Day 21 and feeling very frustrated

[Kristina Poduch]

I'm getting to the point where I just don't know what to do. I'm on day 21 and while there has been some improvement in how I feel and how I look, it's not at all enough for me. I have a 14 month old and haven't been able to get back to my prebaby weight no matter what I have tried. I spent about 8 weeks working my butt off at the gym, didn't lose a lb and was plagued by injuries including a broken toe. Because of the toe I had to slow down a lot. After New Years I started back up again but only a couple of times a week. So we started whole 30 and since 1/1/13 I have spent $725 on food (we always ate healthy, organic grass fed etc, just not minus grains and dairy). I do have some issues that may be related like some joint pain, and allergies. But nothing that makes me feel like I need to change my diet. Lets just be honest I want to be a normal body weight. I am considered overweight by bmi and I know I have too much weight on my hips and stomach. I'm not ok with it. After the first week I felt slimmer but after the second I looked and felt fatter again, that's happened twice more. I can't afford to keep paying this much for food to not lose weight. And don't bother coming on here to lecture me that I shouldn't worry about weight, that's just crap. All this time I haven't been frustrated I have been feeling like I could do this for months if I have to but at day 21 I'm feeling fed up and just over it.

[little_muffin]

Hi Kristina,

I feel for you, I really do. I could have written this myself,except I'm on day 27 and have 2 children. I haven't been able to reach my pre-baby weight either but...I do feel pretty good at the moment & I have to thank W30 for that & malmost certain I can come off my PND meds soon. I cheated a week ago & stepped on the scales and had lost 7lb but still have another 8lb to go.

I know you said that you have had to slow the exercise a bit but is there a paricular area that you want to work on that you could focus on a bit more? I see a PT once a week and she gives me certain exercises to really work on my tushy& it is slowly but surely coming off, I will get into those jeans if it kills me! Try not o forget though that muscle weighs heavier than fat & the more muscle you have, the better your metabolism will be.

[missmary]

I'm sorry, because I know you don't want to hear this, but here it is: the whole30 is not a magic weight loss plan. There isn't one of those. If you feel the way you used to eat is ideal, and don't see any reason to change it, why did you? The fact is, you are feeling better. Are you feeling better enough to keep you following the whole30 long enough to find the magic people talk about? You get to decide.

One thing to think about: 21 days is a tiny amount of time. It took me seven months (one whole 30, 6 months of virtually whole 30 and mid-way through my second whole 30) before I felt the "tiger blood" people talk about. I can tell you it was totally totally worth it.

[Ann]

In on day 21 also (2nd W30), and have my own struggles (I want wine, bad!) . Eating out is REALLY hard during W30 - I'm a social person, like you, and go out quite a bit "normally" but spend this 30 days nesting at home for the most part, focusing on my health (diet, sleep, organization).

You mentioned that you normally eat grass fed, organic, etc. Are you wanting to add grains, dairy and sugar back into to your diet again? Will adding these items reduce your grocery budget? I spend more on groceries while on W30, but save a ton not eating out, and not putting wine, grains, dairy and junk in my cart.

I honestly believe it often takes a full 30 days of 100% compliance to get the full benefit, including weight loss for some, and the "magic" often happens near the end. Today's email (for day 21) talks about the "extinction burst", and it seems maybe you might be going through something like this:

"You're so close to finishing your Whole30. You've nearly banished your cravings, and it's been easier and easier to pass up desserts and sweet treats—even the Whole30-approved ones. You're practically a healthy-habit-machine these days! And then…

"Your brain rebels. You get the worst case of cravings you've experienced to date. You're practically sitting on your hands to avoid raiding the pantry, and you cannot believe that this far along into your program, your Sugar Dragon is breathing fire right down your back… again! What's going on?

"The science-y term for this phenomenon is “extinction burst,†and the good news is that this is totally normal—expected, even. And if you know it's coming, you can brace yourself for it.

"Any time you quit something cold-turkey (as you do when you give up old habit-foods during your Whole30), your brain will make a last-ditch effort to return you to your habit. Once you become accustomed to reward, your brain gets really upset when you can't have it. So when you expect a reward and nothing happens (it's after dinner… dessert must be coming! But wait… it doesn't come? What's going on!) your conditioned response starts to fade away… and your brain freaks out.

"This is actually good news. It means that you are on the brink of giving up that long-term habit (dessert) for good! Your brain is going through one last-ditch effort to keep getting that reward, so the cravings come back in full effect."

I feel your frustration. ((Hugs)).

[Kristina Poduch]

I have no intention of quitting, that's just not who I am. I was planning on doing a w60 actually. I'm spending about $200 more a month than I was before mostly because I have a stockpile of einkhorn pasta, cans of beans etc. I'm definitely wasting less food than I was before because veggies aren't around long enough to go bad, except maybe avocados we've lost a few of those. I honestly would love to have more time to work out but since I work full time and a bug issue I've been having during whole 30 is not being able to sleep. Aka no way I can wake up at 6am instead of 7 to go work out. I'm literally going constantly until 8pm when I've finally coked dinner and can eat it myself. The only time I even have to work out is 9pm after I have just eaten. I'm actually sitting outside the gym right now getting ready to go in. So I have the weekends, when I'm not trying to spend time with my son, cooking food for the week or grocery shopping. Since we can't go out to eat or eat a quick and easy meal I'm just bogged down with cooking cooking cooking. I had to leave my baby whom I only get up see for maybe 2 hours a day during the week, so I could go up the freaking gym. I'm just feeling frustrated overall. My husband and I had to go to extreme measures to get pregnant in the first place, before that I was 148, in my healthy range. After the medications and bed rest (no exercise!) I was up to 158 when I finally got pregnant. I'm currently 162 (yes I weighed myself because I wanted to confirm what I was seeing in the mirror). I've lost 4 lbs. I have to get to 145 before I can consider getting pregnant again, and since I'm 34 were wanting to get pregnant next fall. I'm running out of time.

[Kristina Poduch]

Oh I meant to add that for instance the chili I'm making could have contained several cans if beans and 1 lb of grass fed beef instead it contains 3lbs of beef and I'm sure were getting less good out of it. That's how just one dish is double the cost that it would have been, especially since I have a bean stockpile. Sigh

[befabdaily]

Stress can hinder weight loss. Lack of sleep can also hinder weight loss. Maybe it's not the food that's the problem. It sounds like you have a ton of stress in your life -- every day being "go go go" so you can't rest until 9:00 and all that. Plus, you're stressing about losing weight in time to get pregnant on a schedule. That is putting a big demand on your body and, it sounds like, being kind of angry because it won't comply immediately.

I know it's probably not going to sound helpful to say "check your state of mind" but that's what I'm gonna say. Maybe focus on getting the best sleep you can and getting relaxed, and have that be your "workout" instead of stressing over getting to the gym.

[Kirsteen]

Believe me, no lectures here. I really feel for you. All I can say is for me it was day 23 on my first W30, I wanted to throw the book at the wall (what stopped me was it was on my kindle) have a real hissy fit and shout "Whose stupid idea was this anyway?" Stubborness kept me going til the end and then I felt so much better on it I ended up doing a W60.

i understand about the food. I was a vegan and had more amaranth and quinoa than you'd think one person could own. I had gallon containers of dried soya beans, rice, oatmeal, haricot beans and chick peas. I had 3 bookcase shelves full of tinned beans and peanut butter. It was hard parting with it but I do feel better for it. With chilli, I've found butternut squash, pumpkin or extra veg helps pad it out. I know cooking can seem a chore so I try to quadruple the amounts I cook so that for every meal I cook, I've got 2 or 3 to put in the freezer. I also look for really easy things to throw together when I'm tired.

Take a look at how far you've come and how much you've accomplished. I'm glad you have no intention of quitting because at the end of the 30 days if you re-evaluate how you feel then, many people reported feeling better by, I know I did. Trust the program, the weight will come off and in a healthy manner, which is what you want if you want to conceive again. Feel free to vent as much as you want here and as befabdaily says maybe try to rest a little more. You could also post a food log if you want specific advice. I really do wish you the best of luck. Be good to yourself.

[Kristina Poduch]

I appreciate everyone's input and thanks for letting me vent. I realize that this takes time I was just hoping for it go a little faster than it is. I do think if I can find a way to fit in more workouts it will help. I know I'm not overrating and I haven't cheated at all (except during week one my mom made me soup to help me out and she put corn in, since there wasn't a lot I ate it anyway). Otherwise I've stuck with it very well I don't rely too heavily on any one food group, ie fruit. There is really no where to "trim the fat" off my schedule, believe me I am efficient. I am a scientist so that's just the way I think. If I took more time to relax I would literally be not doing something I have to do, even right now my house is a mess because I just haven't had time to do anything about it. I went to the gun instead, lol. As for my diet. I will typically make eggs with veggies and maybe some homemade chicken sausage. On occasion we have nitrite free turkey bacon. I usually have leftovers for lunch and a piece of fruit and some nuts. For dinner I cook a variety of things, baked sweet potato, roasted veggies, cauliflower mash for sides etc. unless I make an all in one kind of meal. My favorite so far was tacos with romaine as the shell with bell peppers, mushrooms and onions and guacamole, yum! And I will sometimes add a salad, I'm addicted to shredded red cabbage with cilantro, vinegar and oil. Anyway that's about it!

[Kristina Poduch]

Sorry my phone is wonky. I apologize for typos.

[TrayS]

Kristina, I hear what you're saying. I'd be lying if I said I didn't start W30 with weight loss as a primary goal. But in the past six months I've learned that only by making health (not associated with weight) and mental well being my priority can I make the weight loss actually happen.

befabdaily is right on. More trips to the gym will not serve your goal of weight loss, particularly at the expense of sleep and/or relaxation. You can see posts on this forum of people losing weight only AFTER scaling back the workouts, and I've experienced this personally. 5 years of running and triathlons did not lose me a single damn pound. Just in the past month or so, I've mostly switched out running for yoga and walking. I did this because I was embarking on a 3 month intensive studying period while holding down my job (I am an engineer studying for the PE exam) and I knew that my precious time spent working out needed to serve my soul as well as my body - for me, getting outside and/or experiencing the deep meditation of a yoga class is the best way to do that. With what you would need to give up to get to the gym more (time with your baby, as indicated above), I think you might benefit from ditching the gym to pack up the baby in a stroller and go for a walk instead. Or just sit on the couch for awhile!

A side note - I know I am losing weight because of things such as how my clothes fit and the fact that a good friend of mine told me yesterday that I look better than I have since she's known me (10+ years). I haven't stepped on the scale in so long I can't remember the last time. I truly believe that nothing can be gained by looking at that number - and this coming from someone who is very Type A. I don't feel that I can be fully in tune with my body with that number clouding my perception of my progress. And since I ditched my daily weighing habit, the remaining few pounds on my body don't bother me nearly as much.

Since your timeline to get pregnant is causing some stress, I also recommend you read "The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant." There's some good reading in there that might put your mind at ease, the age-related statistics are more on your side than you think at age 34.

Good luck to you!

p.s. a bit of background: I am on Day 27 of my current W30, my first one was last August.

[AmyS]

Err, four pounds in 21 days? That's a freakin' festivus miracle!! You weren't, like, expecting to lose twenty pounds or something were you?

You have a fourteen month old. From now until the kid is about 4, you can get as much done as you could when the child was a newborn. Some people are good with that. Others of us hang on until they get old enough not to destroy everything. Whichever category you fit into, you just aren't going to have a clean house, a regular gym attendance, perfectly planned meals, and a completely coherent work schedule. Oh. And you aren't going to lose much more than a pound a week. You lost four pounds in three weeks - that's freakin' AWESOME.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, people with little teeeeeeny children live in a parallel universe. You just don't realize it until they finally get old enough that you're not constantly worried about Imminent Doom and Destruction all the time.

In conclusion: you are doing great. Go easier on yourself. Forrealz.

[sarakinva]

I could have written this post minus the wanting to get pg part (btdt, have two kids now). Work full time, commute about 2.5 hrs round trip, trying to run an online business in the evening, cooking, cooking, planning, shopping, cleaning, trying to keep kids from destroying the house (7 and 4.5), homework in the evenings, our house is for sale...oh and I have a husband too. I don't work out at all. When? I've failed in the scale part of Whole30 - I've lost 3 lbs so far (I'm on Day 26). I gained weight since my cycle started last week (which is normal for me) but it hasn't gone back down where it was. Like you, I felt slimmer at first but now feel pudgy again.

I know stress and sleep are the culprits but I haven't figured out how to manage them yet. I'm thinking of going for a Whole 60 to help reinforce everything even more. Good luck!

[Pomme]

Wow. This is intense.

I just have one question, to satisfy my own curiosity. Why do you have to weigh 145 to get pregnant?

[MrsStick]

I second what Kirsteen said above about the chili. Add veggies! Peppers and onions are an easy first choice; if you're making a chili with a sweet note, butternut squash or sweet potatoes. Carrots or broccoli work great too! I used to make a taco soup that was basically a chili, but I'd add a mix of veggies - cauliflower, broccoli, carrots. I don't make it right now because it has beans (although all of my beans were soaked 24 hours to lower phytic acid and make them less gas-inducing. Can you get an acceptable ground turkey? If so, you can pretty much substitute it for some or all of the ground beef in a lot of recipes.

Might I suggest a one-day cooking spree? It isn't the most fun when you're doing it, but it will keep you out of the kitchen for your evenings when you'd rather spend time with your family. Have your husband watch the toddler, and cook as much as you can. Make as much as is humanly possible. Fill up every container with food for the fridge. Heck, your husband and/or toddler might be able to help (as long as your husband is the supervisor of the toddler so you can concentrate). Need something stirred? Have your husband stir it with toddler. Etc. That way, during the week, you have those evening times to be with family, not alone in the kitchen, just cooking away.

This food doesn't have to be too time intensive, either. Taco beef (I've been making my own taco seasoning for years due to MSG sensitivities) is easy, then you can put it over a salad with a compliant salsa (Muir Glen Organics has several that are safe), guac, etc. Breakfast for dinner is also quick - couple eggs (fried or scrambled), bacon or sausage, your favorite veggie side (mine right now is sweet potato mash with coconut milk, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ground cloves!), maybe some fruit, and you're done.

[Kristina Poduch]

Wow. This is intense.

I just have one question, to satisfy my own curiosity. Why do you have to weigh 145 to get pregnant?

Mainly because I set that goal for myself. I absolutely do not want to be an overweight mommy forever, so I feel that it will be easier to lose the weight after the last baby if I can lose it and be for in between pregnancies. Also being 36 once I'm no longer pregnant and 37 when no longer breastfeeding.... The older you get the harder it gets (seems to definitely be the case for me) to lose weight.

[Kristina Poduch]

Thank you, I agree that this can be the case with some people... But I haven't worked out at all since starting whole 30. What seems to work for me is a combination of diet and exercise. If I ignore the exercise I just end up with a skinnier body not fit like I want to be. As far as the whole pregnancy thing, we had to do IVF. Waiting isn't an option for us because of our infertility. Anyway thank you and I will try to add in some additional stroller time.

Kristina, I hear what you're saying. I'd be lying if I said I didn't start W30 with weight loss as a primary goal. But in the past six months I've learned that only by making health (not associated with weight) and mental well being my priority can I make the weight loss actually happen.

befabdaily is right on. More trips to the gym will not serve your goal of weight loss, particularly at the expense of sleep and/or relaxation. You can see posts on this forum of people losing weight only AFTER scaling back the workouts, and I've experienced this personally. 5 years of running and triathlons did not lose me a single damn pound. Just in the past month or so, I've mostly switched out running for yoga and walking. I did this because I was embarking on a 3 month intensive studying period while holding down my job (I am an engineer studying for the PE exam) and I knew that my precious time spent working out needed to serve my soul as well as my body - for me, getting outside and/or experiencing the deep meditation of a yoga class is the best way to do that. With what you would need to give up to get to the gym more (time with your baby, as indicated above), I think you might benefit from ditching the gym to pack up the baby in a stroller and go for a walk instead. Or just sit on the couch for awhile!

A side note - I know I am losing weight because of things such as how my clothes fit and the fact that a good friend of mine told me yesterday that I look better than I have since she's known me (10+ years). I haven't stepped on the scale in so long I can't remember the last time. I truly believe that nothing can be gained by looking at that number - and this coming from someone who is very Type A. I don't feel that I can be fully in tune with my body with that number clouding my perception of my progress. And since I ditched my daily weighing habit, the remaining few pounds on my body don't bother me nearly as much.

Since your timeline to get pregnant is causing some stress, I also recommend you read "The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant." There's some good reading in there that might put your mind at ease, the age-related statistics are more on your side than you think at age 34.

Good luck to you!

p.s. a bit of background: I am on Day 27 of my current W30, my first one was last August.

[Kristina Poduch]

Thanks to everyone for all your advice. I did do a huge cooking day on Sunday and I feel some of the stress is reduces knowing that I don't have to cook every single day.

I'm definitely glad my clothes are fitting better I guess I was just having a fat day and feeling badly about it. 4 lbs is great I was just honestly hoping for 10. Really the only reason is just because I've been back down to where I'm at a couple times since the baby. I would feel better knowing its working and that's it's not just normal fluctuations. I just feel a little helpless because I wouldn't have any idea what to try if this doesn't work for me. I'm definitely doing whole 60, maybe with a latte break in between! I'm so craving a latte today!

[megmac]

I don't have any brilliant advice, I just wanted to tell you I also could've written this post on my first Whole30. In fact, maybe I did. Day 23 I think it was. I had an easy, upbeat time getting to that point, and then the wheels came off. I stuck it out, but wasn't happy with my results. (My only goal was weightloss.) So here I am, nearly 5 months later, doing #2. (I got halfway in November, but then remodeled my kitchen and couldn't cook for 3 weeks.) I am doing #2 because I believe in this plan. Nothing I have done since has made me feel as good as the Whole30. I realize that my transition is going to take more than 30 days, and that I quit too soon the first time. So this time around I am admitting that this is the way I need to eat for the rest of my life. I'm not saying that there won't be offroading-of course there will. But this will be my norm and that will be my exception.

I'll admit that I did think this was the "magic weight loss" solution. I'll admit I DID think maybe I would lose 20 lbs (which is exactly what I have to lose). I counted the days and waited for the magic. I didn't hit the "tiger blood", I didn't become an efficient fat burning machine, and I didn't change my life. I had it all wrong. This time I'm in it for the long haul. I believe in the science and I believe it will happen. I will be back in my size 4 jeans eventually, but this time that's not my goal. I am trusting that with optimum nutrution will come good health and my ideal weight. It just might take a while.

[Kristina Poduch]

Are you having better luck this time around?

[megmac]

I'm only on day 3, but I can tell you my attitude is completely different this time. The beginning is always easy for me, which is why I was so caught off guard a few weeks in last time. But I am going to say yes, just because of where my head is. Instead of being obsessed with the scale last time, I was obsessed with my calendar and the "end of the whole 30". Every night I would ceremoniously mark off each day, calculating the percent "done" I was. (Okay, I'm an accountant. Cut me some slack.) This time I'm not doing that, because it would be like crossing off the days I'm alive (since there is no "end" to a lifestyle change).

And this time I'm aware of my weak/angry/kill everything point-several weeks in. I will be ready. Last time it just didn't make sense. Everyone else seemed to be so happy by that time!

[AmyS]

You know, I think I'm starting to get where people are thinking they can lose insane amounts of weight in 30 days. I am (finally!) reading It Starts With Food, and there is at least one testimonial there of a person who lost twenty pounds in thirty days. That person was a man who had lots more to lose than twenty pounds (lots!). A man. Not a fertility-age woman. An older, extremely sedentary, riddled-with-health-problems, MAN (about which, may I just note that I am totally shocked every time I read a page where Dallas and Melissa actually, over and over, use the literal word "man" when referring to human beings. I am completely shocked by this. I know it seems like a derail, but it's not. I am not a man, and no one can convince me that it's remotely possible to use the word man and have it refer to me. Similarly, weight loss patterns that apply to older sedentary men cannot be taken as models for how fertility age women attain healthy weights. I really hope Dallas and Melissa fix that in a future edition of the book, because it is SO jarring). People, we ain't the same. I have a male friend right now who has been very open about his recent foray into serious, medically supervised weight loss (he needs to lose about 250 lbs but will settle for losing just over 200). On this plan he has lost twenty pounds in four days. But considering where he started, that's like nothing. And he's on, essentially, a medically supervised fast with meal-ish supplements.

We are not those people. We are women. We have children. We are trying to get healthy for ourselves, for our children (and for some folks, for their future/intended children). Losing twenty pounds in a single month would, for almost all of us, be hormonal disaster.

IVF is so stressful. I think I went a little (or more than a little) out of my mind during all of those hard times with infertility and IVF. Anything, ANYTHING at all, that we can do to be gentle with ourselves, is so important. Infertility has this persistent, insidious, secretly devastating effect on our sense of who we are and what our potential is. Sometimes I think that in many ways I lost a decade of my life to it - not that I didn't function, but everything was so focused on trying to get pregnant that very little else could compete for attention with that one goal.

So - anything at all that helps you go easier on yourself, love yourself, be as kind as possible to yourself - it will help. There are no guarantees in infertility treatment, but be as kind as you can possibly manage to yourself.

[befabdaily]

Yeah, early on I read something from Tom here on the forums that gives a much more realistic idea of how fast Paleo weight loss goes. He said he steadily lost 2 lbs/month (or something like that) for over a year. I've found that if I stay consistent with it I lose 2-3 pounds a month. This month, I lost about six pounds, but that was partly because I'd eaten bread over the holidays and got all bloated. Anyway, especially if you are pretty close to your goal weight, you've gotta lower your expectations.