Ann’s Struggles+Successes

[Ann]

Kill all things?  Yep, I think it hit me today.  

I work in a small office (4 attorneys and me).  We are like family - I've been here for 22 years, and the person with the shortest time here has been here 12 years.  An ongoing issue is attys leaving their coffee cups or lunch dishes in the sink, presumably assuming "someone else" (aka ME) will put them into the dishwasher.  Always frustrating. This morning, someone did it right in front of me.  I've reminded them over and over that the dishwasher is RIGHT THERE. But it's an ongoing issue.  Maybe I'm supposed to be the kitchen help in addition to all my many other professional duties??  Maybe they are too important and busy to do their own dishes??  I'm considering taping a big "we have a dishwasher" sign above the sink with a giant arrow pointing to said dishwasher.  At the same time, I know they know, and I know it doesn't usually bother me as much as it seems to be this morning.  

Oh, and this happened as I was unjamming the f@#king copy machine for another attorney.  

I'm keeping my frustration to myself, because I really do think it's not typical for me to feel quite this strongly about it.  I mean, it takes like 5 seconds for me to move said coffee cups to dishwasher, and I have an awesome job with people I truly love.  It's going to be an interesting day.  

[JessFind]

Hang in there, girl! I'm a couple days ahead of you so my "kill all the things" came on Saturday. My husband woke up and made us a great breakfast, and that somehow annoyed me? What?! Thankfully, like you, I know why I was feeling what I was feeling and I took a couple deep breaths and told myself knock it off. That being said, it sounds like you have a legitimate thing to be mad about! Look at some cute dog memes online or something and know that this will pass. And hey, if you're curt to someone who needs to pick up after themselves, maybe that's not the worst thing.  

[BabyBear]

@Ann @JessFind so what I hear you saying is it’s not them it’s me!  My little men are about to drive me out of mind, and I am never like that.  Hmmm good to know I’ll double up on keeping my emotions in check.  I just finish TTOTM and I’m feeling like it’s back 3 days later   lol okay I’m just gonna be chill till this inner pirate in me settles down.

[heb2014]

I think my husband is going to be out of town for a work retreat when I hit the kill all the things mood - probably good for both of us! I am going to have to remind myself to be extra patient with the kids though; I'm sure I'll be motivated to get them to bed extra early. 

@Ann What would happen if you just left the coffee cups there? This is a totally passive aggressive approach I take with my husband and laundry sometimes, but would the attorneys eventually start putting them in the dishwasher themselves....or would it just get piled up? My boss (who has now retired) did this also and our office manager pulled that on him - just let them sit; he eventually got the point. (Unfortunately he never got the point about running the disposer after dropping his loose leaf tea down in...and would complain after a few times about the sink being clogged....)

[Ann]

The rest of my day has been better.  Just some frustrations this morning.  

@heb2014  I've gone on a bit of an office kitchen strike a few times, but it doesn't usually last more than a day or so, because there's one other sweet person here who will notice it and take care of it.  I suppose I'd need to get her on board for the real offenders (the other three) to notice and care, and she's not the sort who would want to make an issue of it.  Plus ... it drives me nuts to see the office kitchen messy, so I just do it.  At the end of the day, I'm grateful to have a great job with people I like.  A coffee cup or two isn't a dealbreaker, or even something worth getting all that frustrated over.  Just a small thing, that turned into "kill that small thing" this morning.  I'm better now. 

[BlueKoala]

The absence of alcohol might be relevant for me, as well, because I do love wine even though I know it's not really good for me.   Although last time when I was doing W30 reintroductions I noticed that my heart rate jumped up noticeably after I added dairy back into my diet, so I suppose it could be anything.   

(Stalking my health signals on Fitbit is just so mesmerizing, for some odd reason.)  

[Ann]

@BlueKoala - it would sure be nice if my heart rate stays low when I reintroduce wine, and jumps up only when I reintroduce something like bulgar or Lima beans.  

[Ann]

Day 7.  I can’t believe we are already a week in!   Almost a quarter of the way there!  Maybe it’s because I knew what to expect and thus went into it well prepared (shopping-wise and mentally), and maybe it has a little to do with my Invisalign braces which have made it difficult to snack between meals (so I rarely have for the last 6 months), but this has been the easiest one I’ve done so far.  We will see how things go after I’m done with the Invisalign next Monday (again, I can’t WAIT!).  

Sleep:  6.5 hours, 76 sleep score. I stayed up too late reading (good book, hard to stop).   

Shoulder:  Hurts quite a bit today.  It even hurts to turn on the blinker in my car.  Ugh. 

Meal 1:  frittata type thing with 2 eggs, spinach, spiralized zucchini, pico de Gallo, avocado, black coffee. 

Meal 2:  leftover carnitas (from Chipotle - the rest of the salad didn’t hold up for a second day), fresh spinach, avocado, red pepper, vinaigrette, Cosmic Crisp apple.

Snack:  Beef sticks.  

Meal 3:  Siva’s Cauliflower and Meatballs (Mediterranean Paleo Cookbook). I’ve made this several times, even when not on a round, and it is SO good.  Also had (another) Cosmic Crisp apple with almond butter to get a fat in.  And because these apples are amazing. I’m prob overdoing the fruit because of them.  

Wine cravings.  My daughter loves to watch The Bachelor.   I don’t.  It used to be the only way I would sit with her while it was if we had wine.  Guess what’s on my TV right now (recorded from last night)?  And guess who is being a good sport with a can of fizzy water in her hand?   

Okay, that’s it for today I guess.  Will aim for lights out at 10:30.  
 

[Ann]

Day 8.   Nothing too interesting to report so I will just jump in with the mundane details.

Sleep:  6 hrs 45 mins, 77 sleep score (fair).  But an hour and 20 mins of this was deep sleep, which is a lot for me. 
 

Shoulder:  I bought a brace on Amazon which should arrive Saturday.  It is painful and not getting better. 
 

Meal 1:  two eggs overeasy, sautéed spinach and peppers, avocado, strawberries, black coffee. 
Meal 2:  leftover cauliflower and meatballs with half an avocado.  Even better the second day. Also a Cosmic Crisp apple. 
Meal 3:  Israeli Chopped Salad (ate it sort of like an appetizer, and it is so good!  Took a while to make - lots of chopping - but worth it!).  More cauliflower and meatballs. I wonder why it looks so different between the lunch photo and the dinner photo? Maybe the fluorescent lights at work?).  
 

Wine cravings:  Still doing good with this.  In prior rounds this part was much harder. I was doing Noom for 7 months prior to this round, though, and spent quite a bit of time and energy working on my habits, behaviors, thought patterns around wine and I think it has really helped. I did think about bread and butter today, though - it would sure taste good with this cauliflower meatball soup.   

[50andstillhere]

I like all of your pictures of your meals! I wish mine looked so good. I have been eating a lot of compliant grass fed hot dogs from Whole Foods, plus fish. My shoulder is killing me too, probably from sleeping in my side, so tonight I will lean back and sleep in a lazy boy chair!

 

[BabyBear]

Hey let’s hear it for Day8. We crushed another day!  Your food looks yummy and happy.

[Ann]

I thought my breakfast had enough fat "bulit in" that I didn't add a plated fat.  Plus since I had two pieces of bacon I decided to go with just one egg.  It's 10;45 and I can totally tell the difference!  I'm ready for lunch now, but I'm going to hold off for another hour.  

[Ann]

Day 9.   
 

Sleep:  6 hrs 20 min; 74/fair score. 
Shoukder:  terrible. 

Meal 1:  one egg, 2 bacons, pan fried potatoes with ketchup, Israeli chopped salad, black coffee (2 cups today)

Meal 2:  Spinach, 1/2 avocado, red peppers, roast beef, balsamic vinaigrette, and a pear. 

Meal 3:  chicken salad with apples and slivered almonds on lettuce, baked potato fries, ketchup and dump ranch. 
 

Wine:  Still fine. Which is weird but I’m glad for it.  Not missing it at all yet. But ... my son’s birthday is 1/25 and we usually go out (him, my daughter and me) for a nice dinner and drinks.  Still deciding if I’m going to imbibe and break my W30 or if I’m going to stick with it.  The kids have both decided already they are breaking their Dryuary’s for Mitch’s birthday.  I suppose in addition to the one paying for it I I could be their designated driver (saving me the Lyft fare!).   We will see.  Still contemplating.  

[Ann]

Day 10.  (Yesterday)
 

Sleep/Shoulder: I’m having a hard time sleeping bc of shoulder pain.  I’ve been icing it, and doing a couple of the easier PT exercises, but most of the PT is just too painful.  I bought a shoulder brace/strap which I wore last night but it didn’t seem to help.  I think I will call Monday and get a referral to a specialist to figure out next steps. I can’t go on like this. 
 

Meal 1: two eggs, sautéed spinach and onions, avocado, Franks Red Hot, black coffee. 
Meal 2:  Chipotle salad bowl with chicken. 
Snack:  Turkey meat stick. 
Meal 3:  Deli roast beef, roasted asparagus, reheated potatoes with w30 ketchup.  
Snack:  Dates, celery/carrots with cashew butter.  Hot tea 

Wine cravings:  Definitely wanted some wine tonight.  Didn’t help that I had a phone call with my friend who is also doing W30/Dryuary, and she was BUZZED!!  She said she decided to allow herself vodka and unsweetened grapefruit juice. What?!?!  She is doing all this mostly just for weight loss, so I suppose she isn’t feeling the need to be quite so strict.  She’s proud that I’m sticking with it, but she was one of my best support people, and I was already craving a drink before I talked to her.  Fortunately I don’t have any wine in the house and I’m not nearly as “weak” to the liquor cabinet, so I got through with herbal tea.   And ... my daughter went to a board game party last night, where they had a full bar with the husband mixing cocktails on request.  She said it was so hard, but she got through it and had a fun time.  I’m proud of her.  I think is harder to be young and single and out in a weekend and avoid drinking than for an older homebody like me!

[Ann]

Days 11 and 12.  These days were the toughest for me so far.  I was hungry, none of the food sounded very good, I craved wine or beer, and I woke up this morning with a headache.  But I stuck with it.  It's really helpful that I have such an awesome daughter - we had a few conversations about our relationship(s) with alcohol.  For her, it's learning that she can have a great time at social events without (even if she's the only one not drinking), and feeling confident getting behind the wheel before coming home, or not spending $$ on a Lyft.  For me, it's finding peace in my weekened/evening boredom.  You'll see in one of my photos below that we started a puzzle.  I haven't done one for years, and forgot how engaging it can be!   Anyhow, we are both feeling pretty proud of ourselves, and of each other, for sticking with it.  

Sleep - Saturday night - 6.5 hours, 73 score; Sunday night - 7 hrs 20 mins, 82 sleep score (yay!).  

Shoulder - Really uncomfortable/painful.  I've got a request in to my doctor to decide on next steps in treatment.  I know my sleep will improve once my shoulder is feeling better.  

Saturday -

M1: Scrambled eggs w shredded sweet potato and asparagus, bacon, avocado, apple.

M2: Leftover chicken salad, steamed broccoli, olives, remainder of morning apple.  I also had this La Croix drink I'd never seen - Cofea Exotica.  I'm on the fence with this - it's very odd, but maybe it's okay?  

M3:  Ground beef with potatoes, carrots, onions, zucchini on top of fresh spinach, olives. 

Sunday:  

M1: Leftover ground beef/veggie dish, Mustard BBQ sauce, avocado, black coffee.

M2:  Roast beef, sauteed asparagus, carrots & celery with cashew butter, apple (gawd, I love these Cosmic Crisp apples so much).

M3:  Roast beef, steamed broccoli w ghee, baked potato w ghee.  

Snack:  Three medjool dates, more carrots/celery with cashew butter.

 

Also, went to the dentist this morning and it looks like I've got another week with the Invisalign trays in.  Rats!   

 

 

 

[heb2014]

5 minutes ago, Ann said:

...we had a few conversations about our relationship(s) with alcohol.  For her, it's learning that she can have a great time at social events without (even if she's the only one not drinking), and feeling confident getting behind the wheel before coming home, or not spending $$ on a Lyft.  For me, it's finding peace in my weekened/evening boredom...

I love that you are talking about this with your daughter. It hit me pretty hard last year after listening to Melissa Urban's Do the Thing Podcast where she interviewed Holly Whitaker. They talked about creating a life you don't want to escape from, and I was like "no way, that's not what I do". But then I started to realize it was exactly what I was doing - like when my patience ran thin with the kids or when I felt mom-guilt for something I did or didn't do: I just wanted a glass of wine so I didn't have to deal with the issues. And then I started noticing how often that sentiment shows up, this huge cliche of moms needing wine.  I heard that podcast before I did my first Whole30 and that's one of the things that really stuck afterwards - not that I don't drink anymore, but now it's only when I really want to, not because I feel like I deserve it because the kids were on my nerves.

[BabyBear]

Allowing ourselves the conversations in a safe place where we can really hash out our feelings is what I think really makes things sink in and stick.  Whether with yourself or a trusted soul talk out these feelings, victories, and struggles you face.  It’s very enlightening 

[Ann]

Agreed.  And one of the things we talked about was that the victory isn't in making it through January without a drink, but in those moments when we say no to a drink when we most want it, and LEARNING SOMETHING from that moment ... i.e. Why did I want it so much right then?  Is there some other need that can be filled with something other than a glass of wine?  What would have been different (better or worse) if I had imbibed?  What did I gain (or lose) by saying no thanks?  I think the same can be said for our food choices.   

[BabyBear]

Yes Yes Yes!!!

[w30virgo]

Love this discussion of the relationship with alcohol. I'm on my third round of Whole30, and I've made such huge strides with my relationship with alcohol through them. I'm 28, and I think the aspect of Whole30 that I'm most grateful for is the way that I've changed my drinking. Learning how to moderate and be really thoughtful with my drinking has made such a positive difference in my life. I think it's so great that you have the chance to talk with your daughter about this stuff!

[Ann]

Days 13 and 14. 

Sleep - Monday night - 6 hrs 20 mins, 86 score.  I like when my scores fall into the 80+ "good" range instead of the "fair" range!  Tuesday night, 6 hrs 15 mins, 75 score.  I think factors which are affecting my sleep score are mainly (1) not getting to bed early enough and/or reading too long after getting in bed, and (2) shoulder pain which wakes me regularly throughout the night.  

Shoulder - I had an x-ray yesterday and saw the physical therpast this morning.  Severe calcific tendonitis (which we already knew), but now add to it adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder) in the first/acute stage (freezing).  Apparently this is something that will get worse (more painful, less ROM) before better, and PT won't be effective until I get to the second/third stages (frozen/thawing).  The process can take 2+ years.  PT said another cortisone shot won't likely help (I just had one a month ago), and surgery isn't generally an approach for this.  So discouraging to think this pain is going to continue to get worse for quite some time.  She did tell me that an anti-inflammatory diet such as Whole30 is very helpful.  I don't cry a lot, but this appointment brought tme to tears.  Then I reminded myself it isn't a cancer diagnosis, and it isn't permanent - put things in perspective and I can get through it.    

Day 13/Monday:  Breakfast-eggs, spinach, avocado; Lunch-spinach salad with red peppers, cucumber, avocado, albacore pouch and vinaigrette; Dinner-chicken breast baked with Mustard BBQ, steamed-then-sauteed brussels sprouts/garlic, handful of marcona almonsds. 

Day 14/Tuesday:  Breakfast-eggs, sauteed peppers, blob of cashew butter; Lunch-spinach salad with red peppers, cucumber, avocado and compliant turkey lunchmeat, vinaigrette; Dinner-chicken breast baked with Mustard BBQ, steamed-then-sauteed brussels sprouts/garlic, spoonful of cashew butter.  Also had three medjool dates after dinner. 

Wine cravings - nope!  My daughter has had some wine cravings the last couple nights - she had a couple rough days at work, and then when she watches The Bachelor (blechk!) it triggers her even more.  But she's sticking with it!  She has a party on Saturday night that she is contemplating whether she will have drinks or not.  She asked me last night if I will judge her if she does -- of course not!  I'm proud of her for her journey, and I know she (like me) is learning quite a bit from it, regardless of whether it's a solid Dryuary or not.  It'll be interesting to see how we approach February.  

(For some reason, I'm not able to upload my Day #14 photo -- it's the same size as Day 13.  Weird.  I'll try again later, or tomorrow).

 

 

[BabyBear]

Oh the idea of living with that pain for several more years before it can heal is disheartening!  So proud of you for putting into perspective and not use it as an excuse to go off plan.

im having same issue with pics.  I think each thread is limited in the amount of data it can store... or maybe it’s limited by person.  I haven’t searched the forum yet to see if there is answer already yet.  

[BabyBear]

How are you? Hope you had a good weekend and the shoulder pain is minimal.  

[Ann]

@BabyBear, you’re SO sweet to check in with me!  I’ve been lazy about posting (and reading posts, too), but I’m still on board!!   I think when I wasn’t able to upload photos anymore, I sort of lost my “posting” motivation.  But I’ve been taking photos and keeping track of what I’m eating.    

 

This is a longer post since I’m making up for a few days’ missed time. 

I did blow it with one rule - I stepped on the scale this morning.  I actually went to the garage, dug the ladder out from behind the suitcases, and climbed up to get it.  I feel bad that I did it, but fortunately I don’t think it will change anything as far as my Whole30 experience.  I’ve lost two pounds since the start.  I am incredibly relieved I haven’t gained any weight, which was my main concern.   But honestly, I’d take a few extra pounds if it meant less shoulder pain and regular good nights of sleep.

Shoulder.  I see my PMC doctor tomorrow, and I’m anxious to see what she says.  It does seem my shoulder pain has eased up a bit in the last couple days, but that could be related to the high dose of Naproxen my doctor prescribed.  Or maybe it’s tiger blood!  

Sleep.  Sleep has been decent, and sometimes great.  On Friday night, my sleep score was 89, which is incredible for me.  I am typically in the 65-74 range.  In addition to the high dose of Naproxen I'm taking, I have trazadone, which I started taking at bedtime when my shoulder started getting really bad.  I'm sure that plays into sleeping better.  

Wine cravings.  I wanted wine this weekend more than I have so far on this round.  Maybe it was the self-pity about my shoulder stuff.  I didn’t do it, though!  My daughter decided to take a night off from her Dryuary, which made it even harder.  She didn't drink in the house or in front of me, but just knowing that my sister, brother-in-law, best friend and daughter have ALL given in to temptation made it harder for me to stick with it.  My next door neighbor is also doing a Dryuary, and he tells me he's been true to it.  Geez, it seems like I'm surrounded by a bunch of lushes (myself included)!!!   

NSV - On Wednesday, a colleague mentioned how bright and fresh my skin seemed.  Felt good. 

Okay, catching up on food log, for whatever it’s worth. 

Wednesday/Day 15

M1 - scrambled eggs, sautéed zucchini, avocado

M2 - Spinach salad with red peppers, onions, pouch of albacore, vinaigrette, apple

M3 - Chicken pot pie soup  (From 40 Aprons, in the Instant Pot.  This was really good!   I did have to add quite a bit of salt, though, otherwise it tasted a little too sweet or something, probably from the coconut milk).  Made for excellent leftovers.  

 

Thursday/Day 16

M1 - Fried eggs, sautéed zucchini, avocado, black coffee

M2 - Leftover chicken pot pie soup

Snack - Three dates

M3 - Applegate turkey lunchmeat, steamed broccoli with ghee, mayo/spicy mustard for dipping

 

Friday/Day 17

M1 - Scrambled eggs and sautéed spinach with Frank’s Red Hot, black coffee

M2 - Leftover chicken pot pie soup

M3 - Can of chicken mixed with mayo, with cucumber slices (I piled the chicken on the cucumber and at it by hand)

 

Saturday/Day 18: 

M1 - Egg/bacon/asparagus/sweet potato casserole, half an avocado, black coffee.   (Casserole from Paleo Running Momma. I vacuum sealed it in single servings, and have been popping it into simmering water to re-heat, turns out great!  Day-old eggs in the microwave always turn out too dry or rubbery for my taste).  

M2 - Applegate turkey lunchmeat, sliced peppers (I rolled the peppers up in the meat and dipped it in spicy mustard), a handful or two of almonds.

M3 - Pork Carnitas with jicama slaw and green chile aioli (from the Cultured Caveman, a local paleo restaurant).  AMAZING.  I had these during a previous round and forgot how great they are.  The tortillas are made with eggs, EVOO, tapioca flour, coconut flour and sea salt.

Snack - handful of chopped apple (my son made it for himself and I grabbed a handful)

 

Sunday/Day 19: 

M1 - Leftover egg/bacon/asparagus casserole, half an avocado, black coffee x2.

M2 - I really can’t call this a meal because it wasn’t “proper” and it wasn’t much food.  Out running a bunch of errands with my daughter, and she really wanted to stop for a bite to eat.  I had really good leftovers from last night, so didn’t want to eat much, so I ordered a simple salad with sliced radishes and sunflower seeds, and put balsamic and olive oil on it. 

M3 - Leftover pork carnitas tacos (x3)

[BabyBear]

@Ann I’m so glad you are pushing through all the stress and pain and holding fast to your whole 30!  If jumping on the scale is the worst you did then I applaud you.  The past few weeks have been eye opening in regards to how much that number affects my perception of me.  

I tried my theory about starting a new thread to post pics... didn’t work apparently our accounts are limited to a certain amount of space for digital media.  I’ve been bummed out about this because I really enjoyed posting pics and felt it gave me that much more accountability.  So I’m going to start posting my pics to my Instagram account that I set up just for my journey to health and I’ll post links to that.  

Just because you are having cravings doesn’t make you a lush! It makes you normal, and facing them makes you Wonder Woman.