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Jumping off the ledge.... in a good way


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Yes, I'm jumping off the ledge. But for me this has good implications. Really.

Technically I think this will be my fourth Whole Something. My first one was at the end of last summer, and it was a great experience. I began to actually sleep for the first time in my adult life. I did another in the fall but it was less than 30 days. I started one on January 2nd, but with my grandchildren here for the last 3 weeks, it's been too tough to adhere strictly to. So today is day 1.

I've been a little wishy washy about when to start, how long to go for, etc. I was attempting to do a whole 100, but I don't think I'm going to make it that long this time through as I'll be going out to visit my kids and grandkids in April, about 80 days from now. So I decided just to start. And keep going. With no specific goal of a number of days beyond 30, although I know I need longer than that at this point. My sleep is disrupted again, I am sore (fibromyalgia), and my energy level is terrible. And my diet is fairly pure when I'm not on a whole 30, but it seems that any level of unhealthy food has significant detrimental effects on me.

I need to stop making excuses and make exercise a priority. If I don't move my body, my body fails me. I know this, it's no mystery. I have a spinning bike in my bedroom, a gym membership to a place that is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and there is a gym at work. I simply choose to make excuses rather than make my body function a priority. If I do not begin to exercise on a regular basis, I will deteriorate no matter what I eat. No matter how small of a step, I will take a step in the right direction today.

I'm pretty organized for the eating part, I cooked a few things yesterday for the week. I actually get hungry when I get up now, which is a good sign. I don't eat between meals for the most part.

I used a sleep app that someone was talking about on another thread. It's an iphone app and you lay it next to your pillow and it tells you how you are sleeping. And it wakes you up nicely as well. I used it for the first time last night and if it's accurate, I didn't get into a real deep sleep. I'll see how it works for a few days. I'm pretty sure it's going to pick up on how Rick is sleeping as well, it won't limit itself to my movements. It did say I got into a deeper sleep around 2, and since I didn't used to get into that kind of sleep at all for years, I'm still doing better than I was. Sleeping must be a priority.

My Happy Place: I'll include something positive in my posts/logs every day.

Vitamins: I think I need supplements, but it's hard for me to take pills. I take a vitamin D every day right now, but I need to work up to taking several others. Instead of buying all of the things I think I need and shoving them all down my throat starting today, I'm going to start one at a time.

Journaling/meditating: I will take at least 10 minutes of quiet reflective time every day.

Purge and Binge: Yeah, I know. But this is a different kind of binge and purge. I'm going to rewrite the tapes in my head. Purge my soul of things that no longer serve me and binge on the stuff that feeds my soul well. This might not happen in every post, but it will be an ongoing process that I include on this journey.

My overarching goal? To jump off the ledge and land safely in a spot that is better physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually than where I am right now.

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Day 1...

Early morning: sardine, HB egg, 2 strawberries.

Meal 1: sweet potato, spinach, ground beef, coconut milk. I mix it up like people would oatmeal.

Should have added a bit more fat, I was hungry a couple of hours later. I had a handful of coconut chips and sliced almonds. A big handful.

Meal 2: chicken, salad, mayo/mustard dressing, olives, and pineapple with peppers. I only ate half, I wasn't as hungry after eating the coconut and almonds.

Meal 3: ate the rest of my lunch at 3.

Meal 4: a chicken fennel thing I made, ill post the recipe in recipes. Pineapple/pepper salad, green beans

All in all, a good day 1, food wise.

I got home and was going to take a walk, but it started snowing. Ill still take a short walk before bed, ill take the dog out for a bit. But not the level of exercise I was looking for today.

My happy place: I love coming home at night, I look forward to the faces of the people in my space, and I'm very blessed to be surrounded by great kids, wonderful friends, and the respect and devotion of a fantastic man. It's a good feeling to walk through my door and know I'm home, in my sanctuary.

I'm going to go spend a few minutes journaling, make sure I take my vitamins, and get my things ready for tomorrow. Hopefully tucked in for the night by 930.

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Day 2.

Early morning: sardine, HB egg, strawberries, bulletproof coffee - well, not exactly, I put ghee, coconut oil and coconut milk in mine.

Meal 1: sweet potato, spinach, ground beef, and coconut milk, I added a bit of toasted coconut chips and sliced almonds to this.

Meal 2: chicken thigh and roasted fennel thing. Green beans

I'm starving shortly after meal 2, ate a banana and a tablespoon of almond butter. An hour later also ate a Lara bar.

Meal 3: a skillet version of bora bora fireballs. I was lazy and I also needed to figure out how much spice to use. The spice levels from well fed aren't quite enough for us. So I made it in a skillet with ground turkey. It was really good. Sliced avocado, raw veges, mayo. I took a nice photo if I can figure out how to get the photos from my iPhone on here.

Very long day at work, got home late. I did manage to throw dinner together and do the dishes. Sat down at almost 9 with a cup of tea and a snuggle on the couch with my man and my puppy. I'm headed to bed soon, without exercise, journaling or any other task on my list. Eh.

My happy place: I don't like spending so many hours at work, but I do like keeping a roof over my head and the ability to put myself and 2 kids through college at the same time. My happy place should be having a good job, but its not. My happy place is that I value satisfaction in what I do enough to keep on keeping on.

Purge and binge: "I work long hours and I don't feel like doing ______" this is counterproductive to learning, growing and being better today than I was yesterday. Tonight I replaced " I'm tired and cranky and lazy" with "I was glad to make dinner and clean up the kitchen".

Baby steps baby.... Baby steps...

Going to drink my tea and go to bed:)

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Day 3....

Started with the same as always. I'm enjoying my version of bulletproof coffee more and more.

Meal 1 same as well.

Satisfied today until meal 2 at 1230. It was leftover skillet bora bora fireballs from last night with veges and some mayo on top.

Had a couple of macadamia nuts with it.

Not hungry for the rest of the day.

Said goodbye to my grand babies and daughter in law tonight, they are headed back to Colorado. Couldn't eat dinner.

Didn't exercise, journal, or otherwise do any of the things that are on my checklist of things to focus on. I won't use this as an excuse to eat something unhealthy or be destructive to myself physically, emotionally, or mentally.

My happy place: I've enjoyed the time with my granddaughters and in a couple of months ill be in Colorado enjoying them some more. They are forever and always my happy place, more than anything else in the world. And I will continue on the road to better health so in 20 years I can be playing with my great grand babies!

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Though the img from the list page is a better size

It's not just c&p the link location,

right click on your photo

select "copy image location"

write your post here, when you want to put in your pic, click the pic icon ^, and copy the url (it should end in a jpeg) in the box.

I'm not giving up on you till you master it!! :D

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Yeah, I already did that originally. They said sorry but apple's a turd. Well, that's not what they said, but its what I heard.

Not a bad day overall.

Early morning and meal 1 the same. Lunch was supposed to be chicken and olives and salad and mayo but it smelled funny when I opened it up, I think the chicken might have gone bad, although it shouldn't have. Anyway, no real lunch. I had a handful of macadamia nuts, a banana and a little pack of unsweetened oranges.

Dinner was a rendition of well fed's comfort noodles, made with more egg, some shallot, some mayo mixed in, and topped with coconut chips as Rick doesn't like almonds. Who doesn't like almonds??? It was good, and we ate it with sweet potatoes and scotch eggs. Probably not enough veges, but its freezing here and I needed warm and filling.

Walked the dog for longer than I normally do tonight. We've eaten dinner and I need to do a little cleaning up but I feel better now that I've eaten and I think I'll get a cup of tea and journal for a bit. I'm looking forward to the first weekend in about 6 months that we haven't had anything going on, no commitments at all! I can't wait.... I'm going to get some decent exercise in for sure.

My happy place: I have the power to choose so many things in my life. I can choose where I work, where I live, who I spend time with, where I devote my money. I can choose to grumble because I work every day or I can choose to do it knowing that I have made my own choice. There is a lot of joy and comfort for me in knowing that where I am today is precisely where I should be, and that I've made choices that have brought me here. It's not about my life being perfect, it's far from it. It's about purposeful living, and I'm grateful that I have learned to do this along the way.

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Didn't get to post yesterday. Long day at work, didn't get home till 8 pm. Had a glass of wine with my dinner... It was definitely worth it. So today is my new day 1. I did stay compliant yesterday other than the wine, but I was hungry all day. I need to plan better than I have been. This weekend is a weekend free of any commitments so I can prep, etc with very little pressure.

My day didn't start out great, it turns out my neighbors pipes froze in their laundry room because they left the heat off and the window open. And my laundry room is soaked and we have no water in their till the landlord has it fixed later. I got really irritated at first, then let it go. If doing my laundry on a Sunday instead of Saturday is the worst of my problems, I've got it made.

Then I was searching for a crossfit near me because the one near my work got some bad reviews from my co-workers. And there is a good one right near my house and they also offer yoga once a week! I'm soooo excited. I'm hoping to start the intro program next week.

Oh, that's my happy place, by the way. Motivation to be strong and fit. And a cool new tool to help me get there.

I won't log for yesterday. This morning was a frittata with spinach, lamb, mushrooms and shallots. And roasted sweet potatoes. Yes, sardines on top:)

I'm off to clean out my spare room and finally make my own space out of it. Yeah!

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Ok, so first.... I am going to go by Missi here from now on, which is what most of my friends call me. Since we all share things like our BM schedules and our sex lives, I suppose you constitute good enough friends to use my "friend" nickname lol

Second, I didn't clean or fix up the spare room.

Third, I had a really great day:)

I already logged breakfast above. I put my iPad down from posting and the dog wanted to go out, so I was going to walk her when Rick suggested we bundle up and go out on the trail. Since it was about 1 degree here this morning, my immediate thought was no... But I bundled up and went. It was sunny even though it was cold, and it was good to get out and just enjoy the peace and quiet of the trails. Then we came home for a bit, I read my book for awhile with a cup of tea, and then did a few errands and went to my friends sons wrestling match. Came home and had dinner of lamb sausages, sweet potatoes, and Normandy veges. I had another glass of wine, but I'm kind of ok with it.

I accomplished exercise, meditation, being in the moment, and also spending time with people who are important to me.

Now I'm sitting on the couch with my loving other half and the dog. Time for another cup of tea, some cuddling, and reading a book for a bit. Never got back to the spare room, and it will still be there tomorrow.

Being present is wonderful.

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Yeah, I already did that originally. They said sorry but apple's a turd. Well, that's not what they said, but its what I heard.

This explains my own issue. I have tried and tried. It's made me feel dumb. I'm on Macs. Is this the problem? Derval are you using a Windows based computer?

And, Missi..."Being present is wonderful."... love that.

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Yes, apple is the problem. When I pull out my windows based laptop I can do all of those cool things. Trade offs suck, I want it all :)

Ok, so I have been absent for a few days. Like almost a week. Sunday I got up and decided that I needed to do the spare room. Before I knew it it was noon and I hadn't eaten anything. Stayed mostly compliant for the rest of the day. But focused on the room getting done and didn't do much meal prep. Figured I could shop on Monday night and whip up a few things and it would still work ok. Until Monday came and so did a snowstorm and it got bad before I realized it and by the time I left work the road home was a parking lot. 4 hour commute home, no desire to shop, and my entire body ached. I have fibromyalgia and being in one place for any extended period of time is agony. No food, no desire to cook, and I ordered take out. Not because I wanted take out or needed to be comforted, but because I literally couldn't wrap my head around what else to do. And this mindset carried with me, and the next day I figured I just wasn't in the right place to do another whole anything right now. And I also abandoned all of the other things I was intent on doing like exercising and journaling. Brilliant, this is a great plan. Duh. By day 3 of not giving a poop, I couldn't get out of bed without extreme pain, I couldn't think straight, and my sleep quality dropped down to about 50%.

As one of my co-workers says "there's an avalanche of retarded going on here!"

Lesson 1: I am not in a place in my life or my journey where I can not give a poop for more than a second. Period.

Lesson 2: this is not the ledge that I started out jumping off of. How quickly we get turned around in life and head in the opposite direction of where we started.

Lesson 3: this is probably lesson 1 as its the most important. Good health is not based on feeling, it's based on thinking. Doing what I feel like in terms of my health is immature and silly. I don't feel like going to work, and I don't go, it isn't going to be a problem the first day. But after a few days of this, there's going to be a serious issue, like getting fired. I would never behave like a silly immature kid in those areas of my life, so why do I allow myself to do it when it comes to my health?

So today is day 1, again. I'm on the right ledge. And I've started thinking like a big girl again.

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Hi Nila!

Thanks for the encouragement, and you are absolutely right. I keep reminding myself that the only fail is to stop trying. I told this to my children their whole lives, but I'm 42 and still learning it lol

Just being part of a wonderful community like this is a fabulous support.... But once in awhile I might need to be told to put on or adjust my big girl panties :) so feel free to call me out on it.

And as a follow up, my car wouldn't start this morning, I'm working from home on a day that I should be at work, and I have no idea what's wrong with my car. This would normally send me into a tailspin, but today I'm practicing calm thought and so I've been pretty productive working from home and I made myself a wonderful hot breakfast of fried plantains, fried eggs, and some sauted spinach. I added a chunk of kielbasa at the last moment but didn't eat it as I was satisfied with what I consumed.

My happy place: (at least as of 930 am) I am in a warm, comfortable home. My car didn't die on the side of the road 50 miles away where I work. I have a great mechanic whom I trust completely. I have a job that allows me to work from home once in awhile. If this is the greatest challenge I face today, I am blessed

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I haven't logged for a week, but not because I fell off the wrong ledge. I've been super busy at work, and if I have a few moments to post, I'd rather spend it encouraging someone or sharing my experience, etc than logging. I've had a bit of a grumbly attitude and one of the best ways to combat that for me is to practice kindness. So here's to taking the focus in my own head off myself for a bit in hopes that I get my soul back into alignment.

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