Becca In Cle Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 So...this is a weird topic but my partner wanted me to consult the forum. We have spent the last few days in the hospital with his mother as she passed away. As weird as it sounds, through all of this, the W30 has helped him to be able to sit long hours without eating and gave him something to hold on to when his world fell in around him. He wanted to continue his W30 through all this and actually did. Now he's concerned about the wake. It's this Wednesday and it's an all day event with a lunch in between the sessions provided by his aunts and uncles. It's going to be sandwich trays and honey baked ham. We know this is sort of silly to ask...and I'm sure people will say "oh God, eat whatever!" But to someone who's been in this situation, you get it. Sometimes it's the little things you get hung up on when everything else is in chaos. So,W9, should we eat off plan and make the family happy? Or do we stick to plan in case eating of will make us sick (we're in the last week with no cheats). Please, we want some honest advice. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Does your husband know what he is more comfortable with? I say he should do what makes him most comfortable, not to worry about what others might think. It would surprise me if anyone would even care if he brought a W30 lunch with him. But if he just wants to participate in the wake, food and all, he should do so. If he can't decide, I would lean toward bringing W30 food along, because you mentioned that sticking with the plan helped him get through sitting bedside with his mom. My condolences to you and your husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Run4fun Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I was worried about the same thing a week ago (halfway through my Whole 30). I ate a big breakfast and at the luncheon following the burial, I had a plate of raw veggies and a couple of pieces of chicken (that I stripped the skin/fried batter off of). No one said a word about it. Sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor Herman Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I am so sorry for your loss. I am keeping both you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers as you grieve this deep loss. I think its absolutely fine to bring something to the wake if you have time to do so. Earlier this month, I sat through three days of shiva after my aunt passed. I was surrounded by food that friends and family had brought that I didn't want to eat (lots of sandwiches, pasta salads, etc.). Knowing that if I ate it I would pay for it later, I brought food just in case, put it in the fridge, and microwaved it later (I was at a family members house for the shiva and they did not mind at all). Another day I brought some jerky in my purse, an apple, and some raw veggies. During a hard time like this, you have to remember to take care of yourself. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becca In Cle Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 Thanks guys. You made us both feel better about this. It's going to be tough to hear the "your mom just died and your worried about your diet? Eat a piece of cake, it's comfort food." You guys have given us a boost of confidence. What was the kicker for my partner to keep this up during this whole thing was that his mom was only 53 and died of complications from surgery to remove a cancerous tumor in her colon. His cousin (the doctor in the family) said that was really young for that cancer and they're seeing it more often due to the S.A.D. (although, she claimed low fat dairy and whole grains were healthy...but whatever. ) Although there was that in combination with other factors like smoking and early ms which made the whole thing worse. David looked at me right after she said that and swore that he is never going back from paleo. This is all just a giant "holy crap" thing for us. 53! They don't even start colonoscopies until 50! Please everyone, hug your family and be healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee Lee Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Ymmv, but I have never had food pushed on me in one of these situations. I don't think anybody has even noticed what I was or wasn't eating. Take food with you just in case, but I'm sure it's not going to be a problem! I'm sorry for your loss!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary-t Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I'm very sorry for your loss. Try to get as much rest as you can over the next few weeks. I was in this situation a year ago (due to eating grain-free with Celiac). At the wake for my mom (and the family dinner at home after the funeral), I didn't eat anything (due to cross-contamination concerns), but it turned out to be really nice. I was able to circulate and talk to lots of relatives and friends. I just tried to eat a good breakfast (and I stuck a Larabar in my purse). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz Rover Bailey Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 He could try "I just don't have the stomach for heavy foods right now," if anyone asks. In the meantime, my condolences to him (and to you) - the loss of a parent is really rough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I'm sorry for your loss, Becca and partner. You've got a lot of good advice above. I was in a similar situation not too long ago, and noticed that at the public part of the event, hardly anyone said anything about my not partaking, or when I pulled some heart jerky out of my dress pocket. At the more private part of the event, several people asked me why I was doing what I was doing/not doing what I was not doing, and my go to response was "I can't afford to get sick right now." Everyone seemed to accept that. Next time I have to do something similar (in a few days,) I plan to bring a thermos of soup and leave it in the car. I find it valuable to be able to step away from the funeral home once in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praxisproject Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Sorry for your loss Becca & David. Losing a parent early isn't easy. A wake is a place where it's normal to bring food to share and it's also acceptable to behave however you want, everyone grieves their own way. If you want to stay Whole30, it's doable and you don't need to make a fuss if you'd rather just do it quietly (but by all means make a fuss if you want, she was his mum and he's allowed some fuss while grieving). Soup, prunes wrapped in proscuitto, mineral water or iced tea (put it in an "alcohol glass" if you want to look the part without drinking). Eating well is a far more mature response to colon cancer than drinking or bingeing on bad food (I think any mother would be proud of that), but if it's too stressful, he can get back to clean eating after the wake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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