Ursula's Whole 30 log.. late start


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I didn't even know this was on here to do - I have been actually logging my progress on my own in a notebook that I carry around with me.  My husband started asking questions about it and I told him it was for me to stay accountable and aware of what I was eating and thinking and feeling and based on the look on his face, I was thinking that something online would be better. And so here I am, but it is Day 8, so you all missed my travels my first 7 days. Nothing exciting, although last night I had a nightmare that I ate a ham and cheese on white bread and fell off the program and my friends laughed at me for doing it. That was unpleasant.

So, I guess I'm going to poke around and see what others do to log on here and maybe I will stop carrying around my little notebook. 

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Welcome! I have to say, keeping a log for me (I'm doing round 6 - W30 is the only think that reduces my migraines, and I'm waiting for allergy testing) has been so valuable. It's amazing what you forget, and so good to be able to go back and read over what I ate and how I felt. In later rounds I've been able to give myself some real motivation by rereading previous logs! Plus reading other people's logs is interesting and having the interaction is fun :) My current one is in the post-W30 log section (if you're keen for a snoop), as I'm in this long term until at least allergy testing so I'm trying not to count days!

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Day 9 is proving to be tough. 

Late meeting yesterday meant 10:00 p.m. arrival at home and no time with husband before showering and heading to bed. Early return to work for conference calls and after getting through an interview for a podcast, more emails, a nervous call from a client that needed reassurance and the day ending with uncharacteristic sunshine instead of the constant deluge of rain, I want a glass of wine outside somewhere. Why? Well, I feel kind of special being on the podcast. It was on leadership and they wanted me as their first guest (don't get excited, it's something in my industry, not that I am "someone") and that made me feel good. And it's been a really hectic few days so unwinding with a glass of wine with the husband sounds delightful, especially since he heads out of town Friday for 12 days.  And yes, having a glass of wine outside in the sun sounds so much better than hitting the treadmill, lifting and then eating my Whole30 dinner (leftover salmon).

But why wine.... why not fizzy water with a lime? Well, I want to turn off my brain for a bit, dull the mental exhaustion I am feeling after some busy days. And, my husband says he doesn't like drinking alone, so if we go out somewhere and I don't drink, he will have less fun. And yes, I have been weighing myself every day even though you aren't supposed to and after the weight falling off like water, it stopped. I know that it was mostly water weight and bloat and the real weight loss isn't going to happen until the later stages, but I see why people fall off the program around this time if hey are weighing themselves.

Logical side of me says that I will accomplish the same effects by working out and being proud of that progress.  Plus, it will push me more towards weight loss than just eating well. Finally, it's been 9 days and throwing all of that away just because I feel good about myself and it isn't raining seems like a stupid idea. And tomorrow I will wake up and be mad at myself. Mad that I undid what I started, mad that I should have been healthy and worked out and mad that I threw that all away over a stupid glass of wine that I wanted just because it was sunny outside.  Plus, I'll be dehydrated and with the amount of work I have on my plate, that is only going to make my life worse. And, if I have a drink, I wll likely be thinking about all of this and hating myself, meaning it would not be enjoyable.

Lots of people quit things and its ok, When my husband and I climbed Kilimanjaro (bad idea, don't do it), I broke down crying about 2 hours from he summit, just miserable. With my husband's support, I made it to the top.  After we got back down the mountain, showered and met our fellow hikers for dinner, several of the guys remarked that had I turned around and quit, they would have too. While that made me feel "better," the fact that I made it to the top was such an amazing high (no pun intended) that I didn't care. So is this my Kili moment? The moment that I turn around and back down the mountain with others who want to give up to? Or is it the moment I buck up and push through. 

Sometimes I hate logical side of me. She's really persuasive.  

My hope is that my next post tomorrow is for Day 10 and not Day 1.  

 

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1 hour ago, UrsulaB11 said:

But why wine....

Marketing?  I had a glass of wine recently and about an hour later felt like had poison slowly working itself through my veins.  The glamorous images of groups of women enjoying wine, or the current fad of t-shirts, socks, wall decor and painted stem ware with wine slogans don't help.  There is seldom talk of the negative effects.  If having wine is a decision you make after careful consideration, then enjoy.  But your query, "Why not fizzy water with lime?" shows that you are developing awareness between good and not so good things for your physical health, and it seems you're leaning towards choosing the better option.  

You likely know this already, but around day 10-12ish is when people are likely to quit Whole30.  I'll be cheering you on from here, hoping you get to day 10 tomorrow, but if its day one then congrats to that for choosing to start again.  And congratulations on the podcast spot.  Sounds like fun!

After re-reading what I wrote in the first paragraph, I realize that I am part of the big wine problem.  I buy those fadish items for gifts.  I have wine themed wall decor.  I talk excitedly about having a glass of wine to let go of the day.  Thank you for helping me to work through this, I hope you don't find it too intrusive on your post!

 

 

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Hello Day 10, you gorgeous, beautiful beast you!!

So happy to be here and yesterday evening worked itself out nicely.  On my way home - to work out - my husband texted me about walking our new house. Yes, in the midst of a pandemic and a weird world, we are building a house, which is a stressful activity in and of itself.  I have a short blog on our progress, if you are interested: https://delrayteardown.blogspot.com/

Anyhoo, I initially was going to tell him no, that I needed to work out and then reality set in - I mean, how often will I have the chance to walk in my new house with just the first floor framed in? So, I agreed and we went. Afterwards, we went to a beer garden nearby where he had beer and chicken fingers. The dog had cheeseburger sliders and I had peel and eat shrimp and Pelligrino. It was delightful. We enjoyed the nice night and each other's company while I ate compliant and stayed off the vino.

Very pleased that yesterday worked out well and thank you to those who read my rant/pep talk. 

I have been keeping a written journal and based on my past history, as of today, I believe that I have "dodged" 2700 calories in alcohol consumption since day 1. Looking back, that's a really wasteful way to build up calories.  My hope that is that when I see he final number of calories that I didn't imbibe over the 30 days, it is a wake up call and pushes me to be more mindful.  As @ShadowInTheKitchen put it, marketing for wine and the joy it brings is pretty adept. I imagine it is similar to the smoking ads that pulled in the generations before me. 

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Anyone else notice that Waze now shows you on the map where you can buy Reeses? Yup, it's there and you don't even have to ask for that con to appear, it's just there.  So, after a disappointing dinner tonight, seeing that icon made me want a Reeses Peanut Butter cup and a class of sauvignon blanc. A very cold one in a stemmed wine glass.

Yes, I'm obsessing. So, I need to figure out why.

I was looking forward to dinner. I was meeting someone that I hadn't seen since March (or earlier) and he has always been a bit of a mentor and a good person to talk about views of life.  With my husband out of town, I was looking forward to catching up and the companionship.   It didn't happen. He talked at least 85% of the time, telling me long stories about interactions with clients and such. Two hours later I was grateful to leave and was frankly, disappointed that he asked nothing about me or my life.  No, I don't think I would have had a better time had I been drinking - I think that he was just in a mood and wanted to talk about that, without regard to asking about myself or my world in COVID. Yes, I think my feelings were hurt a little but more so, I was disappointed in the interaction being lacking - recognizing that we are all in a weird social space these days.

On the way home, the road was closed for an accident. Insert heavy sigh.

Insert Waze imagery of Reeses.

I miss wine. I miss treats from time to time. I miss what I did normally. 

But it's day 14, and I am almost over the halfway mark, so throwing that progress away would just be disappointing. So, I am eating some cashews and grapes. Yes, probably a  little emotional snacking, but it's on program and its what I need tonight.  Tomorrow is another day.....

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Confessional.

I have to admit, I haven't been following ALL of the rules. .... I have been weighing myself daily. 

I know, I know, I shouldn't have done it, but it's done.  I liked doing it because the immediate weight drop was a little exciting. I know that a hunk of that was water and bloat and not fat, but seeing the rapid weight change when I modified my diet showed me truly how impactful certain ingredients could be. 

And then I plateaued.... for 3 days.  The third day was yesterday.

This morning, I got up and the dog was whimpering, which means that there is a bodily fluid (or solid) or some variety that wants to escape an orifice. The shortest warning time is for vomit, so as I hopped out of bed and looked at the scale, I decided not to weigh myself. I knew that the result would be bad no matter what. If I lost weight, I would be all positive about the program, but for the wrong reasons. The program is not designed for weight loss but to promote thoughtful eating, which often results in weight loss. And I knew if I went up - which was possible since I ate out last night - I would be discouraged.  So, I didn't get on it.

I am going to stop weighing myself every day.  My plan is to weigh myself Wednesday (day 17) and then not again until day 30.  I'm not sure I am going to be able to stick to that, but I am going to give it the college try.

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I've always been a serial weigher, and not doing it my first round almost killed me. But in the end, I'm so glad I didn't, and I've not done it in every round since, and regretted weighing once I've finished the round. I let that number rent WAY too much space in my head. If it's down, I want to restrict food/higher calorie items more so I keep getting that sweet rush of seeing it drop. If it's up - I just want to throw in the towel and go "why bother". If it stays the same, again the urge to restrict. 

Actually staying off it and following my body's cues instead of some arbitrary number was so freeing (after I got over the actual *craving* that I had for it - more than any food product). I was fitting clothes better, noticing change in shape, and just appreciating how my body was reacting in a way I wouldn't have if I'd known the number, because if I'd known and wasn't happy with it, that number would have overridden all of the great things I could feel. 

So a big vote here from someone who knows exactly how you feel to ditch the scale for the rest of the round!

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I like to weigh myself too.  And I want to lose weight, but more specifically I want to lose fat weight and gain muscle weight.  So in my ideal world I would weigh as much or more than I do right now, but I would be ripped!  I'm really hoping that some day I can wear a bikini again, no joke.  

I struggle to stay off of the scale when I go to the gym.  The scale there is accurate, unlike my bathroom scale, so its easy for me to avoid the scale at home but I have to fight the urge to weigh in at the gym.  @SchrodingersCat is correct to say it's a craving.

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On 8/19/2020 at 12:30 PM, UrsulaB11 said:

I have "dodged" 2700 calories in alcohol consumption since day 1.

This is eye-opening.  Wow.  Food for my thoughts, as I restart after a week-long birthday celebration involving consumption of numerous bottles of wine.  

 

15 hours ago, UrsulaB11 said:

If I lost weight, I would be all positive about the program, but for the wrong reasons.

When I started my last W30 in June, I believed that weighing myself everyday "helped" me stay in check through the day.  It didn't.  I made it through 45 days or so (with a restart in there) without weighing.  When I finally did, I was moderately pleased with the result, but secretly disappointed that it wasn't more.  And I started sliding in my food choices...and I weighed myself again a week or so later, and I had lost a few more pounds!!!  But today, I'm up 6 pounds, which I *know* is water weight and bloat...the scale plays mind games and I just can't engage.  I'm intelligent, I know all the behavioral strategies for weight loss, all the issues with measuring weight, and yet there is still that emotional pump when the number goes down and the disappointment in self when it goes up.  Most of the time, the NSVs are enough, but not always.  The importance of the number is so ingrained.  Ugh, it's just not easy...

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Thank you @SchrodingersCat, @ShadowInTheKitchen and @MadyVanilla for your comments and sage advice.

I wish I had checked in on the forum when I woke up because it might have kept me off the scale.  I caved and weighed myself and I am now on day 5 of a plateau. And of course, that's frustrating with the amount of effort I am putting in with food and exercise. But, I also know that plateaus are normal and, if I wasn't doing all of this, I would weigh more and feel like crap. I mean, through yesterday, I calculated that I would have had 4900 calories worth of wine by now, which means the scale would be up at least one pound, if not more, with bloat and inflammation.

It is a craving, I get that. So, I think I am going to deal with it like I am dealing with other habits I am trying to break/ingrain. I found an app called Habitica and you put in things you have to do every day (or on certain days), plus optional habits (things you can do more than once in a day) and a to do list. You can an avatar and when you accomplish items, the avatar gets stronger and you have levels and stuff. There are also team challenges to defeat monsters and such, and if you fail to do it all, the team can be injured.  It's a little quirky, but having something that requires me to check off accomplishments has actually been effective. I think I am going to add not weighing myself to the daily list so that I have to do it to get points and help my teammates. 

It's also Day 16, which means I am headed back down the mountain.

 

 

 

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Wow. Today has been hard. My husband is out of town, which I thought would help me to stick with the program since he wouldn’t be wanting to go out. Instead, I’m lonely. He’s been gone since early Friday and all I want is to either order food off program or to hit a bar. A glass of wine. Perhaps some great food from restaurant week. 
 

And all of my food is chicken. So tired of chicken. I had a pork loin in the freezer but it has sugar. Insert heavy sigh. 
 

Lesson. Have varied food choices pre made. Or at least some compliant meats in the freezer. Ugh. Guess I’m headed to Whole Foods tomorrow. 
 

And it’s worth the effort, I get it. Just a tough night - grateful that I can vent here. 

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The thing with the wine...I guess a sparkling water maybe works for people who drink white wine, but I'm a red drinker.  Unsweetened cranberry juice mixed with seltzer, add some fruit...that could be a makeshift sangria.  Or is that SWYPO?  I don't know, just thinking "out loud."  

The venting here in the forum is a lifesaver, just to get the thoughts out.  I hope you find something awesome at Whole Foods! 

BTW-Habitica is really cool.  I'm still figuring it out, but I like it.  Thanks! 

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6 hours ago, MadyVanilla said:

The thing with the wine...I guess a sparkling water maybe works for people who drink white wine, but I'm a red drinker. 

 

Good suggestion. I have been buying Spindthrift sparkling water and I use it in the afternoon when I get a bit of a slump after drinking several bottles of water. I think part of the problem is that there is no "reward food" on the program. I know that's actually the point - we are supposed to eat when we are hungry and not be driven by compunction/cravings/hormones/emotions, but a little reward can go a long way. Someone had suggested kombucha and I read Melissa's article on it and I don't think I want to go there. 

It's like we are breaking down our system of eating/drinking and after a lifetime of developing these habits, this is really hard. I'm not sure that 30 days is enough time to "break" all of the habits.

But I'm committed and one of my Dailies on Habitica is that I eat compliant, so I anticipate that I will stay compliant but will be frustrated several days. I think tonight I am going to workout and hit Whole Foods. Just getting some different foods in here will help, I hope.

13 days to go until reintroduction....

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Dear wine, cheese, scale, sushi, pasta, pizza and dessert:

I miss you all, I really do. But it's been 19 days without most of you (took me a while to quit you scale) and I walked through Whole Foods after an intense workout and barely twinged when I caught sight of most of you. I read labels - and noted that items I looked at were already turned to ingredients, which I imagined meant that another Whole30-er had come down the aisle ahead of me - and didn't buy anything non compliant. My clothes fit well this morning. Yes, I need to lose some fat, but removing the bloat and inflammation brought me down to a reasonable girth for my clothing. And I accomplished a ton of work and other errands today without dragging around as a result of poor food choices or the glass of wine that I likely would have had to celebrate my win today.

So look. I am starting to realize that not only can I live without all of you, I can thrive.  I guess this is what forming a new habit looks like. 

But don't worry, there will be times that I will want to hang out with all of you - especially the scale - I just want to be smart and meaningfully interact with you all on my terms, not yours.

Love,

Me.

PS it is entirely possible that I will change my opinion on this immediately and without warning and tell you how much I miss and love you all.

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My morning shock today was when I started my journal entry and noted that today is day 23. That means my last day is September 8. I had counted it to the 9th. Which meant re-intro on the 10th. But I planned for the 11th in light of work commitments. So now, I can technically have a reintroduce day on the 9th (wine, I think) followed by compliant days on 10th and 11th and re-intro (dairy) on the 12th.   But I don’t think I’m going to do that. 
 

I have a brutal schedule through the afternoon of the 11th and taking in a happy hour (sans non compliant food) sounds amazing. Plus, I’m worried that I won’t feel great the day after reintroduction and I’d rather be off work.
 

And maybe that means I stay compliant all week and then reintroduce on Fridays? That sounds somewhat appealing, especially if I reintroduce and can reincorporate some items back in. 

I still can’t believe I stuck to this for 23 days so far ...

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I weighed myself. Totally owning it. I just felt so light and my clothes were fitting better that I had to see. I, of course, had to give myself a pep talk in case I didn't like what was on the scale and recognized that I had to be a big girl about it and stay on this for the remainder diligently, regardless of the numbers. Fortunately, the numbers were good and that made me happy. Mostly, it made me happy that I dropped about a pound in a week without starving myself. I did exercise more since I worked from home, which certainly helped, but eating a lot while doing it was nice.

I'm still thinking that I want to have more compliant than noncompliant days as I finish up the first round and I think that's doable if I have a plan.

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17 hours ago, UrsulaB11 said:

And maybe that means I stay compliant all week and then reintroduce on Fridays? That sounds somewhat appealing, especially if I reintroduce and can reincorporate some items back in. 

I really like this idea.  It goes along with my desire for structure.  I hope you continue to journal as you reintroduce!

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It's Thursday. I have had back to back client meetings since Monday, often not getting home until 10:30 or later and not falling asleep until 11:30 or later, followed by demanding days.  I'm tired. I feel like I have earned some sort of a respite tonight and I really want that to be a glass of wine.

As I type the words, I am already feeling the logical responses in my head.

I am getting a respite tonight - I get to work out. (I have to reserve the fitness center in my apartment and I have it reserved tonight) I will certainly feel great after that work out, especially after not working out for two days.

My image of drinking wine includes a glass sitting outside somewhere, enjoying the weather. There are big thunderstorms rolling through our area tonight right around the 5-8pm timeline, so if I want to have a glass of wine and ruin everything on day 25, I am going to have to do it with grocery store wine and leftovers in my apartment. Um, yeah, I would wake up in the morning hating myself for falling off before day 30 under those circumstances.

And seriously, if I think I am going to be able to continue eating this way for the most part after day 30, clearly that's not happening if I am failing on day 25. Just 5 more days and I gave up. 

Thank you all for allowing me to work through this today.  My guess is that I will be back tomorrow ..... and every day after that until I hit 30, especially with gorgeous weather this weekend and pending brunch plans.

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About 5 hours ago, I was done. I had decided that I was going to eat compliant but have a glass (or 2) of wine. After swinging by our house going up from the ground, we went to a place we have been to since I started W30. My husband automatically ordered me sparkling water and peel and eat shrimp. Even though I told him this was hard and I wanted to give up. And yet, he supported me and I didn't fail.  Day 27 nearly in the books, with full compliance.  I'm surprised I made it, but I'm cautiously optimistic I will make it to day 30. 

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