Brewer5

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3 minutes ago, Brewer5 said:

 I just want to get back on a good path

Yes! This!  Numbering days for the days the path was good mentally physically and emotionally.  What foods do you feel need more restriction beyond the guidelines of whole 30 to help you achieve the good path?  Are the foods outside of the whole 30 that you might consider also to be part of that path for you?  I think being able to ask ourselves these questions and answer them honestly and freely is part of that foundation for the food freedom forever where we can live inside a set of regulations that provides us freedom and our best life. I also think the answers may change and we should re-evaluate often what is it that makes it a good path for me today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year etc.    It’s learning how to set those for Myself that prove the challenge as I’m not sure I trust myself just yet.  But I am learning to build that self trust with choices.  I am so proud of all the work you have done so far.  I am glad to have someone like you along for this journey.

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Day 1:  5/21/20 (cont)

I went through an experience much like the worst-ever hangover feeling this morning after posting that I was starting again.

I felt like my blood sugar was all out of whack, and in a panic, and the worst headache.  It was scary.  It is now thoroughly etched in my brain as something I never want to experience again.  Ever.

10:45 am:  (4) eggs w/ ghee, air fryer steak fries, few sips of orange juice

2:30 pm:  finished the 10-oz bottle of OJ

6:15 pm:  (2) chicken breasts, cole slaw veggies w/ ranch

11:30 pm:  air fryer steak fries w/ avocado ranch

Shenanigans over.  Feels good to just be back to my real food.

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On ‎5‎/‎21‎/‎2020 at 12:22 PM, Brewer5 said:

The end goal is the same for each of us: and that is to be our very best.

I have not been at my best while not eating W30.  And that ends now. 

This ^^ right here - all that.
I know i feel bad and have been doing myself a disservice by continuing to eat the way i eat and do what i do every day (or not do lol). I woke up earlier this month with the realization that I was not living my best self at all. That I was hindering my progress in really all aspects of my life due to the medical conditions, the brain fog, the horrible sleep, the pain - I couldnt say I have done everything I can to make me the best me which means as of now its really all my fault. And I dont wanna feel like this anymore.

I think the W30 really helps bring home how much extra stuff we eat that isnt what our bodies were made to eat. I am sad that you felt bad the last few days but very glad that you have an idea what the problem is and are taking control of it :) 
I had a massive migraine yesterday so didn't respond to anyone and all I could think about was how much I wanted a soda and a burger to make myself feel better - and maybe some icecream. I didnt get them though!


You got this - being able to identify the problem is a good chunk of the battle

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Day 2:  5/22/20

So today was a weird eating day.  I had two frozen W30 meals, cooked together with ghee ... spread out - a little before work, and the rest when I got home.

{shrug}

I'm having a 10 oz. bottle of OJ mixed with a sparkling water now, and I guess that's it for today.  It's late and I'm not hungry.

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Day 3:  5/23/20

12:00 pm:  W30 frozen meal w/ ghee

3:30 pm:  burger, bacon, mayo, OJ & sparkling water combo

6:30 pm:  air fryer steak fries w/ avocado ranch

10:15 pm:  W30 frozen meal w/ ghee, diced potatoes

I’m all out of the frozen meals now, and I don’t think I’m going to buy them anymore.  Too many FODMAPs in there.  Super convenient, though!

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Yes, I did decide to eat 6 mozzarella sticks from Arby's last night, along with what I believe is compliant roast beef (?) - after working, working, working to redo the kitchen yesterday with an old friend.

I can't say there was A LOT of thought put into this ... I can say I'm not beating myself up about it.  Those cheese sticks are one of my favorite things - however, my heart did pound like crazy afterwards.  Possibly enough to cause future avoidance.  This is good.

For lunch we had Burger King (umm, my kitchen is destroyed right now and we were working hard!) - again, not sure about what is in their burger patties, and don't care at this point.  I had two patties, tomato, onion, pickle, lettuce, and my Tessamae's ranch.  It was good - but MAN it slowed me down in my work.  I had to make a trip to Lowe's right after, and I just didn't wanna.  Ugh.  Drank a cup of coffee and powered through.

Feeling good about the work we are getting done ... also, it was a really enjoyable day with this guy I hadn't seen in a long time.  He is full of stories, personality and character.  I dig that.  It was good vibes.  Reminded me of how much we are social beings, and that is a need of mine that too often goes neglected.

Two rabbits came up to visit with us while we were sitting on the swing on the front patio at the end of our work day.  I mean, they came up CLOSE ... like 4 feet away.  And stared at us.  For awhile.  It was unreal.  I have lived in this house for 17 years, and they've never done that.  Ever.  This guy has been all over the world in his army days, and even he was like, "I have never been this close to a wild rabbit..."  It was a moment.  A moment of childlike wonder.  Were they listening to our conversation?  Were they trying to tell us something?  We laughed and just enjoyed this moment with nature so much.

Good times.  :wub:

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Yesterday my friend came again for a couple of hours, and we got the cabinets all finished - and when he left, I finished the flooring.  Finally!  People, I am so done with flooring.  Lol.  Then I painted about half of the kitchen.

Whew.

I haven't talked about it here yet - but my MIL is coming to live with us.  We are going to travel 800 miles this weekend to get her.  I know I talked about it a couple of months ago, when we thought it was going to happen - but now, it's for real.  She can no longer stay with her mother, and we do not want to put her in a facility.  Not at this point.  If we reach that point down the road, it still needs to be a facility here with us.

We were given this deadline - she has to be out of her mom's government-subsidized duplex by June 1 - or they are going to kick them BOTH out.  Yikes.  So this news came in the middle of these projects I had already started - and now, I'm in a rush to get them finished.

My husband has used the words "I am in panic mode" and I have been steadily countering that with: "It's going to be okay".

It's going to be okay.  ...It IS going to be okay.

But man, there's a lot to do.

--

So, while I was working, working yesterday - he says he and the kids are going to Arby's.  I say, I'll take the 1/2 pound of beef, no bun.

They come home, food sits on the counter for a bit ... and when I get to a stopping point to finally EAT - all I see is a bowl with (apparently beef under there somewhere) a GIANT gob of Arby's cheddar sauce concoction.

My initial reaction was one of shock: "Whose is this? You didn't get this for ME, did you?"

..."Oh, shit, sorry, I just had it in my head that you wanted what I get, and I get the beef & cheddar."

Somewhere in there, I threw out the fact that "I've been doing Whole 30 for about a month and a half now".  But mainly, I clammed up.  Like, just snapped shut.  He offered to go get me what I wanted, and I said forget it.  It doesn't matter.  I don't want it.

And I just kept working.  Working, working, working.

But I was hurt.

--

At some point I grabbed a banana.

Then later - much later - I had him peel me a potato for the air fryer.  I crammed that down with some ranch.  I ate some cole slaw veggies in the remaining ranch on my plate. Then he cooked frozen steaks in the air fryer.  I ate maybe a few ounces of steak - it was red inside, which I don't enjoy, and it had some "weird spots" I couldn't handle.  

So, as you can imagine - after going, going, going like some kind of freaking machine ALL day - the bag of wavy Lay's called to me at about midnight.  And I ate them.

Zero regret here re: chips ... my only regret is that I didn't fuel myself properly throughout the day, and it affected my mood, and it caught up to me at a time when I should have been in bed.

Today is a new day.  :)  Sending love, light, and good vibes out there to anyone reading.  "It's going to be okay!"

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@Brewer5 oh you are in a super stressful situation, which I know you know... I hope that all goes well with the rest of the renovations.  A quick thought- do you have to go this weekend, or is it possible that you stay home to either ground yourself with a bit of self care or maybe do some more Reno work before she moves in? You know, kinda like ‘divide and conquer.’
Sending warm wishes and good luck your way. 
Shadow

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@ShadowInTheKitchen ~ yes, I have to go.  My MIL has dementia and I will be the one in charge of her care.  This is a huge, big deal ... taking her from the tiny (tiny) town she's been in her entire life ... saying goodbye to her mom, son, grandkids, and her house.  Going away from everything she's ever known.

What a blessing that I went back to school, became an RN, and specialize in elderly / dementia care.  I understand what is going on with her, and I am a comfort to her in a way that perhaps her sons are not so much.  It's hard for them to recognize and deal with the disease and not look at her as same-old mom, and try to treat her in that manner.  It's a big transition ... and I definitely need to be there for my husband, and for her, at this time.

Also - I have 3 teen boys and 2 sheltie dogs at home.  Lol.  Enough said!  :lol:

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