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Thanks @ShadowInTheKitchen !

I just popped in tonight to say it’s definitely just “making a conscious decision” regarding the alcohol.  
 

That feeling hits me around supper time ... I need to work on what I can do to avoid that happening, as well as what to do when it hits.

My husband & kids are all out of town right now, so I made it through tonight knowing that if anything were to happen with MIL, I needed to be sober.  

That’s just one day.  I need to do more.

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I decided to change my avatar tonight, in honor of Toby.  He's the toad who has spent so much time with me this summer. One morning, I came outside to find Toby sitting backwards in the cab of th

Day 13:  8/8/20 – Enjoying being sober.  How about that?   

Day 11:  8/6/20 – Compliant.  Not amazing ... but productive.

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I decided to change my avatar tonight, in honor of Toby.  He's the toad who has spent so much time with me this summer.

One morning, I came outside to find Toby sitting backwards in the cab of the dump truck.

"Do you ever just feel all turned around?" was my immediate thought.  I shared it with my friend, and we had a good laugh.

But Toby had a plan.  He was working toward a goal.

You see ~ I had come outside on a previous morning to find him sitting on top of the cab of the dump truck.

And I came out on a later morning (after this avatar pic) to find him fully immersed in the water in the bed of the dump truck.  ...Ah... he'd made it.  And he has made it several times since.

This is the dogs' drinking water.  Yes, we use a plastic dump truck as our dogs' outside drinking bowl.  How did this happen?  Well, you see ~ life is busy, and when we got our first dog - there was the dump truck, right there by the outside spigot.  We filled it up with water for him to drink ... and it has been the dog bowl, for five years now.

Five years.

I had friends here five years ago, who were part of my journey when we first brought Rocket into our family.  My sleep was disrupted for the first time in years.  I struggled with cravings, and increased caffeine consumption, and trying to figure out a new normal.

That's life.  That's real.  ...And that's okay.

I was thinking tonight about how much has changed just since I started this journal.  I feel like a different person.  

That's because I am a different person.  That's life.  That's real.  ...And that's good.

We should always be moving forward.  We should always be working toward a goal.  

We may look like Toby in my avatar sometimes - and that's okay, too.  Toby sat there and thought about it for awhile ... but he reached his destination.

I wish the same for each of you.

 

 

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On 9/20/2020 at 9:17 PM, Brewer5 said:

I decided to change my avatar tonight, in honor of Toby.  He's the toad who has spent so much time with me this summer.

One morning, I came outside to find Toby sitting backwards in the cab of the dump truck.

"Do you ever just feel all turned around?" was my immediate thought.  I shared it with my friend, and we had a good laugh.

But Toby had a plan.  He was working toward a goal.

You see ~ I had come outside on a previous morning to find him sitting on top of the cab of the dump truck.

And I came out on a later morning (after this avatar pic) to find him fully immersed in the water in the bed of the dump truck.  ...Ah... he'd made it.  And he has made it several times since.

This is the dogs' drinking water.  Yes, we use a plastic dump truck as our dogs' outside drinking bowl.  How did this happen?  Well, you see ~ life is busy, and when we got our first dog - there was the dump truck, right there by the outside spigot.  We filled it up with water for him to drink ... and it has been the dog bowl, for five years now.

Five years.

I had friends here five years ago, who were part of my journey when we first brought Rocket into our family.  My sleep was disrupted for the first time in years.  I struggled with cravings, and increased caffeine consumption, and trying to figure out a new normal.

That's life.  That's real.  ...And that's okay.

I was thinking tonight about how much has changed just since I started this journal.  I feel like a different person.  

That's because I am a different person.  That's life.  That's real.  ...And that's good.

We should always be moving forward.  We should always be working toward a goal.  

We may look like Toby in my avatar sometimes - and that's okay, too.  Toby sat there and thought about it for awhile ... but he reached his destination.

I wish the same for each of you.

 

 

Love this! Thanks for posting. And love the song as well. Trying to stay encouraged and focused. Words and music help me focus and keep going. #1stWhole30

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@Jennifer Jensen Thanks for stopping in!  I hope your first Whole 30 went well.  Love the quote.

Hey y'all ~ clearly my "Day 1" back on September 25 was not an actual starting point for a Whole 30.  Lol.  Nope, I didn't die or drop off the face of the planet.  I'm still here.

I've been on a wild ride that did not involve Whole 30.  Have thought of returning many times, only to then think ... "I'm not sure if that's the right direction for me right now ... because, what happens at the end of 30 days?"

Well.  I do know what happens at the end of 30 days.  I've also said many times that perhaps this will be my pattern for the rest of this lifetime.  And that's okay.

I do think I've figured out that starting a Whole 30 (for me) needs to happen when I've got gas in the tank - when I am feeling pretty filled up - and not at a point/feeling of desperation.  This takes a certain mindset, determination, and confidence to know that no matter what comes in the 30 days ahead - I'm going to get through it, I'm going to be okay, and I'm going to come out stronger on the other side.

Yesterday we had our family Thanksgiving at my sister's house.  I didn't eat anything too crazy - there's no need to talk about it.  I'm still listening to my body and I still know the "danger zones" pretty well.

What there IS to talk about is the love that is surrounding me.  The realization that there are so many people who have been placed in my life who are depending on me, while also lifting me up ... and that I have so many people who simply enjoy my presence.  

I am blessed.  I am reminded not to look at what others appear to have, and not to think that the grass is greener on the other side - but to appreciate the bounty that has been brought into my own life.  Right here and now.

We got home late after a LONG drive - and I poured myself a shot of silver tequila with sparkling water, as has been my usual lately.  ...Why?  Why did I pour it?  Well - of course - because it has been my usual lately.

I took a few sips and just wasn't feeling it.  Dumped it.  And so I woke up today for the first time in awhile, pretty sober.  It feels good.  It feels right.

Anyone out there who has read this far - I'm sending you good energy, positive vibes ... and I truly hope you have a beautiful day.  I'm going to.  No matter what.  :)

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Day 1: 11/23/20

Done!

And fine.  Just had a bad reminder of how badly my body reacts to grass-fed beef when I made meatballs tonight. My heart rate climbed to 131 while standing completely still, before it finally decided to start going back down.

I don’t know what it would be like to do a whole 30 and be able to eat all of the things allowed. That’s OK. I will keep figuring it out as usual.

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