So Full... 6 hours after breakfast...Uffff.

[Jessica M.]

30 Years of dieting and THIS has never happened! Yep, 30, because I found my Hello Kitty diary from when I was a child and have basically hated my body since I was 9. So....

This surprising turn of events started the past 3 or 4 days. I am on day 20. I am UNCOMFORTABLE, like I ate 5 cupcakes or something. Ugh. My habits have to catch up. I don't think I am eating way too much at meals, but I suppose I can be eating less. Have been whining that I don't see the magic yet, so hopefully this is the beginning of that.

Things I have been doing wrong (and will probably take me over 30 days. Maybe I need 300 days):

Still eating on the go, not savoring. Eating at the island while I talk to my kids. Eating in the car. Eating at my desk. Habits, all.

Ate way, way, way too many almonds the past 19 days. Did not buy any nuts of any kind this week. Too much of a munchy food for me. I'll have a small handful and then mentally discuss with myself whether I can have another handful or not. I can't restrict myself. It may as well be cookies. Geez.

Weighed myself this morning. Another no-no. Down a whopping 4 lbs. It's all those damn almonds. Too calorically dense.

Not enough sleep. Usually too wound up in the evenings or puttering around doing chores when I should be winding down. Or reading blogs. Or screwing around on Pinterest or Facebook.

Zero exercise. I have been "too busy". I know. I could at least walk the dogs longer, for goodness' sake! I have been mismanaging my time, as usual.

I don't even want to eat lunch. But if I don't later I will be famished and fill up too much again. Oy. The one bad thing about this (besides that I am still mourning my sweet coffees and Coke Zeroes) is that I am thinking about food 90% of my waking day. What will I eat? What won't I eat? What recipes can I try? What veggies do I have left at home? Why did I make 6 days of soup and I know I will be sick of it after three?)

Breakfast was a bite of the pork that cooked overnight that I was shredding at 6:30 a.m., a strawberry to kill the pork taste, and 2 slices of this egg and shredded sweet potato bake I made last night. Tomorrow, 1 slice and something else, I think. Uff. Also put a fork of coconut manna in my coffee. Yesterday it was better-than-black, today it was icky, so back to choking down a black cup tomorrow to avoid my caffeine withdrawal.

Lunch, I brought a bit of the pulled pork (looks good but not as good as the one I pinned from TCMTG), some home-made guacamole, on some butter lettuce leaves. Have a banana here too but won't bother.

Dinner... hopefully roasted butternut squash and some more of the pork since that's the only meat I've cooked so far. If that is not appealing, will have some hardboiled egg and salad I think.

Oy. Mentally I still want to chew-chew-chew. Maybe I just need a therapist. Saturday I was in such a foul mood in the evening I just had to put myself to bed so that I didn't make a giant bowl of popcorn with butter and salt. Apparently a good tactic b/c I baked for my kids/hubby in the morning and didn't even want to taste it. Have been immersing myself in paleo blogs and Whole9 forums whenever I am feeling like I want to eat, eat, eat, just to eat.

So strange to be so full. Seriously, on Weight Watchers or even South Beach, I could eat a salad as big as my head, with tons of chicken, and still be looking for more. Praying this is the start of being fat-adapted. I feel so metabolically broken, I just want something to take off my extra weight. Something has to work eventually. I am making good changes here! Geez! As they say,"I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired!" So very, very sick of being obese. I am only 5'1" and am 209 starting Whole 30 and 205 today. Haven't felt GOOD in at least 12 years. And even then I was a good 20 lbs overweight. And that was pre-10 and 8 year old kids, and pre antidepressant and pre-anti-anxiety med. Change, body, change!!!!!

~Jess

[Ann]

I am still mourning my sweet coffees .... Also put a fork of coconut manna in my coffee. Yesterday it was better-than-black, today it was icky, so back to choking down a black cup tomorrow to avoid my caffeine withdrawal.

Hey Jess, have you tried coffee with ghee and a sprinkle of cinnamon (and maybe a bit of coconut oil) (aka Bulletproof Coffee)? I'm on my second W30, and didn't try it until yesterday - I was reluctant because it sounded gross to me, but on a whim I gave it a try yesterday. It was AWESOME. You might enjoy it. It's a treat I will only have on the weekends, bc you need to whir it up (with an immersion blender or a regular blender) and my weekday mornings are a bit too rushed to fuss with that. Keep in mind, if you are really mourning your sweet coffee it might be SWYPO for you, and you might not want to feed that particular dragon. But I thought I'd mention it in case you wanted to give it a try.

[Jessica M.]

Keep in mind, if you are really mourning your sweet coffee it might be SWYPO for you, and you might not want to feed that particular dragon. But I thought I'd mention it in case you wanted to give it a try.

I have a feeling it would be! I did try cinnamon, but not ghee. Tried about ten different teas. I'm a big baby. ;-)

[30Canandaigua]

This seriously sounds like a passage from my log... I am having several of the same challenges. Good for you, for looking at them for what they are and facing them!!! (Even though it is much easier to be in denial , or play the rookie card! LOL) I am finnishing out my whole30. Taking a few weeks off and living paleo/primal, then doing another one. Minus the nuts, coconut milk & fruit. Minus the to go beverages because I'm too busy to eat breakfast. Sounds to me like you've made some most important progress!! Good luck!

[Jessica M.]

Good luck to you, too!

[Jessica M.]

Less uncomfortable today, but still not really hungry. This is a GOOD THING. This is a NEW THING. I am eating my meals and not foraging for snacks in between. Now to get my portions down to not have that super full feeling.

Breakfast had one slice of my egg/sweet potato bake instead of 2, and a banana, and some coffee with a spoon of coconut manna.

Lunch was a bit of my pulled pork (TCMTG recipe a keeper, DH and DD like it too) on top of an awesome veggie concoction I made with my bok choy and snow peas from my new veggie co-op, plus some onion and mushrooms and EVOO. Plus some curry paste and fish sauce. Yum. Snack size Wholly Guacamole and carrots, too. Did grab some almonds when I bought gas on the way home, and a black Americano. Had been too long since lunch. Could have waited. Should have waited.

Dinner was some sautéed broccoli slaw and a bit of guacamole and a little more pork. I need to defrost some chicken for tomorrow. I am about done with the pork, mentally. ;-) Baking some kale, maybe a morning addition.

Less cranky today but still unfocused. 21 days down. A thousand more to go (it seems).