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A Home for a Bunny

Home for a Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown. Illustrations by Garth Williams.  1961 (almost 60 years old, but … | Good morning cards, Garth williams, Good  morning images
 

Under a rock or a log or a stone or under the ground were some of the places this bunny went looking for home. I read the story to my sister until she had it memorized and could "read" it all by herself. My journey is a lot like this little bunny's search for a home. Sometimes the bunny searches in bunny-like places and sometimes the bunny looks in bogs and nests in trees. I feel like most of my journey has been not knowing what kind of home to look for.

As a child I was six to eight inches taller than the other tallest kids in my class until I stopped growing at about twelve. Because I was bigger than the other kids I have always had this impression that I was fat from an early age. I was not. I was bigger and at times a little chubby but most of the time I was simply bigger.

I wanted to be petite and skinny like my sisters, like most of my friends, but I do love food. I must confess that right now. I love fresh food best but I do love baking and all the aromas and warm memories associated with food. I love variety and trying something new is exciting to me. This applies to life not just food.

At ten I was told to go on my first diet. This is the first time I realized I needed a new home or new way of eating. Like the bunny in this story I sometimes searched in fairly good spots that could be a home for me. This first diet was just not eating so many sweets and not eating them when my brothers and sisters were. That part did not feel like home at all. Then I started riding my bicycle to stay at the hundred pound mark.

I would ride and ride and ride and weigh. Then I would ride and ride and ride and weigh again until I was at that hundred pound mark again. Then I would get to go swimming. Cycling and swimming felt like home but watching my siblings eat the sugary foods did not.

In my teens I rebelled and said people should just like me the way I am. This led me down a very dark hole that definitely was not a good home for anyone.

In college I tried a couple of other homes - The Cambridge Diet and, my most successful, I'm Gonna Get an "A" in this Class Diet. The first of these two homes was a terrible fit. I was sick and on antibiotics and only doing the shake and have never felt so ill in my life after taking an antibiotic. That was no home for a bunny.

The second home I found was a mansion and I really thought I could live there. I lost thirty pounds in thirty days and got an "A" in my Business Management class because I had successfully changed someone's behavior. I had graphs and charts. I weighed. Every. Single. Day.

The many, many places I searched for this home and the many, many stories I could tell, if I remembered them all. Ha! Ha!

I did find a rock for a home for a little while. Yes, I had motivation. I was getting married and I had a wedding dress to fit into. I did not starve myself but I ate my certain meals and purchased a stair climber. I posted my wedding dress in front of the stair climber and ate my diet and exercised and weighed. I finally arrived at my goal weight! 

Then came marriage and children and an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, and there was just not a place to call home. I tried so many diets but the one that discouraged me the most and gave me the best results was WW. I lost 75 pounds and it was the toughest thing I ever did. My husband went with me. My sons went sometimes and encouraged me. BUT I had to get down to 15 points to lose the weight. I was exercising so hard I was aching and my stomach was growling a lot. This was not my home.

Hashimoto's made my life miserable for over ten years and I didn't even know why I couldn't find a home that suited me. I felt fat, lazy, and sad. I tried not to. I love my family and wanted to be different. I tried so very hard. Even when I was diagnosed, had my thyroid removed, and was treated for thyroid cancer, I did not feel like I was healthy. I had a little more energy and wasn't as depressed but still wanted to live life more. I set out in search of that home.

My husband's super metabolism finally failed him late into his forties and in his early fifties he needed to look for a home. He found Keto and shed the weight like no one's business. I tried and failed and tried again. Not happening. Not my home.
 

In the meantime I had been diagnosed with polyneuropathy, basically nerve problems throughout my body due to inflammation from undiagnosed Hashimoto's. Searching for a home became a necessity. My digestive system started failing me as well. I started trying to control it through diet and was sure that there was something that worked for my husband while on Keto that was working against me. It was time to look for the perfect rabbit hole and I found it in the comments of a Facebook post.

My cousin had some serious issues and had done a diet and it had helped her, changed her health. It was Whole30. I had heard of it of course. I started researching and it looked like I "was already headed that way" like my cousin said. When I realized this could lead me to the rabbit hole of my dreams, I posted something on Facebook and found out it is also what turned my niece's life around. Yes! I'm doing this!

 

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Poor bunny! I'm glad you found something that works for you. Hop, hop, hop.

I too ride the chronic illness rollercoaster. Whole30 has been marvelous for it. I usually do my own "modified paleo" semi-Whole30. But this year—partly because of some heart issues and high cholesterol, partly because of, oh let's say COVID! — I slid way off track. Hm, maybe I should make a separate post about that? Anyway! I hear ya, sister. I hope yours goes well,  as I gear up for mine...

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Picture from https://www.maryjanedetroyer.com/new-york-city-registered-dietitian-criticizes-keto-diet/


I am an unorganized, totally over-extended or completely lazy, immoderate individual desiring peace more than I desire happiness or even food. Love - I absolutely love nature because that is one place peace spreads over every part of my being until I am just glowing. A co-worker actually gave me a shirt that says, "Nature is My Happy Place." Indeed it is.

I am a very visual person. Well today I was walking and came across a heron in the lake near my house. These birds seem so serene to me. I can just stand there and watch them and my level of peace eases on up to ten. Whole30 is like that for me.

I have been doing Keto on and off for a year and never felt at peace. I tried adding intermittent fasting. To some extent that worked until quarantine. 

Maybe it is because of my tendency to do things that upset my peace that I desire it so much. Dieting has never, ever brought any peace into my life. It stirs up the negative feelings just to think of the word. Giving up sweeteners and dairy would have terrified me before but because I am doing this for a reason I am at peace. I told my husband that I don't have to worry too much about quitting because my motivators are so HUGE!

One day I will wake up and my right hand and hip will drag me out of bed for a happy dance, I am sure of it! Already my digestive issues are better. Of course, I was talking to Google the other day when we found out that I probably have low stomach acid. Reading a W30 success story, I realized that this might become a thing of the past for me soon. I was also all set for an incontinence clinic visit and, happy day, a colonoscopy. I'm cancelling those for now and will see if they are necessary after W30!

I hesitate to write this but I am feeling so great I can't believe it! I don't want anyone else to feel bad if they are not. Believe me, my Keto flu lasted forever². ;)  Maybe the reason why on Day 5 I am already seeing so many results is because I went through sugar and wheat withdrawal with Keto! Of course, I may just be getting ahead of myself. Who know what Day 10 or 23 will bring.

#Whole30 #HappyPlace #Keto #NoMoreDiets #inflammation #lowstomachacid #peace #digestiveissues #motivation #nature #hip #hand #neuropathy #Day5 

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On 10/4/2020 at 7:05 PM, Miss T the Tarot Reader said:

Poor bunny! I'm glad you found something that works for you. Hop, hop, hop.

I too ride the chronic illness rollercoaster. Whole30 has been marvelous for it. I usually do my own "modified paleo" semi-Whole30. But this year—partly because of some heart issues and high cholesterol, partly because of, oh let's say COVID! — I slid way off track. Hm, maybe I should make a separate post about that? Anyway! I hear ya, sister. I hope yours goes well,  as I gear up for mine...

What is your start date? How many times have you done Whole30? 

I really am hoping this works. Right now I am trying to find out if I am going to have to take digestive enzymes to digest all the protein. I was doing great until yesterday... that's another post.

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Rescue Me!

What do you do when you can't use your right arm?

The Blahs | Me. You. Us.

 

I made it through my last two days. I had a stabbing headache over the entire right back side of my head. It stems from my shoulder pain and would not go away without sleep. I made my appointment yesterday and then had to cancel today's. I tried to just keep going yesterday and it didn't work. So I slept in. I hate doing that but I only have enough pain to be a reminder that I still have to take it easy. :(  That is about all I can post about those days.

Trying to be positive:

  • Hubby ate my compliant chicken salad instead of his yesterday. I was kind of looking forward to it since I only had a snack for lunch. I made tuna salad instead and today I feasted on one of the best turkey salads ever! 
  • Since I can't do the list of things that needs done around the house today. I will read Whole30 and do a devotional.
  • There are a few light housekeeping items I can complete!
  • I will not get bored and overeat. I. WILL. NOT.
  • I will remember that there are some moms with children and some other people with frantic schedules who would love a day like this. I will try to honor them by finding something interesting to do. (Oops, first thing that popped into my head was making something with the Cricut that would definitely aggravate my neuropathy.) It'll come to me.

     
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I am one of those busy frantic moms.   Would you take a nap for me? Or maybe read a good book?  Or soak in an Epsom salt bath? Or find a patch of grass to lie on and watch the clouds float by?  
be kind to yourself and give yourself time and space to heal.  Nerve pain is so hard on the body mind and soul.  
have you ever heard of or considered oatstraw infusions?  I used those along with frankincense essential oils to help my body heal from severe nerve damage.  It has helped my friend who had severe neuropathy in his feet. 

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3 minutes ago, Jennifer Jensen said:

I am having a little difficulty determining whether or not oatstraw infusions are allowed or not.

I mmmm not sure what the official stance is, but if taking for medicinal purposes the stance on medicine has been take it period.  So that would probably a personal perception and decision.  You don’t eat any of the oatstraw as it’s like a tea you drink.  Again if you feel like you shouldn’t on plan then wait until you finish your whole 30.  Stinging Nettle is another infusion that will help with over all inflammation and health support that would definitely be okay on plan.  

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I'm so interested to hear someone mentioning oatstraw here -- I got a bit obsessed with it about a year ago. I put on an event called Tea & Poetry at the local farmers market, and we had a station where people could mix their own  taisans (a.k.a. herbal teas, to take home and make teas, infusions, or decoctions). Mountain Rose Herbs kindly donated many of the materials. I researched all the ingredients and made info brochures on the medicinal qualities and history of the herbs.

Well, it was really fun, and I ended up with a giant jar of oatstraw once it was over. I began to use oatstraw as the basis for my own teas/infusions, and then did it solo. It really called out to me. It's an amazing herb, though it seems so mild at first. I find it soothing yet warming, calming yet clear.

To make an infusion, simply boil water, pour it over your oatstraw, and let it steep. Some prefer to brew it slowly with a lower-temperature hot water. Drink the results, and it's  W30 compliant*. It's like putting a blade of grass in your teapot, I don't see how it could be non-Whole30.*

 

*Dude! I love Whole30, do some other types of coaching, and I write about health subjects for publication—but I am not a Whole30 coach, nor a nutritionist. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt. Ask your doctor, or Melissa Urban, or someone like that. Just tryin' to help, here, but I don't want to make myself sound like a true W30 pro.

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In reference to my quote: I've made it 9 days. I've come that far. I can go the full 30 and then reintroduction!!!

Yesterday (Day 9) was a back to my normal day for me. I have had pain issues that pushed me down but they are not going to keep me down!

Meals have been great! 
Eggs with chili oil, mayo, pico de gallo, and avocado. Bacon on the side.
 

Lemon Basil Chicken with grilled red pepper, onion, carrots, and shitake mushrooms
Acorn squash with apple, dried cranberries, raisins, coconut, and walnuts

Snack 2 slices turkey and boiled egg with tajin seasoning

@BabyBearWater challenge - 32 oz; yep, pitiful. My husband is home tomorrow and I have asked his help to remind me to drink.

Missed a meal because I slept late. I have had to cancel too many plans this week.

I marinated more chicken and grilled some as well. Citrus rosemary chicken and mustard balsamic chicken are grilled. Red curry chicken and jalapeno lime chicken with chili oil are marinating some more. 

I do not like pain. I will try to sleep again tonight. I hope this all resolves before next Wednesday when we leave for our delayed anniversary trip!!!

Such a sad post. Sorry. It will be better tomorrow.

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@Jennifer Jensenyay I’m glad you got an official word on the oatstraw.  When I was using it to promote healing I’d make a big batch of it and keep it in the fridge.  I’d have a cup in the morning and one at night.  Typically my one at night I’d gently reheat on the stove so I could enjoy it warm.   I would have enjoyed it warm in the mornings too but I was always in a rush.  Sometimes I’d add it to a fruit/veggie smoothie. But it really is wonderful and very grounding.  I found for me it was one of those slow gradual changes.  You didn’t really notice the changes day to day but 5 months down the road I realized I was doing more with my arm and hand that was damaged with less and less pain. Journaling pain levels and abilities helped me to recognize the definite changes.  

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My log is not much of a log. I just can't keep up with everything I do and do it as well. Not sure if that made sense.

I didn't have to worry too much with food today. I am loving making fried eggs. I don't know why I always make scrambled. 

M1 fried eggs, bacon, two sweet potato rounds with blueberries on top. (The blueberries was a new thing and I really like it.)

M2 citrus rosemary chicken on kale with grapes, apple, dried cranberries, raisins, carrots, chopped spiralized butternut squash, toasted walnuts, and bacon (I just put a little bit of everything b/c I like variety) with my apple blueberry acv dressing

M3 red chicken curry with potatoes and onions - so filling!

Note to self: Never, ever eat 1 1/2 avocados in one day! 

I am making a little project for the daughter of a friend of my sister's. Her name is Violet and she has Rett Syndrome so I am making a Teacup filled with African Violets for her. I tried to find some colors for the teacup that are a little brighter. Now I found out that I will need to mail it. Hmmm...1769497264_TeacupAfricanViolets.thumb.jpg.e9c41694f412c802c30cfe173e82a3f7.jpg

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The Very Real Story of Me
 

Here I am a 56 year old with my early years behind me but as always I struggle with my weight. 

I love when someone is able to get passed all the pain and be vulnerable in order to help others. I hope my attempt at being real will help someone else.

I was always bigger than everyone else in my class. I was also growing in height faster than anyone else, head and shoulders taller than the next tallest kid in my class. "The Jolly Green Giant" read the tag stuck to my back as I entered the my cousin's birthday party. We were all different characters, labeled as we entered my aunt's home. Guess who you are? was the theme of the party game. When someone finally told me I was devastated. I wanted to hide. I wanted to leave. Why didn't I get to be a princess?... ever. 

In the plays at school I was always an animal or a mother but never an angel or a princess. It hurt. The pain. The humiliation. It wears on you even as a child, or especially as a child. 

The other day I told my husband that I had started my first diet when I was ten. Yes, ten years old and gaining in height quickly, I was already over five feet. By the end of the sixth grade I was 5'6". I would ride my bicycle to keep myself at 100 lbs so I could go swimming. I had a list of foods I could eat and I really tried hard to lose weight.

I remember my aunt suggested I take dance with my cousin but my mother said she was afraid the other kids would make fun of me. That was my mother's general response. She didn't want me to be hurt so she kept me at home. I began to trust this response as well. I would just be as nice as I could to those around me but never try to get too close because I might get hurt.

As I grew into my teens I worked for my dad after school and it was hard, physically demanding work but I kept my grades up. Grades meant everything to me. I had some friends but was so busy with work and school that I didn't have time for friends or extra curricular activities. Home life wasn't great at this time, either. There were many stressors for my family, financial and emotional.  I was often depressed and even tried to kill myself. 

School was going to be my ticket out but as I studied in college and even lost a quite a bit of weight, I never felt I was going anywhere. I never had the confidence to really believe that any of my education was really going to benefit me. As my self-confidence failed so did my grades and my emotions. There were a few suicide attempts during those years as well.

After graduating I moved to Atlanta and worked as a kitchen and bath designer. I enjoyed working but really wasn't living up to my potential and never really understood myself well enough to know what I wanted to do. That isn't exactly true. Once I had told my mother I thought I would like to be a nurse and she said she didn't think that would be a good fit for me. I never even asked why. I just assumed that I wouldn't be a good fit. Then I told my dad I thought I would like to be a social worker and he said I could never make enough to live on as a social worker. I tried engineering because I was smart but found out I was either not that smart or not that ambitious one. I settled for Marketing because I already knew a little about the business world.

While in Atlanta a terrible relationship ended and I couldn't get over it. I again attempted to kill myself and I almost succeeded. After spending time in a mental hospital, I returned home for awhile and determined that I would try living again. 

I headed back to college to become a teacher. There I did finally meet the man of my dreams and actually was into fitness enough that I wasn't very overweight. We hiked a lot and I had a gym membership. 

At some point I decided to move back home and work for my dad again. Our long-distance relationship kept me hopeful and happy. My future husband finally got up the nerve to ask me to marry him (after his sister-in-law cornered him and demanded to know why he had not gotten me a ring yet). Knowing I was finally getting married, I was so excited I lost down to the lowest weight ever to fit into my wedding dress. Yes, there was a picture tacked on the wall above my stair-stepper to motivate me to work harder and harder at losing weight. I lived alone and my diet was very routine and I hardly ate anything but it didn't matter, I was getting married to my best friend.

As the years flew by and my sons were born my weight went up and my energy level plummeted. Each day from the time my first son was born was tiring. I never had enough energy. I seemed drained most of the time. I pushed through nearly fourteen years of homeschooling, thinking I was just not quite good enough that I should be able to do more. During that time my involvement in their activities increased and I even had a period when they were 8 and 11 that I lost 75 lbs. Then my dad died and the weight crept back up.

Our lives were frantic during our sons' teen years. Both over 6 ft by the end of their twelfth years, they decided to play basketball. We pushed ourselves to give them the athletic experience they desired. This meant many, many nights of travel to other schools and fast food. We basically ran the sports organization for a couple of very painful years. My emotions went haywire because I was always trying to do too much. 

Our oldest son finally opted for track and cross-country over basketball. Now we had an additional activity to fill our lives, especially mine since they were both still too young to drive. I did begin to take this opportunity to do some exercise of my own while they ran or practiced basketball. Finally, when my oldest was 14 and we were headed to the first cross-country meeting of the year I began to get so tired I knew I wouldn't make it home without a nap. I had them tell Coach that I was not feeling well and had to stay in the car.

It was the year of our twentieth anniversary and, having ridden my bicycle while waiting for my oldest to run with a few members of the cross-country team over the summer, I was excited that we would be able to ride during our anniversary trip. My mom had provided us with a vacation as a present that year. We had only ridden about fifty yards when I couldn't catch my breath. 

An asthmatic himself, my husband's first thought was that I had had an asthma attack. We returned home from our trip and he immediately contacted his asthma and allergy doctor who worked me in. Thankfully, the doctor, having assessed my lungs and assured me I did not have asthma, suggested that it might be my thyroid and referred me to an endocrinologist. 

In 2013 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. My thyroid had grown so much that it was blocking my trachea and would have to be removed. After the surgery they did a biopsy and I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. After being treated with a radioactive iodine pill, I was put on thyroid medication. All of my years of untreated hypothyroidism led to polyneuropathy which makes it difficult for me to stick to an exercise. I end up in so much pain that I have to take a break and then start all over again. It is a little frustrating but I am learning to deal with the setbacks. 

This is my first Whole30 and I am hoping and praying that I will find a way to reduce the inflammation that is the cause of much of my pain and neuropathy. It may be a Whole30 then a Whole45 then a Whole60. I want to enjoy life. I love who I am more than ever before and I love what I do. 

I finally found my passion is helping others. I work with families who have premature and/or sick babies in the NICU of a regional hospital near where I live. I am furloughed right now and can't wait to go back. While furloughed I have delivered Meals on Wheels about twice a week and taken water and snacks or meals to a nearby park where many of the homeless in the area stay during the day.

My life is full and the plan is that I will find some answers, grow in my relationship with food (and self-control), be able to enjoy the outdoors and exercise, and have all the energy I need to be there for others.

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4 hours ago, Jennifer Jensen said:

This is my first Whole30 and I am hoping and praying that I will find a way to reduce the inflammation that is the cause of much of my pain and neuropathy. It may be a Whole30 then a Whole45 then a Whole60. I want to enjoy life. I love who I am more than ever before and I love what I do. 

I finally found my passion is helping others. I work with families who have premature and/or sick babies in the NICU of a regional hospital near where I live. I am furloughed right now and can't wait to go back. While furloughed I have delivered Meals on Wheels about twice a week and taken water and snacks or meals to a nearby park where many of the homeless in the area stay during the day.

My life is full and the plan is that I will find some answers, grow in my relationship with food (and self-control), be able to enjoy the outdoors and exercise, and have all the energy I need to be there for others.

What a journey! Thank you so much for sharing it with us, @Jennifer Jensen. I'm so happy you have arrived at this place. I know Whole 30 will only help further your path where you want to be.:wub:

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@Jennifer Jenseni had tears reading your story.  I am so sorry for the way others treated you when you were younger.  People can be cruel, children can be cruel, but honestly this shouldn’t be the norm.  if we teach ourselves and then our children and they teach their children etc to be kind one to another and love our neighbors then imagine how many children could be spared that pain of being the odd one out.  Oh what a world that would be.   I am so glad you have a fighting spirit and you have been able to rise above it all and find a passion and calling in life, that you found your true love, and you are finding your true self. 

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@BabyBearThanks so much! By the grace of God this no longer has a hold over me! It was just my struggle and my story. I hope others will see that what others say about you (and especially what you think they think about you) does not have to influence your whole life, pushing you out of becoming all you can be! I love my life! I still see that little girl the same way you do - with tears but I am no longer that person. Other people shaped her and made her. I have a completely new life now. Don't get me wrong I still struggle sometimes with what I may think others think about me but I can look at myself with different more caring eyes and know I can rise above that. 

Melissa had some really great podcasts about the subject of forgiving others and then a follow-up about not projecting onto them your thoughts and insecurities, assuming what they think about you. 

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5 hours ago, Jennifer Jensen said:

Melissa had some really great podcasts about the subject of forgiving others and then a follow-up about not projecting onto them your thoughts and insecurities, assuming what they think about you.

Yes!! Those podcast are amazing.  They have helped me so much in learning to know where I am and where I am not and also not giving people the power over me with their positive or negative opinions.  I had to stop listening to her podcast around other people because they would have me ugly crying.  The podcast have been instrumental in unpacking all that junk in my trunk.

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Is It Tiger Blood?

I woke up at 4:30 am and felt rested after only five hours of sleep. Yesterday we hiked what some consider a strenuous but short hiking trail up to the most beautiful waterfall and, while it was difficult, there is no way I would consider it strenuous. We're staying in Lexington, SC right outside of Columbia and we drove the two and a half hours to Marietta, SC to hike the Falls Creek Waterfall Trail. The day before we went to Columbia Canal and Riverfront Park and walked along the canal after I swam an hour in the pool at the airbnb. Today, we will either canoe Cedar Creek in the Congaree National Forest or Lake Murray. My husband is concerned about the water levels but it looks like the water level is in the safety range and by 10 am maybe it will be low enough that he believes we can paddle it. 

I am so excited that my cravings are under control. I really only want to eat at meal times. I still am having difficulty finding food when we go out to eat but, if you are ever in Lexington, SC, check out Momma Rabbits Nibbles and Sips. Our server checked out all the food for me and I was able to eat a meat and three called McGregor's Dinner Plate with smoked turkey, roasted Brussel sprouts, roasted vegetable medley, and a naked baked sweet potato. The smoked turkey was so delicious I got some more to make a turkey salad to take on our hike. I couldn't finish it all and gave some to my husband. That is another thing - I have been more mindful of when I am full. Yay! 

NSVs:

  • no cravings
  • more aware when I am full
  • nails are stronger and healthier
  • my hair is so silky, shiny, and thick - never looked and felt this great
  • maybe clothing fits better, my jeans are really hard to tell but I have a pair of black dress pants that seem to say, "yes"
  • tiger blood, I really think so, I feel ready for the day

While here I have been cooking scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast and usually some fruit since veggies are a little more difficult to cook. We had some oven roasted wings last night and celery with a combo of my homemade mayo, Primal Kitchen buffalo sauce, and Primal Kitchen ranch dressing. 

I am a little concerned that tomatoes, my favorite veggie/fruit, is an inflammatory food for me. I am not sure but will wait until after the reintroduction and try eliminating later. I am just cautious right now. 


 

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