Very hungry mommy 1st Time whole 30 Jan 2020

[Emma]

50 minutes ago, BabyBear said:

Tonight however my brain was trying to convince myself that just a taste or maybe half would be okay.  Again they don’t line up with my plans or goals and NOT worth it, yet my brain pestered me.  

Your observations are SO good to read. I tried to do a reintro last time and I suppose I did, but not really enough to gather many observations. Mainly I just stayed away from the foods I thought were an issue. Reading your description of wanting the biscuit and the donuts that weren't even an issue before was affirming! There is a crazy brain/gut reaction and it doesn't seem to take much to open the floodgates of desire.  Gluten was one of the things I didn't reintro because I don't eat it much, but at some point I started going to the bakery and not soon after I was eating a pretty sugar based diet. I guess this time maybe I'll test out the gluten and see if it has a similar reaction to you. I wouldn't be surprised if it does.

[BabyBear]

@Emma I was pretty shocked how it made my brain go crazy! I still feel like I’m in a bit of haze today and trying not to think about all the foods.  It helps I’m out of the house today with clients.  I need to spend sometime surfing through some whole 30 recipes on Instagram to shut my brain up about how much I am missing out on.  I’m really not missing out on anything and there will be a time and place to indulge into a Gluten-ess treat but right now is not the time.  I still have work on me and my food freedom I need to do!

[BabyBear]

RI Day 13 (2/12) - fasting

6:30 dragging myself out of bed… it might be all the gluten or it might be the binge watching Netflix with the hubby until 1:30 am but I have some serious brain fog and struggling to move my body this morning.  I grabbed my workout clothes and just couldn’t get the gumption to move it move it.  So I got dressed started packing up everyone to go.  I got the baby up to get him going so I wouldn’t be scrambling out the door.  We left on time and that in and of itself is a miracle because I was moving at sloth speed.

I decided I would fast today, as I purposefully skipped Sunday as it was part of the weekend I set apart to focus on my hubby and our relationship.  I think I needed the fast today to get my brain back in check from the gluten craze yesterday.  The bloating caused me to go up a belt hole but I’m not going to fret.  Lots of water and compliant food will move it back down soon enough.  I have felt heavy this morning and just dragging through the motions.  I’m grateful for the fast and the chance to practice mindfulness.

[BabyBear]

RI Day 13 (2/12) cont

after a very long day and horrific drive in torrential rain, I arrived home to find my poor hubby in excruciating  pain from his elbow.  After looking at it I’m certain he has gout in his elbow.  I oiled (essential oils) him up and as a small amount of relief came to him he started talking with no filter, but he was oh so sweet.  He told me how proud of me he was, and how he wished I hadn’t tossed the little white shorts I used to wear (8 years ago) that he really liked on me because he thinks I could get in them again.  (I didn’t tell him those are still 50lbs away). He said how much he likes the results of the hard work I had put in.  He knows I said I was doing it for me, but he has benefited from the change too.  He said he would love me no matter the size but he likes the improvements and how happy I’ve been.  He went on to talk the things he has seen me overcome over the past 10 years.  how the arm break was so traumatizing for me and how he still doesnt know how I survived that mentally.  He talked about how strong I am and what a wonderful mother I am and that he is so grateful to have me as his wife.  He talked about taking me shopping for some sexy stuff like I use to wear.  I am pretty sure I started crying because he hadn’t really said much other than do you feel better eating like this.  I had no idea he had even noticed a difference.  

It’s been a good day and a little eye opening too.  Definitely going to keep working towards this food freedom thing for me.  

[BabyBear]

RI Day 14 (2/13) 

6:00 get up potty baby and find out schools in the area are closed due to flooding.  It took over an hour to get a definitive answer regarding our tutorial day.  Anyways they decided to follow the schools.  So back to bed!

8:30 up and get hubby and baby out the door to take hubby to doctor.  It is gout in his elbow.  Poor guy!  He’s talking about cleaning up his diet to get his flare ups under control.  He’s very upset because he was suppose to be headed to Skate party to vend out in Tx, but he can’t drive that distance like this let alone lift any of the inventory to load and unload.  So he’s upset about the money loss, he normally does 5k on this weekend.  Hopefully we can get him better for next weekends party.

10:00 M1 - 3 eggs with Italian seasoning, sautéed 1/4 head of cabbage in bacon fat.  

1:30 M2 - LO cajun chicken Alfredo (nomnompaleo sauce) with spaghetti squash and broccoli

Lunch was tasty, but I filled up quick.  I got all the dishes done I had been avoiding and then went down for a nap while baby slept.

7:00 M3 - dinner out with hubby and baby.  Grilled chicken and peppers with a green salad with olive oil lemon and Italian seasonings

Shopping with the baby was interesting to say the least, but I came out triumphant.  I had to get new bras as my others are too big to provide support. NSV went from a 40 DDD to a 38 C/D depending on the cut.   Oh and I’m back down to that last belt hole!    

I feel like I have successfully completed my whole 30 and reintroduction and I am now beginning my Food Freedom journey.  It’s exciting and scary all at the same time, but so was the whole 30.  I am closing out this thread, and I will begin a thread on the post whole 30 log board.  Thank you to everyone who has offered their kind words of encouragement and given me a tribe in all this crazy food stuff.  I hope you venture over to find me on the other board.  XOXO

[Jennifer Jensen]

On 1/6/2020 at 11:57 AM, BabyBear said:

 I got his food, and it surprised me that I didn’t have any desire to eat it.  I should mention at that point I was listening to Melissa’s pod cast “Do the thing” and the whole 30 and weight loss  episode was on, and I was crying like a little girl who lost her puppy.   When she started talking about why you shouldn’t remain on the whole 30 if you still have more weight to lose it struck a very deep chord with me.  It finally connected with me that I believe deep down subconsciously that I deserve to be punished for my weight and how that has affected the way I see me and any efforts I make at weight loss,  why even the 12lbs I lost in December (IN DECEMBER) wasn’t enough.  I have been so angry, upset, disgusted  with myself for allowing the weight to pile back on 8 years ago. What I didn’t stop to realize is that it piled back on because of an traumatic injury that broke me physically mentally and emotionally.  I have to heal from that and give myself space and care to overcome the trauma I endured.  Even now the physical injury is not 100% I still deal with nerve issues, strength issues, pain and aching although I have come so far in the physical recovery there is still the reminder.  Even more damaging than the physical was the mental and emotional and until today I don’t think I realized how damaged I was and I have done nothing to heal my mental and emotional.  I have apologized to myself profoundly for being so cold, so mean, so judge mental when what I needed was care, healing and grace.  Wow! I would have never thought a food experiment would lead to all this.  I will definitely be listening to this podcast again to glean more because I kind of got lost in my tears and snot this go around.  

Wow! I was just going back and reading some of your old posts because you write so well and are very authentic with it all. Now I know what you mean about the podcasts. I'll have to listen to more. I hope you have healed since January.

 

[BabyBear]

10 hours ago, Jennifer Jensen said:

Wow! I was just going back and reading some of your old posts because you write so well and are very authentic with it all. Now I know what you mean about the podcasts. I'll have to listen to more. I hope you have healed since January.

 

Thank you for the compliment.  I am healing, it’s a process for certain.  I am more whole today then I was yesterday.  Just being able to recognize the difficulties that I have endure and have risen above goes a long way.  It helps me to realize I am a lot more in many areas than I give myself credit for.