Nadia's PW30. "Let's fix it" journey.

[Nadia B]

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LadyM]

Beautiful, Nadia! So glad you had a wonderful time.

 

My gut instinct says that you do so well when you're on various holidays because you're relaxed, enjoying yourself, and not stressing about every little detail. Is there any way you can bring that part of your trip to Barbados back to Toronto?

 

I also think you're onto something with increased carbs. I've found life and weight loss to be so much better with more of them, too.

 

You could try to recreate the diet you felt so good on in Barbados and see how it goes. But maybe just do that and not change everything else including your exercise. Too many variables lead to more banging of head against wall. . . . 

[Nadia B]

Oh hey, MODERATOR. I haven't noticed before. I have this feeling too, happy mind - happy body. I guess I need to focus on meditation and calming the monkey brain first, just as you pointed out. Thanks for your input. 

[SaraRuns]

Looks like a fab trip!  Happy mind, happy body makes sense to me.

[Nadia B]

Hey all. Just dropping a line to share a revelation that is beyond "late to the party". I was thinking hard about Lady M guess that it's my monkey brain that keeps my tummy from working and my body from being happy. So I've made a commitment to start meditating. DUH. I knew it was good and necessary, but I have never did it. I don't have time, I need to do it right and other silly excuses. I set an achievable goal of 3 meditations per week. 5 minute breathing? Guided youtube session? App? Yep, all that, whatever is on hand, just do it. It's working, it's amazing and I can't believe that I haven't done it. It knocks me out into the deepest sleep. I still wake up 2 times per nigh which really pisses me off, but I feel that I am making most of my sleep. Next step, find a set of practices/voices that work the best and maybe stick to one course, for now I am enjoying my newly found bliss. Advice for the best free stuff out there? 

 

Foodwise. I have been eating random food, but it didn't seem to bother me all that much. General avoidance of gluten, dairy, soy and corn, but not sweating the small stuff that happened to be in my bowl. I am terrible with sweet potatoes, my intestines rebel hard. I seem to do really well with white rice and plantains, so if these are my safe starches, great. I don't feel the effects of this exposure on my performance, sleep or energy, but I can tell that my stomach is working less than optimal in terms of digesting things. I can't get myself to cook and I hate buying food all the time. Liver, sardines and broth are much needed. I also feel that I need to make an amazing dressing, like Green Goddess or something. Share your faves, please? Help this little lazy surfer wanna be. I have been noticing how more mindful my eating is since I have started wh30. It blows my mind every time I realize how much clearer I feel the "hungry/full" signals, how much better I can tell what induces my cravings. No miracles here just long term commitment. 

 

Activitywise. My legs are cramped all the time. If I skip magnesium for couple days, I am screwed. I am taking potassium supplement to help. I think I need physio, because I get cramps after a very specific actions when I use my feet a lot. E.g high rep kettlebell swings or sprints. I stop feeling my feet to the point where it is pretty painful. Something tells me magnesium ain't gonna cure that.

 

Funwise. I went to the mountains and learned (ehm tried to) snowboarding. I always dreamed about it but never got to do this. All my friends were already good at it and I was so scared of looking embarrassing. Well, J is an amazing snowboarder and his passion for this is second to none. I figured that I have to keep up. He is away for the entire month but my friends were going to the beautiful Quebec province. I just hitched a ride (I already had a gear that I bought of a girl who didn't like snowboarding) and voila, 9 am -27 degress I showed up for my class on a Bunny Hill. I had a full blown panic attack more than once and I have a sore JAW this morning. I was clenching my teeth so hard, what a loser After I was able to relax, I had so much fun the rest of the day (minus bruised tailbone). Way to start loving winter. Pictures!

 

  

 

 

[LadyM]

Love that you're such an adventurer, NB! Love that you're getting into winter sports!

 

HOORAY for instant positive effects from meditation. I'm getting hardcore about it again, too. Such good stuff.

 

It's funny how a desire to cook waxes and wanes. You're all in when you're in. It's OK to not feel like it once in a while. You'll ride it out. Smart to add a little zing with sauces. My faves are, yes, green goddess from Joy of Cooking; NomNom's ranch is better than Well Fed, IMHO; and nothing beats a nice lemony and garlicky vinaigrette with dijon and shallot, maybe some parsley or whatever herbs. So easy and satisfying. I've been using more spices and less sauces this W30 in the interest of keeping fat in check, and I'm IN LOVE with nom nom's magic mushroom powder (so good on kale and eggs, for example) and Well Fed's sunrise spice on sweet potatoes (for me, not you) and winter squashes. 

 

Oh, and I'm into Louise Hay's affirmations from You Can Heal Your Body. Something along those lines might interest you in addition to meditation. And I swear by nadi shodana before bed (alternate nostril breathing. must be on youtube, too).

[Nadia B]

What. Alternate nostril breathing? Are you saying that you can train yourself to breath in and out ONE nostril? Mind blown. 

[LadyM]

What. Alternate nostril breathing? Are you saying that you can train yourself to breath in and out ONE nostril? Mind blown. 

Haha, yes, Eventually. But you start by using your thumb and ring finger to alternately close them off. . . . 

[Nadia B]

Can I complain a little bit? Great. I thought so. 

 

I think my adrenals are failing again. What now. Yesterday I barely made it home and fell asleep at 8pm. Woke up at 7am from a nightmare. Brain fog is just unreal, I can't focus on anything lately. I can't remember things or get things done. Weak, nauseous and achy. Heart racing. My limbs are tingly. I am so sensitive and teary. Just one unpleasant thought turns into nearly tears emergency. My period has just started...one week after another one ended. I am scared a little bit to be honest. I am searching for a good endocrinologist at the moment, maybe this time around I get lucky.

 

I have scaled back on lifting to 2 times per week (vs 4) since I got back from vacations. I have not been doing circus every week (just once). I have not been doing lots of activity overall, I have been working hard on my mental state and meditating. Why whyyyyyy this keeps happening to me. I just want a nap and ability adequately handle interactions with people. 

 

My friends and I have rented a cottage in the mountains. I planned to snowboard and spend a lot of time outdoors. I am moderately terrified of how it will go. I hope to sleep lots and take it easy. Stretching and hot tub? Lots of walking outdoors hopefully? Forget snowboarding? 

 

Picture from my only silks class since end of December. I felt so terrible and blah but surprisingly I did a lot of stuff I have never had strength for. Like this move. It is super hard from the dead hang in the air, you need to muscle your lower body up with your hands and core. You can't swing legs to give extra boost. Looking at this makes me happy and hopeful.

 

[Physibeth]

Is it possible you have the flu? Aside from the periods so close together it sounds like you might. With the periods...I know this has been a long hard challenge for you and your body may still not be completely set yet. Checking in with a doctor sounds like a good idea. Let yourself rest, lots of self care.

 

Love the happy silks photo as always!

[Nadia B]

Hi Bethany, thanks. Not a chance, it's not a flu. These have been building up for a while, I can see it now. I just fail to see what tipped me over.

[LadyM]

I'm so sorry, Nadia. I hate to hear of you suffering!

 

What makes you leap to the conclusion that it's your adrenals? Why not estrogen/progesterone if your periods are being dramatically impacted? I need mad sleep when my period comes around, and I think a lot of women do.

 

I can never remind myself to do this in time, but can you chillax for a second and breathe? I never make good choices when my hormones are out of whack. Maybe this isn't an emergency and maybe you can ride it out. Definitely go on your trip and enjoy yourself! That's always the best medicine for you!

 

I hope you can find a doc who can help. My endocrinologist is not terribly useful, unfortunately. Most of them seem to be trained in an inflexible and arrogant way. But maybe they're better in Canada. It wouldn't surprise me.

 

Love the silks photo! Happy and hopeful, indeed!

[missmary]

Oh honey, I wish we could just relax and take breaks without feeling as if we were failing (says the person who keeps fantasizing about such a break without actually taking one, eh hem). I think three things:

1. It is kind of normal and ok to have cycles of more and less activity and to need rest.
2. Also I know exactly how it feels to have "something" not quite right and want to fix it and that should be honored as well.
3. You, my friend, are perfectly suited to the task of figuring how much this is #1 and how much #2 and self-care is deserved either way.

I hope this turns around for you very very soon. Enjoy cottage and snow and hot tub 

[Beets]

Cottage in the snow sounds lovely. Enjoy!!

[Nadia B]

I have completely freaked out with that dizziness. It was so strong, I could barely walk or think. I am glad I re-read your posts for about 5 times each and was able to calm down. Also I am glad that I went to the cottage. I am always better anywhere but home. Kind of sad. We had a beautiful but old chalet with a fireplace. We also had zero soundproofing between the floors. 19 ppl partying and 1 trying to sleep is a set up for a miserable failure. Sleep was ridiculously scarce on Friday night, but I managed. Saturday morning we cooked breakfast (eggs, plantains and avocado gf toast for me, I went all out, heaven in my mouth), worked out then we went for a walk. We wrestled and threw each other in piles of snow until everyone was out of breath. We hung out in the hot tub then jumped in the snow screaming like there is a bloody murder happening. FUN. Slow mo videos of our heroism are even better. We practiced yoga (priceless photo of all the ladies standing in a warrior pose with all the boys gorging on piles of waffles entirely covered in bacon at the back). We went night skiing. There was so much fresh snow, unbelievable. I did ok with my snowboarding attempts. I am still moderately petrified of this thing, lack of control scares the hell out of me. I want to be fearless, but I am not actually. Later that night we sat in front of the fireplace, cooked dinner together and danced, played and had fun. We have taken billion polaroid pictures. I am a bit obsessing with that camera. I used to love Polaroid when I was a kid. One guy found my yoga mat with all the asanas printed on it. He made his goal to repeat all of them by the end of the night. The only thing is that he had consumed quite a bit of alcohol. It was unsafe and pretty hilarious. I felt absolutely fine being the only non drinking person. Well, my friends know me, so no one asked me if I am drinking even once. I passed out on the couch while everyone was partying at about 3 am (which was an improvement from 6 am last night).

On Sunday we went to the slopes again. I did really poorly, the board was not following me. I was scared to be honest and it showed. The worst part is terrible cramps. I get numb feet when I work out, but I had really bad cramps on top of these. My last run was a non stop-pain. No regrets, a day outdoors is better than anything for me. Finished off our adventures with the walk through the mountain village and gf pizza for dinner (rice crust that was absolutely gross). Long drive home at night to fall asleep next to J who was waiting for me. He said he tried to talk to me or suggest taking my snow pants off, but it didn't work, I was dead. He had a good giggle I am sure.

I have a lot of random food sneaking in here and there. IT doesn't bother my stomach too much, but I feel the effects on the mental level. The most priceless thing that this weekend gave me is a sense of just being in the moment. There was no "when I do this' or "what if this happens" or "what do I do to be this that and the other". Just being and actually liking myself.

Good reminder that I need to embrace "no f**ks given" philosophy more often. Also cook something. Definitely cook something. It's been a month of no-cook meals. I have eaten microwaved salmon steaks with steamed vegetables more than once in the office. I have eaten hard boiled eggs with raw carrots for breakfast more than once. I have eaten take out food almost daily, it will get me broke, still, God bless Toronto's obsession with salad bowls and all things trending among the "health nuts". One day I will pull off Beets and say, that's it, whole30 is happening. For now I just try to chill more and get myself checked for hormones.

[LadyM]

"The most priceless thing that this weekend gave me is a sense of just being in the moment. There was no "when I do this' or "what if this happens" or "what do I do to be this that and the other". Just being and actually liking myself."

 

THIS. Right here. I think this is why you do better anywhere other than home. I totally get it. It's so easy to fall victim to the tunnel vision, the vacuum of our own minds and routines.

 

And this is why meditation is so crucial. It forces you into the moment and expands your thinking, by not thinking, ironically, beyond the vacuum, the tunnel vision.

 

Your weekend sounds def*%&inglightful. Love the pics. You make me long for fun and social time!

[Beets]

Sounds like a lot of fun. Looks lovely!

I also LOVED my Polaroid as a of and got one for Christmas. Just realizing how silly it is that I haven't gotten film. (Of course if I gave it as a gift I would have also gotten film.)

You are brave to try the snowboarding at all. It seems terrifying to me, to be strapped into the thing. At least skis will fly off if you wipe out.

It took me six months of feelng like I needed a w30 to commit so don't feel bad.

[SaraRuns]

So glad you were able to feel present and "actually liking myself"!  You definitely need more of that in your life at home. 

[Nadia B]

Things that don't suck:

 

- Snowboarding. It has finally clicked as I was left alone without a supervision and annoying "get up" every other minute (I am still in awe how how did he manage to resist taking off in the middle of my childish meltdown). He was 100% sure I will run and hide in the cafe, but I went up that hill over and over. We were able to do a parallel party run couple of times - him jumping and twisting through the rail/boxes park (big boys toys) and me carving down the baby hill. I almost beat him once. Almost. I was ecstatic. Doing it again this weekend.

 

- Meditation. I really don't understand how I've lived 27 years without this magic knock out pill.

 

- Skin is so clear. Love it. 

 

- Expectations. I seriously, seriously think this is the key to my well being. I have realized that I am getting better at having no expectations of my performance/looks/schedule. Somehow it makes sense to me only now. I dreamed how I will stop thinking that I have to get back to my slimness of a year ago. Well, I don't have any idea what I should look like at the moment. I want to feel good about myself and be pain-free. 

 

- I started to identify better when I cling on to the food as a fix-it-all still. No energy? Mental fog? Slump? There must be something I can eat to make it better. True to some point, but let's be real, it's all about the complexity of self-care. Need to work more on this.   

 

- I am feeling calm. I am observing things without letting anxiety creep in. Good stuff. 

 

- I went to check out a barre3 studio. Apparently this is the trendiest studio in Oregon. I thought I will just stretch and chill a bit, because usually barre classes are not challenging at all. I was wrong, oh boy, was I wrong. Isometric holds are killers. Lady M, you are a tough one

 

Things that suck: 

 

- Recovery. God, it has been so bad. I am sore after literally everything. Delayed soreness usually. When I lie down on the foam roller I am in hell. It goes away slower than usual too. I have scaled my weightlifting workouts to 2 per week. Yes, snowboarding is super taxing on the body (knees especially) but I don't think this recent add-on is really affecting my recovery this bad. Post wo nutrition is less than optimal and I guess I can try to focus on improving this one. My problem is carbs. I can't digest starchy carbs, not even white rice which is the simplest starch one can think of. I know protein is more important, but all my activity is glycogen demanding. Trying to slow down for the next week because I nearly cried at the gym yesterday. Circuit was tough but I was so weak that even things I am usually really good at (hand exchange while active hang for example or leopard crawls) felt unbearable. I was not disappointed in myself but overwhelmed with helplessness.   

 

- Hunger. I have been so so hungry lately. Now I know better than denying myself food if I am clearly in need of it. However, it is still slightly annoying to be hungry an hour after a good sized breakfast. I am craving fat all the time. Just food, all the food in the world. 

 

- Still on a no-cook streak. Dinner is eating out stat. Random things are getting into my food (no dairy or gluten with occasional legumes and corn). Corn mostly. Truth is I really really like arepas and cornbread. I like their density. Maybe my body is asking for more calories after all. Also I am sure I am not getting enough protein some days. 

 

- Mental fog. Terrible. Can't focus.

 

- I am cold, so cold. Hands and feet are icicles even after sprints.

 

Goal for next weeks:

 

- more vegetables

 

- more sleep

 

Simple and feasible. Should do the trick to get me through the ungodly cold temperatures here. I hope it's warm whenever you are. 

 

 

[Beets]

Get good mittens! There are all kinds of sales now at the ski supply and outdoors type online stores. My feet and hands are always cold and I finally invested in good mittens, which I wear with wool liners. Toasty even in these windy peri zero temps.

Your photo reminded me of the Husdon. Wish I took a pic when I drove by the other day. I've never seen so much ice on it. Madness, this weather. Meanwhile all the arctic is melting and the ocean life dying and ack I can't take it.

Anyway. The carb situation sounds very frustrating. I will also be weeping and feeling overwhelmed by everything if I don't get my carbs. I hope you can find some resolution there!

ETA: just reread your post and realize your cold extremities are not weather based at all. Mittens probably won't help.

[Nadia B]

Beets, I got great leather mitts (hence, just for snowboarding) but it was a great reminder that I have to get on it. I don't really know how all the people here in Toronto walk without hats or in light coats when it is polar vortex outside. I start to see people in shorts from time to time...and it has been two days since the temperature raised above zero. Living it up to a stereotype about Canadians I guess. 

 

Struggling to keep up with my goals. 

 

More vegetables. Do frozen mixes count? Great, then I am doing amazing. Microwaved cauliflower tastes wonderful except it's not. I guess at least I am eating them vs not eating any. Unfortunately there is no one to blame for not making time for cooking. 

 

More sleep. Oh this one sucks big time. I can't stay asleep. I wake up constantly and just stare at the ceiling. We go to bed early and it's pitch black/cold/comfy. However, here I am, wide awake at 3, then 4, then 5, then finally 6, when I can get out of bed and get ready for work. Needless to say that I am in a brain fog half of the day. I have limited caffeine to 1 cup per day, taking magnesium and all other fixings. I have read that light leg exercises can help by drawing blood flow away from the brain. I might do squats for a better sleep. Tiger Blood comeeeeeee.

 

Other news:

 

I have been really really good with keeping negative self talk at the bay. Staying away from ambitious goals and appreciating the little things. Pat on the back for working out instead of frustrating about not lifting enough, you know. The fact that I can intentionally do this amazes and thrills me. 

 

I have been so sore everywhere without training hard at all. No clue what's that about. Massages and chiro are saving me. Snowboarding makes my hips tight like whoa and my knee hurts so bad after some time. Bummer, I just started to get better. Taking a break from it this weekend. Random activity mix these days but that's alright. We have a new thing which is called a class pass - one pass for unlimited access to the bunch of participating gyms. Great for switching it up as the gyms involved are of all sorts - barre/yoga/pilates/kettlebell/weightlifting/cycle/regular boxes. I have been craving some deep stretching and spending a lot of time with my acuball. Hurts so good unlike the knee pain.

 

I have been very hungry lately, it's never a good feeling. Sometimes I get this insatiable feeling and I can eat until I explode, which I don't do, because mindfulness. It is only mentally uncomfortable. 

 

Also I have been thirsty, crazy crazy thirsty. I drink to the point of an aquarium status but can't get enough. Salt intake didn't increase. Go figure.

 

Spring is here if a raise above the zero can be called spring. We took bikes for the ride yesterday. It was fun until we hit the area with tons of puddles. Feet were soaked and we were freezing. Still worth it.  

 

Onward. I hope to actually do a whole 30 between New York in April and Azore Islands in May. 

 

  

 

 

[LadyM]

World traveling girl, so much great stuff here. Keep us posted about the Whole 30. Excited for you. Maybe it will help your sleep? What happened to the magic of meditation? Helps you get, but not stay, asleep?

 

FWIW, I am all for frozen veggies and microwaved cauliflower. It's the only way to do mashed IMHO.

[Nadia B]

Oh you will see my log for sure, how else can I go through this? I mean it is possible and can be an interesting experiment, but not for me and not now. 

 

Meditation knocks me out, but I can't stay asleep. I had an interesting experience last night, went to the yoga class and the teacher went around to put oils on our wrists. Candle light yoga and nice smells for 75 min. I got home, had dinner, meditated and slept like a rock for 9 hours. I literally danced my way to work today. Maybe I need to try and re-create this - dim light, light yoga practice and meditation before bed. Unfortunately it's only possible when I at my place but worth trying I think. 

 

Frozen veggies are sooo not fancy and I get the looks from the co-workers because I am bold enough to keep a huge bag of frozen produce in the office fridge. Do I care? Nope. 

[Nadia B]

I came back from NYC where I ate everything I (more so my friend) wanted. Pizza, Shake Shack burgers/fries and donuts for breakfast. Buttermilk biscuits and gravy, piles of pastrami at the deli and sugary nuts from the street stands. Vegetables too, mind you. We walked almost 90k in 4 days. I took the Metropolitan Opera off my bucket list. I did an outdoor flying trapeze class with the rig located on the top of a pier on the river overlooking the skyscrapers and the Statue of Liberty. I loved it and felt no guilt whatsoever. I've lost some weight despite of stuffing my face with food. I've started a whole 7 + 30 the day after I got back. J's birthday is on the 14th and we are going to our favorite restaurant, I will call them in advance but it will be nearly impossible to stay compliant there. It's good local smoked meat and loads of vegetables, but sugar/dairy is certainly a part of meals there. I will 99% stay compliant up to the trip to the Azores in May. I need it and I am doing what I can. Wheeeeeeeeeeew.

 

 

Meet you on the other side. New log.

[Krista Billows Rodriguez]

Sounds like an incredible trip!