made with - definitely no soy or canola oil listed, but mayo is listed and I suppose weird things could be in there.  The dressing also included sour cream.  I don't notice anything though I do have a little cough right now, but I think that's related to my undercooked onions.

I'm tired. I'm enjoying feeling thinner. I'm still not thin. That would be another 40 pounds away, but wow - I'm now in an okay zone. I'm enjoying that I can walk up and down the stairs and my joints which used to be so unhappy are handling things. I sometimes feel little twings and I know my knees and ankles did not magically heal, but they have a heck of a lot less weight to deal with and I think they're appreciating that. I am. I've lost 45-55 pounds which is more than a big bag of dog food and I sure don't like carrying big bags of dog food up the stairs.

But NSV's - just feeling healthier - bolder - more confident that I won't catch every bug that goes around - contentdedly happy eating my lamb, onion, cabbage dinner instead of processed stuff, feeling full, but not bloated, and hopeful, and liking who I see when I look in the mirror.

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Sunday - My does time go by quickly and there is a reason I like checking in here every day. When I don't, it's easier to forget why I'm focusing on how I eat. And the why is so that I will be healthier and have a healthier future. And I'm so thankful I started because I AM healthier and I AM feeling better, but it's only because I focused and stuck with things. And the reason for this self pep talk is because today and yesterday were a bit....rocky. Saturday probably was too.

Yesterday, I was preparing for a party and doing lots of baking. I taste tested the frosting. That was fine. But, prior to testing the frosting, all I had eaten was salami. I'd really done a lousy job caring for myself. So then when I made some cookies and they didn't hold their shape so I couldn't set them out, I sampled one. And throughout the evening I sampled even more. All that was in them was flour, butter, sugar, and eggs - a basic sugar cookie (That somehow I messed up on). I also ate lots of baby carrots and regular salami from the store. And olives. I did not have any Doritos or Smartfood popcorn or lime sherbert. I did not have any cheese. I did have half a piece of cheese pizza which is made with soybean oil. And, I had many more of the messed up sugar cookies. They were so interesting. You have one and it disappear so quickly and it's gone in your mouth, but it's memory is there - kinda - so you have another one to remember it better - and then another and another. I had more than I would let my kids have, but I did not eat all.

So there - lots of positives! I didn't eat all the cookies. I did not eat cheese or chips. I did not eat more pizza. I had no beer. Oh, I had one glass of shiraz and it was REALLY sweet! My husband looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't care for it, but I drank it and enjoyed the buzz.

I woke up with a very loud digestive system. I think it was all the butter from the cookies??? They were pretty rich. The pizza dough uses soybean oil, but I didn't really eat that much so I don't think that's the immediate culprit. I don't really know.

Then this afternoon, I was hungry and by a bread place so I went in and ordered a loaf of basil parmesan. The ingredients were nice and clear: flour, honey, yeast, parmesan cheese...  I think the cheese isn't an issue. The honey isn't an issue. The flour - I don't know. So I ate some and it was good and then I had some more and some more, but I did not have it all and then I got home and my ears and system feel a little scratchy. I think I'm reacting to something in it and I bet it's something in the flour. Well,  I know I'm allergic to barley so if the flour was a malted flour that could include barley I think. I don't know what their flour source is.  But, I do feel scratchy so no more for today nor for the next few days.

What I should do is cook up some REAL food and get rid of this wanderlust behavior. Instead, I'm going to run to the store to pick up some food for my kids this week and hopefully have some bright idea on what I can eat this evening. Or maybe I will go eat some arugula and spinach with turkey slices - in fact, that's what I'm going to do. Get something healthy into me and then progress onto the errands and tasks for the evening.

Exhale - well, I felt like I was going a bit off the rails today and yesterday, but I didn't. Looking back, I was not Queen of Delicate Moderation, but nor did I through all restraint to the wind.

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Went out to dinner tonight and the restaurant was fantastic at tweaking things so that I had no soy and no canola oil. I'm so impressed with them and with my meal which left me feeling full, but not weird, bloated, or icky.  I also had a large bite of a cupcake and I had a processed food angel food cake thing with coconut cream and fruit. THAT left me feeling a little icky and I had a little headache after it, but not much of a surprise given the number of weird things in it. I had the desert before the dinner so now, with dinner in me, I feel just fine. 

My reintro is not perfect, but it's going slowly enough that I can regroup. The bread yesterday....not so good...not horrible, but that stuffy nose I had before bed led to snoring all night. So, I can explore breads and wheats further to see what specific ingredient is the problem, or I can just not eat them. Probably I should do some exploration. What if sourdough is okay? What if I want a hamburger bun on occasion or some french rolls? But in general, I don't.

So....keep plugging along....hope and reflect and try to be aware if I am going down a slippery slope or still able to maintain the healthy eating scene. So far, I think I'm doing okay. 

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What a day. Everyday feels like that. I also didn't do anything for myself. Well, not true. I finished a book this morning and that counts. I have hopes of waking up early and working so I'm prepared mentally for tomorrow. As for eating - it's hard to eat when I'm super stressed at work. Even when I had a few minutes to eat, the thought of eating was extremely unpleasant. All my enery is going into work and there's none to digest food. I did drink water. And I think I'm going to close this computer and try to meditate a bit because my poor nervous system must be feeling a little taxed.

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Thursday - Slept well last night. Thank goodness. Wednesday night I slept well, but woke up to the alarm! I rarely do that and I don't like it at all. It also meant I had less time in the morning to drink coffee and start the day. This morning I woke up just before six. SO much better. And the day was better too. Work was busy, but not hellish. Work was long, but not hellish. Work is still hanging over my head, but it's not hellish and filled with resentment on my part so things are good - just busy. I did hurt my back this week. I didn't really hurt it, but I strained it so it's achy and sore, but as long as I'm mindful and get sleep (and drink more water), I think it will be fine.

I had a great dinner last night of burgers and portabello mushrooms with salsa. Today, I repeated the same thing. I have arugula and salami waiting for me for a quick fast breakfast. Plugging along. But I do need to drink more water!!!

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Great veggie filled dinner last night. My husband cooked. I was planning on fending for myself, but then he said, "I think this is all Whole30 stuff" and it was. I put it over a bed of greens and it was perfect. I'm so glad we once did Whole30 as a family because it means things like last night happen. And it was a good dinner.

I've got a touch of a cold starting today. Nothing bad, just a raspy voice. So do my kids. Hopefully it's short and no big deal. 

I'm achy today in a good way from walking to and from the office yesterday and from working in the yard shoveling and digging. I've got more to do today. Last year at this time when I walked to and from work, I was tired afterwards and my joints were sore. Not now! I'm also thirty pounds less than last year at this time. Thirty pounds makes a big difference on the joints. I'm also 55 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest last year. That's a lot of weight. It's hard to believe it's real. Sometimes I think I'm just exaggerating, but then I look at my notes and it is for real. And now I'm at a new set point which is one where I'm no longer in the obese range (just barely) and I feel more confident and more active and more capable of doing things.  It's still hard to imagine being at an even healthier zone - especially given my lack of focus in the exercise and weight loss arena, but just by eating clean and avoiding the things that don't sit well with me....things are happening.  Canola oil - I never want to eat you again! Soy - I'm not so sure. Wheat - only in small amounts. Dairy - only in small amounts. 

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I had a great arugula salad and burger for dinner. I actually had two burgers.  I wasnt still hungry, but the first one was so good with the mustard and the bitter spicy greens that I went for a second one. I'm also catching a cold and dang...I should have caught myself and told myself to not eat it. I'm better abstaining from foods when I'm sick - not complete abstaining, but certainly not doubling up meals. I think I wanted that second serving because my body wasn't feeling right and I start searching for something to change it. I think I do this normally when I'm eating non Whole30 and now that I'm avoiding canola oil - which is in everything - I wonder how much that might have played in feeling like I have a constant sense of needing to change how I'm feeling.

On another note...I wore a shirt today - my favorite shirt - that I haven't worn in years. Years! I'd tried it on a bit ago and it was still too small, but this morning I thought I'd try it again. It fit. It felt slightly tight on my upper arms, but I decided I'd risk it and all day I felt just fine. It's so nice having that shirt back because I equate it with feeling healthy and fit. I'm still not healthy nor fit, but I'm a heck of a lot healthier and fitter than I was. I'm loving that I am feeling more like myself and that my ankle joints don't hurt when I walk barefoot and that I broke into a short little jog today to get to my meeting and that my knees didn't hurt afterwards. I think my joints must be so thankful that I'm doing this process.

And right now I can feel my stomach is just a bit too full. My ears hurt. My throat hurts. Lesson to note - don't overeat when the other parts of me aren't feeling so hot. I ate a lot last night too when I made a cauliflower crust pizza. It was pretty dang good, but cauliflower does cause a lot of bloating so I only eat it at dinner and only if I'm home without friends over. Hmmm - if it has that big an impact, is that normal or something to avoid?

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Sunday - I went out last night wearing that old favorite shirt of mine and somebody took a photo. I just saw that photo on Facebook and I loved it! It's so nice to see my face and body again in a way that looks like me. I still have a big bootie and a lot of stomach and torso fat, but I'm okay with it. Well, I want it to go away so I'm healthier and my organs are free and clear of the fat surrounding them, but how I look - I'm cool with it! I feel like where I am is a nice place to be. I fit into clothing. I don't stand out as the heaviest person in the room. I look "normal". A doctor would probably tell me to lose 10-20 pounds to be healthier. I know my body could lose 40 pounds to be "ideal" but for now....I'm in a good zone. It's refreshing!!! And the interesting thing about this is that there's no celebration or popping of champagne or gold stars as if I've met some goal. Instead it's just like the background of my life is just easier. Instead of fretting over clothing or the image in the mirror or not being able to move easily, everything is just easier. I just feel like me and don't feel "different". The funny thing about that is that a year ago, I also felt like "me" but I was unhappy, lonely, and depressed. And when I started my Whole30 back in July, I was feeling really low and powerless and unhappy and the road ahead looked daunting and difficult. Looking back, that first month was the hardest.

Last night when I went out, there was a buffet with some chicken in bbq sauce, red meat, salad with only ranch dressing as an option, and lots of different cooked veggies and potatoes. The veggies looked GOOD. I wanted some so I asked what oil they were cooked with and the caterer didn't know. Ugh!! I was so annoyed and annoyed they didn't call the chef. If they'd been cooked in olive oil or butter, I would have had them, but all the caterer could tell me was that it was vegan, which ruled out butter. I really wanted the veggies, but I did not want any reaction if there was vegetable oil (canola or soybean) used so I ate meat and greens without any dressing :/ It was kinda bleak and I felt a bit sorry for myself, but what was interesting was how much my being did not want to "test out" the other things so I ended up feeling okay and not sorry for myself. The meat was good, but soon after I felt raspy in my throat and nose. I do have a cold, but the reaction was right after the food so I imagine the meat had something in the broth that wasn't my cup of tea. However, it wasn't enough to trigger any major reactions and it passed and I was able to sleep last night.

Again - I really don't know if canola oil is the culprit in my life, but I did have the reaction one day to it and now that I'm aware of it, I find it is in everything! And if I was consuming it so frequently, then my poor body was constantly having to deal with an irritant. And my aversion to wanting to test it out is fascinating to me. It's like not wanting to touch a smoking ember. Maybe my brain and body really know something about canola oil. Or maybe my brain is fearful of something that doesn't need to be feared (like holding a tarantula which is okay, but quite freaky). Regardless, I'm feeling FREE right now of food issues. I'm seeking healthy clean meals and I don't feel like I am restricting or on a diet, nor actively worried about some slippery slope.

My fear, however, is that I will slip from this beautiful place at some point and end up right where I was before. I purchased some goat milk ice cream and some vanilla ice cream that didn't use any soy or ingredients other than dairy and sugar. I'm going to test them out once I'm over this cold and see. I know how dairy feels in my system. I'm curious if the sugar dragon will be activated, but I feel pretty confident that I can reign it back in for the week following.

 

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On ‎10‎/‎6‎/‎2019 at 11:02 AM, Emma said:

I went out last night wearing that old favorite shirt of mine and somebody took a photo. I just saw that photo on Facebook and I loved it! It's so nice to see my face and body again in a way that looks like me.

Oh my gosh, isn't this wonderful??!!  I was fishing last week at my parents' farm and caught a nice fish.  I held it up and my fella took my picture with his phone.  I assumed it was just upper torso, head and fish, but when he sent it to me, it was a full body shot - AND I LOOKED GOOD!!  I wasn't posing or sucking anything in, and I still looked good!!  It is so nice not to fret over my appearance constantly.  I just look normal!  And life is just generally easier when my mental real estate isn't constantly battling self esteem issues.  It's just such a huge relief.  YAY US!! 

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22 hours ago, Angelia said:

  I just look normal!  And life is just generally easier when my mental real estate isn't constantly battling self esteem issues.  It's just such a huge relief.  YAY US!! 

It's SO nice. Super YAY US!

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