littleyellowdiary

Day 29 - demotivated

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Hi guys. 

Somehow I am already on Day 29. January has gone so fast! I'm feeling a bit low, confused, and demotivated to be honest and just needed to vent a bit.

A bit of background, I've had issues with restrictive eating in the past, but over the last year or so I have gone totally the other way and had a lot of trouble with binge (and sometimes purge) behaviours. I've been working on it with a therapist and I think a lot of it has been reaction to how long I denied myself a lot of foods like bread for example, but I wanted to try Whole30 to find some balance and be more aware of when I was truly hungry. I also have a chronic pain disorder and hoped that Whole30 would help me find some relief. 

Sadly, my pain hasn't improved at all, so I don't think I am sensitive to any foods - bit of a disappointment there. Immediately after I started I felt like I lost some bloat from the Christmas excess, but since then I've felt very confused about my body and the plan.

My exercise regime for years has been 2 x short run and 3 x weight training a week, and I have also been doing one yoga class a week in the last six months. Before Whole30 I tended to cook veggie/vegan most of the time - I wasn't strict about it, it was just cheap and easy, and a habit really. I think my body has really responded to sudden introduction to so much meat protein because in just 4 weeks my biceps have suddenly got massive and my shirts are tight across my chest, even though I haven't changed my exercise regime. I guess that should be a positive thing but it has just made me feel really solid and bulky, and I don't feel that good about it at all. I did a body scan at the gym and some measurements before I started Whole30, and it could be that if I checked now I would have packed on some crazy muscle % and lost fat, but I just don't feel good. I still get very fatigued legs too, which I always did - I don't know if it's because I try to be active at the gym but then have a sedentary job, but I have days where my legs feel like concrete when I am trying to walk up the stairs at work or to the train station and Whole30 hasn't helped with that.

I don't think I have slipped up on the Whole30 at all. My schedule has meant I haven't been able to follow the guidelines about eating pre/post workout really, so I have snacked quite a bit on nuts and the odd banana. But generally I have been diligent and have even tried to stay away from eating too much fruit (and no dried fruit) to break the habit of eating any sweet stuff. 

I know you are meant to focus on NSV, but I just feel a bit disappointed not to see more of them. I haven't felt bad on Whole30, but I haven't felt amazing either. My body seems to like the increase in meat in terms of putting on muscle, and some of my family mentioned I had a "good colour" or looked well. I haven't missed or craved sweet things and it has broken some bad habits like eating the occasional cake/sweets at work, drinking a couple of milky coffees at work, or wanting a couple squares chocolate or whatever after dinner.  I don't miss booze either and I am wondering about laying off that for a while, Whole30 or not. 

I was wondering about extending to a Whole45 or a Whole60 to give it more time, especially as I am not finding it too tough to stick to. I know cutting out crap and processed food certainly won't do me any harm for a few more days. 

I don't really know where I am going with this - just feeling a bit meh and wanting to share, I suppose. Sorry for being miserable today!! :( I hope other people are feeling better than me!

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It sounds like you have quite a few NSVs: less cravings, better muscle tone, and better skin complexion!  Extending your clean eating for another week or two definitely won't hurt you but ultimately you want to "find your food freedom" especially since you had issues with restrictive eating.  If you truly are not missing anything you left out, maybe your "food freedom" is eating well everyday and eating all the healthy, nourishing food emphasized in the program.  If you are really missing something that is whole and minimally processed, such as lentils or beans or oatmeal, reintroduce them and see how they make you feel.  It has taken me 3 whole rounds and a few mini-resets to finally figure out my "food freedom" over the last couple of years.  I am in a really good place and while I don't always have "tiger blood", I feel healthy and have fostered a healthier relationship with food.  Congratulations for sticking to your first round!

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