Suzy

If You Ever Thought of Giving Up Trying to Lose Weight

Recommended Posts

I'm glad you posted this. I'm on day 11 of my first Whole30. My story is very similar. My max weight was 213lbs and I'm also 5'5. I did WW from January 2009 to about March or May 2010. My lowest was 164lbs, but then I moved out of my parents house. I had all the freedom in the world and lived near a bunch of fast food places. It was definitely a bad combo. Anyway, I totally agree with you about WW. It does not promote a healthy relationship with food at all. This is why I quit, because I was so obsessed with balancing out what I overate with exercising because I didn't want to go over my points. It was crazy. I'm glad though that after WW, I went on to learn more about food and have now found the Whole30. I'm hoping this works for me and helps met get this weight off finally. I miss my lowest weight and want to go even lower. We'll see. Thanks for sharing your story Suzy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love your story. Many moons ago I lost 50 lbs through diet and exercise but hey, the grass wasn't greener on the other side. I became obsessed with the scale, calories and the fear that the weight would all come back. I used to never think of the calorie count in a muffin when I was heavy, why was it giving me anxiety when as it turned out, I was underweight?

I felt like a weight loss victim trapped in a world where every morsel had to be analyzed, documented and worked off. That's no life. So I started eating whatever I wanted again, after 9 years of keeping it off! I started to gain weight, get zits and I needed to eat every 2 hours or else I'd become a monster.

I'm using the Whole30 to gain a better understanding of my body's needs and to find a balance between enjoying life and enjoying food again but still being healthy!

I wish you luck and happiness of your journey.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fantastic post! And, yes, I agree: I think we have to change to grow and improve ourselves. Taking care of myself was a big step toward creating the person I wanted to be. And the Whole30 (and the Whole 9 principles) has just brought that process to a new, more thoughtful level with longterm opportunities for continued growth. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I see body acceptance as living my life to the fullest no matter my size. I will not wait to do things "when I'm thinner", I do them now. I think that's what weight watcher's does not teach and what you came to realize at the end.

Your use of the words "sick and fat" are disturbing, because I don't think obesity causes very much illness. I suspect Golda goes to the doctor when she's sick. There are very few things that are caused simply by being a different size than someone else. And whole 30 is all about healthy eating and knowing that your body will adjust to the weight it should be.

I'm doing a whole 30 even though I never diet because I know how much weight loss dieting f*cks with my mental and emotional health. I'm doing it because I have annoying allergies. I still accept my body as it is, as it ever will be, fat or thin, because it's the only one I've got and it's doing its best.

It is OK to be fat, if that's who you are. There is no moral imperative to be healthy or thin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I started my first Whole30 over the summer, I had about 85 lbs to lose. I'm almost 36 lbs down and I'm determined to lose that last 50 so that I will be at my ideal weight for the first time...ever. I grew up as the fat kid in a family full of people who had no problems keeping weight off and refused to understand that I might not be that way. My relationship with food turned bad as a pre-teen when my mother decided that the way to address my steady weight gain was to constantly shame and humiliate me about every morsel of food I put into my mouth. It wasn't until just this past year, at the age of 34, that I was diagnosed with insulin resistance, which explained how I could lose the same 50 lbs only to reach a point where weight just started piling back on no matter how much I scrambled to keep it off. Now, the combo of the right medication and Whole30 is making it possible for me to lose this weight slowly and happily...without shame or constant self-doubt.

My mother dragged me to WW for a few months during the summer between middle school and high school. I lost 25 lbs, plateaued, and then the weight started creeping back even though I was still recording what I ate and following the program. My last weigh-in was marked by my mother yelling at me about how she was wasting money on the meetings when I was obviously lying about what I was eating. I have never even considered another WW membership since that day and never will.

I think there is a serious difference between fat and obese. Someone can be fat and be healthy. While I think that what the medical community classifies as obese is ridiculous, I really do believe that there is a certain point where being overweight becomes dangerous and unhealthy. Is it specific to each individual? Yes. While part of me thinks that fat acceptance is a positive thing, I also don't think that telling people that being dangerously overweight is okay as long as they love themselves. It's a fine line, but it does exist.

Anyway, I like this thread and I'm glad it's here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for this post!!! It is so comforting to see that I am not the only one that has been turned into a numbers obsessed person. I was introduced to the diet world in high school and I very vividly remember the day m dad introduced me to logging your food intake. He had journals where he wrote down and analyzed everything. He lost weight for sure but it didn't stay off and he still obsesses over everything he eats. Unfortunately so do I. I absorbed everything he said and followed his examples. That turned into chronic dieting and chronic obsession with the "numbers". Always losing and then re-gaining. Hoping to break that cycle with this whole 30, and the maybe, help him conquer this too . . . lead by example for him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for your post. I'm 23 days into my first whole 30, staying away from the scale, and hoping with all hope I will lose weight. I've always been the pudgy girl. I've tried so much to change before, but for some reason, this is making sense. Please oh please let it work, because I'm not sure what I'll do if it doesn't. Thanks----for offering hope. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This sparked such a great discussion. Everything everyone is saying is really touching and familiar to me. And thank you for thanking me. That brought tears to my eyes. ^_^ I really had no idea that anyone would be that touched by my struggle.

Blissing, thank you for your contrasting opinion. I think self acceptance is one thing, but accepting obesity for yourself is another. I don't feel, and never felt, like a bodily condition was ever part of who I am intrinsically. When I have an illness or a sprain, I think of these as temporary conditions. Some conditions are lifelong. Obesity can be one of those things that attaches itself to you, like a virus. After a while, you think you have no way out and in your mind, you are "fat." I have to disagree with the thinking that being overweight is not a medical condition. It so is. People who are obese are at greater risk for many other medical conditions, not to mention feeling isolated and developing depression and anxiety. Maybe even worse things. So many conditions are interconnected. We don't have to start treating all of them at once, but I bet if you dig deeper, you'll find them all connected. For instance, my depression was caused by food sensitivities which caused weight gain which caused eventual obesity. This is why W9 was such a blessing to me; it treats the whole individual. Don't sell yourself short by not trying to get everything you can from life.

My word choices of "sick and fat" mean just that. I was sick AND fat. I should have mentioned this in the post (I actually mentioned it right after my first W30 in my post in Success Stories) I had arthritis symptoms, depression, anxiety, couldn't sleep, food sensitivities, low energy, rosacea, OH! and horrible IBS that I wasn't even aware of until I was making tons of cabbage and broccoli on my first W30! During my current W30, I've eliminated FODMAPs, thereby reducing gut inflammation even further. Awesome self knowledge.

Lauraska, your story touches me deeply. I'm so glad you are finding relief with this way of eating. Weight Watchers truly is an evil institution designed to reap money from people, mostly women, who are desperate to lose weight. I'm really curious to hear what your family thinks now that you've pinpointed your problem. Are they sorry they thought you were lying? Lately, I've been expressing what I need to express to my family and friends and I'm calling it by name. I'm saying things like, "I'm angry that you didn't say you're sorry."

Also, I do think body composition is different for everyone, and standards are just horribly ridiculous. We all know when we feel our best, and we're all just trying to get there and stay there. For instance, remember the controversy over the regular sized Dove models? Why was that a controversy again? :rolleyes: We just have to sit down with ourselves and decide what's reachable, what LIFESTYLE we want (very important), and when to compromise and accept.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My first time posting on the forum ... I was so moved by your post and the stories of others. Thank you for sharing. All of my WW experiences have been awful, leading to more obsession with food, counting, etc. Finally, with the whole30, I am not counting. I am eating when hungry and food is DELICIOUS! I am only on day 11 and I struggle daily with my food demons. I'm terrified that I will go back to my old habits when I'm done. I'm terrified that I will quit. I'm hoping to change my relationship with good and, frankly, I am shocked I've made it this far. Part of me thinks that has just as much to do with the concepts of the whole30 as it does with my (strength, willpower, whatever you want to call the forces that have kept me compliant for the past 10.5 days).

Anyway, just wanted to chime in and say I appreciate everyone's honesty and I am glad to know there are others on a similar journey.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Suzy, I am amazed I found your post today of all days. I am on Day 21 and I have had no whims to "cheat" until today. I want to go home and eat bad food so badly. Nothing really bad has happened today - I just want to cheat and give up.

Even though I feel better than I have in years - and my clothes are a bit looser - I am already worried that the scale won't show as much progress as I am dreaming. So of course, the old me would say "you not going to succeed, so eat a cupcake with a glass of chardonnay anyway!"

I think it is because I have only been getting 5-6 hours of sleep - and what a difference it makes. I love that my Whole30 is helping me understand what I need.

You post was incredibly inspiring. I printed it so I could put in on my fridge tonight to ward away the eating late demon!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Suzy for being so courageous and sharing your story. I am 53 years old and at 5'3", I weighed 240 4 years ago. I was depressed, had sleep apnea, arthritis, and felt terrible about myself. Over 1 1/2 years, I lost 60 lbs on Nutrisystem. But it is expensive, so finally had to jump off and into the real world. I didn't know at the time that it is really unhealthy as well! I decided to take a short-cut and did HCG - 3 times. I got to my "goal weight" of 175 (I know, still plump, but wanted to learn to live in this body..." but have steadily put 20 lbs back on over the past year, no matter what I did. In addition, the HCG ruined my hormones to the point where I don't know if I'll ever be able to lose that weight again. I am on Day 24 of my first Whole30, and I have to tell you that even though I don't think I've actually lost any weight, I feel fabulous. And it is so freeing to not weigh everyday, not obsess about counting calories, not having to weigh my grams of protein... I have more time! I am smiling more! My husband says he doesn't care if I never lose another pound as long as I am happy, because I have been so obsessed and miserable for the past 2 years that it was hard for him to watch.

I hope I do drop a bunch of weight when I get back into balance, but in the meantime I am learning to love myself and not have my self worth be based on the number on the scale, or the label in the back of my pants!

Keep up the awesome work!! We can totally do this!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow. What a beautiful thread. I love the stories and support.

I have been a personal trainer for 7 years and now also a Holistic Lifestyle Coach partly bc I have come to a point in my life where I am just infuriated by the mentally perpetuated by the general gym culture. "Gotta go kill myself on the treadmill. I ate 4 pieces of pizza last night." Life is this constant cycle of punishment and acts of self-loathing and disguised (and accepted) by "healthy goals". "I need to lose weight because I'm such a fat pig" instead of "I am going to take personal responsibility for my health." And it's all ok bc we say it with a laugh and a hair flick.

I've definitely gone through the whole low calorie, low fat phases. I used to eat so many bagels bc they were low-fat. Yup.

Now if nothing else, I want to help my clients approach their health from a place of love, not loathing.

This is something I take great care to be aware of in myself as well and this Whole30 has really just reinforced that idea of health as a gift to give myself.

Just today I had a woman come up to me telling me all about her new medical diet. She was to eat 800-900 calories per day, X fruits, X veggies, etc, AND she's on an appetite suppressant. I was just mortified. The same people who are looking at US saying our diet is so restrictive and they could never eat this way, are eating 800 calories per day! And what do you think the outcome of that will be a few years down the road?

Anyway-- I'm so happy I decided to do this whole30. I have not regretted it once, even on my worst day. And I'm so glad to hear everyone's stories of their health journey! Thank you for sharing!

Briana

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a fabulous thread, I'm glad I found it :) I too have been in WW multiple times over the years and my weight has always been up and down. At my heaviest I was 195. I had lost that and gotten down to 148 (over a couple years) and then went back up to 185 (again over a few years) and back down to 150. Right now I'm about 158. I too am addicted to the scale and will admit I have gotten on it a couple times during my Whole30 :( bad i know. But I have lost a couple pounds, I was around 160 when I started and I'm on Day 23. More than the weight I feel so much better and as I get closer to day 30 and I'm working out I can actually see great changes in my body. I will stay Paleo and continue exercising because it makes me feel happy! I have to stop worrying about a number!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Suzy, it's interesting that you should ask me if my family has apologized for how they dealt with my weight issues, because I just recently had a discussion with my aunt about this. My mother died when I was 19, at a time when I was at my heaviest, and the one issue we NEVER talked out was how she treated me regarding my weight. Even now, 15 years later, I hold a bit of anger towards her for that even while missing her terribly. My aunt is sort of my surrogate mother - unlike my natural mother, she has been a constant supporter of me, fat or not. Her love has never been conditional. My parents' treatment of me was not something they did publicly (except for that one WW meeting) so when I told my aunt a few stories from my childhood a few weeks ago, she listened and cried. She'd had no idea. No idea that my parents were capable of such cruelty while otherwise being great parents. And no idea that I had suffered quietly through that for most of my childhood. And then she was angry.

So now we're both angry about it. Honestly, I don't think my dad and brother even have the ability to acknowledge for even a second that how they treated me was cruel and unnecessary. They don't even realize they have something to apologize for. They know I eat paleo. They know I'm on medication for IR (which could have been diagnosed when I was 16 if my parents had been responsible enough to have health insurance and take me to the specialist that my doctor recommended). And they can see that I've lost 36 lbs, as they have at least given me some compliments about that. But still, my dad continued his Christmas tradition this year of giving each of us a huge rough tote full of Costco-sized boxes of M&Ms, pretzels, and tortilla chips, despite knowing that I don't. eat. any. of that. I made some comment and his response was the same thing he's said my whole life, "You need to understand the definition of moderation." So yeah, they haven't come very far. But I have. And that's what allows me to just grit my teeth and walk away from the anger.

Anyway, that was quite a rant, but very cathartic. Again, so glad this thread exists.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm with blissing on this. There is a lot of research showing that the assumptions made about fat bodies healthwise are often wrong, and that the BMI scale is both wrong and obsolete.

Being kind to yourself and accepting your body -- rather than punishing yourself for not having the "right" body -- often has positive health outcomes for people. I know it has for me. Otherwise, I'd be waiting to lose weight before I took up dancing, or I'd be waiting to lose more weight before I tried this wacky "don't count and log and weigh every thing you eat" Whole 30 thing.

There are a lot of ways to integrate healthy behaviors and move towards health without obsessing over your weight, and Whole30, as it specifies not to weigh yourself for 30 days, seems to be one of those ways. I don't see these as being diametrically opposed.

Additionally, I don't feel comfortable with the kind of judgmental language about fat bodies I see in this thread; I wish I hadn't seen it, honestly, as I have always been fat, and I generally find the forum to be a supportive, accepting place, and I find the negativity and pathologization of fat bodies in this thread quite triggering. I believe Whole 30 (I'm on my second now) makes me healthier and helps me make better food choices -- I would continue to believe that even if I didn't lose one ounce during a Whole 30. Health is way, way more than just your weight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Suzy, I love this post! I am on my second Whole 30 while my aunt and best friend are both doing WW. I feel such a relief and freedom from the crazy diet mentality. I shared all of my first Whole30 experiences and results with both of them but neither one was willing give up certain habits (diet soda, small daily sweets, preparing fresh meals at home etc.). When they tell me about their weekly dates with the scale it makes me sad because I know what a false sense of self those numbers give you temporarily. I am happy to no longer get on a scale. I feel better, clothes are fitting a bit looser and that is good enough for me!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Additionally, I don't feel comfortable with the kind of judgmental language about fat bodies I see in this thread; I wish I hadn't seen it, honestly, as I have always been fat, and I generally find the forum to be a supportive, accepting place, and I find the negativity and pathologization of fat bodies in this thread quite triggering. I believe Whole 30 (I'm on my second now) makes me healthier and helps me make better food choices -- I would continue to believe that even if I didn't lose one ounce during a Whole 30. Health is way, way more than just your weight.

I've always been fat, too, and nothing here offended me at all. It's just a difference of opinion and I sort of like that people have been able to respectfully debate about it in this thread. I don't think anyone was attacking anyone else or being unsupportive. As I said in one of my posts, I think that what the medical community classifies as obese (through the BMI scale) is ridiculous, BUT I do think there is a line, that is specific to each person, where weight goes from being a virtual non-factor to having some real health consequences. I don't think it's right to judge a person based solely on their weight, but I also think it's a slippery slope to say we shouldn't be encouraging healthy weight loss at all because it doesn't have anything to do with health. It is not the end-all-be-all of health, but it IS a factor, whether we like to believe it or not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with thinking about having a healthy lifestyle rather than only focusing on our weight. If we are following the suggestions of the W30 everything else will fall into place. I am very thankful to have found this program, the knowledge I have gained cannot be measured. It is life changing!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been battling my weight since I had my oldest in 1999. I tried all the latest diet fads and I was doing WW online up until I started my W30 (I'm on day 10). I am 5'5" and started my W30 at 178. My heaviest was 190. I got pregnant with my son in 2009 at 180lbs. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and began obsessively tracking every carb, fat g, and calorie during the remainder of the pregnancy. I managed to gain only 25lbs and my son was born 6lbs 8oz.

If you are overweight when you get pregnant you are more likely to develop gestational diabetes (although it happens to healthy skinny people too). If you have had gestational diabetes you are more likely to develop it in a subsequent pregnancy and are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes. As if learning all this wasn't enough I also discovered that my son had Autism and that 2 of the risk factors are maternal weight and having GD.

I began researching nutrition and biomedical treatments for autism and found that my son responded very well to the GFCF diet. I wanted to try the GAPs diet (which is similar to W30) but he has severe sensory issues and will only eat a handful of foods to begin with. He literally gags when he watches other people eat stuff.

My Husband and I want to have another child and I just want to do everything I can to minimize the risk of both GD and autism.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Additionally, I don't feel comfortable with the kind of judgmental language about fat bodies I see in this thread; I wish I hadn't seen it, honestly, as I have always been fat, and I generally find the forum to be a supportive, accepting place, and I find the negativity and pathologization of fat bodies in this thread quite triggering. I believe Whole 30 (I'm on my second now) makes me healthier and helps me make better food choices -- I would continue to believe that even if I didn't lose one ounce during a Whole 30. Health is way, way more than just your weight.

CAK911, I am very sorry that you feel any of the language has been judgemental. I can only speak for myself and my impression of the other posts in the thread, but I just know that I am speaking only about my own experience and that with clients and gym goers. I do not at all think that anyone of any weight is a "fat pig" but I can't imagine there is a soul on this forum who hasn't either used the phrase themselves or heard someone else use it. I completely agree with you that the weight should be a non-issue and if anything, a happy side effect. That the the pursuit of health be the goal.

Personally, I have never been obese. I don't have some shocking and inspiring weight-loss story but that doesn't mean I , along with millions of other normal weight teenagers, haven't had a run in with disordered eating and the health side affects that come with it. For me, I have noticed a huge drop in my depression and emotional status. I do know I feel much healthier and capable a few pounds lighter that I was when I went in, but the way I feel mentally is all the proof I need that is way of eating works for me.

Again, I'm sorry if you are offended. I do think one of the beautiful things about this thread is the raw honesty the participants have felt comfortable revealing and that isn't always pretty.

Thank you everyone for this. I'm shaking with happiness and sadness and connection and compassion for you all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm with blissing on this. There is a lot of research showing that the assumptions made about fat bodies healthwise are often wrong, and that the BMI scale is both wrong and obsolete.

Being kind to yourself and accepting your body -- rather than punishing yourself for not having the "right" body -- often has positive health outcomes for people. I know it has for me. Otherwise, I'd be waiting to lose weight before I took up dancing, or I'd be waiting to lose more weight before I tried this wacky "don't count and log and weigh every thing you eat" Whole 30 thing.

There are a lot of ways to integrate healthy behaviors and move towards health without obsessing over your weight, and Whole30, as it specifies not to weigh yourself for 30 days, seems to be one of those ways. I don't see these as being diametrically opposed.

Additionally, I don't feel comfortable with the kind of judgmental language about fat bodies I see in this thread; I wish I hadn't seen it, honestly, as I have always been fat, and I generally find the forum to be a supportive, accepting place, and I find the negativity and pathologization of fat bodies in this thread quite triggering. I believe Whole 30 (I'm on my second now) makes me healthier and helps me make better food choices -- I would continue to believe that even if I didn't lose one ounce during a Whole 30. Health is way, way more than just your weight.

Getting out there and living life and doing things like going dancing has to do with body image, not BMI. My point was that working on self esteem sometimes will involve changing unhealthy habits that have lead to unhealthy states, such as obesity. Loving myself while giving myself every chance at happiness in life is the prescription I'm calling in for myself. I want to feel the best I can, I want to be attractive to other people and myself, and I want to make it up the stairs without having to stop and breathe hard at the top.

My first Whole30 made it possible for me to ditch my scale almost totally. I have not weighed myself since October 2012. This has been one of the best advantages for me, since now I can focus on my body's feedback rather than some number. It really is a magical feeling, not having to weigh myself all the time.

Edited by Suzy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now