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Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)


Emma

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Yes, I feel like if I didn’t have my log, it would be much harder to get the motivation to keep taking care of myself with healthy foods.  But I’m hoping to develop new habits over the course of this whole30, so I can do this independently down the road.  It’s like we are all just trying to get to that point, and helping/being “listening ears” for each other during the ups and downs until we develop and strengthen those habits.  Glad to hear you managed eating out today.  Good luck with your busy weekend!

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Day Nine

Really - Day Nine already!! Wow.

I slept SO well last night. SO well. I may have even been in the same position I was when I fell asleep. I had a great dream where everything was going well at work. And then the next dream started and I had to give CPR which I couldn't quite remember how to do, but the dream was still positive because I kinda knew how and then I woke up. And it was 6:30 and I knew it was the time I was ready to get up. I love when there is that wake up switch and you just know. It did help that last night there was no need to go to the bathroom and no dogs barking. Good sleep is good stuff.

Today, again, I have a long list, but it helped yesterday. I feel pretty good about yesterday. Today is a new story, but I am hopeful! I think my to-do list is so ridiculous for the weekends, but I need it. I really want to be balanced. I want things to be in my life that kept swept aside by chores and Facebook and errands so my hope is that by prioritizing and making things happen, it will help create new rhythms and routines because utlimately I just want to sit around and enjoy my weekend.

Yesterday, I did crack open the cookbooks and I picked a few things for the beginning of this week. Then I went on the grocery store website, shopped, and I will pick up at nine this morning. Before I pick up, I will go to the gym for an hour. Before the gym, I will run by a store to pick up a new phone charger since ours got eaten. Voila - I'll be home by 9:30 with an errand done, an hour at the gym, and groceries. AND, it's not even seven yet so I get to sit here and drink coffee!!!!

My goals for today:

  • Meditate
  • Walk on treadmill or outside for three miles and read my book
  • Laundry  (the pile of clean clothes)
  • Work (Data projects)
  • Work (Planning projects)
  • Work (Organizing projects)
  • Prep or make some meals
  • Play piano with my kid

Work is really a big theme for today. Crud. There's so much anxiety around it and so much overwhelm. I know if I get started and dedicate lots of time, I can make some headway, but from this perspective, it feels overwhelming. So....that's the to-do for today.

As for Whole30.....

Well, THIS is why I'm doing it again. I want and I need my physical body and my mental energy to be healthier so I can effectively get things done, enjoy my family, participate in life.  I am super thankful that my system is responding positively and that I'm not sick at the moment (seems like there have been a lot of viruses this year).

The meals I have planned include the alfredo cashew sauce that was shared. I also bought a jar of premade afredo cashew sauce, but today I plan to make it from scratch. Ummmm, tacos al pastor using cabbage instead of tortillas, and a shrimp phad thai with spaghetti squash. I wanted to do zucchini, but that's not happening unless we can pick some up at Costco and I'm not going there today.  

Last night, my husband made fish and roasted slices of sweet potatoes and salad. I love that we have dabbled in Whole30 enough that it is frequently infused into our dinners - not always, but we are certainly not the same types of eaters we were before. We also eat better when I'm eating Whole30 because then we don't go out. My husband frequently does the cooking, but even his cooking becomes more wholesome when I'm not taking us down the path of restaurants and junk food.

On to the day (sitting and drinking my coffee :) )

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11 hours ago, Emma said:

Well, THIS is why I'm doing it again. I want and I need my physical body and my mental energy to be healthier so I can effectively get things done, enjoy my family, participate in life.  

I love this- this is exactly what I want from my whole30.  

LOL- You slept so well that you woke up knowing how to do CPR.  ;)  'Dream you' must have dug through some old memories to figure it out.  Funny how our brain works!  

Great job getting out the old recipes.  Sometimes just taking small steps like those seems so hard because life can get so comfortable and I know I get used to not going out if my way for little things like that.  Anyway, your meals / planned meals sound absolutely wonderful.  Enjoy!

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Day Nine in Review - 

Well, @Amy_Michigan, I only planned for a few days so it will be feast and then famine, but I have to tell you.....what I made is DEEEEEElicious!

First, I made the Spaghetti Squash Alfredo that __________ posted. Shucks, I can't remember who posted! I'm sorry because @_________________ you get full credit for this! The recipe is at https://www.paleorunningmomma.com/paleo-chicken-alfredo-with-spaghetti-squash-whole30/

It's good. Really good.

I also prepped the Tacos al Pastor from the Keto Quickstart book by Diane Sanfilippo. She also wrote Practical Paleo and it seemed like our family really gravitated towards her recipes. The recipes in this new book look even better - loads of veggies, fresh crunchy things, tasty meats.  So today I made the pico de gallo and the marinade for the pork. Tomorrow, all we gotta do is cook up the pork and put things together. I probably should have cooked up more spaghetti squash but I have a bit left over for Wednesday's pad thai.

I ate lots today. So much. But everything was either healthy or compliant so I'm okay with it all.

I've done everything on my list except work. Really. What kind of procrastination is that! The kind I hope to get rid of via some healthy eating and lifestyle changes.

I'm most tickled with my time on the treadmill. Usually I go a 3.5 mph, but I wanted to get done so I bumped it up to a 4.0 and at times up to 4.5 and 5.0. My foot and ankle is definitely stiff and sore, but it's not getting in the way of my day. My left knee was sore immediately after, but then seemed to relax and is okayish.

I am drinking iced coffee right now in a bid to get my work at least started. It's not looking good! The resistance is stunning.

But everything else is good.

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28 minutes ago, Emma said:

First, I made the Spaghetti Squash Alfredo that __________ posted. Shucks, I can't remember who posted! I'm sorry because @_________________ you get full credit for this! 

Ha ha ha it was me.  I’m so glad you loved it.  It really was surprisingly easy and overwhelmingly delicious.

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Wow, you are kicking butt on that treadmill.  When I only had like 20 minutes to exercise a few days ago, I did the same thing but kind of like C25k style where you train yourself by starting out walking, then doing like 30 seconds of jogging then a minute of walking, and then alternating with jogging and walking for various time intervals that work for you.  

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Day 10 

Didn't sleep as great, but slept okay. Was up a few times to use the restroom. I was super bloated when I went to bed but given all that I ate, it's no wonder. I got up at three to use the restroom and almost cried because my left knee hurt so badly. Cried? Hmmm. That sounds so dramatic. I was able to walk and to bend it, so maybe sleepiness led to that feeling, but I think it really, really hurt. Shucks. It's okayish now. I think sleep does a lot to let joints do their healing and maybe I interrupted that process.  Nonetheless, i need to be mindful that my gym trip yesterday (and maybe the amount I ate - or something I ate - lots of nuts) contributed to my knee.

I still haven't done work. I wish I could wake up and go into work early, but I can't. I have kids.

Goals for today:

  • Meditate
  • Piano
  • Good mood for the date with my husband and being present in the moment (I'd really rather be home)
  • Fold the last load of laundry, sweep, clean the bathroom 
  • Work - not sure this is really a goal. 

Woops - I never pressed submit!  So, the above is my morning stuff. Here is my evening reflection:

Throw today's goals into the trash! I didn't meditate. I didn't practice piano. I didn't catch up on work. I didn't touch the laundry. I did go out this evening and I was pleasant and open and asked people questions and listened and enjoyed their thoughts, but not one person ever turned their hearty conversations around and asked me anything. After a while, it got a bit old. Woo - I'm grumpy butt - I'm mainly just annoyed at how much I wanted to do and didn't get done and time is not on my side.

But....I did cook up the tacos al pastor that had been marinating overnight and I served it up in cabbage leaves. My pico de gallo was great, but afterwards (and even still four hours later) my mouth feels weird. I think tomatoes and I are not best buddies. AND, I finished off that Alfredo and Spaghetti Squash. It was SO good and rich and delicious, but in eating it, I think I ate a lot of cashews and my digestive system is feeling that.

So....these meals might not be the best for feeling my best, but they were tasty and I'd make them again.

I will meditate before I go to sleep. I have the coffee pot prepped for the morning. I'm ready for a new day.

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7 hours ago, Emma said:

I will meditate before I go to sleep. I have the coffee pot prepped for the morning. I'm ready for a new day.

Good luck today!  Hope your knee feels better.  Maybe you needed a rest day.  Good job getting out and socializing during your whole30.  I find it extremely hard not to eat/drink what everyone else is having in social situations.  You didn't mention food during your outing, but it sounds like you stayed on track!  Your dinner sounds delicious but I know what you mean.  I had to recalibrate when I was adding way over the Whole30 template's recommendation for healthy fats.  It didn't make me feel good about eating healthy, even though it was yummy.

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54 minutes ago, Amy_Michigan said:

Good luck today!  Hope your knee feels better.  Maybe you needed a rest day.  Good job getting out and socializing during your whole30.  I find it extremely hard not to eat/drink what everyone else is having in social situations. 

Oh, I wish it had been a rest day. Instead it was just a busy, busy day with only an hour and a half at home in which I cooked and read the news online. I don't like busy days at all. Well, i like busy days, but not ones like yesterday. There was food at the event but thankfully I had gorged on food at home so I was definitely not hungry. I still was tempted though. I even thought about all those things one can think, but ended up just having soda water.

My grumpy mood is interesting. It may be in part because I have meetings this week that I am decidedly not ready for. I'm not not ready, but I'm not where I'd like to be. Or it could be what I ate, but I bet it's the stress. My knee, though, was okay all day!

I'm not a total grump-butt though. Let me start the day.

Today: Day Eleven

Slept snuggled up next to one of my kids. It meant I was up a few times last night, but it was also nice. I am sleeping better again now that I'm eating better. There's still life waking me up - the kids, dogs, husband, my bladder - but I'm falling back asleep quickly. I'm still getting hot at night so I'm aware that I'm shifting the blankets on and off me, but last night I was up against an exterior wall and the wall was deliciously cold so when I got hot, I just plastered my arm and knee along it and cooled right off. It was great.

The big meal today is the shrimp pad thai. That, and everything on yesterday's to-do list.

Wishing myself a good day at work since that's where all the stress it at (no longer with me and my body and my health - yay!!!!)

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22 minutes ago, Emma said:

Wishing myself a good day at work since that's where all the stress it at (no longer with me and my body and my health - yay!!!!)

I'll wish you one too- Have a good day!  I find myself having anxiety before meetings, but it always turns out better than I expect, regardless of how prepared I am.  If you go in optimistic and positive, it will be okay!

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Day 11 Recap:

I'm here. Much better mood today.  I think going out last night was more than I was willing to do. I went willingly and I was super open and present and positive, but I think my introverted way kicked in and there was no payback last night - no fun social interactions or connections made with people even though I think I did a good job trying. Oh well. Today, Good day at work. Time at home in the evening. Cleaned, cooked, practiced piano, ate a lot, still munching, but it's nice at home. I'm not sure what the uber-munching is about, but it's all compliant. Lot of nuts though and my mouth is feeling a little wiggy from dinner (phad tai with zoodles) but I'm compliant. I remember being very nut dependent the last time I started a Whole30 and then after a while the nut need faded away. Perhaps it's the thing I'm falling on to combat that questing/yearning behavior for more junk food. 

What I should really do is go brush my teeth and start taking my evening vitamins. Or just go over one more handful of almonds and raisins. Ha.

 

 

 

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Day 12

Slept really well again - and would have kept sleeping a bit more except that I heard my husband's alarm. I rarely use or need an alarm, but I guess today I did!

My face is a bit puffy from all the salt I ate last night, but overall things are fine physically. The good sleep really is nice.

I just looked at the Whole30 timeline. Days 10 and 11 are the give-up days. I didn't. Day 12 is the start of "boundless energy, give me the twinkie day". I don't think the timeline fits super well, certainly not as I return to Whole30 as a reset, but it's still worth thinking about. I was tempted by a baked good yesterday and had the thought, "just one won't be an issue." True - IF I was eating Whole30-esque. But I'm not - I'm on the reset. There was something else too, but I can't remember.

The sleep though. I need to remember that only 12 days ago, I was complaining about crappy sleep because I was hot and cold and my knee pain was waking me up. Only 12 days ago, but it took me almost a month to get to that first day. 

Busy day ahead, but it's snowing and I'm home in the evening except for an hour where I signed up to go to a class at the gym.

 

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Day 13 - I think I'm floundering a bit. I'm still here, but not in any type of graceful or "I got this" way.

I didn't eat much at work yesterday and when we ran by Costco afterwards, I was hungry and wanting all things sweet and savory and labeled "paleo!" or "natural!" or any other marketing ploy. Did you know Daiya makes ice cream bars now? And there are chocolate covered nut and seed clusters? And...

There were lots of things calling my name. I ate almonds and more almonds and this morning my stomach is reminding me of all the almonds I ate. We never even had an actual dinner last night. The day itself, though, was fine, though I wish I'd gotten more done the last two hours of work - I kinda fell apart. I also haven't meditated in a few days. Meditation doesn't feel like my keystone habit, but I think and suspect there is something to it. Bleh bleh bleh.

It takes SO much mental energy to stay focused on these things and I'm only on Day 13. It feels like I've been expending energy on this for eons. What's also funny is how well I was just plugging along last Fall without much effort and now, after the slippery slope of Dec/Jan, it's all so hard again.

Thankfully, I have lots of stuff in the fridge so I can cook up things fairly easily.

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26 minutes ago, Emma said:

It takes SO much mental energy to stay focused on these things and I'm only on Day 13. It feels like I've been expending energy on this for eons. What's also funny is how well I was just plugging along last Fall without much effort and now, after the slippery slope of Dec/Jan, it's all so hard again.

If we have done it this long, I'm sure we can get to the end of the 30 days.  Even if it doesn't seem like it, we are cruising towards the finish line!  My clothes are feeling looser and I can't wait to take my measurements, but I'm going to wait to do that until the whole30 is over.

I am a dark chocolate addict, but this time around, somehow I have passed on all forms of chocolate- even compliant bars with cocoa powder!  It was a personal choice to challenge myself and release the control that chocolate has over me.  Last July, I was always getting the kids Rx bar with chocolate chips for my whole30.  Maybe this time I will save that for after the 30 days when I want a treat.  Anyway, I know all of the treats at the store look delicious, but the fact that we are passing on them today is huge- we are making so much progress!

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@Emma you are in those hard days.  Don’t focus on how far you have to go, look at how far you have come.  Find some new recipes to try in the next two weeks that you will really look forward to trying, that always helped me when I was feeling like the time on whole 30 was never ending.

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@BabyBear @Amy_Michigan I saw your messages last night before bed and I so appreciated the words and I so felt guilty and ashamed - I feel like I've let down the team.  I couldn't even write. I know it's okay. This is all part of the process and it's certainly supposed to be about me and not the feelings of others....but I still felt badly. And I think this is a good thing! It's seeing things from the perspective of the person with the clear eyes (you guys) instead of my own muddled self.

So yes, I totally biffed it yesterday. And I'm super thankful to have messages from you guys instead of feeling lost in some "woe is me all alone" type of screwed up mental scenario!

And I have to tell you that this morning, I am feeling it the effects of biffing it. I have a headache. I'm bloated. I feel like I want to throw up. I'd like to go to the bathroom, but I can't. I'm up too early. This will all pass - eventually all the things causing issues with my system will move on through, but for now....crud...what an icky way to start a day.

The good news is that I did go to the gym last night and I did a really good beginner workout of the treadmill, the 30 minute circuit routine, and stretching. THAT was all good.

The bad....well, I think the eating the night before triggered digestive stuff. I didn't poop yesterday morning. I needed to, but couldn't yet. At work I felt bloated, but was in a good mood. At lunch, I saw chocolate cake and felt a desire to have some so instead I made a big bowl of frozen veggies with ghee. I felt good about that. At a meeting someone passed out fruit cups in a cupcake shell. I ate the fruit and then a couple bites of cheese and then the shell. What the heck! And then around five I ate some chocolates and some more and then went to the gym and came home tired and ate the Daiya bars and the chocolate covered seed clusters that are probably filled with salt (because they're wonderful good and crunchy and crispy) and I didn't just eat an appropriate amount of any of that. I totally binged which is something I really don't do. And I was cognizant of everything as I did it.

So....no pooping yesterday morning. Bloated and feeling "off" from the previous night's non-balanced foods. No protein during the day. No Rx bars or anything to eat instead while at work. And then gluttony.

But the thought of any of those foods makes me feel nauseous so I think that's a good thing - kinda like the cigarette smokers that are supposed to fill a jar of water with the butts and get disgusted by it all (except that I don't think that is very effective). This good unpleasant reaction in my body and a clear cause and effect IS effective. Except that people get hangovers and clearly know the cause and effect and that doesn't change things. BUT, I have reasons for wanting to eat well. Maybe I also lost sight of those reasons. Well, certainly I lost sight of all of my moorings yesterday. 

I'm not lost thankfully. As I showered I tried to figure out the formula. Is it "plus three, minus two" or is it, "plus 12, minus 1". I don't think it's that. One big screwup day causes more backsliding than just one day. So maybe it's "plus three, minus two". I'm calling it Day Zero. I know I didn't like how I ate yesterday, but am I ready to get back on today to Day One. It's Valentine's. We're going out. I was planning on bringing my own foods and sneaking them in. Perhaps I will. It's not a place with food I like. In fact, it's the same place the evening we went before starting this Whole30 on February 1st.

The crazy thing about yesterday was the first bites of the things that didn't serve me well. I knew they didn't. I didn't really try not to. I let them serve as a floodgate. I felt my addictive brain saying, "Eat it - and then let's go get all those other things - Let's go to McDonalds" I did not go to McDonalds. I did not eat any baked goods at work in the staff room, but the two chocolates that led to four more chocolates.....that sugar. And my body feeling out of sorts.

In our fridge is spaghetti squash already cooked, asparagus waiting to be grilled up with buttery ghee and a dash of salt. There is pork tenderloin ready to get cut up into small pieces and lots of broccoli slaw to make some Egg Roll in a Bowl. And ALL of those things (not the Egg Roll cuz it's too salty) sound really good to me right now. Except that I'm too bloated and uncomfortable to eat.

It's just another lesson pointing out why I should be eating cleaner foods.

But gadz - the addictive behavior of falling apart and only two weeks in. But, it was on Day 15 that I screwed up in my Whole30 last year. This is definitely a tricky time period.

So....as I begin this day...I am thankful for other people and their support. I am thankful I went to the gym. I am thankful I have a fridge full of healthy food. I am thankful that I feel like crap from the crappy food. I am reminded that I need to remember why I am doing this process.

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5 hours ago, Emma said:

But gadz - the addictive behavior of falling apart and only two weeks in. But, it was on Day 15 that I screwed up in my Whole30 last year. This is definitely a tricky time period.

So....as I begin this day...I am thankful for other people and their support. I am thankful I went to the gym. I am thankful I have a fridge full of healthy food. I am thankful that I feel like crap from the crappy food. I am reminded that I need to remember why I am doing this process.

It's hard to come and post after a screw up.  The weird thing is- I ALSO messed up today and it is my Day 15.  Crazy!  I'm just going to keep going, though.  Something about valentines day, and the weird half-way mark in the whole30.  Ah- well.  I'm not going to give up, and it doesn't seem like you are either.  :)  

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@Emma  I’m proud of you for not slipping away into the abyss of unknown  never to return again.  You ate some non-compliant food and reset your reset.  The good news is you got a lot of the hard work out of the way.  Although you go back to day 1 because you introduced unknown possible inflammatory markers back into your blood stream the hard work of those early days are behind you.  I also love that you aren’t say the heck with I already screwed up I’m going to eat what I want at dinner and start after Valentines.  That’s a huge win.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Take note of what triggered your behavior and why, and also what the results were and if they were really worth it.  Chin up girl, you’ve got this!

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Smiling and a bit of laughing out loud - Well, @BabyBear and @Amy_Michigan I did slip a bit into the abyss and I did do some justification about taking advantage of a slip up to postpone things, but I am still here - just not back in the saddle or on the trail.  I sure do love that I was gone a few days (maybe even more than a few) and that I knew when I came back, there would be people still here most likely hoping I was still around. I am very thankful for that and it was nice reading your words and encouragement.

I was trekking up a mountain with my backpack, just plugging along, when I started to take some liberties. I felt myself floundering and I knew my load was heavy and I knew I'd been staying to the path and persevering, but boy - I just toppled. I didn't topple quickly. I kinda slow toppled and then went with it....quite a ways down the hill. And then I'd dust myself off and eat something healthy and then eat some junk and topple some more.

The crazy thing is...I have felt horrible physically. Nothing in the things I have been eating have felt good. And a couple things left me feeling horrible in my head and crazy tired like I had some allergic reaction, but was semi numb to things so I couldn't isolate it. And even while I've felt bloated and headachy and fat and grumpy and behind, I've just eaten more and more sugar. And not just one, but numerous bars of ice cream. And each day, I say, I'll get back up on the trail tomorrow and each tomorrow, I find myself loving the "freedom" of eating whatever the f I want. 

Except I don't really want those things. I do in the moment. But they don't taste near as good as a good meal and they all leave me feeling sh----.

Again, I'm reminded that this is exactly like an addiction for me. I don't want to eat the crap and yet I do. And I justify it or deny what I'm doing and eat some more.

But....the good news...there's still a lot of good food in my fridge ;) My cauliflower had some brown edges on it, but once roasted, who cares! My pork tenderloin didn't smell bad so I cooked that up too. My coleslaw in a bag looks just fine (I love cabbage for its staying power). My spaghetti squash sounds so unappetizing, but it's still probably okay.

I guess the also good news is that I have continued to go to the gym. Laughing. I feel like I was gone for WEEKS! Or MONTHS! I just scrolled back - it was only last Thursday. Wow - what a lot of screwed up eating I managed to do in such a short time!

So...back to the good news. I went to the gym Thursday night, Sunday, and Monday. I'll go again tomorrow. Good news....I ate asparagus the other day (in between ice cream bars). I ate spaghetti squash with the cashew sauce Saturday night instead of the store bought pesto sauce.

The bad news: lots of chocolates, shortbread cookies, dairy free ice cream bars, dairy free cheesecake, more sugary crap.

I watched Brittney Runs a Marathon last night and enjoyed it. I felt a bit like Brittney at times as I went back to the kitchen to get some more food to eat that I didn't even really want.

My thoughts about my toppling off the trail....I was eating a lot of nuts and I remember my system feeling bloated and full and not being able to use the restroom and I think when my body feels "off" I try to fix it by eating things - seeking the thing that will make it feel better. Even coffee isn't doing it these days. There isn't really a magical "fix" other than letting this stuff pass through my system and then just putting the clean stuff in.

Blech blech blech! I'm still here and I'm hoping tomorrow is my Day One again.

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21 hours ago, Emma said:

 There isn't really a magical "fix" other than letting this stuff pass through my system and then just putting the clean stuff in.

I totally think of my celestial seasoning fruit samplers tea as my magic fix.  It calms my cravings... And if I feel bloated I go by experience and trust that my digestive system will  be back to normal in a few days.  A larabar helps me if I’m constipated.  My favorite is blueberry.   I don’t even know how much fiber is in one of those..all I know is that it seems to work for me.  And an apple a day to keep the doctor away (I try)

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Day One:

It helps putting things in perspective and realizing I only fell off the path for four or five days. My binge eating of junk was a little crazy, but even so, I bet it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

I cooked up cabbage and pork last night as well as roasted cauliflower. I'm eating it now after a long day. I didn't get to the gym as planned because I had to pick up the kids, but I ate clean foods and made it till evening. I'm back on board. I was definitely tempted early evening when I didn't have time to get to the store like planned and all I had at work was frozen veggies. I wanted the chocolate cake. I wanted the frozen Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches. Or the frozen chicken nuggets, but I didn't have them. Instead I microwaved up that big bowl of frozen veggies.They'd have tasted better with garlic powder and been more filling with some protein other than almonds, but overall....it worked.

@Amy_Michigan My husband got into tea. I try here and there, but haven't found a love for it yet, except when I give up coffee. Perhaps I'll give it a go. I do like having Lara Bars on hand and currently I have none. i also like the blueberry one.

@BabyBear I am back and that is what matters. And I'm so glad you all are still here!!!

Not sure what I'll eat tomorrow because I just finished off the cabbage, pork, and cauliflower, but I know I didn't like how I was feeling over the weekend. I need to constantly remember why I am doing this because it's so hard to get sidetracked.

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Good luck with meal planning tomorrow.  Remember... there are recipes that just say throw some things in a crockpot and you’re done...so just finding the right recipes for your motivation level is the first step.  And why not weigh yourself since you are back to Day 1?  I always find that a big motivator...up to you, though.  I hope you find a few meals you can get excited about for the rest of this week!

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