Jessica M. Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 30 Years of dieting and THIS has never happened! Yep, 30, because I found my Hello Kitty diary from when I was a child and have basically hated my body since I was 9. So.... This surprising turn of events started the past 3 or 4 days. I am on day 20. I am UNCOMFORTABLE, like I ate 5 cupcakes or something. Ugh. My habits have to catch up. I don't think I am eating way too much at meals, but I suppose I can be eating less. Have been whining that I don't see the magic yet, so hopefully this is the beginning of that. Things I have been doing wrong (and will probably take me over 30 days. Maybe I need 300 days): Still eating on the go, not savoring. Eating at the island while I talk to my kids. Eating in the car. Eating at my desk. Habits, all. Ate way, way, way too many almonds the past 19 days. Did not buy any nuts of any kind this week. Too much of a munchy food for me. I'll have a small handful and then mentally discuss with myself whether I can have another handful or not. I can't restrict myself. It may as well be cookies. Geez. Weighed myself this morning. Another no-no. Down a whopping 4 lbs. It's all those damn almonds. Too calorically dense. Not enough sleep. Usually too wound up in the evenings or puttering around doing chores when I should be winding down. Or reading blogs. Or screwing around on Pinterest or Facebook. Zero exercise. I have been "too busy". I know. I could at least walk the dogs longer, for goodness' sake! I have been mismanaging my time, as usual. I don't even want to eat lunch. But if I don't later I will be famished and fill up too much again. Oy. The one bad thing about this (besides that I am still mourning my sweet coffees and Coke Zeroes) is that I am thinking about food 90% of my waking day. What will I eat? What won't I eat? What recipes can I try? What veggies do I have left at home? Why did I make 6 days of soup and I know I will be sick of it after three?) Breakfast was a bite of the pork that cooked overnight that I was shredding at 6:30 a.m., a strawberry to kill the pork taste, and 2 slices of this egg and shredded sweet potato bake I made last night. Tomorrow, 1 slice and something else, I think. Uff. Also put a fork of coconut manna in my coffee. Yesterday it was better-than-black, today it was icky, so back to choking down a black cup tomorrow to avoid my caffeine withdrawal. Lunch, I brought a bit of the pulled pork (looks good but not as good as the one I pinned from TCMTG), some home-made guacamole, on some butter lettuce leaves. Have a banana here too but won't bother. Dinner... hopefully roasted butternut squash and some more of the pork since that's the only meat I've cooked so far. If that is not appealing, will have some hardboiled egg and salad I think. Oy. Mentally I still want to chew-chew-chew. Maybe I just need a therapist. Saturday I was in such a foul mood in the evening I just had to put myself to bed so that I didn't make a giant bowl of popcorn with butter and salt. Apparently a good tactic b/c I baked for my kids/hubby in the morning and didn't even want to taste it. Have been immersing myself in paleo blogs and Whole9 forums whenever I am feeling like I want to eat, eat, eat, just to eat. So strange to be so full. Seriously, on Weight Watchers or even South Beach, I could eat a salad as big as my head, with tons of chicken, and still be looking for more. Praying this is the start of being fat-adapted. I feel so metabolically broken, I just want something to take off my extra weight. Something has to work eventually. I am making good changes here! Geez! As they say,"I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired!" So very, very sick of being obese. I am only 5'1" and am 209 starting Whole 30 and 205 today. Haven't felt GOOD in at least 12 years. And even then I was a good 20 lbs overweight. And that was pre-10 and 8 year old kids, and pre antidepressant and pre-anti-anxiety med. Change, body, change!!!!! ~Jess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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