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Uhmmm... I just binged on chocolate :(


Magda Walędzik

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I was doing Whole30 and it was going really well until day 16. Then on day 17 there was my Gandma's funeral and a family dinner afterwards. I had a salad that I suspect had some dairy in the dressing, but I figured it was a pretty minor mistake and I was fully determined to continue and maybe extend the 30 days a bit to "compensate" for it. I even resisted eating a donut yesterday when pretty much everyone in Poland ate them (it's a tradition to eat at least one donut on last Thursday before the Lent, known as Fat Thursday).

And then tonight... I was making a birthday cake for my brother and mom. I offered to make it before I even started Whole30 and didn't want to take it back... I had dinner (100% compliant) so I wouldn't start dealing with chocolate while hungry. I had to try a little to check the taste and then... as soon as I tried I was done. I literally couldn't stop eating the effing chocolate frosting... I ended up feeling physically sick and really wanting to throw up, but I guess I don't need bulimic behaviors in addition to all the lovely eating disorder stuff I already have..

Needless to say, I feel like a total failure. What normal person eats a bowl of chocolate frosting in one sitting and AFTER having a big dinner??? What was frightening about the whole experience was that I felt totally out of control. After the first spoonful I knew where it was going and still didn't stop...

Oh man..... I think I need to do it again. I mean Whole30, not eat another bucket of chocolate... I just decided today that if I do something like this again (this wasn't the first episode, although about 6 months have passed without one), I'll finally seek professional help that I probably should have sought a long time ago. For now... drinking unsweetened tea... thinking of just going to bed and hopefully waking up tomorrow to a new day and eggs for breakfast and no chocolate for dinner..

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I heard somewhere that the more frequently we have to resist something the weaker the will power becomes. You were faced with, and successfully avoided, a variety of off roading opportunities. Combine the frequent temptations with what was likely an emotional and stressful time due to a Grandmother's passing and it becomes a perfect storm.

Honestly though I know the feeling of ONE bite turning into a binge. I often tell others I do not have an off switch. I know I have sugar issues, I know if I have one piece of candy (there's a bowl five feet behind my head as we type) I will end up with 20 wrappers in the trash by the end of the work day, a headache, a stomach ache and a bad attitude. I know if I have one drink I'll want a second and if i have a second I'll want a third. And I will end up with a headache...a stomach ache...yeah you see the pattern. And when I'm under stress or emotional it is so much harder.

My only advice is to pick yourself up, dust off and start fresh-but do it with the same kindness you'd give your very best friend who ate a bowl of frosting and regrets it.

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You are not a failure!! You came here and posted about it, which is the first step. Now, pull your head out of the frosting bucket and start again. Make your next choice a good one. Take it one meal at a time. And forgive yourself. We've all been there (I know I've had chocolate for dinner before!) which is why we needed to do a whole30 to start with!! Just keep trying.

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Krista is right. Be gentle on yourself. You're not a failure. You resisted loads of temptations and the final one was too much for you. so you're not superhuman, none of us is. I know loads of people who've done similar things. When my kids were little I bought a chocolate cake for a party, decided I'd have just the smallest piece. Guess what, before the party started I'd to rush out and buy another cake. The thing is W30 does and will help with that and you've already taken the most important step, you're ready to write it off and start tomorrow as another day. So remember you're not a failure - you simply made a wrong choice. Now balance that up against all the right choices you've made and you'll see just how good you've been. Good luck and take care

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I agree with Krista. Be as kind to youself as you would be to your best friend. You were faced with several stressors and you simply had not gone far enough to break the binge habit. I am totally simplifying it, but you know what I mean. It's that first taste that did you in.

I used to also have no breaks when it came to candy and dessert. It took me a long time to break that habit and that ugly dragon peeks it's nasty head around the corner at me and I am on my 5th W30 except this one is a W100.

I think you need to be very careful about the situations you put yourself in. Have a taster handy if it happens again in the neat future. :)

Don't be too hard on yourself. Frame it and move on feeling stronger in your resolve. You should be very proud of the fact that you recognize you need assistance and that you will reach out for help.

Also know that you have a ton of support here. :)

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Thanks for your replies. I'd like to say I'm feeling a bit better, but that wouldn't exactly be true, as my body needs to process all that chocolate and I need to clean the mess I turned my kitchen into... But the chocolate horror only showed me how much I really need the Whole30 or maybe whole-who-knows-how-many-days to finally get over my food issues... I really don't have the Off switch either when it comes to sweets. And to think that my husband actually dislikes sweet stuff (I practically force him to have one bite when it's not polite to refuse, like somebody's wedding etc.). Life is not fair at all ;)

Off to clean all the chocolate from the counter before I fall into sugar coma...

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Magda,

Hi I just read your post and it sounds very familiar. I'm wondering if you have the same problem I do, I want the chocolate to give me a hug. That might sound weird, but a few days ago I was very stressed and reached for a couple of mini candy bars (I was not doing whole 30 at that time, but I did start my second whole 30 today after this experience). I used to eat chocolate in the afternoon when I was stressed and a few bits would calm me down emotionally. After I got through my first Whole 30 I didn't seem to need it anymore. But slowly over several months I've slipped back into bad habits. This time, I ended up eating half a bag of snack sized bars in a desperate attempt to get that "relief" and when nothing came....I kept shoving them in my mouth waiting for magic to happen. I decided that my attachment to the treats is more of an emotional attachment and I have no idea how to figure that out. My family is also from Poland so I can also sympathize with you on all the treats! Anyway, I guess I'm telling you all this so you know you are not alone. Don't be discouraged by the bowl of chocolate, maybe use it as a jumping off point for more self exploration.

Hugs,

Nikol

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Thanks again for all your kindness and helping me to somehow deal with that crazy evening of yesterday. I'm feeling better now. Back to reasonable eating, back to WODs, no more chocolate :)

I think I need to remember yesterday's experience whenever I think that I "deserve" just a little taste of something sweet. The truth is I deserve better than to faceplant into a bowl of frosting/box of donuts, inhale it all without even thinking too much about the taste and then feel fat, sick and nearly dead ;) My body deserves the best nutrition possible so it can then do these 125 wall ball shots for me ;)

So... today is day 1 of my new Whole30, because I'm worth it as the shampoo commercial says ;)

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Welcome to the human race! In my eyes you are a success :). You did a whole18 and 99% of people don't even have the willpower to start and make it a day, so I applaude you.

Why do you think everyone here calls it a " sugar Dragon"? Because its a nasty,fire breathing,demonic,SOB to kick!!! If it were easy maybe we would call it. " sugar kitty".

The most important thing is you are feeling better,had the courage to post about it,started over, and you realized how awful the frosting made you feel. Again, most people would say forget this and go on a two week eating rampage ( then maybe you would need to seek professional help ).

You are a success!!! Your back on and probably better armed and prepared than before....and if you flip out on day 22 this time.....who cares? Start again , you were healthy and you are making healthy choices.

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Magda, I'm so glad you're back on program. This is Day 5 for me, but since these days have been such a learning experience (trial and error), I may have to revise my count to get 30 clean days in a row. But we can do this, you and I. I've been a carb binger most of my life. I'd eat actually quite healthy for four or five days and then stuff in any nasty carb that wasn't nailed down. I like the strict parameters of Whole30; they make it clear: Eat this, not that. But at the same time, there's an abundance of healthy food.

Best wishes on your do-over!

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What normal person eats a bowl of chocolate frosting in one sitting and AFTER having a big dinner??? What was frightening about the whole experience was that I felt totally out of control. After the first spoonful I knew where it was going and still didn't stop...

Me! I do that! Not to say that I'm 'normal.' But that's my normal when it comes to sugar. I don't remember EVER being able to moderate with sugar, and I don't know that I ever will.

What I do know is that, if I can reverse course (and this can take an hour, a day or, indeed, years!) and let the food do its thing, I heal. I heal psycho-emotionally and the guilt and self-hatred become irrelevant. And I heal physically; I feel nourished and satisfied, the cravings quiet down, and I can resist that first bite. It's that first bite that does me in. I know I would NEVER be able to bake and frost a cake if I had to taste it. The switch would flip and I would be off to the races.

So good for you! For immediately going back to the solution and for asking for help. There are a lot of us here, sugar junkies (at least that's what I call myself, I mean really, chocolate frosting may as well be heroin as far as I'm concerned).

Hang strong, keep calm and carry on! :)

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Have you ever seen the Sex & the City episode where Miranda becomes obsessed with chocolate. It is funny. It will make you feel better. Back on the wagon when you fall off is my attitude! Yesterday is gone and you learned something from this experience. We all have some guilt and shame around eating I think.

I agree with martihana60. Having strict parameters helps me (Whole30) so I stay compliant now *most* of the time. I feel so much better when I eat this way which helps.

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Magda-- I so admire your courage in posting after the Chocolate Bath! (And the Sex in the City episode is hilarious. Miranda throws away a chocolate cake, and then begins eating it out of the trash bin. She calls Carrie and says she needs to be checked in to the Betty Crocker clinic). I am on my first whole 30, day 20, and my sugar dragon is red wine. I realize my addiction was more emotional and I've somehow made it past cravings when I originally pictured myself losing it and turning in to the lead character from Sideways who ends up drinking out of the spit container at a fancy wine tasting. I'm not craving it as much now. Since I can't have any other sugar, I'm now dreaming of peanut butter cookies, the kind I used to make when I was a kid, with the fork imprints. And also the girlscout cookie, TagAlongs, the peanut butter cake covered in chocolate.

Oh my, this probably isn't helping. Back to my original point. Kudos for fessing up and starting over. You can do this. See ya on the other side!

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Magda-- I so admire your courage in posting after the Chocolate Bath! (And the Sex in the City episode is hilarious. Miranda throws away a chocolate cake, and then begins eating it out of the trash bin. She calls Carrie and says she needs to be checked in to the Betty Crocker clinic). I am on my first whole 30, day 20, and my sugar dragon is red wine. I realize my addiction was more emotional and I've somehow made it past cravings when I originally pictured myself losing it and turning in to the lead character from Sideways who ends up drinking out of the spit container at a fancy wine tasting. I'm not craving it as much now. Since I can't have any other sugar, I'm now dreaming of peanut butter cookies, the kind I used to make when I was a kid, with the fork imprints. And also the girlscout cookie, TagAlongs, the peanut butter cake covered in chocolate.

Oh my, this probably isn't helping. Back to my original point. Kudos for fessing up and starting over. You can do this. See ya on the other side!

I love the movie Sideways and I love that scene! I quit drinking beer (IPAs were my deal) last summer (quit drinking alcohol, maybe forever). I never was a sweets person but found myself binging a lot on brownies after I quit.

Congrats on day 20!

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