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58 minutes ago, ShadowInTheKitchen said:

Obviously the biggest problem for me is a lack of self control.  

Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm reading a really good book right now called The Hungry Brain. I'm about halfway into it. The basic premise to this point is that we are biologically wired to want the most calorie-dense foods, and when we get our hands on them, we over-consume. This is based on the caveman days when they may not always have access to honey or starchy tubers or fatty meats. When those foods are available, they gorge on them, because there is no telling when they will find the next batch. The problem in today's world is that we are still biologically wired that way, but calorie-dense foods are absolutely everywhere and a lot worse for us than honey or starchy tubers. 

See if you can get your hands on this book, I think it might help. I can't say what the recommendations are because I'm not there yet, but even Melissa says that our lack of "self-control" isn't really our fault. Scientists create "food" in such a way that is addicting so we eat more and more. I can't say why some people are seemingly better able to resist these temptations, but I can only guess it has to do with habits built over long periods of time. 

Hang in there! :wub: W30 is always here for you when you are ready for another round. 

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I've got to come back.  The bad habits I've developed since I was last here have got to stop.  I love to eat mostly Whole30, most of my meals are compliant and include lots of vegetables, but between

Day 19, Tuesday May 19 M1: romaine and spinach salad tossed w/ mix of PK green goddess and PK ranch dressing, topped with chicken, celery and mayo salad, tomato, 1/2 avocado, black pepper M2

Oh, my friend, lack of self control is my jam. I'm amazing at staying compliant when I'm being compliant, and when I'm not, I'm absolutely off the reservation, even though it makes me feel like hell.

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Thanks @decker_bear. Thanks also for the book recommendation.  I’m not giving up.  Tomorrow I will try again, but I doubt there is a compliant meal at the restaurant we’re going to, so I’ll eat as best I can to stay close to compliant.  I guess that along with my own inner struggles, I’m also tired of having to sort through what’s available to eat when I do go out.  I agree with the thing about the created “food” and a big NSV for me is that now I recognize Frankenfood for what it is, just a bunch of chemical concoctions designed to taste good in order to separate me from my money!  The ice cream today didn’t register in my brain as junk though, I guess I’m still learning!  

Note to self: 4 hours after eating the ice cream it’s sitting like a lump in my gut and I continue to feel like I want to get rid of it.  I’m still disappointed in myself for eating it.  Last time I binged (about three weeks ago) it took a full week to get feeling Whole30 normal again. It’s not worth it.  

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3 minutes ago, SchrodingersCat said:

Oh, my friend, lack of self control is my jam. I'm amazing at staying compliant when I'm being compliant, and when I'm not, I'm absolutely off the reservation, even though it makes me feel like hell.

Yes, what’s with this?  I see the same pattern, journaling here has helped me to see it.  

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10 hours ago, Tevenie said:

I ate 8 icecreams the other day.  There, I have said it.  I feel so ashamed of myself when I do it.  I have no ability to control myself around sugar.  

It is not just you.

You and me both, sister. If I start, I don't stop, even if I feel sick. All the ice cream, whole packs of candy. I'm more and more convinced I'm an abstainer not a moderator. 

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Thursday September 10

I finished off the ice cream, I just couldn't throw it out.  A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips, or in my case on my belly.  Today was a crappy day food-wise, the only veg I had was in a small bit of butternut squash soup at lunch.  There was a 1/2 bagel with cream cheese and jam at breakfast, I ate too many candied nuts throughout the day, had 2 glasses of wine while trying to decide what to eat for dinner, then had cheese and salami 'cause it went well with the wine.  I didn't have anyone in tonight as I hoped to, we're a covid hotspot right now so I'm obeying our orders to stay apart. We began our basement renovation this week, something I've been looking forward to for a while, but its time consuming on top of everything else I have going on.  I guess I'm just running a bit low on enthusiasm to eat well right now.  Of course that means that I'm not feeling the best either.  My energy is low - that didn't take long, of course I feel bloated, and my mood was getting a bit low this evening.  I took two Omega 3 capsules after I realized that I didn't take any vitamins this morning.  I usually take Omega 3, calcium and vitamin D, but I totally forgot to take them earlier.  The Omegas seem to help boost my mood.  

Yesterday wasn't much better.  I had wine at home before going out to dinner, then had french onion soup, a steak and grilled vegetables.  Not too bad except for the wine.  Breakfast was a bagel, lunch was cheese and crackers.  I have got to stop eating the breads.  It's too much, and my stomach isn't happy with all the breads and the ice cream.  Bagels and crackers are so easy though,  but I have to limit breads to no more than 1 small serving a day or else I don't feel well.  When I eat breads, I totally eliminate vegetables, I think because bread is quick and easy but veggies require prep time.  Tomorrow I hope to get back into having some veggies.  

I have been eating just to eat, feeling a bit overwhelmed and at the same time I'm feeling a bit pissy, and have fallen back into the habit of grabbing stuff to eat for no good reason.  Emotional eating I guess.  It's got to stop, my stomach doesn't feel well and my ankles are stiff and achey - a side effect from eating too much wheat I believe.  I need to start Whole30 again.  Tomorrow?  Maybe, but my pantry has a lot of non-compliant stuff that is tempting when I don't have a plan.  I don't want to waste the food, and I don't really want to eat it either.  I'll freeze what I can, throw away the rest of the bagels and work through the rest.  It is nice to eat some foods again that are not W30, especially the cheese and salami.

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It seems like you're stuck in a spiral that's going to be tricky to get out of. Is there somewhere you could donate the non-compliant foods? A friend, neighbor, family member, etc.? I just sent home a few non-compliant things I had laying around with my son and he is more than happy to eat them. I would love if he would embrace a Whole30 to make himself healthier, but he's not in that space right now so I give him the food instead of wasting it or throwing it out. I'm with you, I hate wasting food, but then again ... the food that makes you feel bad isn't really serving you anyway. 

Are you familiar with Intuitive Eating? It's a concept where you eat more or less what you want. You focus on healthy foods that will serve your body, but you also don't forbid yourself from eating anything. If you want the wine, you have the wine - but you drink it with a wholesome dinner. If you want the cheese and crackers - awesome, but maybe they're an appetizer for a vegetable-heavy dinner. You enjoy it, you give thanks for it, and you move on. Might be worth looking at. I'm just thinking that it might be a way for you to stop the spiral, get yourself balanced again, and allow yourself to start another Whole30 on solid footing and without the shame and regret. 

Whatever you decide, YOU ARE WORTH IT! Take the time, do it right, and your body will thank you. :wub:

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Thanks @decker_bear.  I ate it.  First the ice cream.  Then today I used up most of the leftover cream cheese to make squares, which I haven't had in ages.  Then I ate a row of squares.  BUT...

I weighed in at the gym on Friday and my numbers are better than they were a week ago, last night I began training for a 5k, and my meals lately have been sooo good with special thanks to Whole30 training/practice.  I am walking lots and working out regularly.  Last week's spiral is over, I'm done eating the squares and am making a healthy supper for myself tonight.  Good old shepherd's pie with sweet potato and rhutabaga topping, my favourite comfort food.  So I'm done wallowing for now and I feel good physically.  I'm giving W30 a mini break because I want to eat some off-plan foods.  It's a nagging worry for me that by eliminating entire food groups for too long I will also not be getting enough nutrients, and autumn is THE BEST TIME to enjoy homemade baked beans.   I also want to focus on some other stuff right now, and W30 just takes too much mental energy sometimes.  That's not to say I won't be back, I just don't know when I'll be ready to devote another 30 days to this. Maybe after Thanksgiving, which for us here in Canada is on October 12 this year, or maybe sooner if I fall off the rails again and can't find my balance without help from the structure of the program.  

I plan to check in regularly with posts about my habits, or lack of and the perspective is invaluable when I read through my old logs. It also helps to know I'm not alone in this.  

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So glad the spiral is behind you for the moment. I've been there, and it can feel so desperate.

I'm with @decker_bear: Whole 30 is here for you when it's useful. Sounds like you're really clear about what you need right now and that's great!

FWIW, intuitive eating doesn't work for me when I'm in a spiral. I do think there are physiological components, at least for me, that need to be dealt with in conjunction with the psychological and emotional pieces to the puzzle. That was one of the most valuable takeaways for me in all my rounds of W30. Sugar in conjunction with flour and/or dairy is like poison to me when I'm undernourished. That's just a fact I've learned to accept, which means I accept the consequences if I choose to imbibe. It's much easier to off road just the once with such things if it's bookended with solid W30-style template nutrition for at least a few days.

Anyway, that's my experience, and it may not be yours. We all must learn to ride our own bikes, and often again and again, because life keeps changing and throwing unimaginable stuff at us. That's why I'm back after YEARS. . . . BIG LOVE to you on your journey wherever and however it takes you!

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4 hours ago, LadyM said:

I do think there are physiological components, at least for me, that need to be dealt with in conjunction with the psychological and emotional pieces to the puzzle. That was one of the most valuable takeaways for me in all my rounds of W30.

I agree with you on this, and have accepted that I need to figure our how to build this puzzle for myself.  

4 hours ago, LadyM said:

Sugar in conjunction with flour and/or dairy is like poison to me when I'm undernourished.

I now look at sugar and wheat as gateway drugs for me.  Mostly harmless on their own, although I have 2 cavities that need to be dealt with and I can only eat a small amount of wheat without knocking my gi balance off. The real problem lies in how those two "ingredients" can lead me to abandon all caution and go where I don't want to go.  Ice cream can be blended into that category too, and I tend to overeat cheese but it doesn't lead me to search for chocolate, or sweets.  Funny, I'm training my dog to learn self control, why is it so difficult for me to learn self control? I know what I need to to or not do...

Reading @Tevenie's log, she has settled into eating two meals a day.  I have considered this, especially yesterday when I forgot to eat breakfast, then had it around eleven in the morning.  I wasn't hungry for lunch but felt I should eat "something" because... why?  I think because it's what I've always done.  My lunch turned out to be a quarter pan of cream cheese, butter and walnut squares.  I wasn't even hungry. Yikes.  Better to stick with real meals.  I don't think I'm mentally prepared to deal with changing my habit from having three meals a day and going down to two.  What I am working towards right now is having smaller meals when I'm not feeling ravenous.  I can eat a big plateful of food even when I'm not hungry.  For some reason though, my brain doesn't think it's ok to skip a meal.  Heck, I've only just learned to stop snacking between meals.  

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1 hour ago, ShadowInTheKitchen said:

What I am working towards right now is having smaller meals when I'm not feeling ravenous.  I can eat a big plateful of food even when I'm not hungry.  For some reason though, my brain doesn't think it's ok to skip a meal. 

I am SO with you on this. And I'm therefore experimenting both with eating fewer meals and with eating smaller meals. Lately I've noticed that eating smaller meals three times a day rather than two ginormous meals actually makes me feel less ravenous. Learning to listen to my body's genuine signals and then responding appropriately rather than by habit of eating giant meals is a major part of this process.

p.s. ice cream is my kryptonite.

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17 hours ago, LadyM said:

Learning to listen to my body's genuine signals and then responding appropriately rather than by habit of eating giant meals is a major part of this process.

Yes, this.  It's part of the Whole30 training, and can be discerned through journaling for me.  I do think that 3 meals a day will be best for me going forward indefinitely, but keeping them appropriately sized.  I've also learned to have post work-out snacks that are smaller when I need them, not a 4th meal.  

17 hours ago, LadyM said:

p.s. ice cream is my kryptonite.

LOL.  You are one of us.  Superwomen.  

 

I'm happy to report that I threw away the rest of the junk food.  Note to Future Shadow - it was easy to do and I feel empowered now.  I've got this.  

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I've got to come back.  The bad habits I've developed since I was last here have got to stop.  I love to eat mostly Whole30, most of my meals are compliant and include lots of vegetables, but between meals I totally lose it.  With the cooler weather I started baking again. Oh how I love to bake, and eat, those sweets.  Now I have painful inflammation in my feet and ankles, and milder inflammation in my knees and hips.  It hurts to walk.  Every step hurts until I get "warmed up."  So just walking from the couch to the pan of squares on the kitchen counter hurts, but I do it anyways.  I've lost control.  

And so I am back.  I will begin now, this evening.  Freeze those decadent squares and hope my family eats through them fairly quickly.  Fingers crossed I can keep away from them.  See, the thing is, since I was last here I trained for and now I run 5K three times a week.  Sore feet and ankles do not make walking or running enjoyable.  I want to run more than I want to eat sugar. I remember how well I felt when I was eating compliant to the plan.  The only way that I can get back to feeling great is to go all in, so here I am.

Hi to my old friends/followers here on this forum.  I took a few moments to catch up and read through your latest entries in your logs.  I missed you.  I look forward to journeying together with you to better health.

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