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Boss wants to have drinks. What do I do??


TheRock

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Today is Day 25. A friend and I have been doing it together and both feel GREAT. It's not been easy but it's been so worth it.

Here's the problem: boss and boss' boss want to meet me for drinks tomorrow.

My boss and I have regularly met for drinks before but not since my Whole30 start. Never met his boss. It's a guys world, if I don't have a drink, I guarantee they'll assume it's because I'm pregnant and that creates it's own problem in my professional life. I thought about other excuses (medication, illness) but those come with their own baggage. I know personal lives are supposed to be off limits for work but let's face it, people are judgemental. Plus, never having met his boss, I just want to fit in and make a good impression. Again, this is a guys guy in a male dominated field and explaining a health program or diet is akin to being seen as weak. It's not right but it's the way it is and I've found success by fitting in. Hope I've explained the dilemma well.

SO....do I have the glass of wine and totally ruin my Whole30 or is this a minor slip up and can I add 5 more days?

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You will still have learned some things and made some progress, but if you have a drink on day 26, you end your program. You can't just add 5 days to fix it.

I think you are worrying too much about not having a drink with the boys. I think you can say that you are on day 26 of a 30 day healthy eating program that means you can't drink alcohol right now. It doesn't need any more explanation than that unless they are curious and ask about it.

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Thanks you guys for the feedback. SS - yes, that's a great trick that I've used in other situations. Great idea and thanks. :) In this case unfortunately, I'll have to order in front of them. Tom - Thanks. I knew in my heart that was the answer but I was hoping there was some sort of escape clause. Oh well, this will be a Whole26 then. It's been great, I'll do a Whole30 sometime. And you're right, I do worry too much about playing with the boys - it's just I stick out in so many other ways but this is one area where I am on the inside. I'll have to keep working on that too. Thanks again - I appreciate it.

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My guess is that the "club soda that looks like a drink" ploy is probably not going to work in this situation because they'll hear you order your drink.

The thing is, this is more than a 30-day program if we're doing the reintroductions correctly. It's more like a 60-day program (or longer, depending on how many different foods you'd be reintroducing). So it's not like you'd be drinking again in four days unless you reintroduced alcohol first (and then it's just two days to test it and then you'd be off it again for probably the rest of the month).

Don't know if you could get away with ordering a glass of wine and not drinking it. :)

If it's a make-or-break career opportunity, you may want to call this a Whole25. Quite a few people do repeated Whole30s. There were people who did a Whole14 or a Whole27 around the holidays. (And maybe you'll visit here on the forum a bit more next time? Would be nice to get to know you!)

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Just a thought from someone else in a male dominated field... if one of them were in your position and didn't want to drink, I bet they would say F--- that, I'm not letting those guys mess up my program!

Coffee. Tell them you have a hot date later. B):ph34r:

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Not sure what field you're in, but as an engineer, I can completely relate to your situation. After a few bad experiences a year ago, I've decided that people are just going to have to get used to the fact that I'm a woman who is competent in her job, and if certain things scare them off, I don't really want to work for those people anyway. I used to take my engagement/wedding ring off for interviews because I didn't want anyone thinking "oh, now she's going to get pregnant and leave anyway", but I realized I don't want to work for a company that would hold that against me, so now the rings always stay on.

That doesn't mean you should get all "I'm watching my girlish figure" on them if they ask why you're drinking water, just try to keep it honest. If it is in fact true that you're going to the gym and lifting weights, I'd say something along the lines of "I'm really trying to amp up my deadlifts this month, so I've totally overhauled my diet - and I've seen amazing results!". If they give you a hard time, just laugh along with them.

And try to remember - your boss invites you out for drinks because he likes you! This is an awesome opportunity, and the most valuable thing you can do is be yourself - which right now means not drinking :)

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I hate how abstaining from an alcoholic beverage makes you either an uptight teetotaler that's no fun, pregnant, or a recovering alcoholic. As my obnoxious brother in law once said, "what other reasons would anybody else have for saying no?" Jerk-off...

Anyway, I think you can use the new year. "I committed to ditching alcohol for the month of January, just to reset" or something.

If you want to be sneaky and avoid the topic, get there before hand, get a club soda and lime (with mint, even!) in a rocks glass, and they'll assume it's booze.

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Totally feel this one too - 85% male field here! What you could always pull is the "I have to drive home" too. I've used it many a times I didn't want to drink. Here in Germany we have a mixed non-alcoholic drink (you can buy it bottled, but if you get it at a restaurant they'll mix it for you) that is club soda and apple juice. Served in the right glass, it does totally look like beer (but you're drinking a sweet juice, if watered down).

Otherwise, I second Renee in getting there early and having your drink already when they show up. Or just say, how kshacklett said - put the emphasis on your gym performance or, as Kirsteen said, say you're doing it with some friends to support them. After all - you're supporting someone with cancer if you shave your head too, so why wouldn't going off alcohol with friends be any less supportive?

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Just for another perspective, I have never drunk alcohol and can't imagine any scenario where I would do so now or in the future. From that perspective, I would be the one looking at people like they had three heads if they tried to get me to drink (and, really, if they tried to get me to go anywhere that featured alcohol as the main event of the evening).

I know none of that is directly relevant to your immediate decision, or to your former habits, or even to your work environment. But I just wanted to say that there is a larger/different perspective from which it's pretty weird, frankly, to expect alcohol consumption as a tacit job requirement.

That said, I agree with those who suggest ordering your faux drink and moving on with the conversation. If anybody is rude enough to ask about it (and you need to know that if they ask, they are being hellishly rude), put in with a simple "I'm eating clean this month. Almonds, anyone? Hey, what about those (insert name of favorite male-oriented sports team here)?"

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I hope your drinks with the boss went well. It's tricky when the boys club is where you need to be to advance, because that is kinda how the world works. For men and women! Don't pretend to be something you are not. You wouldn't be invited for drinks if they didn't already like you. You, just keep being you, and remember, sometimes sticking out is a good thing. If you can hang with the guys with a club soda in your hand, have a great conversation and joke around... They really won't care what you are drinking. Just order what you want, they certainly will!

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  • 1 month later...

You will still have learned some things and made some progress, but if you have a drink on day 26, you end your program. You can't just add 5 days to fix it.

I think you are worrying too much about not having a drink with the boys. I think you can say that you are on day 26 of a 30 day healthy eating program that means you can't drink alcohol right now. It doesn't need any more explanation than that unless they are curious and ask about it.

This.

And tonic water with lemon.

:) good luck

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