Like an Onion

[Brewer5]

Day 28:  5/11/20

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12:35 pm:  (4) eggs w/ ghee

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3:30 pm:  air fryer steak fries w/ ranch

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9:00 pm:  chicken thigh bites … cooked in air fryer w/ some W30 "breading" I found on Thrive Market

I don’t know what all was in that mix - but I took the chance with my gut, because I don’t have to go anywhere in the morning.  It was good!

[Brewer5]

10 hours ago, BabyBear said:

Look at you go!  I’m so proud of you!!!!  

So happy to have you back.    Thanks!

[Brewer5]

Day 29:  5/12/20

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10:30 am:  banana

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11:15 am:  (1) acetaminophen d/t headache

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11:30 am:  (3) eggs w/ diced potatoes and ghee

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12:45 pm:  (1) Imodium & (1) acetaminophen

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I just don’t feel good today.  Feel like my blood pressure is up.  I finally ordered a BP monitor so I can check it out at home.  This doesn’t happen very often, but I’d like to see what it looks like when I’m feeling this way.

I don’t think this has anything to do with my diet.  I have come to realize that emotional stress creates physical symptoms that are quite real.  A recent conversation with a friend stirred some things up in me, and I don’t feel at peace.

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8:00 pm:  W30 frozen meal w/ ghee

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I was pretty wiped out after just a 5-hour shift.  Went to sleep without posting - so I’m posting this the next day.

[Brewer5]

Day 30:  5/13/20

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11:00 am:  banana & egg (yes, pancakes) w/ bacon

I wasn’t planning to eat these today, but my husband made them - and when I decided I was ready to eat, there they were on the counter. 

Too easy.  I’ve got other stuff to do and worry about.

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12:15 pm:  grabbed more banana egg circles lol

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2:30 pm:  meatballs w/ ranch

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5:45 pm:  finished the ... umm, bananas cradled in eggs

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9:30 pm:  steak, diced potatoes, ghee

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Well, I did it.

Tomorrow morning I will weigh myself, out of curiosity and for the sake of documentation.

I predict a small loss of # on the scale.  But I’d be happy if the number were exactly the same as when I started.  I had been gaining, gaining, gaining at a rapid rate … for I don’t know how long.  {I’d really have to think about it ~ and I’m too tired for that.} 

I just wanted/needed the gaining to stop.  I’m sure I’ve achieved that ~ and of course, so much more = many NSV’s.

[Brewer5]

On 4/14/2020 at 8:25 PM, Brewer5 said:

Day 1: 4/14/20

That makes Day 31: 5/14/20

Weighed in today ~ after my shower, but before food:  131.2 lbs

Day 31:  5/14/20

Weighed in today ~ same conditions:  126.4 lbs

That's 4.8 lbs in 30 days ~ and 3.7% of my weight = gone.

[BabyBear]

You did it!!!! I’m so incredibly proud of you.  Sometimes it just feels good to complete something.  Do you have plans from here or just take life day by day?  Will you do a reintro 

I’m wrestling with a start date, but I think Saturday should be my day.  

[ShadowInTheKitchen]

Congratulations Brewer5, that is a great result!   What do you feel is your greatest NSV?

Shadow

[Brewer5]

Day 31:  5/14/20

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Had to be at work at 6 am, and definitely had an unhappy gut this morning.  Took two Imodium just so I could make the drive to work.  Ugh.

I was careless yesterday with the garlic and onion in the meatballs … and of course, the ranch.  I know better, and I ate it anyway.  It’s too easy when my husband cooks “compliant” items - just because it’s W30 compliant does NOT mean it is going to do great things for me.

Broken record on that issue.  

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12:30 pm:  quickly crammed down a sad bowl of cold leftover potatoes w/ ghee and salt at work

This is what happens when you don’t plan ahead on W30.

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After I clocked out, I actually went and examined everything in the vending machines - and I *almost* bought a diet Mt. Dew for the drive home.  I stood there for a minute, mentally slapping myself right back out of that idea.

What was I thinking?

The 30 days are done - it’s like another part of me wanted to take over now.  Ridiculous.

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4:30 pm:  frozen W30 meal w/ ghee

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7:30 pm:  banana

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Weird eating day.  Just a weird day overall.  When I have to get up that early for work … well, it’s not something my body is ever going to get used to.  It is completely unnatural to get up when it is still totally dark outside.  Period.

Re-examining what shifts I should actually be signing up to work.  Morning shifts are too early - evening shifts go too late.

I think I just chose the wrong profession.  {Joking, not joking.}

[Brewer5]

4 hours ago, BabyBear said:

You did it!!!! I’m so incredibly proud of you.  Sometimes it just feels good to complete something.  Do you have plans from here or just take life day by day?  Will you do a reintro 

Thanks so much @BabyBear ~ you have been here at some crucial moments for me ... I still remember when I was feeling lost, and was ready to turn my back and walk away from the forum earlier in the year - and your sad face was all it took to make me stay.  

I'll be taking it one day at a time ... which, honestly, is what I've been doing all along.  Each day I have still had the choice to say "screw it" and have a glass of wine (or whatever) ... I mean, look how many times I have started numbering, re-started numbering, etc etc. 

My tiny goal was to make it past my record (on this journal, this year) of 10 days - and by the time I got to that point, I was over the hump of cravings, and it was no big deal to just keep going.

On the subject of reintroduction: no.  And the reason for this is twofold: 1) I don't believe that anything W30 excludes is good for me, and 2) I have already done reintro in the past.  I have a pretty good idea of how each excluded item affects me.

That is not to say that anyone else should not do a reintro -- I believe that is a vital part of the program, especially for anyone on their first round.  But this is far from my first round.  I believe this is officially four.  

And, as I've mentioned before - I have been experimenting with my nutrition for close to 20 years.  I have been a member on this forum for 6 years now, and W30 has been a part of me and the way I view what is food vs. what is not food for the entirety of those 6 years.  I most certainly have not stuck to W30 foods - and I am not claiming anything of the sort.  But I have always believed, since 2014, that some combination of W30 foods is best.  

So for me, personally, these 30 days really need to serve as a stepping stone to the next level.  I've established a good baseline - but I still have plenty of room for optimization.

[Brewer5]

3 hours ago, ShadowInTheKitchen said:

Congratulations Brewer5, that is a great result!   What do you feel is your greatest NSV?

Shadow

Thanks, Shadow.  I didn't want to go to sleep without acknowledging your post - but I am SO, so having trouble keeping my eyes open right now!

I have a lot of NSVs that I have discussed throughout this journal - but perhaps I will elaborate on that in the days ahead.

[Blueautumn]

Hi! @Brewer5

honestly not sure if you were planning on coming back to this thread since you finished the Whole30 a few days ago!! I spent the downtime in my work shifts at the hospital this week reading through your thread from beginning to end and there were so many gems and I loved watching/reading your journey. I kept going to respond to posts and would stop myself when I realized they were from weeks or months ago LOL. Just wanted to say that I found your log extremely helpful as I get ready to start my first round.

Sending good vibes for your future endeavors

 

[Brewer5]

@Blueautumn ~ wow ... Thank you so much for your post.  I am very glad reading through this was helpful to you.  

You know, there have been many times I was posting and no one was "around" here.  I didn't know if anyone was going to see some of the things I said - and that's okay.  I still felt compelled to keep writing.  Keeping a journal is one of the most powerful tools on this journey.

Just know that even when you feel alone ... if you feel like no one else understands or supports your efforts ... we are here for you.  Reach out to me by tagging me, as you have already done - or feel free to send me a PM anytime.

There are many things in life that don't come easy and aren't comfortable.  You work in a hospital.  Any job in a hospital is not easy - especially at this time.  Yet, you get out there and do it - and it is often a thankless job.  Whole 30 will feel like that at times.  You will wonder what in the world motivated you to sign yourself up for something like this ... and parts of your brain will very much want to say: screw it.  

Talk yourself through those moments, with love and with nourishing food, and REST ... and soldier on.  The payoff, throughout your journey, and as you reach your final goal - is immeasurable.  You will leave these 30 days a changed person - and that is why you are here.

Best wishes!

[Brewer5]

So, two days ago - what would have been Day 32 - I broke my pinky toe.  It was so weird - I just walked into the back of the loveseat that I have in my little office area.  I wasn't speeding, I wasn't angry ... It was so ungraceful and out of my norm, I was just like what the {curse words}?! and I thought I'd just walk it off.  Then it felt crunchy.  I have never felt anything like it.  41 years - I've never broken anything!  Well, I am 99.9% sure that I broke the damn thing.  When I texted to tell my mom - she thought you don't have bones in your pinky toe.  Umm, yes, yes you do ... and they feel crunchy when you break them.  Trust me on this one.  Lol.

The long story short is that I then had to jam this foot into a shoe, because I don't like driving with flip-flops ... and that was a bad choice.  I had to drive over an hour to pick up my son, and had placed an online order for two boxes of flooring at this far-away Lowe's, because no one around here has it in stock and I want to finish my kitchen.

Well, whoever picked my two boxes clearly did not care ... they were both ripped open, with pieces of flooring chipped.  Are you kidding me?!  So my son and I trekked all over Lowe's, with my broken toe, trying to dig up some good boxes.

It was at the checkout when I started to feel a little shaky inside ... all of these events caught up with me, and I realized I'd had too much coffee and nothing to eat since my banana 4 hours prior.  The trail mix at the checkout called my name, and I answered.

The worst part is that we stopped to get food at McDonald's on the way home at 9:00 pm ... I got McDoubles and I ATE THE BUNS.    Holy what just happened to my brain, Batman ........

So I decided that clearly I am not ready to step outside of my W30 guidelines, and resolved to make yesterday a new Day 1.  That is, until I saw that my son had made too much popcorn shrimp in the air fryer yesterday afternoon, and decided I needed to eat it.  I ate ONE piece - and my brain said: stop.  Just stop.  Walk away from the popcorn shrimp, and nobody gets hurt.

With the exception of that one moment of weakness - yesterday was completely compliant.

Today is a new day.  I have to go to work - nursing - but only a 4-hour shift.  My toe is going to be okay.  My food is going to be okay.

It's all going to be okay!

[BabyBear]

@Brewer5 what the what! Yes you have bones in your pinky toe and if it’s crunchy then it’s broke.  I hope you made a splint to protect it.  For whatever reasons broken toes are great at finding extra things to hit.  I speak from experience.  It will hurt like the dickens for a few weeks.

its crazy how easily we slip into the comfortable old ways when the brain isn’t tuned in.  I’m trying to learn to ask myself questions and not just think I have no other options.  What options can I create for myself?  During this round instead of thinking I can’t have that I’m asking do I really want it?  I’m telling myself I can have anything I really want... and I’m learning how to make my goals and my health a bigger want than that club sub or piece of pina colada cake (for the love of God would someone please eat the last piece of cake!). I don’t want to live on whole 30 forever but I do want to eat whole 30 forever.  That may only make sense to me lol.

Hope your toe heals quickly, friend!

[Amy_Michigan]

You completed your whole30!  Wow!!! Awesome work!  Sorry about your toe situation- major bummer.  Hope you feel better soon.  Love that you know yourself enough to know right away this is for life, not 30 days.  

[Brewer5]

Day 31 was on Thursday.  That was my last completely compliant day.  

I'm putting a list here of my non-compliant items, because I need to get back on track.  I can feel the difference, and I don't like it.

Friday = trail mix & McDonald's

Saturday = one popcorn shrimp (lol)

Sunday = peanuts

Monday = shortbread cookies @ work (wtf!) & peanuts @ home

Tuesday = peanuts

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Anybody notice a problem item standing out here?  

I don't know ... I mean, of course it could be much worse ... but I just feel out of sorts.  I was really on a roll with W30.  The cookies at the nurses' station ... I mean, wow.  That's the first time I think I've EVER dug into something like that at work.  I usually just ignore, ignore, ignore.

Were they worth it?  Hell, no!  I still want to lose some more fat.  What the heck am I doing?  Stress eating.  That's what.  My job is stressful, and there were cookies, and I shoved them in my face.

I'm honestly not beating myself up about it - I mean, it's over.  Just thinking through what I need to do to get back on track and avoid that nonsense in the future.

[ShadowInTheKitchen]

@Brewer5 I’m sorry that you are struggling right now.  I hope that you can shrug it off - life happens - and get back to nourishing your body again. What is it with cookies and other crap that people bring in to work anyways, I mean, doesn’t it just make more sense to bring in something healthy?  Why not a basket of fresh fruit?  I know cookies are  more convenient, cheaper too, but why does it have to be junk?  Perhaps after focusing on healthy eating, it’s becoming more apparent to me that people mean well, but our society leans far too heavily on unhealthy ‘foods’ as treats. 

Thank you for your service in nursing.  I really appreciate what you do.  Stay well. 

Shadow

[BabyBear]

@Brewer5 peanuts! It starts and ends with peanuts with some peanuts in between... hmmmm  a source of convenience or is it something more 

okay I’m done horsing around.  Revisit your goals set some new ones if need be and give yourself some credit... you didn’t have McDonald’s all day everyday.  You didn’t run off with bowl of cookies cackling they’re mine all mine... it could have been so much worse.  Give you’re next week some definition what do you want it to really look like?  Do you want it to look like a whole 30 with some compliant ingredient treats mixed in, do you want it to look like Whole Foods with an allowable splurge do you want it to just simply be that you are mindful and a willing participant of everything that goes in your mouth.  This is your turn to determine what healthy looks like for you tomorrow and the next day after that.  I hope part of that includes these boards!  

[Blueautumn]

I was about to say the same thing about peanuts lol, If i ever have to get you a treat I know what to bring you  
Hope your toe is recovering alright. Not sure how often you are going in but I am planning to throw in a chunk of veggies or snackable things in the work fridge so that Ill have something to go tackle if the stress just strikes or I have a strong desire to stuff something in my face.
Sending hugs and happy thoughts for everything.

[Brewer5]

Thanks for being here, ladies.  

Perhaps I will just strive to keep beating my own record here.  

I could have done without this break in between ... but perhaps it was necessary.  A good reminder of "the dark side".

[Brewer5]

Day 1:  5/21/20

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I don’t want to forget this headache.

A headache is telling us something is wrong.

So many people think they can just take painkillers, and that a headache is no big deal.  But they mean something.  There is no doubt what this one is telling me.

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I don’t even want to talk about yesterday.  I don’t know WTF has come over me - gluten is the one thing I have really successfully stayed away from since 2012.  There is good reason for that.

If you had a beautiful new plant growing out in the sun, would you dump donuts all around its base, and expect that to do good things?  What about a bun?

Well, that just sounds ridiculous, now, doesn’t it?

You might put meat or eggs or fruits or veggies there - and expect that it would get some nutrients.

We don’t show LOVE to ourselves or others with donuts and buns.

Love is wanting what’s best.

I work hard to make sure we can afford 100% ground-up animals to feed my dogs their raw carnivorous diet.  I don’t give them things they wouldn’t find in nature.

The dogs deserve better?

I don't think so.

[ShadowInTheKitchen]

Interesting comparison of your diet with your dogs’ diets.  Funnily enough, I was just thinking this morning that I’m not doing my dog or cats any favours feeding them modified “foods” in their kibble!

Its true about the NSV’s, we are learning so much with this way of eating. It’s not about weight loss, it’s about so much more

I see you are on day one again.  Do you think you need to do 30 days again? I’m struggling with this concept.  We don’t need to do 30 days after we start reintroducing even if we have a bad reaction.  What if you do W10 and then test? Just an idea I’ve been mulling over...

Shadow

[Brewer5]

@ShadowInTheKitchen ~ I started off my last 31 day streak not really knowing how far I'd go.  I wanted to make it through at least 11 days, because I think I'd only successfully completed 10 in a row this year.

So I am starting again.  I'd like to see 32 days and go from there.  If that doesn't happen - I'd like to have a damned good reason for it.  I'd like it to be thought out, and I'd like to feel in control of my decisions again.

I think the difference is that I'm not doing a careful reintro.  I've been there, done that, and already decided that it doesn't take me anywhere good.

I have a LOT of reactions and intolerances to foods ... I have learned about this over many years, and it is still a process / in progress.

For example, I know that I have histamine intolerance.  What does this mean?  Well, it means that there is a certain level of histamine my body can process before I become symptomatic.  It doesn't mean that I can't have any histamine-containing or histamine-releasing foods - (that is next to impossible) - however, it does mean that when I reach a certain level, I am going to experience unpleasant symptoms - and I'd much rather avoid that.  So, it is something I have to remain aware of.

That is just one example of the complexities with me and food.  I could go on.

What I went through this morning was enough to convince me that gluten = poison, which I'd already decided years ago.  So, why did I put it in my body?  Maybe I needed the painful reminder.  Maybe it has confirmed / solidified what I already knew.  It is never a failure if you grow and gain strength in the process.

I can say what's right for me and my body - but that's where it ends.  We each have our own unique lives ... we have jobs, kids, stresses, responsibilities.  Some here love to cook, and some want things as simple and easy as possible.  Is one right, and the other wrong?  No.  They're just different.

The end goal is the same for each of us: and that is to be our very best.

I have not been at my best while not eating W30.  And that ends now.

[BabyBear]

@Brewer5 welcome back to the dark side where there are no cookies.  Bwahahahaha.  Seriously though welcome back to reclaiming control.  I have a question for you to chew on. Now that you have completed 30+ consecutive compliant days (ooh alliteration and I didn’t even try) what does a successful day look like for you.  If having a whole 30 compliant day is no longer the goal, so what is?  Is it being mindful of every bite, being purposeful in your choices, eating whole clean food (what does that mean to you).  These are some thoughts I have personally rolling around in my conscience so maybe we can figure this out together.

[Brewer5]

Whole 30 is not restrictive to me ... although I know some feel it is.  Whole 30 actually expands my choices.  I can get into some bad (for me) territory while remaining completely "compliant".

To be quite honest - when I have felt 100% my best was when I was eating nothing but meat, fish, and eggs - and drinking nothing but coffee and water.

My goal was to remain within W30 food guidelines re: compliant foods, and actually narrow that down further to eliminate the things that are still causing me digestive distress.

At the very least, the goal was to remain with some combination of W30 foods.

Instead - I hit those 30 days and something shifted in my brain.  It's happened before, so it doesn't surprise me - yet it does, all at the same time.

I know what it feels like to be on a good path, and I know what it feels like when I've traveled too far out in the weeds.  I just want to get back on a good path again.  If numbering my days helps, that's what I will do.