If You Ever Thought of Giving Up Trying to Lose Weight

[Marci0393]

I realized a few years ago that I had been going through life projecting judgment on others because I figured they were judging me. There was a group of women I knew that I referred to as "The Prom Committee." Then I got the opportunity to really get to know some of them and I realized I was the only one judging me, they weren't. Yes, sometimes people are jerks, and sometimes people will judge you unfairly, but when I think someone is judging me I have to take a step back and make sure I'm not putting my own issues onto someone else. I know from experience that when you see fault in yourself it's easy to immagine that others judge you for those faults, even when they don't.

That was rambly. I hope it made sense.

[Renee Lee]

Hey guys, I think there's a lot of good discussion going on in this thread, and I'd really like to see it staying positive and productive.

I think that everybody in this thread is well intentioned, but if we could leave the targeted inquiries and motive questioning out of here, that would be great!

[Suzy]

You're right Renee. Got carried away there. I edited my last post to make it more relevant.

[Seana H]

Additionally, I don't feel comfortable with the kind of judgmental language about fat bodies I see in this thread; I wish I hadn't seen it, honestly, as I have always been fat, and I generally find the forum to be a supportive, accepting place, and I find the negativity and pathologization of fat bodies in this thread quite triggering. I believe Whole 30 (I'm on my second now) makes me healthier and helps me make better food choices -- I would continue to believe that even if I didn't lose one ounce during a Whole 30. Health is way, way more than just your weight.

Dear CAK911,

I feel that this thread is very supportive and accepting. Weight is a truly personal matter and I believe each person has their own struggle with their body image, and we should respect that. I don't feel that anyone here (or on this forum as a whole) is putting out blanket statements that being "fat" is bad...we are all commiserating and sharing our feelings about how we feel about our bodies. What "being fat" means to each of us is for us to decide for ourselves.

I am on Day 22 and the past 3 weeks has completely changed my outlook for the better. But do I still feel like I'm carrying 50lbs extra weight and I hate it? Yes. Do I still feel unattractive to my husband? Yes. But only I can choose what that means for me. It's not about a number, it is about how I feel about myself.

[Brighteyedkat71]

Ooooh this is an interesting thread.

I am "fat/overweight/obese/fluffy/thick/big-boned/curvy"....etc. And some days it bothers me a lot.

Other days I manage not to think about my size and my weight for that day and how "BAAAADDD" it is, but rather, did I do something to move me closer to my goals today? Did I work out? Did I nourish my body with Good Food? Am I treating my friends well and being a part of their lives or am I making them listen to me whine about my huge ass?

I have to keep reminding myself that this is the only body I will ever get. And for the way I've been treating her up until now....she's been pretty d*mn good to me. But now I am finally waking up to the fact that it's my job to take care of her. No one else will.

And it's hard to hate my body for what it became when I remember how I've always either ignored, taken advantage of, or hurt it.

When I can remember that, and look at my weight loss/health journey from that angle, I am less disturbed by where I am today, and more hopeful for the future without getting too obsessed.

[BrianaDell]

Ooooh this is an interesting thread.

I am "fat/overweight/obese/fluffy/thick/big-boned/curvy"....etc. And some days it bothers me a lot.

Other days I manage not to think about my size and my weight for that day and how "BAAAADDD" it is, but rather, did I do something to move me closer to my goals today? Did I work out? Did I nourish my body with Good Food? Am I treating my friends well and being a part of their lives or am I making them listen to me whine about my huge ass?

I have to keep reminding myself that this is the only body I will ever get. And for the way I've been treating her up until now....she's been pretty d*mn good to me. But now I am finally waking up to the fact that it's my job to take care of her. No one else will.

And it's hard to hate my body for what it became when I remember how I've always either ignored, taken advantage of, or hurt it.

When I can remember that, and look at my weight loss/health journey from that angle, I am less disturbed by where I am today, and more hopeful for the future without getting too obsessed.

That's lovely. When I'm being particularly evil toward myself, I try to think of my body like a child. I want to be compassionate, encouraging, protective, nourishing, and forgiving while teaching. It doesn't always completely work but it helps me to lay off the attacks at least.

[bonnynancy]

But still, my dad continued his Christmas tradition this year of giving each of us a huge rough tote full of Costco-sized boxes of M&Ms, pretzels, and tortilla chips, despite knowing that I don't. eat. any. of that. I made some comment and his response was the same thing he's said my whole life, "You need to understand the definition of moderation."

Perhaps next year you should open the tote, remove a handful of pretezels and 4 cookies, and say, "This is moderation, Dad. I guess I understand it just fine. Keep the rest."

[blissing]

I must say I'm with CAK91, this thread was very triggering for me, and I was afraid to come back and see the responses until today. It's not the OP, for there is weight loss talk almost *everywhere*, online and IRL; I've just learned to avoid it, for the most part.

I think that accepting myself as a fat person first is what is allowing me to do a W30 without going on a binge, or hating my body the entire time or feeling desperate because what if I "fail" again? If we can do this without calling ourselves things like "disgusting" or "lazy", then we are helping our emotional bodies, too. And this speaks to the "Whole" part of the W30.

Fat is correlated with a lot of illnesses, but is not necessarily the cause. Please refer to Gary Taubes' work. Most of these can just as well be attributed to the SAD of refined carbs, causing inflammation, etc.

[Pomme]

I must say I'm with CAK91, this thread was very triggering for me, and I was afraid to come back and see the responses until today. It's not the OP, for there is weight loss talk almost *everywhere*, online and IRL; I've just learned to avoid it, for the most part.

I think that accepting myself as a fat person first is what is allowing me to do a W30 without going on a binge, or hating my body the entire time or feeling desperate because what if I "fail" again? If we can do this without calling ourselves things like "disgusting" or "lazy", then we are helping our emotional bodies, too. And this speaks to the "Whole" part of the W30.

Fat is correlated with a lot of illnesses, but is not necessarily the cause. Please refer to Gary Taubes' work. Most of these can just as well be attributed to the SAD of refined carbs, causing inflammation, etc.

blissing and CAK91, I will join you in your tent, the one with no moral judgment on body size. Where we celebrate the pursuit of health rather than the pursuit of weight loss, because the latter has done us way more harm than good over the years.

This thread is definitely very triggering, but I take solace that there were people in here already standing up against fat hate. Thank you.

[BrianaDell]

I'm using the Whole30 to gain a better understanding of my body's needs and to find a balance between enjoying life and enjoying food again but still being healthy!

Now, the combo of the right medication and Whole30 is making it possible for me to lose this weight slowly and happily...without shame or constant self-doubt.

All of my WW experiences have been awful, leading to more obsession with food, counting, etc. Finally, with the whole30, I am not counting. I am eating when hungry and food is DELICIOUS!

I hope I do drop a bunch of weight when I get back into balance, but in the meantime I am learning to love myself and not have my self worth be based on the number on the scale, or the label in the back of my pants!

More than the weight I feel so much better and as I get closer to day 30 and I'm working out I can actually see great changes in my body. I will stay Paleo and continue exercising because it makes me feel happy! I have to stop worrying about a number!

I'm very confused because I haven't seen any "fat hate" at all. The title is giving up​ trying to lose weight. All I see is a bunch of people who have had a negative experience in the past, who are now, through the tools of the Whole30, finding a new acceptance of themselves and a new goal of deep inner health, rather than weight loss driven by self-loathing.

[lauraska]

Frankly, I'm tired of being accused of being "offensive" or hating fat people when I've already made it pretty darn clear that I don't. I have been very open and honest in this thread, and it's pretty insulting to then be told that I'm "triggering" any sort of bad feelings in someone else. Because I have a personal struggle between accepting myself as I am and being the healthiest person I can be, it doesn't mean I'm hating anything or anyone. I'm pretty sure I'm done with this thread, which makes me kind of sad because I was really happy to be sharing with many of you.

[Suzy]

Frankly, I'm tired of being accused of being "offensive" or hating fat people when I've already made it pretty darn clear that I don't. I have been very open and honest in this thread, and it's pretty insulting to then be told that I'm "triggering" any sort of bad feelings in someone else. Because I have a personal struggle between accepting myself as I am and being the healthiest person I can be, it doesn't mean I'm hating anything or anyone. I'm pretty sure I'm done with this thread, which makes me kind of sad because I was really happy to be sharing with many of you.

Lauraska, don't go! The posts you've made are among the most interesting here. I love your story and I care about how you're doing with your family. It has really helped me to deal with the less accepting people orbiting my life.

I just want to clarify my intent for creating this thread. I was reaching out and trying to find people who identified with experiences I went through. Wanting to lose body fat is a goal for many people who do the W30. It's a fantastic program for fat loss as well as all the other main benefits. In fact, I believe so much in the principles of Whole9 that I've said it's been the only program I've ever tried that took care of the whole person; it didn't just stick that person in a box and starve her. The program and caring people here go out of their way to make sure people are getting enough sleep, EATING ENOUGH, eating the right things, socializing, and exploring exciting recipes to nourish the person's body and creative spirit. I just keep finding myself over and over again because I'm really, really, for real taking care of Suzy. That care includes taking off some excess weight for me. Pure personal preference. Dallas and Melissa have said that a person's body weight will normalize during the program, if you need to gain weight, you'll gain, if you need to lose fat, you'll lose it. I LOVE that.

As for the plus size life coach I mentioned in my first post, Golda Poretsky . . . I was just sharing something deeply personal that happened to me there. I had been on Weight Watchers, the program failed miserably and I blamed WW but also myself. I was looking for ways to accept where I was in the moment because I was sick of starving myself, so I signed up for a life coaching session with Golda. I didn't go through with the session because part of her philosophy is to STOP any special diet and just start living. I really love that aspect of her business, but I had done something similar to that before and I gained a terribly excessive amount of weight. I'll tell the story from the rich and varied tapestry of my life.

After a period of dieting a couple years ago, I found this book called The End of Overeating. In it, the authors describe how dieting leads to weight gain in the long run and how stopping the cycle will normalize your weight. It sounded good, but let me just save you some time. Trying to eat healthy on your own when you've never really done it in your life for long stretches of time is near impossible. In the book, they said if you have a craving, just eat that food. This, as we know, does not work because of the Sugar Dragon. The book also said to eat as much as you want of sugar and starches and whatever else because you'll get tired of it eventually and start to eat healthy. I gained 15 lbs. in two months in the winter of 2010 and was at an all time high weight of nearly 200 lbs. That's when I found Weight Watchers and you know the rest of my story.

Did I mention how glad I am I found Whole9? Thank goodness for the reset button that is the Whole30.

Editing note: Akkk! The book in question is actually called Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works. The End of Overeating is a brilliant book by David Kessler about the terrible traps of what he calls "hyper palatable" food. Interesting that I mixed those up, since the books are pretty much polar opposites. I actually really liked Intuitive Eating at the time I read it, but it just didn't work for me in the long run. What I needed was a sharp focus on health.

[Gskupaka]

I'm so glad I read this post. It is truly inspiring and makes me realize I can definitely finish the next four days. I always hated WW and I told my mother a million times that I hated it, because it made me obsess about food and thus, made me want to eat more of it. She thought I was crazy! I'm glad I wasn't the only one.

[goddesslynne]

Frankly, I'm tired of being accused of being "offensive" or hating fat people when I've already made it pretty darn clear that I don't. I have been very open and honest in this thread, and it's pretty insulting to then be told that I'm "triggering" any sort of bad feelings in someone else. Because I have a personal struggle between accepting myself as I am and being the healthiest person I can be, it doesn't mean I'm hating anything or anyone. I'm pretty sure I'm done with this thread, which makes me kind of sad because I was really happy to be sharing with many of you.

I also hope you'll reconsider and continue sharing your truth.

"Triggers" are very personal, and belong to the "triggered". We never know what triggers another person, and it's NOT YOU doing the triggering.

Those sharing their sensitivities are also to be commended for sharing their truth.

We all have a rare opportunity in this community to share and discover new ways of living, whether it's eating a new way, accepting ourselves IN THIS MOMENT and working toward a more healthy future, or just feeling fantastic and full of energy for life.

I also have a long and varied dieting history, with adult weight ranging from 160 to 114 to 240 to 145 and now 190. Talk about a yo-yo! I am truly benefiting from reading the courageous words here, and I hope all will continue to contribute.

[Tom Denham]

"Triggers" are very personal, and belong to the "triggered". We never know what triggers another person, and it's NOT YOU doing the triggering.

Those sharing their sensitivities are also to be commended for sharing their truth.

We all have a rare opportunity in this community to share and discover new ways of living, whether it's eating a new way, accepting ourselves IN THIS MOMENT and working toward a more healthy future, or just feeling fantastic and full of energy for life.

YES! As a moderator, I've been looking for the right way to speak up in this conversation, but now I can just say goddesslynne has said it well. Thank you!

[Suzy]

Hear hear! I typed earlier, but had to edit because I couldn't say it well, that when we bump up against something uncomfortable, we have to follow that feeling to the root cause. Not paying attention to the uncomfortable things will get you a lot of stagnation in life.

[lauraska]

Thanks everyone who commented, today. I think I might still stay in the background for a while, but I wanted you all to know that I appreciated what you said. I'm not usually a "sharer" in that way, so it sort of stung to take that step and then have a select few throw it back at me. I'll certainly continue to read and offer supportive words to others.

[Pomme]

I used to think of the Whole9 forum as not a fat-positive space (of course not) but at least a place where weight loss was not held up as a wonderful goal in and of itself. This thread has really changed my view.

I wouldn't expect those who believe that "It's NOT OK to be fat" would respect the concept of diet-survivor triggers. I'm especially disappointed with the moderators in this case.

To be honest, I don't think I can be a part of this community anymore.

[lauraska]

To be honest, I don't think I can be a part of this community anymore.

Okay, so maybe I do need to say something. I don't really get why this is so hard to understand, though. There was not a single one of us who held up weight loss as the end-all-be-all goal of this process. I went back and read every single post and ALL of us talked about the other aspects of our lives that would be improved by sticking to a Whole30 and not focusing on weight. If weight loss is an ancillary goal for us, it doesn't mean we are saying that it should be a goal for you! We were all very clear that simply "being fat" is not what we were concerned about. We were all quick to point out that our concerns were actually about the struggle to not worry about weight even though a part of us believes that severe obesity can cause health issues. No one here has tried to impose their beliefs on you, but you sure have tried to impose them on us. Many of us shared some very personal and painful details of our journeys here. You didn't share a single one, but proceeded to talk about how we had "triggered" you and threw every thing that we had just said right back in our faces. And again, here you are, after peace has been made, throwing blame around that isn't deserved and projecting your own issues on a group of people who have done NOTHING to you. I'm going to throw my hands up in the air and walk away now.

[Renee Lee]

Pomme,

I'm sorry you feel that way. Personally, I feel like that the only person that has control over my feelings and reactions is me. While I would expect others to respect my opinions on things, I certainly can't expect them to change their behavior. The only thing I can do is disengage.

In this thread, there's a lot of, "Hey, I used to be in a REALLY bad, negative, unhealthy place, but I wound up overcoming it and I feel a lot better about myself. Yay me!" Tbh, especially because I've been there and had a similar experience, I think that this dialogue is awesome! And if it was Whole30 that helped them get there, all the better!

From my perspective, It's not disrespect towards you and your triggers. Rather, it's a celebration of them and overcoming THEIR struggles.

Whole9 encourages people to break up with their scales, because the number doesn't actually tell you anything...but that doesn't mean that losing significant amounts of weight (as a side effect of improving health) is not something to be proud of.

[megmac]

I've been following this thread but have hesitated to add to it because it has gotten...well...just plain bizarre. But now I feel like I really want to add my 2 cents.

I have read and re-read these posts, and find it to be about people overcoming their personal obstacles and working toward their personal goals. It's about people being honest with themselves, and with others. And even more than that, it's about a bunch of us that really want to become healthier-both emotionally and physically. Once and for all. That means something different to every one of us.

I have gained 20 pounds in the last 4 years. Mostly around my middle. I don't like the way I look. I don't like the way I feel. And I know it affects me as a wife, mother, friend, and employee. I know I have increased my health risks because of this weight gain. I am on this journey because I want to change my emotional and physical relationship with food forever. I believe I will be healthier as a result of that. The details are different for each of us, but I am venturing to guess we all have at least one goal in mind-better sleep, clearer skin, to get off medications, to lose body fat, reduce allergies, etc.

I don't see that anyone is judging my goal, and I'm not judging theirs. If we are confident in ourselves, nothing anyone else says can really change that. Often I find what stings me the most is the truth. And my "triggers" are often the things that I am least confident about...and most need my attention.

Maybe it's time to let this one go.

[jayelle]

All I can say is "wow." This is such a healthy discussion, with respectful disagreements and clearly a whole lot of shared pain and frustration. This is the beautiful power of the internet (coming from a 52 yr old who remembers yearning for access to the "information superhighway" in the early 90s, LOL).

I've spent my whole life trying to lose weight and keep it off (unsuccessfully, btw). My first visit to WW was when I was 14. I've done WW several times, Atkins, liquid low calorie diet, etc. My IR diagnosis came in my early 40s. That's a lot of years of trying to swim upstream. Suzy and the other young women on this thread - I can't tell you how happy I am that you have found what works for you earlier than I did. I hope that you continue to embrace your good health.

But, it's clearly never to late to learn how to take better care of yourself. I feel amazing on the Whole30 (I'm on day 28 of my 1st one), and I am going to be very careful how I proceed after day 30.

[bonnynancy]

Many of us have experienced painful episodes of derision and humiliation -- often perpetrated by well-intentioned, but horribly ignorant and unenlightened family members -- because we did not fit The Ideal. And the worst part of that was realizing that we were not loved and accepted as the people we are, not respected and admired for our truly good qualities, but only lauded or condemned according to an arbitrary number on a one-measure-fits-all chart. And you are d@mn right we reject that!

And, therefore, if I decide that I am happy to be the way I am, it doesn't matter whether you like it or not. Likewise, if I decide that I am happy to change the way I am, that is also no one else's business.

Decide for yourself, and revel in your choice, whatever that choice may be. Let no one force it on you. Let no one pressure you to change your mind. Let other people's reactions be their own problem, not yours.

Lauraska, I was very touched (and sometimes really angered!) by your story, and I thank you for sharing it. You are a strong lady!

[Shelli]

Being obese is your body's way of telling you that your lifestyle is WRONG for you. She says to love yourself, you have to give up. I say to love yourself, sometimes you have to change yourself.

Nailed it! So glad I found this thread.

Thank you all for the wonderful sharing!

[KelKel]

I'm just gonna throw this in here...like a bomb...of LOVE!

Something that I think is important to keep in the back of our minds when we're talking about weight...especially amongst ladies...is that no matter how hard you try, it's always going to be a totally loaded issue, because society is setting us up to fail.

We've spent our whole lives being told that thin = better. Every. Single. Day. Thin = healthy. Thin = beautiful. Thin = acceptable. If you lose weight you're a winner, if you gain weight you're a failure. Some of us try very hard and very deliberately to break that thinking, but it's like pushing honey uphill.

It can also be very hard to untangle those feelings of just wanting to be healthier, when you hear back is 'omg you look so good since you lost weight!' 'omg you're looking skinny, it's hot!'... Like to the world, it doesn't matter that I feel a bajillion times better, what's important is that I'm a smaller dress size.

So the point is (I have one, I swear) is that it's damn hard talking about this stuff, it's even bloody harder feeling this stuff. So whatever you're thinking about it, if you've thought about it critically, and you're making the right choices for you, and you're respecting other people, then you're doing it right.

You're doing it right!